![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 14 to 38 of 47. Go back in thread:
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 21:13:38
In reply to Re: Please, I need support » Maxime, posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 20:10:29
> Maxime,
>
> You are a very precious person in the eyes of God. You have value and worth. Hang in there. You will get through this. Please consider going back into the hospital.
>
> MidnightBlue((((MB))) Thank you. I CAN'T go back into the hospital. I just can't.
I cut myself to relieve the anxiety and I am ready to cut again.
Maxime
Posted by rskontos on December 25, 2007, at 21:39:55
In reply to Re: Please, I need support, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 21:11:11
I am sorry. I am sorry you cut yourself. I am sorry someone here can't be there to give you a hug and just sit with you.
Sigh, it is tough......know we care for what that is worth.....
You have alot of people that answered your call to show support I hope that sparks some glimmer of a smile on your lovely face......
((((((maxi))))))))))rsk
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:01:07
In reply to Re: Please, I need support, posted by rskontos on December 25, 2007, at 21:39:55
> I am sorry. I am sorry you cut yourself. I am sorry someone here can't be there to give you a hug and just sit with you.
>
> Sigh, it is tough......know we care for what that is worth.....
>
> You have alot of people that answered your call to show support I hope that sparks some glimmer of a smile on your lovely face......
> ((((((maxi))))))))))
>
> rskI wish someone could sit with me as well. But I am honoured by the number of responses to my "call".
Thank you.
Maxie
Posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 22:01:35
In reply to Re: Please, I need support, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 21:13:38
Yeah, hotlines have limitations.
I have used them a quite few times in the past to no avail.
I also have had a degree of help from them, if just to hear a kind human voice speaking to me.
One time they literally saved my life.
So don't totally give up on those crisis lines...I am not sure what your hosp history is. Did you have a bad experience?
I have had both.
I also now would struggle with the so called shame of going to the looney bin for a 'breakdown'. Its pretty small town where I live so everyone would know.
I would be embarrassed.
HOWEVER, if it comes down to it, for me, hosp, shame and all, is better than my kids losing their Mom. It would hurt all my family, sisters, hubby etc very much if I offed myself.
So please do not discount hospital as an option. Another babbler recently went in, under much resistance, and it was OK. It was a good thing she went in. It was not so bad as she had thot it was gonna be.As for cutting. Well, many do not agree with my views. But I am a longtime very experienced cutter. And I say cutting HAS saved my life more than once. It is a pretty darn poor coping mechanism, but there are worse ones....(eg. 'dangerosity'- taking great dangerous risks on purpose, street drug use, suicide...etc)
So 'safe' cutting is IMHO a tool to be used as a last ditch effort, but like I said, its better than the above options.
So if you MUST cut, try and cut safe. Stay away from veins, try to do it in places that don't show, and scar the least.
Keep the area clean B4 and after. If its gaping, go get stitches. Its OK to goto emerg. I dunno if its the right thing to do, but I just lie bout how I got 'injured'....cuz I don't want trouble over them making me see a P-doc. Though one time I remember being in, and a I over heard a nurse saying I'd done it myself etc, and they did question me slightly, but I lied and I DID say I would take care of the wound carefully, and they were good with that. Unless they clearly think you are at great danger to yourself or others, they will NOT admit you. They CAN'T. So do not be afraid to goto emerg as needed.So I am sorry you are feeling bad. This will pass. I spent the first year and more in therapy in continuous crisis mode. I felt so bad.
But now I am not. Still have my moments, but not at all like B4.
I also rarely cut, and if so, not badly at all.
So there is hope.
Hang in there.
Muffled
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:06:37
In reply to Crisis lines etc, posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 22:01:35
> Yeah, hotlines have limitations.
> I have used them a quite few times in the past to no avail.
> I also have had a degree of help from them, if just to hear a kind human voice speaking to me.
> One time they literally saved my life.
> So don't totally give up on those crisis lines...
>
> I am not sure what your hosp history is. Did you have a bad experience?
> I have had both.
> I also now would struggle with the so called shame of going to the looney bin for a 'breakdown'. Its pretty small town where I live so everyone would know.
> I would be embarrassed.
> HOWEVER, if it comes down to it, for me, hosp, shame and all, is better than my kids losing their Mom. It would hurt all my family, sisters, hubby etc very much if I offed myself.
> So please do not discount hospital as an option. Another babbler recently went in, under much resistance, and it was OK. It was a good thing she went in. It was not so bad as she had thot it was gonna be.
>
> As for cutting. Well, many do not agree with my views. But I am a longtime very experienced cutter. And I say cutting HAS saved my life more than once. It is a pretty darn poor coping mechanism, but there are worse ones....(eg. 'dangerosity'- taking great dangerous risks on purpose, street drug use, suicide...etc)
> So 'safe' cutting is IMHO a tool to be used as a last ditch effort, but like I said, its better than the above options.
> So if you MUST cut, try and cut safe. Stay away from veins, try to do it in places that don't show, and scar the least.
> Keep the area clean B4 and after. If its gaping, go get stitches. Its OK to goto emerg. I dunno if its the right thing to do, but I just lie bout how I got 'injured'....cuz I don't want trouble over them making me see a P-doc. Though one time I remember being in, and a I over heard a nurse saying I'd done it myself etc, and they did question me slightly, but I lied and I DID say I would take care of the wound carefully, and they were good with that. Unless they clearly think you are at great danger to yourself or others, they will NOT admit you. They CAN'T. So do not be afraid to goto emerg as needed.
>
> So I am sorry you are feeling bad. This will pass. I spent the first year and more in therapy in continuous crisis mode. I felt so bad.
> But now I am not. Still have my moments, but not at all like B4.
> I also rarely cut, and if so, not badly at all.
> So there is hope.
> Hang in there.
> Muffled*sob* Cutting does help.
I was in the hospital for 5 weeks and was release 3 weeks ago. I can't go back in. I am already labelled "borderline" and NO ONE wants to deal with me. I hate that diagnosis!
I'll be careful. Promise.
Maxime
Posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 22:07:46
In reply to Crisis lines etc, posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 22:01:35
Maxie just saw this and I'm here too. Maybe I can make you mad enough to want to live. How about that? Babblemail? Love Jan
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:09:43
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc, posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 22:07:46
> Maxie just saw this and I'm here too. Maybe I can make you mad enough to want to live. How about that? Babblemail? Love Jan
Mad enough to live? Confused.
Thanks for being here for me. I appreciate it very much.
Maxie
Posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 22:10:16
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc » muffled, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:06:37
Oh the infamous word one we all hate. Can you try to think of it just as a word and was thinking in the states it's illegal to abandon a patient . It's not in Canada? Love Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:29:55
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc, posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 22:10:16
Life SHOULD NOT hurt this much. I feel guilty because I know there are people much worse off than me. Still, I am really suffering right now.
Gah, I don't know.
I hope I die in my sleep (what are the chances of that happening?)
Maxime
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 22:43:42
In reply to Re: Please, I need support, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 21:13:38
Maxime,
No Sweetie! don't cut again. Take a deep breath. Think of something beautiful....a mountain? a butterfly? soft fluffy snow...
Think how intricately they are made. Maxime, you are more beautiful then all of them....
MidnightBlue
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 22:45:15
In reply to Re: Please, I need support » rskontos, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:01:07
Maxime,
You are never alone. You may FEEL alone, but you are not alone.
MB
Posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 22:46:10
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:29:55
> Life SHOULD NOT hurt this much. I feel guilty because I know there are people much worse off than me. Still, I am really suffering right now.
*suffering is suffering, it hurts :-(
> Gah, I don't know.*hard to think when you spinning huh. I am like that too.
> I hope I die in my sleep (what are the chances of that happening?)*pretty small...
BUT, the chances of this crisis passing and you feeling a bit better are VERY good.
Hang in there.
Can you do the basic self soothing stuff?
Or distraction?
Reading books, baths, safe videos, phoning a trusted friend, etc?
Take care,
M
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:48:12
In reply to Re: Please, I need support » Maxime, posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 22:43:42
> Maxime,
>
> No Sweetie! don't cut again. Take a deep breath. Think of something beautiful....a mountain? a butterfly? soft fluffy snow...
>
> Think how intricately they are made. Maxime, you are more beautiful then all of them....
>
> MidnightBlue
>
>I wish I had a punching bag. Then I could take my anger out on the bag instead of myself. Except a part of me thinks I deserve to be cut. I'm so messed up.
I should try to go to bed. I wonder if I can sleep?
Thanks MB.
Maxime
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 22:49:39
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc » muffled, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:06:37
Maxime,
You CAN go back in. You were doing better before this setback. I don't know what happened with the psychologist, but it isn't your fault. You had made some progress. And for what it is worth, I'm not at all sure you are borderline. Didn't you say it was the psychologist who thought you were borderline, but not the pdoc? I think the pdoc would know best....
MB
Posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 22:52:59
In reply to Re: Please, I need support » MidnightBlue, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:48:12
My neck is wrecked, so I can't do it now, but I remember when I was little, laying in bed, and I'd lay on my back, my head on my pillow, and flop it back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.Side to side. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow. Sometimes quite slow cuz my neck would be so tired, but then I think thots would intrude so I'd up the flopping, abck and forth, back and forth.
I dunno if it helps with anger...
I'd eventually fall asleep anyways...
M
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 22:53:02
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:29:55
Maxime,
The pain you feel is very real to you. It is a threat to your well being. It matters. YOU matter! Never forget that. You are a person of value and worth.
MB
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 23:00:02
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc » Maxime, posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 22:49:39
> Maxime,
>
> You CAN go back in. You were doing better before this setback. I don't know what happened with the psychologist, but it isn't your fault. You had made some progress. And for what it is worth, I'm not at all sure you are borderline. Didn't you say it was the psychologist who thought you were borderline, but not the pdoc? I think the pdoc would know best....
>
> MBSadly, I do fit the criteria for borderline personality disorder. I hate to admit it, but it's true. This psychologist is really on top of things. He runs a DBT group for people with borderline personality disorder.
Yes, I could go back to the hospital. I don't want to, but I could. I will see how I feel tomorrow. I hate to do this to my family.
Maxime
Posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 23:06:22
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc » MidnightBlue, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 23:00:02
They would rather have you. And then get another psychologist and that test I had. Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 23:06:29
In reply to head flopping?!, posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 22:52:59
> My neck is wrecked, so I can't do it now, but I remember when I was little, laying in bed, and I'd lay on my back, my head on my pillow, and flop it back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.Side to side. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow. Sometimes quite slow cuz my neck would be so tired, but then I think thots would intrude so I'd up the flopping, abck and forth, back and forth.
> I dunno if it helps with anger...
> I'd eventually fall asleep anyways...
> MI think that would actually energize me.
I need a punching bag. And I need to get rid of all my razor blades.
Maxime
Posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 23:08:23
In reply to Re: head flopping?! » muffled, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 23:06:29
Maxie okay plan A. Get rid of the blades. Plan B. Buy the punching bag. Plan C. Start a thread and see if anyone wants to do DBT here too. Phillipa
Posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 23:10:17
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc » MidnightBlue, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 23:00:02
I dunno why cutting freaks some people out so much.
Initially it freaked my T some. Not really freaked her, but she hated it, she didn't REALLY understand it.
So I got over being as mute as I usu am, and we discussed it, and she came round to MY way of thinking more.
That cutting is not "bad". It works. Its a lifesaver. Its not great, but yes, it does work.
And once I accepted it more, and gave myself permission to use it as a tool for safety when absolutely needed, it took alot of stress of it off me. Cuz the cutting helped, but ultimately the guilt and shame added to my stress in the end.
So once I gave myself permission, and accepted it was necessary at that time until I found better ways that actually WORKED.
Well that took away alot of the shame and guilt.
It reduced my stress level.
And oddly enuf....
I cut LESS, and less badly.
I would stop sooner.
I was aware of its function as a tool, and as soon as I knew I was feeling a bit better I'd stop, knowing I'd done enuf.
And there would be pride and releife that I'd stopped sooner, with less damage.
I'd remind myself, that I could have done SO much more damage. But I didn't.
This cutting CAN be overcome, with time.
Meantime, don't beat yourself up over it OK?
Also, I bet your family ultimately wants whats safest for you. If thats hosp, then so be it.
Mebbe you could get into DBT faster thru hosp?
I dunno.
Borderline is hard.
I dunno that I fit the criteria, but just reading the stuff bout it sounds SO hard.
BUT it IS treatable. Very successfully from what I gather. Just takes time.
Take good care,
M
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 23:43:29
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc » MidnightBlue, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 23:00:02
Maxime,
You are not doing this TO your family, you are doing this FOR your family, all your friends at Babble, and most of all for yourself! You are going to go to the hospital because that is the safest place for you right now. That is where you can get the most help the quickest.
MB
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 23:45:51
In reply to Re: head flopping?! » muffled, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 23:06:29
Maxime,
Punch your pillow. Just go ahead and beat it up! Feathers flying, stuffing blowing whatever it takes. That is the safest thing to hit! and right now go and throw away ALL your razor blades!
MB
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 23:53:41
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 23:06:22
> They would rather have you. And then get another psychologist and that test I had. Phillipa
What test did you have?
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 23:53:52
In reply to Re: head flopping?! » muffled, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 23:06:29
And tell us you are on the way to the hospital and that you safely made it through the night. I'll be praying for you.
MB
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.