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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 11:40:17
I wasn't foolish enough to tell him about the ideation. But when he asked me if I was ok when he found me in bed with the covers over my head again, I admitted that no, I wasn't. I told him my fears that I was sliding into another depression like after giving birth. But emphasized that I might just be afraid of that, that it might not be true. It might pass.
He got angry of course. A sort of Oh no, not again, anger. A sort of helpless to do anything anger. I've only had one bout of serious depression in the over ten years we've been married, but he sure didn't like it. He let me know that I was still expected to do my wifely duties (not sex, the housewifely duties). But he also told me that it wasn't exactly news. It had been obvious that something was wrong.
I told him how his holding me at night was a help. And how getting angry with me was certainly his right, but was probably counterproductive to his goals. And we discussed all the stress I was under right now.
Am I glad I told him? No, not particularly. But it didn't go as badly as I had feared. Probably because I didn't mention the ideations.
Posted by slinky on June 14, 2003, at 12:36:30
In reply to Well, I told him, posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 11:40:17
Hi Dinah..Sorry sweet to read you're not feeling well.
I don't know what to say , I can't give advice but just the same old thing...it does pass--eventually.
There's nothing wrong with pulling them covers over your head IMO ..sometimes maybe giving in and telling the world to phunk off is ok.
You're allowed to leave the duties or just try and if you can't then you can't. Look after Dinah because she's so special~kind , helpful~supportive (folks here)
Hugs
Posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 13:18:50
In reply to Re: Well, I told him » Dinah, posted by slinky on June 14, 2003, at 12:36:30
That's the good thing about having gone through it a few times. You know it will end.
Posted by Tabitha on June 14, 2003, at 15:36:06
In reply to Well, I told him, posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 11:40:17
(((Dinah))) hang in there.. it will pass. It's OK not to tell him the whole story. be well.
Posted by slinky on June 14, 2003, at 19:15:36
In reply to Re: Well, I told him, posted by Tabitha on June 14, 2003, at 15:36:06
Apologies Dinah for tangenting on your thread....
Tabitha Oh Tabitha..
I want to cover your nudity with honey
Then roll you in feathers..
Hows that sound..sexy eh?It's a chick-en thing.
Posted by shar on June 14, 2003, at 19:19:47
In reply to Well, I told him, posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 11:40:17
I'm glad that you broke the silence, even though you got a response from him that was not very supportive. And, I love how you told him his anger was counterproductive--SO TRUE and well said, and it leaves the ball in his court.
I'm with the others who say not saying everything is ok. Too many people don't understand, and it only freaks them out; since you have a good therapist with whom you can be honest, and the folks here, your spouse probably has been given enough info. (As evidenced by the fact that he couldn't even be very loving toward you with what you told him.)
Shar
> I wasn't foolish enough to tell him about the ideation. But when he asked me if I was ok when he found me in bed with the covers over my head again, I admitted that no, I wasn't. I told him my fears that I was sliding into another depression like after giving birth. But emphasized that I might just be afraid of that, that it might not be true. It might pass.
>
> He got angry of course. A sort of Oh no, not again, anger. A sort of helpless to do anything anger. I've only had one bout of serious depression in the over ten years we've been married, but he sure didn't like it. He let me know that I was still expected to do my wifely duties (not sex, the housewifely duties). But he also told me that it wasn't exactly news. It had been obvious that something was wrong.
>
> I told him how his holding me at night was a help. And how getting angry with me was certainly his right, but was probably counterproductive to his goals. And we discussed all the stress I was under right now.
>
> Am I glad I told him? No, not particularly. But it didn't go as badly as I had feared. Probably because I didn't mention the ideations.
Posted by Greg on June 14, 2003, at 19:40:57
In reply to Well, I told him, posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 11:40:17
Dear Dinah,
I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to have this conversation. And I'm sorry it wasn't more productive for both of you as should have been. Sounds like possibly the fear of the unknown was taking place here, your hubby really wasn't sure what to expect from you and went on the defensive. A natural reaction I suppose, but it doesn't excuse the behavior.
The others are right, this too shall pass. But knowing this doesn't make it any easier to deal with while it's happening. Having those closest to us offer unconditional support can go a long way in helping us navigate the storm. I hope that you will come here and talk to us about the idealations. You know that we understand, most of have been there, I have. We can only offer a cyber hand to hold and shoulder to cry on, but they're there if you need them.
You been here for so many others, I hope you'll let us return the love you've given so freely.
(((((Dinah)))))
Greg> I wasn't foolish enough to tell him about the ideation. But when he asked me if I was ok when he found me in bed with the covers over my head again, I admitted that no, I wasn't. I told him my fears that I was sliding into another depression like after giving birth. But emphasized that I might just be afraid of that, that it might not be true. It might pass.
>
> He got angry of course. A sort of Oh no, not again, anger. A sort of helpless to do anything anger. I've only had one bout of serious depression in the over ten years we've been married, but he sure didn't like it. He let me know that I was still expected to do my wifely duties (not sex, the housewifely duties). But he also told me that it wasn't exactly news. It had been obvious that something was wrong.
>
> I told him how his holding me at night was a help. And how getting angry with me was certainly his right, but was probably counterproductive to his goals. And we discussed all the stress I was under right now.
>
> Am I glad I told him? No, not particularly. But it didn't go as badly as I had feared. Probably because I didn't mention the ideations.
Posted by tina on June 14, 2003, at 19:51:54
In reply to Re: Well, I told him » Dinah, posted by Greg on June 14, 2003, at 19:40:57
Wow Dinah, it was brave of you to tell him. Of course he has a right to his feelings but getting angry doesn't make the depression go away.
I just wanted you to know that you are courageous and strong and the help you've given me has been so generous and kind and I am grateful.
I hope your downtime is of short duration.
hugs and love
tina
Posted by Miller on June 14, 2003, at 20:14:47
In reply to Well, I told him, posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 11:40:17
Oh Dinah,
I am so sorry you are heading down the lonely path of fear and depression. I am VERY proud of you for having the courage to talk to hubby about it.
Just know we are all here for you. You are such a loving person. You always take care of us, maybe now we can do a little something for you?
I hope peace will come to you soon. You deserve it. :)
-Miller
Posted by fallsfall on June 14, 2003, at 21:39:14
In reply to Well, I told him, posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 11:40:17
You are very brave. Good for you for talking to him, and particularly for telling him what he *can* do.
I hope he holds you tonight.
Do what makes you feel good. I like to eat ice cream and swing at the park. You can pay someone to do housework (I just did - worth every cent!)
Posted by Dinah on June 15, 2003, at 13:43:07
In reply to Re: Well, Tabitha » Tabitha, posted by slinky on June 14, 2003, at 19:15:36
No apologies needed. :) Threads have a life of their own.
Posted by Dinah on June 15, 2003, at 13:52:03
In reply to Re: Well, I told him » Dinah, posted by shar on June 14, 2003, at 19:19:47
Yeah, it's not wise to tell him everything. But he really is a great guy. It's just that he's so self disciplined. He's the sort of guy who decides to lose weight then goes to the gym twice a week and cuts bad food out of his diet with never cheating. He thinks that everyone should be as disciplined as he is, and can't understand anything else. A real pull yourself up by your bootstraps guys, who lives what he says.
I feel sorry for him sometimes. He feels like he's got two irresponsible kids he's got to take care of. But I guess it works out well. The family wouldn't go as smoothly if there were two me's involved.
It didn't take courage to tell him, because I really expected an even worse reaction. He can only hurt me if I expect more than he can give.
Thanks everyone for your kind words. I really appreciate the love and support I get on this board. Just talking about the problem to you guys, my therapist, and maybe even my husband, released some of that obsessive pressure. I feel a bit better and less obsessive today.
Posted by judy1 on June 15, 2003, at 14:10:19
In reply to Re: Well, I told him, posted by Dinah on June 15, 2003, at 13:52:03
I'm glad you feel better today. I was really impressed how reasonable your expectations are with your spouse, and I agree it's fear that prevents him from truly understanding your illness.
Take care, judy
This is the end of the thread.
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