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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Roo on February 27, 2002, at 14:03:54
I'm curious
what folks views are on the topic of self acceptance....
what experiences have y'all had....how do you go about
achieving it? What do you do with the self critical
and judgemental voices in your heads?
Posted by sar on February 27, 2002, at 17:37:10
In reply to Self Acceptance, posted by Roo on February 27, 2002, at 14:03:54
> I'm curious
> what folks views are on the topic of self acceptance....
> what experiences have y'all had....how do you go about
> achieving it? What do you do with the self critical
> and judgemental voices in your heads?Celexa and Klonopin do 85% of it for me. the other part is just--and i've had a very, very hard time with self-acceptance (still do)--looking in the mirror and knowing someone loves me and so feckin wot i've got a little beer belly...the most we can do is accept ourselves because the other alternative is to be unhappy pay taxes and die.
one of my lifelong problems has been with ruminating thoughts...my heart used to pound even going to the cashier to pay for a gatorade, and if he tried to *talk* to me, i'd mentally analyze the conversation for a good 20 minutes after leaving the store or even occasionally for days just *thinking* about it over and over...
this may sound corny, but doing community service and being in the mental hospital helped my self-esteem and self-acceptance because i realized that i work exceptionally well with children and the mentally ill (especially schizophrenics, for some reason)...they were all really drawn to me, loved me, and i could hardly comprehend it! why me, this sick alkie? but obviously they saw something...helping people can help bring self-acceptance because they are accepting and appreciating you, and it infiltrates ya somehow...
are you on any meds that help with ruminating thoughts/depression/anxiety?
love,
sar
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2002, at 19:31:05
In reply to Self Acceptance, posted by Roo on February 27, 2002, at 14:03:54
Interesting topic.
I have mixed feelings about self acceptance. Sometimes I think I accept myself a bit too much. I'll hear the inner critical voices (or the outer critical voices - husband, father, etc.) and evaluate the merits of the criticism. I can pretty easily say "Well that's not true." or more frequently "That's at least partially true." And if I were a bit less accepting of myself I might actually do something to improve myself instead of just acknowledging that I need to lose 50 lb. and am a lousy housekeeper.
So, in other words, my inner critical voices don't particularly bother me most of the time. Then there are other times when I see myself in a picture or something and get an overwhelming urge to stab the image and completely obliterate it. I guess I haven't come to terms with the subject completely.
Theoretically I would say that self approval should be earned like any other type of approval. So I would like to listen to my inner voice, evaluate the degree of truth in the criticism, and if there is something I should change, work to change it. If my critical inner voice is wrong or overactive, medication might be in order. And I probably should decide not to judge myself any more harshly than I judge others, but not less harshly either.
I don't know if this answers your question, or is useful in any way, but I completely accept the possibility of my answer's total lack of usefulness and am offering it anyway. And that's... OK (as Stuart Smalley would say).
Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2002, at 8:24:28
In reply to Self Acceptance, posted by Roo on February 27, 2002, at 14:03:54
You know, Roo, I really do love these "concept" threads. They really make me think.
I was wondering how I can reconcile the fact that I really do think I am if anything too self-accepting with my periodic shame attacks and my (as Noa so eloquently described it) "flaming amygdala" (sp?) reaction to the slightest hint that I might have been a "bad girl". There is no corresponding need to be a "good girl" just not a bad one.
I've decided I can't reconcile it at all. They must be two different things entirely.
Do you feel that you are generally unaccepting of yourself? Do the critical inner voices seem alien to your basic idea of yourself? Do you feel like you deserve the good things for yourself? I guess what I'm asking is if you feel you are generally lacking in self-acceptance or if you are just having some troubles with those pesky ruminative thoughts.
This really is confusing and my brain is twisting over on itself.
Posted by Roo on February 28, 2002, at 8:59:28
In reply to Re: Self Acceptance » Roo, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2002, at 8:24:28
>
> Do you feel that you are generally unaccepting
of yourself?In general, yes. I am really working on it though.
I used to approach it by trying to "banish" the
negative thoughts. That, of course, didn't work and
only made me feel even more like a failure because I
couldn't do it. (One more thing to beat myself up
about). Meditation has helped me a lot because it really
helps you to see that thoughts are just thoughts, they
are not who you ARE. DBT and this new therapy called
"Acceptance Committment Therapy" have helped me a lot
too, because it's about excepting yourself as you are, warts
and all--not trying to change anything, but being okay
with what's there. You watch and observe the negative thoughts
happening, but you don't BELIEVE them, and therefore
they lose some of there power and intensity. This work is
still relatively new to me, so those muscles/skills aren't
really strong yet. This month, for instance, I've had a
horrible bout of PMS and I have just been cranky as hell.
It's hard for me to feel cranky and be okay with it--I like
to be nice all the time, and when I'm irritable with other
people I judge myself as a bitch that no one could ever love
or be around, etc. Sometimes I don't even think it's my depression
so much that is a problem, it's just that I see the depression as
"BAD" and it makes me an unlovable person. These are what
the negative voices tell me. So I wonder, if I can just accept
that these are just tapes playing, but there's no truth to them,
if my depression wouldn't be as bothersome to me. I don't know.Do the critical inner voices seem
alien to your basic idea of yourself?Sometimes it's hard to distinguish them from my self.
That's what I'm working on.Do you feel
like you deserve the good things for yourself?Another thing I'm working on. I think I have trouble believing
that, even though logically/intellectually it makes no sense to
me to feel that way. One area I can see it very clearly is sex--
I have to consciously remind myself that I deserve pleasure...otherwise
I can feel self conscious/guilty about it.I
guess what I'm asking is if you feel you are
generally lacking in self-acceptance or if you
are just having some troubles with those pesky
ruminative thoughts.I'm not sure I can separate the two. I know for sure I have
trouble with those pesky little thoughts. It seems like I
wouldn't have the thoughts so much if I were self accepting.
But maybe part of being self accepting is also just accepting
those pesky thoughts...but NOT believing them...
that's what I'm practicing. And meditation helps a lot...because you
notice your thoughts...you don't try to repress or deny or indulge
the thoughts...you notice them, and let them go, and come back to
the breath, the present moment. Which is all we REALLY have....
>
Posted by Roo on February 28, 2002, at 9:06:02
In reply to Re: Self Acceptance » Roo, posted by sar on February 27, 2002, at 17:37:10
>
> one of my lifelong problems has been with
ruminating thoughts...my heart used to pound
even going to the cashier to pay for a gatorade,
and if he tried to *talk* to me, i'd mentally
analyze the conversation for a good 20 minutes
after leaving the store or even occasionally
for days just *thinking* about it over and over...
That sounds familiar to me--especially how I was before
discovering antidepressants. If the cashier was mean to
me it could ruin my whole day and make me feel like a shitty
person.
>
> this may sound corny, but doing community
service and being in the mental hospital helped
my self-esteem and self-acceptance because i
realized that i work exceptionally well with
children and the mentally ill (especially
schizophrenics, for some reason)...they
were all really drawn to me, loved me, and
i could hardly comprehend it! why me, this
sick alkie? but obviously they saw something...
helping people can help bring self-acceptance
because they are accepting and appreciating you,
and it infiltrates ya somehow...Yeah, I can see how that would help a lot. I crave
something like that...but I'm not sure how my talents
could be shared with the community. That's something to
think about...and that I have been thinking about.>
> are you on any meds that help with ruminating
houghts/depression/anxiety?I take prozac and lamictal. I used to take neurotin
when it was really bad, but I dumped the neurotin because
it's really not so bad anymore and I didn't like being
on so many different drugs. I'm going to try and SLOWLY reduce
the prozac so I can get my sex life back and I'm seriously
hoping that what I'm learning in therapy and the skills I'm
building through therapy and meditation will be enough to
support and sustain me.Ps. Sar, it's good to have you back! I always love
your posts. You really need to write a book.
Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2002, at 9:15:17
In reply to Re: Self Acceptance, posted by Roo on February 28, 2002, at 8:59:28
Sounds like you are on the right track, Roo. And it sounds like you have some good therapy. I don't think that those thoughts can ever be banished in those of us who are prone to them. All we can do is to learn to deal with them and to distinguish what is real.
Maybe it would also help to make a list of all the things that make you a pretty terrific person. Or to look at your qualities from different angles to see the good part of them. For example, using myself, I may be odd and annoying to peoplem, but I help lead people to examine their ingrained but automatic beliefs. Or am I really stubborn, or am I just resistant to peer pressure. That sort of thing. Our best qualities are often the flip side of our worst qualities and it helps to see both.
Best wishes,
Dinah
Posted by trouble on February 28, 2002, at 18:44:24
In reply to Re: Self Acceptance » Roo, posted by sar on February 27, 2002, at 17:37:10
This is the end of the thread.
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