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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by onceupon on April 18, 2010, at 17:33:06
I'm defending my dissertation tomorrow *gulp*
I've been procrastinating something terrible in preparing the presentation. It's odd that after pouring a year and a half of work into this thing, it all feels so anti-climatic now.
I can't get over the fact that I *really* want my therapist to contact me, to wish me luck or something. She knows I'm defending tomorrow. When she found out my defense was on the day we usually meet, she said, "I'll go ahead and take you off my schedule, because you've got much better things to do afterward than come see me!" I smiled feebly and agreed, but in truth? What I really wanted afterward? Was to see her. That made me feel more than pathetic. I don't have anything better to do, or at least anything that I'd like to do more. No one I can celebrate with tomorrow (that will wait until the weekend, though it's just my husband, and I'm not terribly excited about that).
This is really starting to sound like a sob story, which it isn't. I am excited to be *this close* to finishing my degree. But when everyone keeps asking me, ad nauseum, if I'm excited! Aren't you excited! I say yes, and think no. I tried to tell my therapist about it last week, but I don't think she really got it either. Or maybe she did. I'm not sure. At any rate, I just wanted to put this stuff out to the babble-verse, because I figured if anyone would understand it, you guys would.
Thanks for letting me share.
Posted by workinprogress on April 18, 2010, at 19:18:43
In reply to wishing, waiting, wanting, posted by onceupon on April 18, 2010, at 17:33:06
Congrats onceupon!!!
It's too bad your therapist and you missed each other on this one. If I were in your shoes, I'd call up and say "you know, I wish I had said it at the time, but I really want to share this piece of my life with you (the celebration and the struggle) and I'm hoping I can have my time back so I can do that".
Do you think maybe her not realizing the importance of sharing it with her made you afraid to say it was important?
I think it's good to always share with our Ts what we're feeling, if we can...
I gotta run, sorry to cut short, my ride just got here. Good luck tomorrow! I'm sure you'll be great!
xo
WIP
Posted by onceupon on April 18, 2010, at 21:02:29
In reply to Re: wishing, waiting, wanting » onceupon, posted by workinprogress on April 18, 2010, at 19:18:43
Thanks, WIP :)
I wish I could screw up the courage to ask her to meet tomorrow (and I love the way you worded it in your response). Unfortunately, my family's in town now, since I had the not so bright idea to invite them to the defense. Not sure what I was thinking there. I'd imagine she's filled the time by now too, since it was several weeks ago when she took me off her schedule.
"Do you think maybe her not realizing the importance of sharing it with her made you afraid to say it was important?"
I think you're spot on here. I'm often worried that I'm making more of the importance of our relationship than I should. The realization that she didn't see it the same way I did made me feel sad. And it caused me to clam up quickly, since for some strange reason I don't want her to think that I over-value our relationship (not that it's not already obvious). In a lot of ways, it comes back to the ever-present reminder that the therapeutic relationship is unbalanced.
I think I will bring this latter part up with her when we meet the following week. I really like the way you said it.
Posted by mellow on April 18, 2010, at 21:36:42
In reply to Re: wishing, waiting, wanting » workinprogress, posted by onceupon on April 18, 2010, at 21:02:29
I don't think the issue has much to do with your T's behavior at all. I think you are down playing your success and over thinking your conversation with your T about the defense.
It sounds like you are finishing up a higher degree like a masters or a Phd and that is a huge achievement! You said that you weren't excited to celebrate this with your husband this weekend and it was a dumb idea to invite your family in town. You also said are worried you care more about the therapy relationship than your T does. Those comments lead me to believe that you don't feel you are a worthwhile person. Both of your post seem to be screaming that message. Maybe that is the core issue.
I bet you will do a great job on your defense because it sounds like you ARE a worthwhile person. If your family is in town would it really hurt to go out and celebrate? Sounds like a great time for a family dinner. Maybe skipping therapy and spending some time with family to appreciate the depth of this moment won't be that bad after all...
Just my two cents.
mellow
Posted by deerock on April 18, 2010, at 21:43:58
In reply to Re: wishing, waiting, wanting, posted by mellow on April 18, 2010, at 21:36:42
im with mello on this one.
i think youll do great. i also think your T may have said what the T said without realizing how you might hear it.i bet your T values you just as much as you value your T.
have a good day.
the rock.
Posted by onceupon on April 18, 2010, at 21:58:13
In reply to Re: wishing, waiting, wanting, posted by mellow on April 18, 2010, at 21:36:42
Thanks, mellow and deerock for your responses. You both make good points, and made me realize I wasn't entirely clear. My family will be leaving right after the defense, so no time for a family dinner. It will be nice to celebrate with my husband this weekend (I will keep telling myself this), though we've long been at odds (like for years, but that's another story). I do wish that I could celebrate with some of my friends, but I don't really have anyone to ask right now. It's not the end of the world - my close friends just don't live nearby.
You're right, mellow, that my issues regarding seeing myself as a worthwhile person are probably standing out pretty strongly right now. There's something related to graduating soon that is causing my inner critic to come out in full regalia (pun halfway intended) to let me know that I'm basically a poser for thinking I could finish this degree and really mean something, or do something meaningful, or any of the above.
Thanks so much for your encouragement - it's really appreciated.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on April 18, 2010, at 22:54:56
In reply to Re: wishing, waiting, wanting, posted by onceupon on April 18, 2010, at 21:58:13
Good luck!
Does your T have a PhD? If so, I would think T would get what a huge deal this is. If not, perhaps there is some jealousy there?
After I passed my dissertation defense, I called my T and left a message to tell her. She called back to share her congratulations (even though I was going to see her in a day or two). It felt good. Perhaps if you don't get to meet with T you could still call.
Sending good thoughts your way. Be sure to post about how it goes!!
Best,
EE
Posted by obsidian on April 18, 2010, at 23:48:10
In reply to wishing, waiting, wanting, posted by onceupon on April 18, 2010, at 17:33:06
congratulations, and I hope that today you will feel relieved!!
it's perfectly understandable to want to see your T. A lot has led up to this point after all.
take care,
sid
Posted by onceupon on April 19, 2010, at 0:00:11
In reply to Re: wishing, waiting, wanting, posted by Emily Elizabeth on April 18, 2010, at 22:54:56
Thanks, Emily :)
Yes, my T has a PhD. I do know she understands that it's a big deal - after all, I've been talking about it a heckuva lot!
I think it's a great idea to call her after my defense. I've been thinking about it, and likely will. Congrats to you as well on having passed :)
Thanks so much for the good thoughts! I'll keep y'all posted.
Posted by onceupon on April 19, 2010, at 0:00:47
In reply to Re: wishing, waiting, wanting » onceupon, posted by obsidian on April 18, 2010, at 23:48:10
Thanks, Sid :)
Posted by rnny on April 19, 2010, at 0:01:02
In reply to wishing, waiting, wanting, posted by onceupon on April 18, 2010, at 17:33:06
Congratulations on your accomplishment. Call the T and ask to be "squeezed in" if she has filled your slot. Even ask her to stay overtime and see you if she can. This is a day like no other. You are worth it. Good luck.
Posted by deerock on April 19, 2010, at 0:01:58
In reply to wishing, waiting, wanting, posted by onceupon on April 18, 2010, at 17:33:06
whats your phd in? congratulations. im sure youll do great.
Posted by Dinah on April 19, 2010, at 8:35:08
In reply to wishing, waiting, wanting, posted by onceupon on April 18, 2010, at 17:33:06
Congratulations!
I do understand how hard it would be to admit that you did want to see her, after what she said. I'm sorry she didn't understand how important it would be to you to share this moment.
Is there some indulgence that you would enjoy for yourself? If she has no time open, or can't squeeze in a phone call, is there something you can do to pamper yourself after all that hard work?
This is the end of the thread.
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