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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ebo4ny on February 28, 2010, at 22:31:39
I cannot tell whether my therapist is being supportive or whether he is encouraging an erotic transference. He has said things to me like "It can never happen, but its extremely rare for me to meet people who think like I do(refering to me)." and "I don't think I'm the only guy out there that would give anything to be with a girl like you." Both of these comments were made with intensity that was unsettling(although that could be part of his technique, you know, how he makes a comment "hit home" and seem believable). On top of that he has made it clear that he thinks I am attractive (but stops short of saying that this necessarily means he is drawn to me).
He says that his form of therapy is ego-supportive and I will say that he has done a good job of that. But he knows that I'm suffering from a really powerful transference and it just seems mean.
Does anyone have any experience with this form of therapy? Am I full of my self in thinking these comments are manipulative at best, and sexually charged at worst? Or is this the type of therapy I signed up for?
Of course I have taken what he said out of context. In both situations I think he was trying to make me stop beating myself up about something.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2010, at 1:13:18
In reply to have i lost my mind?, posted by ebo4ny on February 28, 2010, at 22:31:39
I think those things might have made me feel uncomfortable, but as you say, context is important.
Sad to say, not all therapists are as ethical as they ought to be.
In the end, I think we all need to trust our guts. If you feel uneasy about his attitude, I think you should listen to that feeling and be wary.
Posted by ebo4ny on March 1, 2010, at 9:59:21
In reply to Re: have i lost my mind? » ebo4ny, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2010, at 1:13:18
I've been thinking about it all night and I've realized there's a couple of other things too. That "do anything to date a girl like you" comment was made in the context of a conversation where I was talking about dating and having trouble meeting the right guy who is also into me.
My therapist went on to tell me that men my age (30) are looking for women who are in their early- mid twenties and that I should consider divorced men over 40 (guess which category he falls into). He's also told me that I should be looking for a shy, quiet guy and guess what two words he frequently uses to describe himself? He talks a lot about the things we have in common, enough to give me an impression of a man who has a great deal in common with me, but why is that necessary for treatment?
He blushes a lot, and he has flashes of bashful body language when we get even close to the transference topic. The few times I've tried to talk about it with him he got defensive like in my last post where he kept repeating that he wasn't thinking about me outside of therapy when that had nothing to do with what I was trying to talk about.
I've heard of transference focused therapy, but that type of therapy usually encourages a transferrence by being a blank slate not by talking about all the things you have in common with your client and how she should consider dating someone like you.
But the thing is my treatment has been going really well aside from the mega transference problem. My life is looking ridiculously better than it did when I started six months ago. Could all this just be resistance?
I want to quit so bad because I feel like he's playing with me but I don't want to derail a treament that's helping me get my life on track. It feels like being drawn and quartered.
Posted by tetrix on March 1, 2010, at 12:07:44
In reply to Re: have i lost my mind? » Dinah, posted by ebo4ny on March 1, 2010, at 9:59:21
wow red lights were flashing all over as I was reading your post.
I think he is out of line and I dont think you are reading into anything..
Posted by emmanuel98 on March 1, 2010, at 20:16:16
In reply to Re: have i lost my mind?, posted by tetrix on March 1, 2010, at 12:07:44
I'd be very, very wary. He sounds like someone who can't treat transference and countertransference "playfully" -- i.e, treating it as an object for discussion, rather than as something to act upon. I had a T who had great boundaries and would never, ever have said the sort of things your T said. So to me, your T sounds unprofessional.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on March 2, 2010, at 15:10:23
In reply to Re: have i lost my mind?, posted by emmanuel98 on March 1, 2010, at 20:16:16
I could write a book on the things my t has said and done.....He struggles with his feelings for me and I have been in love with him for a long time. Just a few examples: "If I were not married, I would probably go for it." "YOu are in my heart and in my head."
He has his cake and eats it too....He also said: "I trust you with my life."
Follow your gut.....it is usually right; my t and I are close in age 60....and so we "get" each other and relate so much....alike in over 30 different ways and he admits: "We have chemistry"---Well that chemistry ( for me) is on "kill."
Therapy had be hazardous to your mental health. The only way to know what is really going on with him (is scary)...is to ask.
My t said "IF I were to give you the green light, would you go for it?" He has given me so many green lights, I should be blind by now.
Posted by ebo4ny on March 2, 2010, at 22:16:01
In reply to Re: have i lost my mind? » emmanuel98, posted by sassyfrancesca on March 2, 2010, at 15:10:23
wow. How has your therapy progressed with all of that stuff getting thrown at you? How do you deal with it? Those statements are super bold. You could probably file a complaint based on just those comments. My T has never technically crossed that line.
This is the end of the thread.
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