![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 12, 2003, at 18:23:40
boo,
things are going real slow with my new hard drive...wont be long though...
how are you doing hun?
i want you to know how much i miss you....
peace and good thoughts boo
love
Posted by Miller on June 13, 2003, at 19:27:14
In reply to miller.., posted by justyourlaugh on June 12, 2003, at 18:23:40
Boo, please send every good thought you can my way. Things are getting ugly hear. My husband told me he "F-----ing hates" me. My job is horrid. They are now monitoring my internet movements. I have decided to visit suicide and depression sites every ten minutes. Maybe they will leave me alone from fear. I miss you terribly. Come back soon, my friend.
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 19:58:12
In reply to My friend... » justyourlaugh, posted by Miller on June 13, 2003, at 19:27:14
I'm sorry things are going so badly for you, Miller.
Life s*%#s sometimes. I hope it gets better for you soon.
(((Miller)))
Posted by Miller on June 14, 2003, at 10:58:45
In reply to Re: My friend... » Miller, posted by Dinah on June 13, 2003, at 19:58:12
Dinah,
Thank you so much for your support and hug. I really thought when hubby saw progress of mental status he woould melt a bit. Boy, was I wrong. I guess I ned to plan for the worst but hope for the best. :( My heart is sad and broken. I wish I could sob.
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 11:32:53
In reply to Re: My friend... » Dinah, posted by Miller on June 14, 2003, at 10:58:45
I wish you could sob as well. It really helps. (Have you tried watching tear jerker movies. What's Eating Gilbert Grape was the first good cry I had in years back before I was more in touch with my emotions.) I'm glad to hear that your mental status is improving. But I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.
I think planning for the worst while hoping for the best is all you can do. Do you have a real life support system in place? Is your on-line shrink still in the picture? We're here for you, of course. And unfortunately, there are too many people here who know what you're going through right now. :((
(((Miller)))
Posted by whiterabbit on June 14, 2003, at 14:50:55
In reply to Re: My friend... » Miller, posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 11:32:53
I'm in the same boat as you, Miller. Well actually my boat is sinking below the waves right now.
-Gracie
Posted by Miller on June 14, 2003, at 19:52:01
In reply to Re: My friend... » Miller, posted by Dinah on June 14, 2003, at 11:32:53
Dinah,
Yes, my on-line shrink is in the picture still. It is to his credit that I feel as well as I do. I think he has his hands full between my job and my hubby and my family and my depression and my anxiety. He must be a Saint or something.
No, I really don't have real live support. I guess my heart is protecting myself from more rejection. I'll be ok. I just need my husband to make a decision. If he can't forgive me, he needs to move on. If he is saying that because he is still angry, he needs to say so.
Dinah, thanks for your support. I do appreciate it. I always do, even if I don't say it.
-Miller
Posted by Miller on June 14, 2003, at 19:59:16
In reply to Re: My friend... » Dinah, posted by whiterabbit on June 14, 2003, at 14:50:55
Hi Gracie,
I have read some of your posts, so I do know how hurt and scared you are right now. I have refrained from posting to you because I would certainly be blocked for the very uncivil things I have to say about your husband and how he has treated you. My heart can feel some of your pain. This is my second marriage. You know, the one that will last forever, because we have learned from our mistakes? Anyway, it seems as hurt as I was at the colapse of the first marriage, this one feels like an elephant standing on my chest for almost a year now. It's amazing what a person can survive through.
Gracie, let your hurt out. Mourn for the marriage. But don't let it take away everything from you. You are so articulate and kind. Grab on to all of your gifts and hold tight. We are much more than what THEY tell us, or treat us as, or do to us.
Keep posting and expressing your hurt. We are all in your corner. If cyber-hugs were real, you would be smothered by now. :)
-Miller
Posted by whiterabbit on June 15, 2003, at 22:52:06
In reply to Re: My friend...Gracie, posted by Miller on June 14, 2003, at 19:59:16
You all are so sweet! You know, now the initial shock and fear has worn off, I'm well on my way to the conclusion that he's doing us both a favor by initiating this divorce. I'm sure he regards himself as some sort of martyr for tolerating my craziness as long as he did...it's true that I did
get very sick and between the cycles of crushing depression and the manic self-destructive behavior, it must have been very difficult to live with me. Although I'm obviously in the process of recovering with the right medication and therapy, apparently it's too little and too late for him.Just the same he was often not my idea of a good husband. Much of the time he acted like he never wanted to be married. When all his friends were single, he would stay out all night with them and roll in whenever he damned well pleased, usually sometime between when the bars closed and dawn. If I asked him not to do something, he would do it even more to show me who was in charge. He would never wear his wedding ring and I guess he got tired of hearing about that so finally he just lost it.
Obviously he's been very unhappy for quite some time. I could never do anything right, ever. He would pick apart anything I tried to do and complain, complain...then he would go out drinking and bitch about me to his freinds. Some of it got back to me and I was horrified about the things he told everybody, nothing was too personal and a lot of it was downright hateful. God knows what else he was up to, he was always looking for women on the internet and now that he's found someone else to have sex with, I'm history.
But I'm NOT moving out. I did have every intention to do so, my feelings were badly hurt and I wanted to cut and run. Fortunately my stepmother brought me back to my senses...she was appalled when I told her that I was moving. She said, he's the one who doesn't want to be married so if he can't stand to live with you, HE should put his things in a box and move out. YOU don't put your things in a box and move until you're ready, after he's gone. That is YOUR home, your money helped pay for it...
Well of course she's right, sure she is. What the hell was I thinking.
And you're right too, I'm much more than he thinks I am. His low opinion of me colored many of my actions and decisions and made me feel as worthless as he was he was always saying. Now I see that it's not true, it was never true.
One of the cliches that he's thrown at me a few times is, he "deserves a chance to be happy." And I do too. He wants his "freedom" and he can certainly have it, but there is a price and he will pay it. I'm not making another decision without professional, legal advice.
Miller you might have come to the point in your own marriage where it's time to cut your losses...
of course I don't know for sure, I don't know the details, YOUR marriage could be worth salvaging and if it is, there's a good book I can recommend called "Divorce Busting". (Whew! Almost forgot the double double quotes!)I sell books on amazon and I bought this particular book quite awhile back from the Goodwill for resale intentions. I decided to read it in a last-ditch effort to save the marriage although I was quite skeptical - I sort of expected advice on how to keep the house cleaner and how to be sexier and crap like that -
I really didn't want to hear that I needed to be a better wife and it was too late for that anyway,
just a bandaid on a bullet wound. But the book isn't like that, it's actually intelligent reading. It pretty much outlines all the things you need to consider, the stuff you should take into account when there's a huge important step like divorce looming on the horizon.Ohmygosh I know how you feel - ithurtsithurtsithurts. Every once in awhile that ugly little voice inside me sticks its head in the door and starts chanting, "You can't handle this, you can't handle this!" But by now I'm getting better at kicking the door shut and yelling, "F*** OFF!!" It took me awhile to get here though, yes it did.
I'm pulling for you too Miller - remember to write whenever you need a warm & fuzzy. We're here for you.
-Gracie
Posted by fallsfall on June 16, 2003, at 7:50:28
In reply to Re: My friend...Miller, posted by whiterabbit on June 15, 2003, at 22:52:06
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.