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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart37 on May 5, 2020, at 1:50:20
i've been having dreams that i'm still graduating from high school, i dream that im still a senior getting ready to graduate, i keep seeing my high school name, right before we all headed out int othe world. 2005 - that time i planned on being an investor, and had some kinda of plan to go into the world. It's funny but there were alot of obstacles or things that happened, that from there i just progressed, and did went to acting school, and headed out in diffrent directions. But i keep having that same dream of that time, 15 years ago, when it was all beggining. It was a sad time, to see when i was teenager, to see all these people, i went to the race tracks, you know where you bet on hourse races, huge stadiums, my dad took me there when i was around 17, i saw all these other dudes working on car hoppers and when i saw that i saw a part of desire to be like them or be friends. It was a hard time during teenage years, but i freqeuntly go back into dreams, seeing my high school name, had a dream that i just got out, and was still lingering around, around 2006. If i try foget all this, it will always come back. No matter what i choose to do with life fromm now on, i will still go back to that original ime i planned on being a investor, stock broker....in 2005. I rerember talking with these dudes, before granduation what we were going to do with our lives. It was an intresting an memorable conversation. I keep going back to that time, in my dreams. No matter what i do, i feel i need to go back and finish what i oringally planned, or else it would haunt me that, that period of timem is still there waiting for me to go out, what i orignally planned. All of that now is distant memory, everyone i knew back then....gone. You know, staying and thinking about what im going to do from now on. I still feel that dream of just startin out, in 2005. That it was a unfinished memory. Try to forget about it, still i can't get rid of it. Whatever happens from now, these times are the end times, those dreams of going back - there vanity because the world is changing into new world order, there's no way go back. I've drifted into a state where i've grown, and seen things diffrently. My posts here from 2005, all i did was complain and make a big deal about stuff that was happening during that time. It is not, at all in my mind to ever it again. Living in the pats, is a common term. All these therapists, and phsycholigst know it as well known term. My say on it, its a frequent memory to go back and finishn what i suppost to do at that time. No matter hwat i do from now on, those memories of back then still linger around. Like a part of myself that was unfinished, and that all of this happened was an alternate timeline.
anyways, i just had to write that out, there's not much to respond on this but i needed to write that out, can't hold it at all.
end of log....
Posted by alexandra_k on May 6, 2020, at 3:12:57
In reply to dreams till the end, posted by rjlockhart37 on May 5, 2020, at 1:50:20
what do you mean an 'investor'?
like... trading stocks on wall street? or like buying up all the face masks?
i kidding with ya, sorta.
i'm kinda sad i didn't make it through college with a cohort. my schooling got all messy and then i shifted schools a few times over a couple years. in the last year it was only about passing the examinations. i just needed 3 'c' passes to get to university. i took 5 subjects to try and distribute the risk (and worked for english and little else) and ended up with a 'B' bursary...
i wanted to study english and philosophy at university.
i remember tutoring a friend for the socrates section of classics. if something was loved by the gods because it was good, or if something was good becaues it was loved by the gods. funsies.
so i didn't have graduation or whatever. i don't have any of those standard sorts of typical normal people US milestone kinds of socially normal things. no graduation from school.
not much has changed for me, either lolz. stuck in the same old loop feels like a lot of the time.
repetition compulsion is supposed to be this thing where you are looking for a different ending but...
something external needs to happen to pop you out of the loop. in my experience.
apparently i am expected to file the judicial review myself. i think because most of the lawyers genuinely and truly are very very very very slow workers. or something. whatever.
why not just get stupid old me doing still more of everyone elses work for free.
what a f*ck*ng joke.
what did you want to trade in??
Posted by rjlockhart37 on May 17, 2020, at 12:23:15
In reply to dreams till the end, posted by rjlockhart37 on May 5, 2020, at 1:50:20
that was my first, and ambition i thought about right afte high school, stock trader, broker, working with finance. But then all these bad events happened, ripped on off meds, no way i could go back in the state i was in redo what i started. Like right now, i'm looking into audio engineering, i'm in school for info security, but its like im not retaining the info. That would not be good, getting a job, then forgetting and not being able to work with the team. Have to be on the high dose of dexamphetamine to keep up.
Life after 2006, felt like/feels like an alternate timeline, where i was suppost to go, drifted off and just did actor jobs, acting classes, i can't hardly rerember lines, i'm not an actor, i am, but i can't rerember lines well. Then couple years ago, headed to info tech, now in process knowing its not for me. Sucks, having an IT job, but falling behind. I've been looking at audio engineering, the frequency, sound waves, how they music and all the manipulation of sound and music. I have a equlizer i work on alot, i have 3 audio programs, the windows plain audio realtek, then i added 2 more, and them working all 3 together in synergy, made a good sounds. Adjust the audio for each song. Anyays, don't like saying im going to do something, then don't do it.
just someway want to go back, to the original plan, that keeps coming in my dreams, right after grad in 05. They won't leave, like something to go back and finish that was not done.
anyways, thanks alex for posting to posts, at least i know someone can read my thoughts and emotions, even though can't show them in real life. Have to write them.
thanks alex:) your a good friend
r
Posted by alexandra_k on May 25, 2020, at 6:43:36
In reply to Re: dreams till the end, posted by rjlockhart37 on May 17, 2020, at 12:23:15
finance. okay. what about it did you like? i have a sort of a picture or image of people bustling about 'buy buy buy!' frantically phoning people. watching screens with numbers constantly changing...
it feels... senseless to me. meaningless. i don't know.
what about it did you like?
the men in suits aspect of it. or something else?
i have a hard time retaining information, too.
i have to go over it and over it and over it and over it to remember it. then i have to keep going over it to keep remembering it.
sometimes i despair that i'm not really learning. or that time spent trying to learn is a waste of time.
but each time i re-learn or re-remember it takes less time to do that. and the more i go over stuff i've learned the longer it takes to forget.
that is pretty normal.
> just someway want to go back, to the original plan, that keeps coming in my dreams, right after grad in 05. They won't leave, like something to go back and finish that was not done.
okay.
> anyways, thanks alex for posting to posts, at least i know someone can read my thoughts and emotions, even though can't show them in real life. Have to write them.
> thanks alex:) your a good friend
sure. you are welcome.
thanks for being here, yourself.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 6, 2020, at 1:38:57
In reply to Re: dreams till the end, posted by alexandra_k on May 25, 2020, at 6:43:36
I actually watched some youtube documentary on the finance industry.
Trying to see what you saw...
I see the similarity to making music. Via computer. With synthesisers and so on. Juggling screens of different information. Things moving along. There being a bustle. An energy. A rythmn. Yeah.
They were saying about how there aren't many jobs like that, anymore.
Have you thought about streaming? I guess you would need something to stream... Maybe music.
I don't know. Cohh used to make music. Work a bit as a DJ. I think he made music with his computer, really. Now he streams games. But it isn't just about playing games. He's juggling different overlays. Looking at screens of statistics on how many people are there at different times of day / for different games. The effects of interacting with chat vs focusing on the game. Etc.
But I guess streaming is pretty populated, right now...
Anyway... I think I see some of what you see. That is common, I mean. What is enjoyable. Meaningful.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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