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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmcasey on June 8, 2003, at 15:42:09
Well I felt pretty bad when I got here today which was about 2 hours ago. But I've been reading posts and I feel ever-so-slightly better now, I guess just because it has been something to do and often entertaining almost in the way that *real* conversations are. That seems kind of pathetic, but true. And I hope that I'm not insulting anyone by that.
Why do I feel bad?? Because Life Sucks perhaps? Because I don't feel comfortable in my own home most of the time, due to my roomates' presence. Because my two roomates are moving out in July and I have not had much success finding new ones yet. One person was supposed to come by today at 12:30 and I waited around bored until 2. She didn't show up. Then I got here (I am in the lab where I work) to find an email from her that she can't come today but good luck. I don't know if that's supposed to mean that she isn't interested any more or what. I know that a month and a half seems like a long enough time to find new roomates, but I am really afraid of being stuck with the whole rent myself.
Why else? Because I am alone where I now live, but also just in general. Because I don't feel like studying. Because there is nothing that I want to do, and it is only 4:30.... at least 6 or 7 more hours until I can go to sleep and not have to deal with life for a short while. Because I'm gaining weight on Lamictal, or so it seems. Because I can't stop thinking about my no-longer therapist who is probably off joyously starting her new career (I mean, I am happy for her if this is the truth, but I just miss her so much... plus, I'm jealous).
Because there is no joy in my life.
Because I'll have to pay to park in the parking deck tomorrow so that I can leave work early to go see my psychiatrist... I am glad to be seeing him, but annoyed at having to pay. (There are complicated parking issues here and I ususally have to take the bus).
What should I do with the rest of my day?
I don't know. I think this is a boring post, but I guess I just felt like "reaching out" and rambling on about my problems to people who I really don't know.
I knew that I could not get through the weekend without going down.
Thanks for reading. MMC
Posted by Dinah on June 8, 2003, at 19:32:20
In reply to just rambling, posted by mmcasey on June 8, 2003, at 15:42:09
Not a boring post at all. Sometimes it helps to vent and have someone to listen. We can't do very much to help with the practicalities, unfortunately. But we can listen very well.
Tell me about the GRE? is it? I was looking into studying for another career the other day. Psychology or theology would be fascinating for me, and satisfy my desire to do something meaningful with my life. Unfortunately, I just don't have the money to start over. I'm not sure I have the braincells either. And, as with my dream of being an elementary school teacher, I have to accept that my difficulty in interpersonal relationships would make a career as a psychologist or a pastor unfeasible. So my search for a dream job continues. Even if it is just a dream.
So I'm jealous of you. Your future ahead of you. A job that means something to look forward to. All those paths not taken haven't limited your possibilities yet. All those paths taken haven't limited your possibilities either. I would do anything to go back in time and get a degree in a different area.
What area of psychology are you interested in pursuing? Unless I have you mixed up with someone else. Didn't you say you were interested in research psychology? If not, ignore my ramblings and forgive my memory. I blame it on the meds (thank heavens for meds to blame it on).
Posted by whiterabbit on June 8, 2003, at 21:37:37
In reply to just rambling, posted by mmcasey on June 8, 2003, at 15:42:09
I'm about to move out on my own after a 20-year relationship and I wouldn't DREAM of having a roommate. No way! Not that there aren't people out there who I could live with, but they're way too hard to find. I guess my horror of roommates comes from my years in the Army where I kept getting stuck with roommates that were highly uncompatible. My only GOOD experience is when I was first stationed in Germany in an old building that was used as a hospital during the world wars. I was a peon when I got there and had to share one big room - a converted ward - with FOUR
other roommates. At first it was a nightmare, but then after awhile the brass decided to stick all the "troublemakers" together in one room because all the good soldiers complained about our evil ways. Of course it turned into party central and we had a blast.But out of all the places I was stationed, that was my ONLY good experience with roommates. I remember one girl - my rank was higher so I was in a two-woman room - who was in her early 20s but acted like a sick old maid. She was always in bed by 9:00 and our room always smelled like Vicks vapor rub. To convenience her, I would practically hang the whole top half of my body out the window to smoke, but she would still cough and cough like our room was on fire. I just wanted to walk over there and smack her - "Take off that flannel nightgown and get out of that bed, it's 9:00 on a Friday night and you're 22 years old! What's wrong with you!"
No roommates for me, boy. Is it possible for you to move to a smaller place and live on your own?
At the very least I would advertise for roommates
IN DETAIL - no rap music at 7:00 am (or ever, preferably).
-Gracie
Posted by mmcasey on June 9, 2003, at 9:35:17
In reply to Re: just rambling » mmcasey, posted by Dinah on June 8, 2003, at 19:32:20
The GRE is the graduate school test. It isn't extremely crucial at the school where I want to go, but it is required, and they say that "scores in the 50th percentile or higher are more competitive". I think that basically means that if you are lacking in other areas, it might increase your chances of getting in. So, therefore, my goal is to get in the 50th percentile or higher. Otherwise, I will take it again, something that I really don't want to do.
As for fears about my "social problems" and emotional problem interfering with my chosen career... well, yes I am extremely concerned about that also. That I will get into the school and start my degree only to discover that I hate it or can't handle it. Yes, I'm very afraid of that. Because if that were to happen, I'd really be up the creek without a paddle, since this goal/dream has been my one focus for some time. I just can't imagine what else I could do for a career. I am not sure I'd be able to be satisfied with anything else.
I wouldn't say exactly that I have the money for this either, but I am not starting over really, more like just starting, as you know. So I am just going to have to accrue MORE LOANS!! I already have a significant amount of loans from undergrad.
What is your job now?
> What area of psychology are you interested in pursuing? Unless I have you mixed up with someone else. Didn't you say you were interested in research psychology?Hmmm.... that's interesting. YOu may or may not have me confused with someone else. I'm not exactly sure what I have said in all of my posts. But, in answer to your question, I actually want to go to school for social work. Right now, I work in psychiatry research (non-clinical... ie I don't actually work with patients myself). I mainly want to work directly with people... however, I also do like the research aspect of things, and I would be interested in continuing with that after I get my degree. But only as PART of my career, not exclusively research.
MMC
Posted by mmcasey on June 9, 2003, at 9:54:44
In reply to Roommates » mmcasey, posted by whiterabbit on June 8, 2003, at 21:37:37
I've had numerous experiences with roomates. Mostly, my experiences have been like it is now - where I basically get along with them but don't feel entirely comfortable. I have had a few times when I actually was friends with roomates or felt more comfortable for whatever reason. I don't know why it's so hard. I have also had experiences where I didn't exactly NOT get along, but they really annoyed me tremendously!! It would be really nice to just feel comfortable and sit down and chat now and then.
Was this person who smelled like vapor rub in the military? I don't know - I guess maybe it's a stereotype that I have, but I just can't imagine someone in the military being like that. I feel like I am more along the lines of that, although I do not (!) wear a flannel nightgown and I do not smell like vapor rub! And I don't go to bed at 9:00. I guess the main thing is that I'm just not a partier.
I would like to live in a place of my own, but I just don't think I can afford it. Plus, I have these ideas of like "A to-be social worker should not want to live alone" and also that having roomates will force me to not isolate myself, and there is the possibility that I could be friends with them. I just don't want to allow myself to withdraw, especially since I really don't have other friends here. But I guess in some ways it's kind of ridiculous because having roomates doesn't really force me to not withdraw. I still withdraw by hanging out in my room and constantly avoiding them for the most part, and then feeling bad about it.
It's just all so ridiculous.
MMC
Posted by mmcasey on June 9, 2003, at 10:00:48
In reply to Re: Roommates, posted by mmcasey on June 9, 2003, at 9:54:44
Posted by Dinah on June 9, 2003, at 11:35:32
In reply to Re: just rambling » Dinah, posted by mmcasey on June 9, 2003, at 9:35:17
Hi MMC,
I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't referring to any social or emotional deficits you might have. I was just ruminating on roads not taken in my own life. And reminding myself that it was probably all for the best, however much I might regret it. My office job is stressful, and I hate it. But, except for the many deadlines, it probably plays to my strengths. I don't have to interact much with others.
I'm sure you will be a great social worker.
Dinah
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