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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JayMac on September 19, 2008, at 15:07:33
First of all, I just want to thank you all for your babble support. This site can be a great tool when I need extra care.
Anyhow, so I had previously posted about my money issues and not feeling able to speak with my family about it and everyone who responded to my post was very helpful.
I had my appointment with my T this Wednesday. I figured out a way to get a little bit of extra insurance, it's not much, but it will help pay for some sessions with her. I told her about it, and she was supportive, as usual. The previous week we had spoken of possible solutions to my financial difficulties. She knows I'm close to my grandparents. She suggested that I speak with them. Most importantly, she suggested that I can "let my needs be known" to them. She also said, "it will be a real victory for you when you can ask for what you need." I took that to heart! I thought about it the whole week.
Our latest session, this past Wednesday, while she was filling out the insurance thingy, she casually reiterated that if I speak to my grandparents, I can call her to set up an additional appointment (I've had to cut down from 2 appointments a week to 1, and it's been difficult, to say the least). I didn't say anything, I sat in silence and then she said, "it's something to think about. Let me know and we will work something out." That was a huge inspiration: she wasn't pushing me too hard, she was showing me that I had control, and she was telling me that she can help me.
I struggle with asking for help and receiving help. It's very difficult for me to ask for things, especially money. I'm not the type of person to run down others and ask them to turn over their wallets. I'm the opposite.
To continue the story.......last night I spoke with my grandmother. I think she knew that I was struggling. I had passively mentioned it in an email a couple weeks ago. We started talking about the economy, she asked about work, and I started telling her that I was struggling. At first I didn't say why, then I mentioned that I was seeing a therapist and all my money has been going towards that. Then, I didn't mention why I was seeing her, but then I decided that I should tell her. So I told her a little bit of why I was seeing my T (I didn't want to say everything, didn't want to scare her, but I gave her a good picture). I almost started to cry. My voice was cracking, I was nervous. I'm sure she could tell.
Then I said, "You can say no, but I was wondering if you could help me out." She replied, "I am happy to help." Later she said, "I would be heartbroken if I could not meet your needs. I would be heartbroken if you did not feel like you could come to me. You are so independent: going to school, working full time. I worry about you when I don't hear from you. I want to help you in any way possible." Again, I almost started crying.
It was such a relief to express my concern, tell her my needs, and have her tell me that she wants to meet my needs!!!
I don't know if any of you can relate: I grew up in a household where expressing my needs was useless. I didn't feel safe enough to ask for much (at least in terms of emotional support). When I did ask, I got shot down. Thus, I grew up feeling ashamed and guilty for having needs. Having my grandmother (who, by the way, I actually lived with from the time I was 13-18), reassure me that I can have needs was/is VERY theraputic. It's like she read my mind! It's like she already knew what I needed. My T is like that many times as well: I can give her a hint of what I'm feeling, and she will, through the comfort of her presence or her words, help me express it.
I've been praying a lot about this lately, and I firmly believe that God has a huge hand in all this! Thank you Lord!
I'm excited right now. I'm happy to share this story with all of you. I hope one of you can find comfort, relief, support, and love in the possibility that there is at least ONE PERSON who believes in you. I am fortunate enough to have a couple people. Some of you may not see it, but there is HOPE. I know I haven't shared a lot of my story, but trust me that I am a living testimony. =)
Peace to you,
JayMac
Posted by lucie lu on September 19, 2008, at 15:43:08
In reply to Update! Asking for help, getting needs met, posted by JayMac on September 19, 2008, at 15:07:33
Oh Jay, that is such a beautiful outcome! Not only good for you in a practical sense but also in terms of reaffirming the goodness and love in people in your life. I'm so so so happy for you!
Snoopy dance...I can just see you as your grandmother describes you - hard-working, independent, very capable, not a person who asks for help. But while I'm sure she admires that, she sees beyond it to the person inside who nonetheless is not an island and does need help now and again. It is a wonderful thing to dare to allow yourself the expectation that there will be someone, somewhere out there who will help you when you need it. I have a similar background to yours so I really know how this feels - both the bad and good sides of the experience.
Anyway, I'm just so happy for you and frankly, it's put a little sunshine into my afternoon. :)Thanks so much for sharing it with us.
Love, Lucie
p.s. kudos also to your T, who seems to have handled this so well and helped you into a new life experience. She sounds great. And give your grandma a hug from us!
Posted by LittleGirlLost on September 19, 2008, at 17:48:12
In reply to Update! Asking for help, getting needs met, posted by JayMac on September 19, 2008, at 15:07:33
Oh JayMac, That's wonderful!
I had read your post above about asking for help, and was hoping to see an update - and a positive one at that! Good for you!Your grandmother's response made me tear up; I'm so glad she came through for you. Without getting into detail, I grew up in a family much like yours; the only difference is that they wouldn't (and still wouldn't give me a nickel). My grandmother is no longer here, but she was always on my side, and like yours, I bet she would help me out. :*)
Great job on asking for help!
LGL
Posted by stellabystarlight on September 19, 2008, at 18:33:06
In reply to Update! Asking for help, getting needs met, posted by JayMac on September 19, 2008, at 15:07:33
Hi Jay,
Great news! I'm so happy for you and your grandmother. I bet it brought her a lot of joy to be able to help her grandchild. She must love you very much. Enjoy and bask in the love she is giving you...it's so healing. Thanks for sharing the good news with us!
Cheers,
Stellabystarlight
Posted by DAisym on September 19, 2008, at 22:03:52
In reply to Update! Asking for help, getting needs met, posted by JayMac on September 19, 2008, at 15:07:33
I hope it is OK to say that I'm proud of you. It took a lot of courage to talk to both your therapist and your grandmother. I'm glad it turned out well. It doesn't take a ton of people believing in us, just one or two, like you said.
I know it still isn't easy making ends meet, but I hope you can take a breather from worry this weekend.
Posted by JoniS on September 20, 2008, at 22:40:47
In reply to Update! Asking for help, getting needs met, posted by JayMac on September 19, 2008, at 15:07:33
Jay
That's awesome. I'm glad that you were able to ask and I'm glad it led to some special sharing between you and your grandmother. It was nice to see your words of faith as well.
Thanks!
Joni
Posted by Dinah on September 21, 2008, at 8:57:14
In reply to Update! Asking for help, getting needs met, posted by JayMac on September 19, 2008, at 15:07:33
What a beautiful thing for your grandmother to say.
Posted by JayMac on September 22, 2008, at 12:57:26
In reply to Update! Asking for help, getting needs met, posted by JayMac on September 19, 2008, at 15:07:33
Thank you for ALL your love, help, and support! =)
This is the end of the thread.
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