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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 7, 2010, at 20:58:54
More loss dreams again this week and harder than ever to put them away -- somewhere I don't think about who I've lost and what that means now.
New T is great. She really is. But I don't feel safe with her yet and not terribly connected. I feel untethered.
Old T is who would normally tether me. But it hasn't been 5 weeks yet, so I can't talk to her. And when I do talk to her I don't feel connected to her either. The first person I ever felt connected to and now it's just gone. How does that happen?
And almost no one knows about this loss, so I do whatever small bits of grieving I allow myself in private.
I feel sick to my stomach. I cry, but it doesn't help. I can't imagine that crying more would help either. I can't just sit and cry for days.
Posted by obsidian on August 8, 2010, at 1:38:48
In reply to I'm going to choke to death on my tears, posted by TherapyGirl on August 7, 2010, at 20:58:54
I'm sorry you're in so much pain...sound like a tremendous amount of grieving. :-(
it's just not the same huh?
Posted by Annierose on August 8, 2010, at 10:15:20
In reply to Re: I'm going to choke to death on my tears » TherapyGirl, posted by obsidian on August 8, 2010, at 1:38:48
Grieving takes time and it goes at its own pace. And it sucks. But I think what is complicating your effort to move forward and through is hope. A part of you hopes that things will go back to some sort of "normal" with your former therapist. She has proven to be unreliable ... sometimes wonderful and giving then often unavailable and detached. More than anything, I think she needs to let you go so you can move forward. Your capacity to love is all you. That is inside of you. You will be okay. It takes so much time to say 'good-bye'.
I'm so happy to hear you are seeing the new t. She will never be T#1. It's a new relationship and it will take its own course.
Posted by emmanuel98 on August 8, 2010, at 20:53:36
In reply to Re: I'm going to choke to death on my tears, posted by Annierose on August 8, 2010, at 10:15:20
I had a p-doc I saw once a week for therapy for five years. Last January, we agreed to terminate. I was still to see him every couple of months for meds. After a few months, I felt such pain and grief over losing him that I could barely stand it. Unlike your situation, he was not retiring and it was mostly my decision to end.
I finally called him after 6 months and asked if we could renegotiate this so I was seeing him every couple of weeks or at least once a month and he said fine.
This is different from your situation, where your T has retired and is moving on.
But maybe you should try to think of it as if a good friend had moved and lost contact. It's hard and sad and you feel abandoned and lonely. But you also know you can make new friends and move on as well. So your new T is your new friend, a new relationship to build and explore and cherish.
Posted by Dinah on August 8, 2010, at 20:57:54
In reply to I'm going to choke to death on my tears, posted by TherapyGirl on August 7, 2010, at 20:58:54
I wish there was something I could say or do.
Posted by tetrix on August 8, 2010, at 21:28:25
In reply to ((((( TherapyGirl ))))), posted by Dinah on August 8, 2010, at 20:57:54
this is probably the reason I prefer not to attach to anyone
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 9, 2010, at 18:39:18
In reply to Re: I'm going to choke to death on my tears » TherapyGirl, posted by obsidian on August 8, 2010, at 1:38:48
Thanks, Sid. And no, it's not the same. I'm trying to figure out how to adjust, but it's just so darned hard.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 9, 2010, at 18:41:07
In reply to Re: I'm going to choke to death on my tears, posted by Annierose on August 8, 2010, at 10:15:20
Thanks, Annie, especially for reminding me that all of this takes time -- grieving and building a relationship with new T. I'm not quite ready to give up on all contact with former T yet. It may come to that, but I'm hoping I'll be able to figure out how to do this better.
I really appreciate the support. It makes a huge difference to have a place where others get what I'm talking about.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 9, 2010, at 18:42:37
In reply to Re: I'm going to choke to death on my tears, posted by emmanuel98 on August 8, 2010, at 20:53:36
Thanks, Emmanuel. I think it's just going to be hard and sad for a while yet. I hope I'll be able to figure out how to move forward. I do feel like things are moving forward with new T, but it just takes time. And this part where I'm not really connected to either of them really, really sucks.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 9, 2010, at 18:42:57
In reply to ((((( TherapyGirl ))))), posted by Dinah on August 8, 2010, at 20:57:54
Thanks, Dinah. I know you get it and that helps.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 9, 2010, at 18:43:54
In reply to Re: ((((( TherapyGirl ))))), posted by tetrix on August 8, 2010, at 21:28:25
Yep, I get that. And God knows it took me years to attach to former T. I'm trying not to view it as a big mistake right about now. I did get a lot from that relationship and learned a lot. I just wish this part wasn't so hard.
Posted by Annierose on August 9, 2010, at 21:28:01
In reply to Re: I'm going to choke to death on my tears » Annierose, posted by TherapyGirl on August 9, 2010, at 18:41:07
>>>but I'm hoping I'll be able to figure out how to do this better.
But you are not doing anything wrong. You are being the loving person you always have been. You are being open and loving. Remember that it's not "you".
And I hope that it does get easier for you. Time is a great healer.
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 13, 2010, at 16:57:04
In reply to Re: I'm going to choke to death on my tears » TherapyGirl, posted by Annierose on August 9, 2010, at 21:28:01
Posted by healingmysoul on August 13, 2010, at 21:15:04
In reply to I'm going to choke to death on my tears, posted by TherapyGirl on August 7, 2010, at 20:58:54
I really know what you are going through right now. I just want so much to be with my t and him tell me that he isn't going anywhere. This pain is the worse. He is the first person i was ever completely free with and now he is gone.
Know you will be in my thoughts. I hope it gets better for the both of us..
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 17, 2010, at 18:38:28
In reply to Re: I'm going to choke to death on my tears, posted by healingmysoul on August 13, 2010, at 21:15:04
Me, too. Please keep me posted on how you're doing.
((((((((healingmysoul))))))))
This is the end of the thread.
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