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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by blahblahblah on January 6, 2010, at 6:11:18
Hey all,
yesterday my T told me that I am very much stuck in the egocentric stage, particularly with her. Does anyone know exactly what this would involve. She told me this after I told her I would save her life before nearly anyone else I have ever met, and that I wouldn't care if she hurts me or if she were to beat me, as long as she never leaves me. Anyone else been told similar thing by T before?
Posted by Helana on January 6, 2010, at 11:56:18
In reply to egocentric stage, posted by blahblahblah on January 6, 2010, at 6:11:18
Sorry all I haven't been responding much, I've been really busy.
Blah, I haven't been told the same thing, but I have told my T the same thing you've said and she responded with a weird attitude saying, "Why? Why would you do that to yourself?"
I don't know if that helps.
Take care,
Helana
Posted by Dinah on January 7, 2010, at 9:06:04
In reply to egocentric stage, posted by blahblahblah on January 6, 2010, at 6:11:18
Is it perhaps some technical term that doesn't mean precisely what it means in everyday life?
I found this when I googled "egocentric" and "stage of development".
Egocentrism is the inability to take on another's point of view; children can not conceive that anyone thinks differently from themselves...
http://www.effective-spiritual-parenting.com/stages-of-development.html
******They are also examples of egocentric thinking--not that the young child is selfish. It's just that he cannot take anyone else's perspective, so that everything in the world revolves around him. When he's sad, he cries. So, it must be that the sky does, too.
(An egocentric child, on seeing his father upset, hands him his favorite teddy bear. This act shows that the child is not selfish. He is offering the thing that he finds most comforting. He cannot imagine that his father would not have the same feelings.)
http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,3901,00.html
*****
Piaget and Inhelder2 made the interesting, anomalous, and readily replicable finding that when presented with what is, by adult standards, a moderately complex task, children until the age of about seven years will persistently indicate their own point of view when asked for the point of view of another. From this and related phenomena they have argued that young children go through a developmental stage during which they have difficulty understanding points of view different from their own because these points of view are not their own. Because of the elegant and perplexing nature of Piaget and Inhelder's finding, experimenters have emphasized situations in which the child does not give the point of view of the other but instead projects his own point of view onto the other.
http://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=PSAR.062.0305A
*******
I'm not entirely sure what this means in the context of what you were saying. I'm not good at that sort of thing. It might be best to ask your therapist, since she might have meant something else entirely.
Though I'm still not sure what my therapist meant by "poor ego strength". The more I ask, the more vague he got. I eventually started using it myself, even though I'm still not sure what it means.
Posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 2:01:52
In reply to egocentric stage, posted by blahblahblah on January 6, 2010, at 6:11:18
Hi Blah
My 10 cents worth is your T is concerned that your sense of who you are disappears around them. Umm it is not OK for ppl to hurt you. Doesn't matter who they are. Of course T's try darn hard not to. But... giving them permission doesn't sound like a good idea to me.
I know when I am being egocentric when I have to be the star of the show. It is ALL about me. I cause other people's feelings. Sometimes for a bit of variation it is that somebody else has made me the victim and I am stuck. Either way I am not actively engaging with what is going on. The other person is not free to be themselves because I won't let them!!
I know when my ego is strong when I can see the pattern or the dynamic and choose how I respond. Not locking myself in. Or the other person. I think that includes my T. (We haven't been working long enough for us to get to this. I'm sure it will come up.... :)
In Australia in the 70's there was a band called Skyhooks. they had a hit with "Ego is not a dirty Word". I think they still have something to offer...
Posted by Blahblahblah on January 8, 2010, at 3:27:11
In reply to Re: egocentric stage, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 2:01:52
Dinah, thank you so much for the links. Reading them has helped lots. It means so much you went to that effort for me.
Mystical, you are spot on about being different with my T. Off the topic, I am from australia. By the sounds of it so are you. Where in aust are you from?
Posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 12:27:21
In reply to Re: egocentric stage, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 2:01:52
>Umm it is not OK for ppl to hurt you.
Which is precisely why it is laid on the table as an offering, isn't it?
Posted by Blahblahblah on January 8, 2010, at 15:51:44
In reply to Re: egocentric stage, posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 12:27:21
How my mind thinks is that if she's hurting me at least she is still around and she thinks about me enough to go to effort of doing this. I know this is stemmed from an abusive mum. When it was found out they took me away and put me in foster care for a year while mum went to rehab. I was 3 so yes still in that ego stage.
Posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 16:02:55
In reply to Re: egocentric stage, posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 12:27:21
Why would you want to offer yourself to be hurt? Vulnerable I can understand. Being open to what the other person is offering.
In my head saying "You can hurt me" means that in some way I am still in control of the situation ~ if only in my own head. If I wasn't giving you permission then this wouldn't/couldn't be happening. It taps into my sense of blame and guilt for being hurt. Makes it all about ME... (a favourite topic of mine)
I think if I offered my T permission to hurt me she would say that is not what therapy is about. and who taught you that hurting you was the way of being with another person? My previous T was a robust man who would have said "cut the passive aggressive cr@p Mystic. I don't play games." (we did work together for 10 years)
Sig. The image I have in my head is that somehow we are offered as a sacrifice in therapy. Is that what you meant???? I suspect all this is saying far more about me than you.
Posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 17:54:24
In reply to Re: egocentric stage » Sigismund, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 16:02:55
>Why would you want to offer yourself to be hurt?
So we can feel owned? So we can belong?
We live in an atomised society?
(Where does all that S&M stuff come from anyway, apart from making money?)
Posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 17:55:15
In reply to Re: egocentric stage » Sigismund, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 16:02:55
This sounds right....
>In my head saying "You can hurt me" means that in some way I am still in control of the situation ~ if only in my own head. If I wasn't giving you permission then this wouldn't/couldn't be happening. It taps into my sense of blame and guilt for being hurt. Makes it all about ME... (a favourite topic of mine)
Posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 17:58:37
In reply to Re: egocentric stage » Sigismund, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 16:02:55
>I think if I offered my T permission to hurt me she would say that is not what therapy is about. and who taught you that hurting you was the way of being with another person? My previous T was a robust man who would have said "cut the passive aggressive cr@p Mystic. I don't play games." (we did work together for 10 years)
I certainly cannot imagine having said that to my T, but it was almost 40 years ago we started and the times were very different and nobody said anything like that back then. We said different things.
Posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 18:13:06
In reply to Re: egocentric stage, posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 17:54:24
My goal of therapy is to be in a relationship where nobody has to hurt the other. And to be able to trust the other person. I hope to be able to enjoy somebody else's company without fear. Outside of therapy I'd like to be able to work out who is worth my trust and share a part of who I am without fear and trembling. Not saying I will be a door mat but I will be open to possabilities.
Sig. I hope I was not too blunt describing me and T's. (My old T would be thrilled that I can see that relationships to not have to be about who is hurting who!!) I know everyboy's T r/p is different. That is what I would like to celebrate. There are people out there who care about us not depending on what we do. (except perhaps pay and I know that is a whole other can of worms)
Posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 18:38:29
In reply to Re: egocentric stage, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 18:13:06
>Sig. I hope I was not too blunt describing me and T's.
Not at all, that was interesting.
I think this is the 10th post in a row by an Australian.
(Should we punch above our weight or unionise and evict?)
I think that looks better in brackets.
Posted by Blahblahblah on January 8, 2010, at 18:46:58
In reply to Re: egocentric stage, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 18:13:06
Haha yeah. Can pick it by the fact that we are writing bow while everyone else is sleeping. And my spelling if mum is a giveaway. What state you from Sig?
Posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 18:51:23
In reply to Re: egocentric stage, posted by Blahblahblah on January 8, 2010, at 18:46:58
NSW
Posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 19:04:36
In reply to Re: egocentric stage, posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 18:38:29
Anybody a Little Britain fan here? And I thought I was the only Aussie in the village!!
Posted by Sigismund on January 8, 2010, at 20:17:22
In reply to Re: egocentric stage, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 8, 2010, at 19:04:36
I've never watched Little Britain, but have often heard it mentioned.
I enjoyed Shameless and The Office.
This is the end of the thread.
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