![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deerock on February 23, 2010, at 22:25:11
hi everyone,
i often have conflicts that arise around being in therapy. its quite helpful but what frequently happens is that i feel that i credit therapy and my therapist for allowing me to get better rather than take the credit for doing the work myself.
a friend recently said oh hey i havent heard you talk about how anxious you feel in a few months. and my response was yeah its because my T helped me.
this is quite frustrating. i feel that i would be much better off if i were to make the changes ive made due to my own regard for myself and my own insight rather than insights that are born out of a relationship with my T.
i feel like i become dependent on her rather than becoming someone who can stand on their own two feet.
thanks for listening. i welcome any and all input.
have a nice day.
Posted by fleeting flutterby on February 24, 2010, at 10:38:29
In reply to therapy or going it alone, posted by deerock on February 23, 2010, at 22:25:11
Are you like me-- in that you don't want to depend on anyone? I tend to feel mad(dont' show it though) towards the therapist as it feels like "the process" of therapy wants to render me needing someone else...... very uncomfortable....
this has lead me to discover-- "counter-dependence"..... wonder if you can relate to this?...
(copied from an article on the internet):if you are counter-dependent you tend to:
-believe that you don't need anything from anyone
-trust no one but yourself
-find it hard to feel close to anyone, even wife and children
-use violence or the threat of violence to force getting your way
-maintain a relationship only with persons who don't demand a lot of closeness from you
-resist making any commitments in a relationship
-resist asking for or showing that you need help
-be out of touch with the depth of your feelings
-deny your feelings to others
-resist showing affection
-not like touching or hugging
...........................................
If you can relate to this list then I can relate to your struggles as well.(except I never show violence) It's so frightening, the possiblity of me leaning on anyone! yipes!just thought I'd share.... maybe this isn't you at all..... anyway-- I wish you much peace.
flutterby
Posted by deerock on February 24, 2010, at 10:44:22
In reply to Re: therapy or going it alone » deerock, posted by fleeting flutterby on February 24, 2010, at 10:38:29
hi there, interesting list.
so you are saying that you get angry with your therapist because you feel that you need them?do you stick with them and do you end up feeling like you are autonomous or dependent on them?
Posted by fleeting flutterby on February 24, 2010, at 11:49:49
In reply to Re: therapy or going it alone, posted by deerock on February 24, 2010, at 10:44:22
> hi there, interesting list.
> so you are saying that you get angry with your therapist because you feel that you need them?
>
> do you stick with them and do you end up feeling like you are autonomous or dependent on them?---flutterby: was almost out the door and thought I'd check here real quick......
Yea, my inner-self says things like "I hate you"(in regards to the therapist) and tries to find things that comply with that frame of mind. I don't ask her how SHE is when she asks me as that just feels too "close". I get uncomfortable when she gets teary eyed when I talk about the abuse and neglect I experienced as a child-- a part of me wants to hate her for that. I dont allow myself to "depend" on her-- but I fearfully don't feel as autonomous as I used to either.... kind of scary!I'm on my 4th T. ! but the first one wasn't my doing-- she moved 2000 miles away after I'd only been meeting with her for 4 months.(no, i didn't scare her away! ;o) .....) But the other two after that-- I quit. This one now I'm with, I've been with for 2 years, I'm ever batteling the part that wants to flee. She's soooo patient- lucky for me. A part of me hates that she knows so much about me, hates that she seems to care.... but I'm trudging on..... I'm learning to appreciate it and that maybe..... maybe I can learn somethings here. (god, I hope so, I'm so tired of not having a single friend!)
there is a couple by the name of Weinhold-- I think it is, anyway, they work with counter-dependant people and wrote a book. They say, and this rings true to my personal experience, that when an adult is like this-- as a child(from infant to 3) they were denied the attachment and nurturing that is so required at that age.
got to run,
later,
flutterby
Posted by emmanuel98 on February 24, 2010, at 21:30:42
In reply to therapy or going it alone, posted by deerock on February 23, 2010, at 22:25:11
Maybe, when someone comments on your being better, instead of saying, yeah, my T helped me, you can say, yeah, I've worked very hard on this with my T. I always thought of therapy as a kind of collaboration. I would not have gotten better on my own -- if I had been able to, I wouldn't have gone to a T. But therapy only worked because I was willing to do the work. That's something my T made a lot of -- that everything depended on my being willing to do the work. So yes, you feel some dependence, but allowing yourself to feel that and work through it is part of the work of therapy. It's work you do on yourself with your T's help.
Posted by rnny on February 26, 2010, at 22:49:13
In reply to therapy or going it alone, posted by deerock on February 23, 2010, at 22:25:11
How about saying, "I have been learning how to cope with my anxiety in therapy and putting into practice what I have learned". The putting into practice part is where you come in. You do that part. Just showing up for a therapy appointment is you putting in your part. Paying for it or seeing that your insurance pays for it is you putting in your part. You bringing up things you want to resolve and work on is you doing your part. You do alot!
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2010, at 10:26:33
In reply to therapy or going it alone, posted by deerock on February 23, 2010, at 22:25:11
Even with therapy, you are going it alone. Your therapist can propose insights, but it's your choice whether to accept them or not.
All of us have to, in the end, go it alone. Stand on our own two feet. Make our own choices, and live with the consequences. Therapists can be teachers and guides and sometimes someone who can stand witness or provide company. But they can't hold us up or carry us.
(Even if sometimes it feels like they do.)
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.