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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 28. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 13:39:52
Hi! This is my situation. My long time therapist/psychiatrist of 10 years recently announced he is closing his practice and taking another job. My husband happened to be in his office when this was publicly announced. He knew how upset I would be (this was always my greatest fear.) Therapist felt driven to close due to new insurance paperwork which was overwhelming him.
Husband asked if he would consider seeing someone (me) if paid for sessions ourselves so he would not need to go through insurance. He said he would consider it and he had been thinking about continuing to see me. I was on the short list. I am the only one he will continue seeing.
I freaked out when I heard this news!! When I saw him next, he heard me out after explaining his reasons for closing, etc. He said I had options: 1. He would help me find a really good replacement therapist (there is no one similar to him in our state!) 2. Continue to see him privately not going through insurance via Skype/in person sessions. Of course, I jumped at chance for second option.
Since then, I have been worried about this as his decision is causing a lot of distress among his patients. I wonder, why me? How did I get so lucky? I asked why me and he said I would have the hardest time attaching to new therapist. I agree. It took me 3 years of session until I did trust him. I have gently asked question a few more times due to my insecurity. He said I had worked really hard and deserved to continue. He said I should just be happy.
Monday is my last official session. Then, we will need a new plan. I am obsessed by worry. Do you guys think he is just doing this for the money? I am the only patient he will see.
Please help! I have no one else to process this with; it's the kind of issue I would usually process with him. Opinions, PLEASE!!!
winsome
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 13:56:59
So sorry for multiple posts. Didn't think I was connecting. So desperate. winsome
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 13:56:59
So sorry for multiple posts. Didn't think I was connecting. So desperate. winsome
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 14:11:52
In reply to PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 13:56:59
> So sorry for multiple posts. Didn't think I was connecting. So desperate. winsome
Yes, message boards are working. The boards get slow on the weekends. I had a very good T retire her practice and I did not take her recommendations right off the bat for referrals. I think I was still deep in my trauma and felt kind of selfish.After trying several insurance approved T's, I asked again for those referrals. Now with a great therapist, and my original one has gone on to corporate classes and other skill teaching courses for giving back the community.
I don't think you should question the offer of perusing therapy with your T if the modality works for you. Any good therapist appreciates a compliant client who works well with their style. It really is a good fit.
Sorry you had to wait so long for a response!
Partlycloudy
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 14:11:52
In reply to PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 13:56:59
> So sorry for multiple posts. Didn't think I was connecting. So desperate. winsome
Yes, message boards are working. The boards get slow on the weekends. I had a very good T retire her practice and I did not take her recommendations right off the bat for referrals. I think I was still deep in my trauma and felt kind of selfish.After trying several insurance approved T's, I asked again for those referrals. Now with a great therapist, and my original one has gone on to corporate classes and other skill teaching courses for giving back the community.
I don't think you should question the offer of perusing therapy with your T if the modality works for you. Any good therapist appreciates a compliant client who works well with their style. It really is a good fit.
Sorry you had to wait so long for a response!
Partlycloudy
Posted by Poet on September 14, 2013, at 16:49:31
In reply to PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 13:56:59
Hi winsome,
If your therapist is willing to take private pay (and you can afford it) I would take him up on his offer.
Did he say what job he accepted? Also, if you met in person, where would you see him? These are questions that I would ask my therapist if she announced she's taken a different job,but would still see me.
I'm with you on the trust issue, it took me years to trust my therapist and I still only trust her to a point. It seems that your therapist feels that seeing a new therapist would be harder for you than his other patients. I don't think he's in it for the money or he would have dealt with insurance. My therapist told me that she likes my insurance because it pays more than others (when the coverage runs out I pay out of pocket on a sliding scale which is much less than the insurance pays).
Let us know what happens.
Poet
Posted by Poet on September 14, 2013, at 16:49:31
In reply to PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 13:56:59
Hi winsome,
If your therapist is willing to take private pay (and you can afford it) I would take him up on his offer.
Did he say what job he accepted? Also, if you met in person, where would you see him? These are questions that I would ask my therapist if she announced she's taken a different job,but would still see me.
I'm with you on the trust issue, it took me years to trust my therapist and I still only trust her to a point. It seems that your therapist feels that seeing a new therapist would be harder for you than his other patients. I don't think he's in it for the money or he would have dealt with insurance. My therapist told me that she likes my insurance because it pays more than others (when the coverage runs out I pay out of pocket on a sliding scale which is much less than the insurance pays).
Let us know what happens.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on September 14, 2013, at 16:50:04
In reply to Need unbiased opinion, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 13:39:52
I think you should continue to see him. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't. But you don't gain anything by rejecting him outright.
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 17:56:26
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » winsome, posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 14:11:52
I am dedicated to pursuing therapy. I drive 1 1/2 hours each way twice a week to see him. But, I do challenge him. He says I ask the hardest questions. Also, that I am brave to simply say the truth straight out. I am compliant in that way; showing up no matter what unless sick or bad weather for driving. I believe a less confident, less skilled therapist could be uncomfortable with me.
Thanks for the support! winsome
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 17:56:26
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » winsome, posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 14:11:52
I am dedicated to pursuing therapy. I drive 1 1/2 hours each way twice a week to see him. But, I do challenge him. He says I ask the hardest questions. Also, that I am brave to simply say the truth straight out. I am compliant in that way; showing up no matter what unless sick or bad weather for driving. I believe a less confident, less skilled therapist could be uncomfortable with me.
Thanks for the support! winsome
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 20:07:14
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » Partlycloudy, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 17:56:26
(((Winsome)))
I think that there are plenty of therapists whose clients do not dedicate themselves to the Work of therapy. I would travel far to keep seeing mine. She challenges me, but at the same time, we are on the same page.
Right now we are working through a dislocation, as my T broke her leg and was unable to climb the stairs to her session room. The local therapeutic community, which is pretty tight where I live, came up with an alternative, ground floor space while she recuperates.I think that such dedication goes multiple ways. Ask the questions you need to, by all means. But if you have a good relationship, and it sounds like you really do, you might see that he'd want to keep you on because you are worth it.
Nice to meet you, and I'm glad we were able to connect.
PC
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 20:07:14
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » Partlycloudy, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 17:56:26
(((Winsome)))
I think that there are plenty of therapists whose clients do not dedicate themselves to the Work of therapy. I would travel far to keep seeing mine. She challenges me, but at the same time, we are on the same page.
Right now we are working through a dislocation, as my T broke her leg and was unable to climb the stairs to her session room. The local therapeutic community, which is pretty tight where I live, came up with an alternative, ground floor space while she recuperates.I think that such dedication goes multiple ways. Ask the questions you need to, by all means. But if you have a good relationship, and it sounds like you really do, you might see that he'd want to keep you on because you are worth it.
Nice to meet you, and I'm glad we were able to connect.
PC
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 20:38:18
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » winsome, posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 20:07:14
Thank you! Are my doubts/concerns I have written about unfounded? Please, any comments on this are very much appreciated and needed. I need to know if I am over reacting and worrying too much! (yes, he is a great therapist and we have a strong and deep relationship. we also work well together.;)
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 20:38:18
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » winsome, posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 20:07:14
Thank you! Are my doubts/concerns I have written about unfounded? Please, any comments on this are very much appreciated and needed. I need to know if I am over reacting and worrying too much! (yes, he is a great therapist and we have a strong and deep relationship. we also work well together.;)
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 20:45:16
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » Partlycloudy, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 20:38:18
> Thank you! Are my doubts/concerns I have written about unfounded? Please, any comments on this are very much appreciated and needed. I need to know if I am over reacting and worrying too much! (yes, he is a great therapist and we have a strong and deep relationship. we also work well together.;)
PS Because things seem so tentative, I don't feel I can ask him any more about why he is willing to see me. I have several times and he has understood and reassured me. Is my distrust being triggered?
I trust him more than ANYONE,ever.
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 20:45:16
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » Partlycloudy, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 20:38:18
> Thank you! Are my doubts/concerns I have written about unfounded? Please, any comments on this are very much appreciated and needed. I need to know if I am over reacting and worrying too much! (yes, he is a great therapist and we have a strong and deep relationship. we also work well together.;)
PS Because things seem so tentative, I don't feel I can ask him any more about why he is willing to see me. I have several times and he has understood and reassured me. Is my distrust being triggered?
I trust him more than ANYONE,ever.
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 21:19:25
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 20:45:16
I think at some point, I would have to let go and trust that this was well intentioned, and in both our best interests. Funny, my T and I spend time talking about about people "need" to feel special, but we are just people. And there are other people who have been through similar circumstances before.
For me, it comes down to intuition. Your brain may be doing a lot of second guessing and worrying about motives and outcomes. What does your heart tell you?
Partly
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 21:19:25
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts, posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 20:45:16
I think at some point, I would have to let go and trust that this was well intentioned, and in both our best interests. Funny, my T and I spend time talking about about people "need" to feel special, but we are just people. And there are other people who have been through similar circumstances before.
For me, it comes down to intuition. Your brain may be doing a lot of second guessing and worrying about motives and outcomes. What does your heart tell you?
Partly
Posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2013, at 21:57:03
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » winsome, posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 21:19:25
I find my desire to be special and unique conflicts with my desire to be normal and ordinary. On the one hand it doesn't feel particularly safe to not be considered special in some way... On the other hand it doesn't feel particularly safe to not be special, either... It is a tricky one. I guess it is partly about boundaries, too. Appropriate ones. Whatever they might be.
My trust is fragile, too. Sounds like you guys have done good work together on that.
I think that these days less people are willing to work on time-consuming things like trust. More are focused on quicker solutions for smaller problems - like exposure for a simple phobia or learning 9 ways to look at oneself in the mirror and say 'I'm okay' or whatever it is that can be done in 8-12 sessions...
What did he mean there isn't anybody else who does what he does in your state? What does he do?
Posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2013, at 21:57:03
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » winsome, posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 21:19:25
I find my desire to be special and unique conflicts with my desire to be normal and ordinary. On the one hand it doesn't feel particularly safe to not be considered special in some way... On the other hand it doesn't feel particularly safe to not be special, either... It is a tricky one. I guess it is partly about boundaries, too. Appropriate ones. Whatever they might be.
My trust is fragile, too. Sounds like you guys have done good work together on that.
I think that these days less people are willing to work on time-consuming things like trust. More are focused on quicker solutions for smaller problems - like exposure for a simple phobia or learning 9 ways to look at oneself in the mirror and say 'I'm okay' or whatever it is that can be done in 8-12 sessions...
What did he mean there isn't anybody else who does what he does in your state? What does he do?
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 23:51:18
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » winsome, posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 21:19:25
Dear Partly, thanks. My heart (and my intuition is good) says it's ok. He's the same person as before. I'm just really scared. This is new for me. I don't deal well with change.
This will take a leap of faith for me. My therapist once told me a story (metaphor) about a person being on a high mountain top. The person is in real danger. He/she will die if stays there. He/she can see a ledge down in the canyon from the mountain top. If this person can take that leap successfully, the person will be safe. This will take a huge leap of faith and can only be done if the person is ready to do so. The person must give up old defenses. Well, this is my moment on that mountain top.
I must meet this challenge. Good god, take a risk and jump! Be brave. Can't be any worse than doing nothing.
Thanks, again. Very insightful. winsome
Posted by winsome on September 14, 2013, at 23:51:18
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » winsome, posted by Partlycloudy on September 14, 2013, at 21:19:25
Dear Partly, thanks. My heart (and my intuition is good) says it's ok. He's the same person as before. I'm just really scared. This is new for me. I don't deal well with change.
This will take a leap of faith for me. My therapist once told me a story (metaphor) about a person being on a high mountain top. The person is in real danger. He/she will die if stays there. He/she can see a ledge down in the canyon from the mountain top. If this person can take that leap successfully, the person will be safe. This will take a huge leap of faith and can only be done if the person is ready to do so. The person must give up old defenses. Well, this is my moment on that mountain top.
I must meet this challenge. Good god, take a risk and jump! Be brave. Can't be any worse than doing nothing.
Thanks, again. Very insightful. winsome
Posted by winsome on September 15, 2013, at 0:10:41
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts, posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2013, at 21:57:03
Hi, sorry I was unclear about "what he does". He does psychotherapy and medical psychiatry. We live in a state that trains psychiatrist to give medicine and does not train them in psychotherapy. He is the exception. I came to him from his ex-partner who did psychotherapy and had to terminate out therapy so she could move with her husband. She was the first therapist to connect with me on that level.
I truly thought I would not make it when I found out she was leaving. This was at the same time that my only child, my daughter, was leaving for college far away. The combo was unreal.
That was ten years ago. She referred me to this psychiatrist who was her partner. I didn't want to see him or anyone except my referring therapist. He took me on as a favor to her. I was obstinate and resentful for 3 years before suddenly the light when on. This therapist was ok. He was trustworthy. It turned out that he was way more experience than my original therapist whom I still love and who wisely always re-directed me back to the new therapist (current one.) He diagnosed my PTSD. No one else had a clue and this was after 3 other therapists (4, counting the referring doc.)
Turned out he is the best.
We had talked long ago about the type of psychiatry practiced in our state. We came to the conclusion that he was the only one in our state to combine psychotherapy with medicine. Really! It is true.
That's what he does. It was a mutual conclusion, not just his.
Plus, he is so good at what he does in therapy. And, his boundaries are impeccable. To reassure me that he meant what he said about continuing our therapy sessions, he told my his secretary was that very minute filling out insurance forms to extend his malpractice insurance--so he can see me.
I am seeing for myself that he means what he says. Which is what HE told me when I originally questioned him about whether he could see me indefinitely or would he drop me at some point. I told him it would be worse to continue with him if that could happen. He said, "I don't offer what I can't do." He was very serious and I worried he was insulted but I needed to know.
He,s the real deal. winsome
Posted by alexandra_k on September 15, 2013, at 0:17:10
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » alexandra_k, posted by winsome on September 15, 2013, at 0:10:41
Okay. I would be surprised if he was the only one in the whole state... But I suppose stranger things have happened.
If you work well together (and it sounds as if you do) and you can afford it (and it sounds as if you can), then it really does sound like the thing to do.
It can be really very hard to find someone who you click with. And you have managed to establish a relationship over a period of time. Sounds like it is worth holding on to.
Posted by baseball55 on September 19, 2013, at 19:43:09
In reply to Re: PS to Need Opinions/Is this working posts » alexandra_k, posted by winsome on September 15, 2013, at 0:10:41
It's interesting you worry whether he's "just doing for the money." It's hard to process sometimes, but this is a professional relationship. This is his job. He's not going to do it if he doesn't get paid. I am a teacher and I love my job and love my students. But I also expect money to be deposited in my bank every two weeks. He has expenses - insurance, phone, office, mortgage payments, etc -- and he can't, anymore than you or I can, work for free. So yeah. He is doing this for the money. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love his job and care about his patients.
I once said to my T (who is also a p-doc by the way. There are lots of p-docs in Boston who also do therapy) that he didn't really care about me because he wouldn't see me if I couldn't pay him. He said if I lost my job and couldn't pay, he'd still see me and we would figure out how much I could afford to pay. Maybe only 10 or 20 a week. I was so touched by this. But we had a really intense relationship and I was completely attached to him. He knew that switching to another therapist would be almost unbearably painful to me. Plus, I think he has family money.
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