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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 11:08:51
So my T is a pastoral T. RCC.
She seems willing to take me on.
But I dunno WHY?
And I said I'd go back.
But I am freaking out.
I sent this fax to T. Its all true. I don't think I am trying to scare her away, but I re read it and it sorta seems like I AM trying to scare her. Its like mebbe its a test.
Do you guys do this? Or is it just idiot me?
I wish I knew how I was comming across...
What would YOU think if you were my T and reading this?
Here's the fax, theres some *religious triggers* in it:T,
You prefer fax or e-mail? E-mail is much easier for me.
I need to know boundaries re: phone, fax, e-mail etc. I need to know boundaries in a general sense.I am OK w/maintaining my end, but boundaries protect the T also. ARE you protected? I need this to be clear, so I can know I not pissing you off(or hope I'm not), and so I can know you are protected. I don't want to be a a source of stress.
Re cell vs office phone. Better to lv message at office? Cell only if want to be sure you get message asap? I dunno how you view this what with working 2x/wk only? Any other rules I should know?
Too many e-mails?
Give me a number.
Too long e-mails, give me a number.
Are you prepared for me to be utter idiot? Are you under the notion that I not as crazy as I think I am? Cuz when I get scared I am idiot. BIG BIG idiot.
Maybe you not in the right place/time in your life. Mebbe you should send this client packing. You got enuf on your plate.( sorry just WAY easier to write enuf compareds to enough...the internet has destroyed my english...)
I DUNNO if I want to do nothing bout my 'stuff'.
I know I feel pretty damn bad at times. When I feel real bad I'd seriously off myself, but I won't cuz of my kids. Instead I just think bout drinking....too much. It is unacceptable.
I HATE meds with a passion. I'm not taking zoloft right now, I only lasted about a week on it.
I GOTO do better'n I am, cuz I guess I not doing so good.
Ah sh*ts. Suppose I just scared.
Y'know its REALLY hard when I got more than one opinion on any given thing in my head :-(
WHAT is your opinion at this time of people w/'people'? You STILL think they should go away???????????????I don't think its within my rights to MAKE anybody go away. If they just get along and can chill out and be OK, then thats good enuf. I DO NOT beleive this integration SH*T you said one time. I just want everyone content and then things should be quieter. They'll 'go away' on their own.
ARE we on the same page on this?
Never ever show fear. I was thinking bout that last night. Bout how many times thats saved my bacon. Bout how I react like an animal to anothers fear despite myself...
Do you want me to go away now?
See, just a sampling of my stupididnessess.
Am I annoying you yet?
***Triggers next***
See STILL don't really trust too much. And its not just you, its humanity. Its the world. Dunno why there's the part I got that hates God, but it hates God cuz it figgers God didn't protect it. But there's part that loves and trusts God, just so. So I guess its proly the hateGod part that don't trust too much, cuz God let us down, guess we thot he'd protect us and He didn't. Rat. adult understands that we got free will, even evil has free will to hurt us. But kid was betrayed I guess, cuz somehow I think she thot God would protect her...So we trust nothing. Its of some consolation to me, I read in that article, "These core beleifs are often relatively nonresponsive to superficial verbal reassurance or the expressed alternate views of others later in life...", so I don't feel quite so bad bout not taking stuff in....
AND FYI I was NOT abused or nothing. Mebbe my old lady neglected me some is all. But some of that stuff written in that article makes some sense for the oversensitive kid I was. I just turned proly everyday stuff into badness or something, cuz I was oversensitive.
Oh MAN, part that hates God is SO F*CKING PISSED.
See, that why I don't wanto look at stuff.
This SUCKS.
See, convoluted thots, confusion.
You sick of me yet? It piss you off that I don't trust you? Does it bug you that I got a part that just wants to tell God to go f*ck Himself?
Mebbe you best run while you can.
I'm not running, so there.
Sok, if you got misgivings...then just go, s'ok.
Muffled
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 30, 2007, at 17:58:31
In reply to OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers*, posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 11:08:51
Muffled,
you've given her PLENTY of opportunities to refer you elsewhere for treatment. You've considered her feelings and the possibility of countertransference. You've considered whether she's competent to deal with your case.I think you covered your bases really well. Now you are in the icky spot of WAITING to see if she will take your bait. You have been waiting for some time now, and she's not biting. What next?
I think that maybe it's time to take a step back, reestablish the T-Muff relationship. I *know* you're not doing really hot right now. I'm so worried about you. I wonder if zoloft will help you like it helped me. It REALLY helped me. I didn't even get manic or anything (I think pdoc was holding his breath or something)
You can ALWAYS deal with the trauma stuff. Now, later, whenever. If it's in the back of your throat like acid vomit, it's probably time to let it out. Other times it's safer to focus on more superficial stresses. Like the transition from summer to school year. That's a transient thing, but it's real. It's okay to say "I'm human, I can only deal with so much on my own". Sometimes just being a mom or a wife or a person is already ENOUGH. It's okay to wait until a more secure moment to bring out the bad stuff and hang it out on the line.
now I talk about myself. Nah, I'll start my own post below.
Well, muff, take care, and your ambivalence is NOT pathological. it's very very normal, and definitely expected. Upheaval can be overwhelming though, and I want you to take the best care of yourself that you possibly can.
hugs,
-Lluptienoodle
Posted by arora on August 30, 2007, at 18:06:33
In reply to OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers*, posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 11:08:51
Muffled-
I think that was brave and honest of you to send that to your T; all those questions about boundaries are perfectly reasonable- once you know where she stands on these issues than maybe you will feel safer with her because you'll know what the guidelines are... it's certainly not stupid to want to know this.I understand all that stuff about hating god- he was always judging and condemning my inner kid, and she's still plenty p*ssed off about it, too!
arora
Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 18:44:55
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion trigg » muffled, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 30, 2007, at 17:58:31
was I bad????????????? :-(
SH*T
M
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 30, 2007, at 18:54:49
In reply to WHY IS MY POST GONE????, posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 18:44:55
... .... .... .... .... ....
see, your post left tracks...
... ...... .. .. .... ....
POST!!!! come back to dear muffled!... ... ..... ...
muffled, I had a dream with you in it. Your real name was muffled. You were heroic....... ..... .. ..
not a joke, really, you were in my dream
-Ll
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 30, 2007, at 19:03:14
In reply to OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers*, posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 11:08:51
Your post is there now, Muffly. It just took a pause.
I'm so glad you sent this to your T. I don't expect she'll run away. I think she's going to be there for you. Your writing is clear and articulate, even when you feel confused.
And I'm right there with you on the religion stuff. I'll be interested in hearing how your T responds. When do you see her again?
By the way, I second what Llurpsie wrote -- it was beautiful and true and wise. So listen to her, okay?
Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 19:04:44
In reply to Re: WHY IS MY POST GONE???? » muffled, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 30, 2007, at 18:54:49
> ... .... .... .... .... ....
>
> see, your post left tracks...
>
> ... ...... .. .. .... ....
>
>
> POST!!!! come back to dear muffled!
>
> ... ... ..... ...
>
>
> muffled, I had a dream with you in it. Your real name was muffled. You were heroic...
>
> .... ..... .. ..
>
> not a joke, really, you were in my dream
>
> -LlTRACKS!!!and it led to my post. It has returned.
Phew, kinda freaked me for abit.
I was in your dream?!?! How cool is that!
So longs I wasn't bad.
So now you GOTO tell me!!!
Sorry if I have somehow triggered you in a bad way :-(
You don't need to reply to my posts or read them if its troublesome to you.
I know you care.
((LL))
Thanks for the smile.
:-)
Muffled
Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 19:12:13
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers* » muffled, posted by TherapyGirl on August 30, 2007, at 19:03:14
> Your post is there now, Muffly. It just took a pause.
*Ya weird eh?
>
> I'm so glad you sent this to your T. I don't expect she'll run away. I think she's going to be there for you. Your writing is clear and articulate, even when you feel confused.*think so? wow? I feel like I am all over the map. Guess thats why I like writing, helps me to be clear.
My T E-MAILED me! HA!!!! Written word for me to see! That was SO cool.
Ya I wrote in my journal that TG gonna be happy I see T! LOL!
Hope it works out, I dunno. I may drive her away yet. But I goto be SURE she safe and I safe and I dunno.
>
> And I'm right there with you on the religion stuff. I'll be interested in hearing how your T responds. When do you see her again?**Awww, my T says THE most wonderful Godstuff, its one of the best things bout her.
>
> By the way, I second what Llurpsie wrote -- it was beautiful and true and wise. So listen to her, okay?**Ya...its just never seems the right time...I always afraid...
Sorry you so busy.
Sorry you still not connecting to T :-(
Thanks,
Muffled
Posted by JoniS on August 30, 2007, at 20:03:08
In reply to OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers*, posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 11:08:51
Muffled,
I agree with Ll and TG. You did a good thing by faxing to your T and the God stuff is OK. Don't ya think she's heard all that before? Silly :-)
My T is a Pastoral T too. He was a pastor for about 20 yrs then went back to school for his PhD to be a counselor. He is very very good. God has not come into the counseling sessions at all unless I wanted to talk about it, and if I wanted to hate God or blame God T didn't try to talk me out of it. I respect him a lot. His religion does not get in the way at all, yet he is Bible knowledgeable so if I need to talk about God, T knows his stuff.
Muffled - take care of yourself and trust, trust, trust your T you'll be glad you did!
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 30, 2007, at 20:52:53
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers* » muffled, posted by JoniS on August 30, 2007, at 20:03:08
I, too, have a PCT. She also never brings up the religion stuff unless I do. I have tried, over the years, to find some kind of spirituality that doesn't freak me out. I have mostly failed. But she is willing to tackle it whenever I am.
Unfortunately for me, I'd rather talk about my sex life than my spiritual life. Sigh...
Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 21:30:30
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers* » muffled, posted by JoniS on August 30, 2007, at 20:03:08
> Muffled,
>
> I agree with Ll and TG. You did a good thing by faxing to your T and the God stuff is OK. Don't ya think she's heard all that before? Silly :-)**I hope T isn't getting annoyed...
She SEEMS to have the patience of a *saint*...LOL!
Ya, I been thru this B4 w/her in a roundabout way, she is very secure and quite unflappable pretty much. When she reads my stuff, she even reads the cusses!!! Which delights my Toughie no end! Guess its a bonding thing :-)
Silly willy billy!!!!ROFL!!!
You babblermeisters keep makin me LAUGH!!!
Love it.
I love laughter
:-)
>
> My T is a Pastoral T too. He was a pastor for about 20 yrs then went back to school for his PhD to be a counselor. He is very very good. God has not come into the counseling sessions at all unless I wanted to talk about it, and if I wanted to hate God or blame God T didn't try to talk me out of it. I respect him a lot. His religion does not get in the way at all, yet he is Bible knowledgeable so if I need to talk about God, T knows his stuff.*ya my T only brings up religion cuz I want her to, its bout the only dose of religion I get, and its important to me. Calms me alot. Part of me anyhow.
>
> Muffled - take care of yourself and trust, trust, trust your T you'll be glad you did!
>
LOL! That last line sounds like it oughtta be a song or jingle or something!!!!
But ya, my T is pretty all right I guess. I seem to vaccillate btwn being thrilled/releived to be going back to see her and being terrified and full of doubt...
She's only human after all. Guess I like that bout her too. I don't goto be perfect cuz she's not either. HA!
Thanks, you take care.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 21:51:59
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion trigg » muffled, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 30, 2007, at 17:58:31
> Muffled,
> you've given her PLENTY of opportunities to refer you elsewhere for treatment. You've considered her feelings and the possibility of countertransference. You've considered whether she's competent to deal with your case.**I wonder if I'll EVER be SURE?
>
> I think you covered your bases really well. Now you are in the icky spot of WAITING to see if she will take your bait. You have been waiting for some time now, and she's not biting. What next?**Sigh, good analogy....she just keeps staying the same my T...I don't honestly understand it? Why DOESN'T she run????
>
> I think that maybe it's time to take a step back, reestablish the T-Muff relationship. I *know* you're not doing really hot right now. I'm so worried about you. I wonder if zoloft will help you like it helped me. It REALLY helped me. I didn't even get manic or anything (I think pdoc was holding his breath or something)**Its weird, but the relationship never went away really....it used to be SO gone after I left, after bout 24 hrs, but now it lingers, its SO cool that way now...
I am SO med non compliant....I only lasted a week. I spose ...ah hell I dunno. I'm just some sort of masochistic idiot or something, I dunno WHY I won't take the meds, guess I just hate the way they make me feel. I am tired alot at best, and meds make it worse...I just can't stand it..
>
> You can ALWAYS deal with the trauma stuff. Now, later, whenever. If it's in the back of your throat like acid vomit, it's probably time to let it out. Other times it's safer to focus on more superficial stresses. Like the transition from summer to school year. That's a transient thing, but it's real. It's okay to say "I'm human, I can only deal with so much on my own". Sometimes just being a mom or a wife or a person is already ENOUGH. It's okay to wait until a more secure moment to bring out the bad stuff and hang it out on the line.**Part of my prob is I DON'T have memories, zip, zero, nada. Got nothing to hang on the line but disembodied emotions and triggers that make no sense. I think my best bet is to just try and access my (non-verbal) little one and relay what she FEELS, and try and understand, and try to find a way to communicate with her, cuz I have been unable to do so.She seems to be the one with the most probs as far as I can tell....
>
> now I talk about myself. Nah, I'll start my own post below.
>
**OK> Well, muff, take care, and your ambivalence is NOT pathological. it's very very normal, and definitely expected. Upheaval can be overwhelming though, and I want you to take the best care of yourself that you possibly can.
**Thx for that.
I guess I'll do my best. I just goto keep in mind that I got a family that needs me....
AND, I proly damaged my kids, but I am the one that knows their history, so I need to be here to help them with any residual dyfunctions that show up as a result.
:-(
:-(
:-(
:-(
> hugs,
> -LluptienoodleThx.
M
Posted by RealMe on August 30, 2007, at 21:53:08
In reply to OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers*, posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 11:08:51
It's the whole trust and don't want to be rejected thing that most of us have. I understand full well. My last T was okay with emails for a time and then said he would only answer emails re questions about appts. or meds. He said I should call his cell if I have an emergency; otherwise leave message on the office phone. No extra charge. Then all of a sudden right at the end before I got rid of him, he said he charged me for my emails, my journaling I gave him, and for the phone messages (2) that last about 30 seconds. He freaked me out. That was one of the final straws for me. So of course I asked my new therapist about all this, and he said he doesn't charge unless the email or phone call is really long. So far I have not called him for any reason, and my emails are typically not more than half a page. So no charge so far. I have not emailed him at all this week except on Sunday when I told him I needed a new script for Parnate.
So, of course you are wanting to know just where you stand and what are the boundaries. These are good questions. And, unfortunately you sound like I did on Tuesday when I told my T he was not obligated to contine to see me. I know I am not easy to work with, but then probably none of us are, and at least we are a challenge to our therapists! No one can say we are boring!!!
RealMe
(OzLand)
Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 21:54:52
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers*, posted by arora on August 30, 2007, at 18:06:33
> Muffled-
> I think that was brave and honest of you to send that to your T; all those questions about boundaries are perfectly reasonable- once you know where she stands on these issues than maybe you will feel safer with her because you'll know what the guidelines are... it's certainly not stupid to want to know this.**Hmmmm, brave eh? LOL, my T called me CHICKEN LOL!!!!! Tee hee, she is SO funny sometimes!
>
> I understand all that stuff about hating god- he was always judging and condemning my inner kid, and she's still plenty p*ssed off about it, too!**Yeah....that stuff sucks. Adult me understands sorta bout stuff...but...I dunno. Its hard.
Hope you can work it out.
Thanks for your reply and support :-)
M
Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 21:59:51
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers* » muffled, posted by RealMe on August 30, 2007, at 21:53:08
> It's the whole trust and don't want to be rejected thing that most of us have. That was one of the final straws for me. So of course I asked my new therapist about all this, and he said he doesn't charge unless the email or phone call is really long.
**Oz sorry you had such a terrible experience, that whole thing was just WRONG :-(
Glad new T is OK so far. Ya, its good to keep things clear and up front.
> So, of course you are wanting to know just where you stand and what are the boundaries. These are good questions. And, unfortunately you sound like I did on Tuesday when I told my T he was not obligated to contine to see me. I know I am not easy to work with, but then probably none of us are, and at least we are a challenge to our therapists! No one can say we are boring!!!**OMG YOU GUYS!!!
Everyboddy is makin me smile!!!!
Nope we not boring I reckon!!! Guess thats a good thing to think of!
Thx Oz.
M
Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 22:04:27
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? ))Joni + Muffly, posted by TherapyGirl on August 30, 2007, at 20:52:53
> I, too, have a PCT. She also never brings up the religion stuff unless I do. I have tried, over the years, to find some kind of spirituality that doesn't freak me out. I have mostly failed. But she is willing to tackle it whenever I am.
**Oh heck TG, I hope you can find something to hold onto...
>
> Unfortunately for me, I'd rather talk about my sex life than my spiritual life. Sigh...**well you braver than me then...
Guess I am very fortunate, one of my inside kids has a rock solid faith that a God exists. Just is. Part of my makeup. Like the sky is blue. There is a God. And I dunno, but I expect mebbe she has met Him at some point. She is SO sure bout it. Its weird. But I am thankful for it, cuz w/o her, I would have no faith at all either I don't think.
This is why i like pastoral T, cuz my kid likes it I think.
Take care,
M
Posted by JoniS on August 31, 2007, at 7:32:49
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? ))Joni + Muffly, posted by TherapyGirl on August 30, 2007, at 20:52:53
"...Unfortunately for me, I'd rather talk about my sex life than my spiritual life. Sigh..."
TG - according to my T, when you talk about your sex life you ARE talking about your spirituality! :-) ... so no need to feel bad about that! LOL
Actually I like to talk more about my sex life than my spiritual life too. My T is trying to show me how the two are related and how our spirituality is part of us and in everything we do. Don't know if that makes sense, it's a fairly new way of thinking for me. I guess I've always compartmentalized these things.
take care!
Posted by JoniS on August 31, 2007, at 7:45:50
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? ))Joni + Muffly » TherapyGirl, posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 22:04:27
Muffled:
"...Guess I am very fortunate, one of my inside kids has a rock solid faith that a God exists. Just is. Part of my makeup. Like the sky is blue. There is a God. And I dunno, but I expect mebbe she has met Him at some point. She is SO sure bout it. Its weird. But I am thankful for it, cuz w/o her, I would have no faith at all either I don't think.
This is why i like pastoral T, cuz my kid likes it I think..."Yea, I have a rock solid faith there is a God too, but my whole foundation ...the nature and character of God as I understood Him was shattered a few years ago. Now I'm trying to get back, I guess, to trusting and loving God. My T sees that as parallel to my relationship with H.
Whatever!...
BTW -Think I should make a career of writing jingles? .... trust, trust, ...blah blah blah ...I am often seen by my family as such a cornball! I agree with them.
... could be a catchy tune ;o)
Posted by muffled on August 31, 2007, at 8:57:47
In reply to OK Guys, . ))Joni + Muffly **religion triggers** » muffled, posted by JoniS on August 31, 2007, at 7:45:50
> Yea, I have a rock solid faith there is a God too, but my whole foundation ...the nature and character of God as I understood Him was shattered a few years ago. Now I'm trying to get back, I guess, to trusting and loving God. My T sees that as parallel to my relationship with H.
*Sorry that happened JoniS :-(
But I am glad you got a good T :-)
Sex and faith the same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!! You gonna have to expand on that one!:-o> BTW -Think I should make a career of writing jingles? .... trust, trust, ...blah blah blah ...I am often seen by my family as such a cornball! I agree with them.
*You would fit into our family, we love the cornball stuff!
I love laughter.
I'd be dead w/o it.
So T stuff going good for you then?
Your T sounds interesting!
Take good care,
Muffled
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 31, 2007, at 20:25:35
In reply to Re: OK Guys, can you help me here? ))Joni + Muffly » TherapyGirl, posted by JoniS on August 31, 2007, at 7:32:49
That is hilarious, Joni. My T has never made the connection between sex and spirituality. I guess I see where your T is going, but good LORD. Good for you for sticking with it...
This is the end of the thread.
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