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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 39. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 10, 2009, at 16:35:46
I'm so sorry to keep dumping my sh*t on this board. I don't have anywhere else to really dump it. I have one friend who doesn't get it at all and one friend who tries mightily and gets some of it.
I feel like there's been a death in my family with no funeral AND it's a big secret. I'm stuck once again mourning completely by myself.
I'm also struggling with whether or not I've been wrong about T all these many years. What if she was never who I thought she was? Why does it feel like she spent 24 years telling me I'm not worthless only to slap me in the face with how worthless I really am?
I really, really just want to stop. I can't breathe.
Posted by Dinah on July 10, 2009, at 19:00:10
In reply to I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by TherapyGirl on July 10, 2009, at 16:35:46
(((( Therapygirl ))))
You aren't worthless. Your therapist wasn't lying to you. She is just caught up in her own life and as valuable and precious as you are to the world, she is just too narrowly focused to be there for anyone but herself.
You're not alone, you have me. You have many babblers. You can babblemail me too, and I'll give you my email address.
This is the worst part. The pain is fresh, the would unhealed. It will get better with time. Even in the time I spent with my loss, it did get better over time.
And if you need to, please reach out for professional help in person? You're valuable to me, and I don't want to lose you.
Posted by muffled on July 10, 2009, at 19:00:22
In reply to I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by TherapyGirl on July 10, 2009, at 16:35:46
Stop the thots that are making you nuts.
Just say STOP!
Then 3 deep cleansing breaths and say something like....I am OK, it will be OK.You need some support thru this, I wish you would find a counsellor to at least help you thru the grief.
I'm sorry the pain is so bad right now.
Your puppy needs you.
Hang on and you can get thru this.Sorry I have to run, just wanted to post support.
Take good care OK?
M
Posted by Daisym on July 10, 2009, at 19:36:29
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER*** » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on July 10, 2009, at 19:00:10
I think you are indeed mourning. So just like any other person who has suffered a loss, you must take it one minute at a time. Fresh grief is so painful. Let yourself cry but be careful to seek out people and things that will distract you.
You CAN live through this. Remember feelings change over time and this will ease up too.
I'm sorry you are hurting so much.
Posted by yellowbird01 on July 10, 2009, at 19:55:29
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by Daisym on July 10, 2009, at 19:36:29
(((((therapygirl))))))
I really dont know what to say. I dont have the words. But I feel the pain in your words... I just want you to know we are here. You are NOT worthless. Your T really was "your T" (and who you thought she was) for all those years. I dont know what her problem is now, but it's her. It's not you. I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through right now.
Posted by SLS on July 10, 2009, at 20:32:39
In reply to I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by TherapyGirl on July 10, 2009, at 16:35:46
Hi.
:-)
I find you worthwhile enough to send you a smile.
For anyone to say otherwise is such a horrendous act, I think it begs turning the focus of attention on the competency of the speaker.
Be well.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on July 11, 2009, at 11:03:06
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER*** » TherapyGirl, posted by SLS on July 10, 2009, at 20:32:39
I'm truly sorry Theraphy Girl. Love Phillipa
Posted by obsidian on July 11, 2009, at 16:15:43
In reply to I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by TherapyGirl on July 10, 2009, at 16:35:46
I'm so sorry for your pain :-(
I'm guessing it doesn't make much sense right now, what's going on...
I hope you will give it some time, and don't drown in the grief or let it consume you. Easier said than done when pain (and anger) is most of what you're feeling.
The others make good sense, they generally do :-)
Take good care of you,
sid
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 19:17:52
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER*** » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on July 10, 2009, at 19:00:10
Thank you, Dinah. Really. I can't say it well enough to adequately express how grateful I am for you.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 19:20:32
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by muffled on July 10, 2009, at 19:00:22
Thanks, Muffly. I did make it through the night last night with the help of Babble and my baby girl (the dog). I don't know if I would have made it home from the family vacation on Wednesday if I hadn't had her to come home to.
I'm trying hard to control the thoughts. It's easier during the day than at night. The night has always been full of demons for me, and I guess for most of us here.
I get what you're saying about another T, but frankly this has now turned so bad that I can't imagine being able to trust another one. I can't tell you how shocked I am at how T has handled this. There has been NO response to my message the other day -- the one where I tried desperately to end on a more positive note. It's like she really can't be bothered.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 19:22:16
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by Daisym on July 10, 2009, at 19:36:29
Thanks, Daisy. It's interesting, after spending most of the winter crying over my best friend I have cried almost no tears over T. Just 2-3 times in the last week since things went so bad. But nothing like the storm of tears in January-March. For that I'm grateful, I think.
I'm just having such a hard time reconciling this T with the T I love. I am completely freaked out.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 19:23:15
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by yellowbird01 on July 10, 2009, at 19:55:29
Thank you, YB. Just thank you. I'm going to keep re-reading your post and try to remember my real T. Not this cold-hearted B*tch.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 19:23:52
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER*** » TherapyGirl, posted by SLS on July 10, 2009, at 20:32:39
You have such a way with words and you brought a smile to my face, which is nearly a miracle these days.
Thanks, Scott.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 19:24:27
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by Phillipa on July 11, 2009, at 11:03:06
Thanks, Phillipa. I really appreciate the support, as always.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 19:25:18
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER*** » TherapyGirl, posted by obsidian on July 11, 2009, at 16:15:43
Thanks, Sid. I'm trying really hard to let go of the anger and understand where she is so I can remember her as the T she's been most of these years. But it's really, really hard.
Thanks for your support.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 19:26:44
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 19:17:52
Posted by Daisym on July 11, 2009, at 20:16:41
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER*** » obsidian, posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 19:25:18
I've been wondering if your therapist is so angry at God or the World or whatever that she has no empathy left - at least for now. It is almost as if she can't have one more person need her - like there is nothing left there to give. Not that this is an excuse, as this is her job. But I'm just struck by the complete change and her lack of capacity to hold you.
I know how much my mom changed when her husband died. It has been 2 1/2 years and she is still unthinkingly cruel at times.
Again - not an excuse. I'm just so sad for both of you.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 11, 2009, at 20:28:16
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER*** » TherapyGirl, posted by Daisym on July 11, 2009, at 20:16:41
That's an interesting thought. She is an ordained minister, so it would be really interesting for her to be angry at God, etc.
I should also mention that her 1st husband died in an accident when her children were very young (3 and 3 mos.). This husband had a degenerative disease when she married him. I really thought she would have a better handle on it. And I really, really thought she'd be more in touch with her feelings about it and her ability (or inability) to do her job. I think the fact that she has not responded to either of the two times that I said she wasn't herself says it all. If she would at least admit it, we could talk about it and figure something out. But she keeps saying it's MY filter. It's just an impossible situation.
Posted by twilight on July 12, 2009, at 18:33:21
In reply to I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by TherapyGirl on July 10, 2009, at 16:35:46
I feel for you Therapygirl, 24 years is a long time, it is a death in some way, a death of the person she used to be before her husband died. I can really relate to that. It's so hard for you but I hope you get help to get you through this time when she is retiring, plus she is not herself due to her own mourning process.
Obviously, she did not or could not realize how it has affected her practice so continued on. Maybe she needed the income up to retirement, who knows.
But the fact is, no she is not the same person. Remember it is not you, or anything you've done. It is her own circumstances that have caused her to feel like this. And being human, as we all are, sometimes even the best of training can't help one deal with a major crisis like the death of spouse.
Hopefully you can find a second T to help you through this maybe?
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 13, 2009, at 17:51:05
In reply to Re: I might not live through this ***TRIGGER*** » TherapyGirl, posted by twilight on July 12, 2009, at 18:33:21
Thanks, Twilight. I'm trying to remember all of this and cut her some slack, but it's hard.
I don't think I'm up for another T right now, but I'll keep it in mind for later.
Thanks for the support.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 13, 2009, at 17:54:04
In reply to I might not live through this ***TRIGGER***, posted by TherapyGirl on July 10, 2009, at 16:35:46
Still absolutely NO RESPONSE to my message from last Wed. (when I said I loved her and appreciated what she had done for me). I thought maybe she would send me a card with a note or something, but NOTHING. I can't tell you how out of character that is for her. To not respond at all?? Who IS this person and what did she do with my T?
I left her a message yesterday telling her I wouldn't be in this week, but that there was still some small part of me holding out hope that we could figure out a better way to do this. So I want to give both of us a break, not give up my slot, and go week-to-week right now. I think her response (or non-response) to that will tell me everything else I need to know.
Posted by LadyBug on July 13, 2009, at 20:04:13
In reply to Re: The update, posted by TherapyGirl on July 13, 2009, at 17:54:04
ThearpyGirl-
I feel for what you're going through. I can totally relate to what's happening to you.I suffered through my T's retirement last December. In March of 08 we suffered a major rupture in our work. I won't go into my story because it takes too long. I've never been so hurt by someone in my whole life. We worked together for almost 12 years. She was my lifeline helping me through a lot of stuff.
Anyway, after she hurt me, she left for 3 weeks. I saw her when she got back and one time after that. I took a break thinking I'd never go back. She changed directions on me just as your T has done to you. She stopped responding to me in the ways she always had done. She never took ownership to hurting me. So I stopped going.In July, I got this formal letter from her in the mail announcing her retirement. She added she would be available to see me if I needed to see her. It kinda shocked me that she was retiring. It took me until November to decide what I should do. But I went back for 4 or 5 visits. I was sad she was leaving. I loved her and needed her. Things went as well as they could have. We had a positive ending so I'm glad I went back.
I know how you feel, with me our work ended before I was ready. But she changed on me too. I believe retirement becomes their MAIN focus. It's sad because we have to deal with it too. I chose not to see anyone else. No way did I want to get back into being so attached to someone only to have to say goodbye again. There's nothing I can compare the loss of my T. I cried for weeks. It does get easier with time but I MISS HER like crazy sometimes. It's been so hard. I don't have contact with her. I guess that's best because our work is done.
I'm thinking about you. You will get through this! I'm sorry things are so dang complicated. I don't think you will get her back in the ways she's always been for you. She's moving on in her life and unfortunately it spills over into her work. We as patients, suffer so much because of it. It just plain sucks to the highest degree!
I was so grateful for my babble friends as no one else could even begin to understand my situation.
HANG IN THERE! Keep posting. We'll help you through.
LadyBug
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 13, 2009, at 20:14:49
In reply to Re: The update » TherapyGirl, posted by LadyBug on July 13, 2009, at 20:04:13
Thanks, LB. Yes, I remember very clearly your struggles with your T. There really has to be a better way to do this, but I think you're right -- once they make the decision to leave, they've already left.
I'll keep you posted. I think about you often and hope that it gets easier with time. I highly recommend a dog if you don't already have one. I don't know that I would have come home from the family vacation last week without knowing my girl was here waiting for me. She's about the only positive change in my life this whole year.
And you're right -- Babblers rock. I don't know what I would do without you guys, too.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 14, 2009, at 19:59:08
In reply to Re: The update, posted by TherapyGirl on July 13, 2009, at 17:54:04
No response to either of my last two messages. Is it possible my T isn't speaking to me? WTF???????
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2009, at 21:29:59
In reply to Re: Still no response -- to anything ((Sigh)), posted by TherapyGirl on July 14, 2009, at 19:59:08
(((( Therapygirl ))))
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
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