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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on October 6, 2007, at 12:09:40
I hope it lasts. Finally the prozac is at it's full working stage and I think it is helping a lot, I have more energy and don't feel depressed. WOW! Big relief, I didn't even think I was that bad, but I guess I forgot what it feels like to feel good. I never wanted to be on drugs because somehow I thought it would show I was weaker mentally. But I think not being on drugs when you need them is a bigger sign of weakness. I hope it isn't forever, but if it is, it is still better than feeling depressed. Depression takes so much away from you.
I think I am processing all that happened with my old T, it really helps to be able to discuss this with someone. I think the reason my old T wasn't comfortable with me crying or feeling down because he wasn't being objective. His feelings for me got in the way of him being at a objective distance emotionally. I guess I can see this in hindsite.
My old T did want to know when my concert was, so I did call and left a message. I said I didn't know if he was still interested or not. I told him I am dedicating my solo to me privately and would love it if he came, but it was okay if he didn't.
Things are really looking up for me. I am just not used to good stuff happening to me. One of the professors asked me this week to be on his research team! It is on a subject I am interested in too. He said I will be able to present at the APA conventions plus get published first author! Which is huge for an undergrade. So I am excited about that.
Then I got my essay back in my writing class and got almost 100%. The prof. said that she never gives perfect soores, but I got the highest in 3 of her classes. She even asked if she could keep my paper! I was so surpried and flattered.I still have a ways to go to be operating at 100% or at least 90%, but finally I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think my new T is really helping me and the good stuff I am doing feels good because I am getting positive reinforcement for it. It is rewarding to achieve stuff when you put so much effort into things. I am really feeling happy lately.
I am getting closer to my new real life friends too. Having friends help so much, sometimes better than therapy.
Posted by happyflower on October 6, 2007, at 19:53:19
In reply to Feeling better I think, posted by happyflower on October 6, 2007, at 12:09:40
Posted by LadyBug on October 6, 2007, at 23:34:05
In reply to Feeling better I think, posted by happyflower on October 6, 2007, at 12:09:40
Happyflower, I'm so happy that you can see the light! And that the Prozac is kicking in for you. I too thought I'd never takes meds for anything psychological!!! I had enough of that stuff dealing with my Bipolar Mom. She takes enough meds for 3 people and it always scared me. But once I found myself in the depths of hell with anxiety and depression, I was never to glad to have the help form the meds. I've tried a few different times to stop taking my antidepressant, but both times I fell hard and I don't want to go there. I've accepted that I may have to take them the rest of my life and that's ok. I'm a better person for it. And I make a better mom.
I think it's cool that you are dedicating your solo to you former T. He should be flattered! I would think it was cool if he came to it. He should, you shared a lot with him.
And congratulations on your school achievements! This is so amazing! It keeps us looking forward when we have some good things to look to.
You're awesome and you keep feeling good. I know you have a good T and he's helped you a lot in a short time. I know you can continue to do well with him.
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by happyflower on October 7, 2007, at 8:18:25
In reply to Re: Feeling better I think » happyflower, posted by LadyBug on October 6, 2007, at 23:34:05
Thanks Ladybug,
It feels weird to feel good you know? Feels foreign to me, I don't have to fake it, I really do feel good. Weird, weird, weird!
I hope my old T sees it as a postive thing. He really did help me a lot and I am grateful for that even though things got rough at the end. I was thinking that my last session, I might have seems angry(it was after that very draining EMDR session the day before). I told him that I would never forget him and then he said something to the effect, well I hope it isn't because of the bad stuff. I think he took it kinda hard when I said I never thought I would have to EMDR because of him. I think it finally sunk in at that point how hurt I really was.
But I am finally seeing beyond that hurt now. I have been talking about that relationship with my new T now, and it feels like things are settling for me about it. I still care very much for my old T and I miss talking to him, seeing him at the gym. I miss him because our relationship really meant something to me.
But looking at things in hind site I can see what happened and why and it makes me feel better. I wasn't the only one feeling the connection, he was too, and it make him struggle to be objective with me. I think he really tried too. So I guess sh*t happens sometimes. I guess I am surprised as much as I was hurt, I can still see him in a very postive light. This is new to me, I guess I learned something from this, and not take it all negatively because I felt hurt. I wish things could have been different, but I accept what things are now. I will be okay.
Sorry for rambling on, I get like this before therapy tomorrow. lol Thanks for your support Ladybug.
This is the end of the thread.
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