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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 1, 2007, at 9:53:54
I think too much about therapy. I worry about what he'll think. I worry what I'll talk about in my next session. I worry about developing feelings for him that extend beyond the T-client relationship (note- I do not to imply romantic feelings. good god. life is complicated enough)
I don't know how to keep therapy under control. keep it encapsulated and only talk about safe stuff. I dunno how to allow myself to live a life that is not inflitrated by the therapy relationship.
therapy takes up too much space in my brainy mind
-Ll
Posted by JoniS on September 1, 2007, at 11:13:18
In reply to therapy takes up too much room in my mind, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 1, 2007, at 9:53:54
Posted by Deus_Abscondis on September 1, 2007, at 12:35:52
In reply to therapy takes up too much room in my mind, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 1, 2007, at 9:53:54
Expand your mind! Make more room!
Seriously, I know what you're on about. Therapeutic self focus is one thing but ruminating is not a good thing.
I recommend you try meditating (if you aren't already) It is best you find a teacher. It doesn't really matter what 'brand' - Transcendental, Buddhist etc it's all pretty much about the same thing. You can learn quickly but practice every day.
Secondly, schedule time to think but when you have other things to do use your mindfulness of thought and action learned in meditation to those things with concentration.
Thirdly, find someone with a problem and think about their problem with them or join in the solution.
Fourthly, and if you do the above this might not be necessary. Challenge the validity of an idea or
worry that pops into your brain - are there alternative ways of interpreting the situation - of course there are. Choose one, quickly doesn't matter too much and decide on it. Now you've made a choice - doesn't matter if it's a great choice - you've decided - put it in the drawer. You will get it out when the time comes now move onto the next matter. Get your idea out of the drawer at the appropriate time and compare the situation with your choice of idea. Got it wrong - bad luck, it was only an idea. Next.Fifthly, do something every day that requires manual dexterity or athletic skill or preferably both.
Cheers
D
Posted by DAisym on September 1, 2007, at 13:26:25
In reply to therapy takes up too much room in my mind, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 1, 2007, at 9:53:54
I've talked about this off and on with my therapist. His reply is usually, "it is about time." He thinks that allowing yourself to be fully in this experience means that there are times when it is "the" most important thing - you need your therapy time and space because you are making room for yourself. Other times it eases back and you don't have as much time or mind space for it all. It ebbs and flows.
It is hard for me not to worry and guard against all the potential things you mentioned. But as much as I guarded, they happened anyway. So learning to spend less energy being guarded and more being present was a process. I'm better at it now...sometimes.
And I'll throw this out too. This sounds a little like a defense against going deeper - a red herring, if you will. Is therapy really taking up too much time and space - or is it getting scary so you (unconsciously) are starting to look for reasons to back off? Just a thought.
Posted by RealMe on September 1, 2007, at 22:33:34
In reply to therapy takes up too much room in my mind, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 1, 2007, at 9:53:54
I know exactly what you mean, and I struggle with it all the time. Trying to control therapy, though, is no good.
Friday, I started to talk about some stuff after spending half the session on work and politics. I started to talk about something and started to dissociate, and he was then asking questions to help me understand what I was really wanting back as a child. I never had a father and wanted a father who loved me and cared about me. Okay, so this led to other thoughts after I left, and I could not stop crying last night. Thoughts of how lonely and unhappy I was when I was growing up.
Point is my therapist said that I was going to feel worse for awhile and that stuff would bleed out of the sessions into my life outside of therapy, but over time I would be able to keep things contained within the sessions and go on with my life. I know this is true, as it is what happened when I was in therapy at Menninger's. Over time stuff (I am trying to be general) did not bleed out anymore. Maybe that is why I didn't want to delve into the other stuff when I was a postdoc.
What I am finding out is that no time is a good time. It just needs to be done or the alternative is to be depressed, anxious, and unhappy. Keeping it safe, well what is the point of therapy then. On the otherhand, I find I can barely deal with the rest of the day; can't do reports; can't do much of anything. Doing a people to people thing is better. Then I can distract. HUM!
It's very complicated.
RealMe
(Oz)
Posted by RealMe on September 1, 2007, at 23:12:07
In reply to therapy takes up too much room in my mind, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 1, 2007, at 9:53:54
Upon reflection, one can only do what one is ready to do; ignore most of my last post. I don't always take my own advice; therapy is hard, and sometime I get down on myself that I am wasting time talking about work or politics or nature (which I am really into), and animals in nature especially wolves.
I am really into wolves and am so distressed at the slaughter in Alaska. I want to go shoot the *ssholes who are kiling for sport. They just don't get it, and I vent about this in therapy as well as about my cats, both sick. My boy Sigi's kidneys are failing as a result of the damn wheat gluten from China. We have to give him treatments three times per week puting the water solution in him under the skin, 1.5 whatever. And his littermate, Freyja, we have to give her insulin shot twice per day and have no one who can care for them at home should we go away on vacation, and now my vet is no longer going to do boarding. I am freaking out about this too as I am going to my class reunion this month, and it means staying overnight. The cats are suppposed to eat different food too. How can I leave them for 36 hours?? Sh*t. This is not why I went to therapy, but I talk about it as it upsets me.
RealMe
(OzLand)
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 2, 2007, at 15:50:17
In reply to Re: therapy takes up too much room in my mind, posted by Deus_Abscondis on September 1, 2007, at 12:35:52
meditating IS a good way of expanding my sphere of consciousness.
I've had some adverse events to report from meditation in the past, but perhaps it's time to try again. Insight meditation for me. Vipassana all the way.
I wonder, though, if Therapy would just creep back in. maybe your later suggestions were a way of avoiding the vacuum that would occur in my ever expanding consciouness, though.
thanks,
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 2, 2007, at 15:53:52
In reply to Re: therapy takes up too much room in my mind » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by DAisym on September 1, 2007, at 13:26:25
>So learning to spend less energy being guarded and more being present was a process. I'm better at it now...sometimes.
It's so hard because I've always guarded my feelings, and especially around men. I can hardly let myself go, emotionwise, and end up zoning out while I recite things that would normally be associated with emotions that make me feel vulnerable (sad, angry, hurt, anxious)
>
> And I'll throw this out too. This sounds a little like a defense against going deeper - a red herring, if you will. Is therapy really taking up too much time and space - or is it getting scary so you (unconsciously) are starting to look for reasons to back off? Just a thought.yep scary. that's not a red herring at all. That's exactly what I think this is all about.
SO scary
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 2, 2007, at 16:00:43
In reply to Re: obsessing on therapy-me too » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by RealMe on September 1, 2007, at 22:33:34
> I know exactly what you mean, and I struggle with it all the time. Trying to control therapy, though, is no good.
>
I know. and trying to control myself is LIKE trying to control therapy, in that therapy is guided by myself. My T lets me go where I want to. Even when I was suicidal he didn't press me about how much, or how severe.> Friday, I started to talk about some stuff after spending half the session on work and politics. I started to talk about something and started to dissociate, and he was then asking questions to help me understand what I was really wanting back as a child. I never had a father and wanted a father who loved me and cared about me. Okay, so this led to other thoughts after I left, and I could not stop crying last night. Thoughts of how lonely and unhappy I was when I was growing up.
>
that sounds really tough. I don't think I could ever handle questions like that. I'd probably laugh nervously and walk out of the room.
> Point is my therapist said that I was going to feel worse for awhile and that stuff would bleed out of the sessions into my life outside of therapy, but over time I would be able to keep things contained within the sessions and go on with my life. I know this is true, as it is what happened when I was in therapy at Menninger's. Over time stuff (I am trying to be general) did not bleed out anymore. Maybe that is why I didn't want to delve into the other stuff when I was a postdoc.I got through a lot of hard stuff with my last T. Now life is not quite so triggering, and things seem more mellow. But I wish that I had more of a context to place my therapy. I keep on trying to fit it somewhere. Where I'm going - can't contemplate that. Where I'm from (can't talk about THAT because it's too nasty) I wonder and worry if quieT thinks that what happened to Llurpsie constitutes abuse. LasT was very clear on this and used the Ab-word a LOT, until it no longer caused me to pause at her and stare at the corner of the floor.
>
> What I am finding out is that no time is a good time. It just needs to be done or the alternative is to be depressed, anxious, and unhappy. Keeping it safe, well what is the point of therapy then.I guess I agree with you, but the scared part of me finds revealing vulnerabilities abhorrent.
It IS all very complicated.
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 2, 2007, at 16:02:55
In reply to Re: obsessing on therapy-me too » RealMe, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 2, 2007, at 16:00:43
The past 4 nights T has been in my dream every night. Kind of like a presence, and I do my thing and live my life, and when I turn around and look over my shoulder there is quieT smiling at me, approving, looking amused, or just plain grinning. He doesn't talk to me, just looks at me and smiles. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 3, 2007, at 20:47:04
In reply to But You're Worth It :-) (nm) » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by JoniS on September 1, 2007, at 11:13:18
I was in the airport this evening. Something about
Ai 655555555555t55gttttttttr
Haha that was my cat
...being in the airport always gives me a lot of psychological discomfort. It's almost like I have a little split of consciousness5tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt[=]gpoi
between the person I am at arrival and the person I am at departure. I ended up journalling on both legs of the trip and there is a lot of fear and anxiety. I wrote a letter to my T that I will *attempt* to read to him tomorrow. It will be the first time I have ever brought in anything to him. I was writing it and dissociating big time, but kept pen to paper and didn't look up until I got out a little more sh*t on paper.
Will I be able to talk about this sh*t? A big part of me wonders whether he believes in my story. He doesn't use the same words as my old T. Using different labels makes it seem like I'm not telling the same story. Like I'm false somehow.
I don't know. what a mess.
time for little pills.
-Ll
Posted by RealMe on September 3, 2007, at 21:59:46
In reply to reef ahead!@@(#$+, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 3, 2007, at 20:47:04
I would say go ahead and take it; it doesn't mean you have to talk about it now. It helps him know you a little better. I have done this, and so far have not talked about all the stuff I wrote a couple of times and gave to him. He has a picture of me as a child that I scaned on the computer too, and one from a couple of years before I got married. I didn't mean for him to keep them, but he did. Just on printer paper, but still.
RealMe
(OzLand)
Posted by llurPsieNoOdle on September 4, 2007, at 20:03:08
In reply to Re: reef ahead!@@(#$+ » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by RealMe on September 3, 2007, at 21:59:46
It's because I'm poultry. I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. we discussed parts of it, but not the stuff that scares me the most. establishing safety before delving into the scary scary stuff. I had another episode of listen-to-me-recite-trauma-with-detached-amusement-in-my-voice
And I shrug off and chuckle at the notion that there's anything deeper there.
who? me? shallow as a salt sea in summertime.
-Ll
Posted by RealMe on September 4, 2007, at 20:31:34
In reply to yeah, so I chickened » RealMe, posted by llurPsieNoOdle on September 4, 2007, at 20:03:08
Well I am thinking of chickening out tomorrow, and so I can't say anything. I just am not up for going into details and accessing emotions from at the time--too draining. So much easier to just talk without emotion, I agree--and then there was this, and then this happened, and then....I am not convinced that accessing the emotions from years ago helps. Oh who am I kidding. I know better than to say something like that. I need a vacation.
RealMe
(OzLand)
This is the end of the thread.
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