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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2007, at 21:34:19
Hi All,
Can I just share with you all?
I saw my T on Thursday this week. It was a good visit, except she left yesterday morning and I won't see her again until next week. I asked her who I was going to bug this week since she won't be available. She said, you can call me, I won't be that far away. Oh right, just on the other side of United States?????? She's going to go visit a friend of hers that just had a baby and the husband is leaving her because he didn't want a baby or a child in his life. I wish she'd come and stay at my house for the rest of the week.Some of you know I've been living in a terrible marriage and been trying to figure a way out for several months now. I have an average job, one that would seem impossible to make it on my own and take care of my youngest daughter anyway. I've looked almost everywhere that I'd even consider moving to.
Last week we had an issue come up with my aging parents and the Dr. told my brother that my parents can no longer be alone and that we need someone with them 24/7. I was hoping all along that my parents would help me out with some needs until I can start over and be on my own. Yes, as in money, kind of help. I was afraid to ask but knew if I did they'd do all they could.
In talking to my sister she said they were moving my parents into an assisted living place and we'd be getting their house ready to sell this summer. I was crushed, my hopes of having help were gone. My parents live about 90 min. away from me.
To make a long story short, my 4 other siblings talked and agreed that I have been through so much sh*t the last several years in my marriage that I need their help. They have all agreed to have me move into our parents home and pay nothing except in the near future pay the utilities!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I told my T I had some news for her but I wanted to tell her face to face. When I told her this on Thursday and all the other stuff, she said, "I am so happy for you that it makes me want to cry. I'm going to weep, that is so great that your family is so willing to help you and sees just how much you are in need right now".
There's one more great thing. A few months ago, my parents both lost their driving privileges. They have a fairly new car that just got out of my brother's auto body shop from being repaired from my mom's last episode of backing into a pole. They told me to dive up this weekend with my car and they'd leave the keys in my parents car for me to have and drive home. No payments, no money!!!!!!!! A house for me and my daughter, a car, and NO PAYMENTS!!!!
There is a God, and he's known of my suffering. He's prepared this great blessing for me in my life.
I've been suffering for years in this marriage. My husband has done everything to me but kill me, he's never been physical with me, just verbal. I've been severely depressed, taken meds, had anxiety, been suicidal etc. I couldn't repair my self enough to get away from him.
My T has been by my side for over 10 years and has seen me go through some tough stuff!!! Through transference, I've wanted her as my MOM, and even a part of me wanted her to be a best friend. It's been painful. I've learned to understand transference, does it make it easier that I understand it? Yes, but it still hurts once in a while.She's out of town this week and then she is going to be gone a month. I will be quitting my job and moving while she's gone or shortly after she comes back. I'm scared of losing her, she tells me she'll work something out with me. She will meet me some evening after I get off work and can drive here.
Another thing, my brother told me, don't worry about finding a job, we'll keep our eyes open for you, we know a ton of people, and don't think you have to have a job the first thing when you get here, your job will be seeing that mom and dad can come to the house and sit on their patio and dad can work in his garden the rest of the summer, or take them out when they want to leave the place they will be living. The place they are going to is very nice. Get your things packed up, I'll bring some trailers down and my 5 boys and we'll have you moved out in an hour!!! And if your husband thinks he's tough and tries anything I kick the sh*t out of him!!!What a great opportunity to get a fresh start! I'm almost in shock. I'll miss the people I work with, they couldn't be better or more fun. I love the town I live in, I've lived here 23 years!!! There are a lot of things. I hope things go alright with my Therapist and I. I worry about that. I told her I'm more attached to her than she is to me, she knows that. But we can work it out.
Ok, sorry this is so long, I'm just trying to figure out now how to tell my husband. I'm afraid he'll be mean!!!!!!!!!!!! Not physically, but verbally. He can be so vicious and cruel. I wish my T wasn't leaving so she could help me figure out how to tell him.
Maybe some of you have been through this and can tell me what worked for you etc. That would be nice to know.
Can you just celebrate with me. My 23 year anniversary is next week. And this is how I will celebrate!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yippee!!!!
Thanks for being my internet friends. You've helped me become who I am today even though I remain silent a lot of the time.Love and Peace,
LadyBug:
The new person just beginning to know how to feel relief and joy. I don't need a freaking man in my life, I'm bitter. I won't carry that around for long, it's poison to my soul.
Thanks for reading!!!
Posted by annierose on June 22, 2007, at 22:26:45
In reply to WOW Things Can Change Fast..., posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2007, at 21:34:19
I am happy for you Ladybug. It seems like the perfect solution and it's nice to know that your siblings are looking after you too. It's comforting. I think you mentioned your parents live 90 minutes away from you ... that isn't too long to drive for therapy (well maybe with the price of gas). I hope you work something out with your therapist. I know you have been with her for a very long time.
Regarding telling your husband about moving. I wouldn't. Why tell if he is only going to get angry and yell at you? Over the new few weeks, start organizing you and your daughters belongings and wait for your brother to show up.
Are you worried that he'll cause trouble once you move?
I am so happy that you have this fresh start. Good Luck with the move and finding a new job.
Posted by twinleaf on June 22, 2007, at 23:13:13
In reply to WOW Things Can Change Fast..., posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2007, at 21:34:19
That's just amazing and thrilling, when so recently, there didn't seem to be any way to do it! You're going to have a solid new base for a new life. Siblings aren't always so generous or understanding, but your brother, and perhaps the others, too, really do seem to care and want the best for you- they'll probably be good sources of support. And you will clearly have your T- no matter what time of day! I'm so happy for you.
Posted by DAisym on June 22, 2007, at 23:41:20
In reply to WOW Things Can Change Fast..., posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2007, at 21:34:19
I'm really happy things are falling into place for you.
Moving is hard, telling your husband will be hard. It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I don't know your situation well enough to say when you should tell him. I told my husband 3 weeks before I moved and actually left a week earlier than planned. It was too hard to be there. Perhaps you can go away to your parents for a few days to help them get moved and never really return. Go back with your brother and get your stuff.
You will get through that hard part and it will be a bit of a roller coaster for a little while. But you sound so relieved and your family is supportive.
I'm happy for you.
Posted by fayeroe on June 23, 2007, at 8:42:57
In reply to Re: WOW Things Can Change Fast... » LadyBug, posted by DAisym on June 22, 2007, at 23:41:20
i wouldn't tell him........i'd do every little thing that i could and then at the very last minute, your brother and his sons will swoop in and get you.........xoxox
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2007, at 9:02:39
In reply to WOW Things Can Change Fast..., posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2007, at 21:34:19
That sounds so unbelievably wonderful. You have a lovely set of siblings there. And it sounds as if you'll be doing a kindness for your parents as well.
I know you can work out something with your therapist if you're both committed to it.
Posted by obsidian on June 23, 2007, at 12:07:20
In reply to WOW Things Can Change Fast..., posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2007, at 21:34:19
Good for you!
Enjoy all the changes :-)
I wish you strength through the transition
don't listen to the mean things your husband says
you exist without him and very well at that
-obsidian :-)
Posted by LadyBug on June 23, 2007, at 23:28:27
In reply to WOW Things Can Change Fast..., posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2007, at 21:34:19
I went to my parents house today to start going through things and taking things off the walls etc. Garage sale stuff, garbage and stuff family might want. It's overwhelming to me! They've lived in their home forever and they have everything they've ever owned. You know how older people are. Pack Rats. I sat in the basement with my daughter and cried. I couldn't believe I would want to actually move in there. Even my sister said no one would want to live there the way it looks right now. We are going to hire professional cleaners to come in and wash walls, carpet, paint etc. And if I decide I don't want it after that, I guess we'll sell it and I might could take my share of the money to buy something. OH, I'm depressed tonight. I don't want to move. I need to leave my marriage, there's no doubt there, but I like the town where I live.
I get to see my T on Tues. and Thurs. next week and then she's gone out of the country for a month. Wow, this is hard. I have mixed feelings right now. If I were rich and could buy all new furniture that'd be nice. But I'm not. Change is hard and I suffer from separation anxiety. Moving triggers that for me big time. A grown woman crying cause I don't want to move from my comfort zone...........and a divorce isn't the way I wanted my life to turn out. I'm sad. Maybe it will pass.........
LadyBug
Posted by muffled on June 24, 2007, at 14:34:57
In reply to Re: Thanks EVERYONE, posted by LadyBug on June 23, 2007, at 23:28:27
Posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2007, at 17:17:06
In reply to WOW Things Can Change Fast..., posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2007, at 21:34:19
That does a heart good to hear. I'm so happy for you. Thanks for sharing your good news with us.
gg
Posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2007, at 9:04:35
In reply to Re: WOW Things Can Change Fast... » LadyBug, posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2007, at 17:17:06
Posted by Honore on June 26, 2007, at 9:48:12
In reply to WOW Things Can Change Fast..., posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2007, at 21:34:19
What a wonderful change, Ladybug. It's almost incredible that things can seem so black one minute and then, in the blink of an eye, change into a hopeful future, with so much possibility. It's one of those times, when there is almost nothing to add-- to the story. It's such an act of generosity and also something you deserve and will use to make your life so much better..
I'm so happy for you.
Honore
Posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2007, at 17:20:46
In reply to Re: WOW Things Can Change Fast..., posted by Honore on June 26, 2007, at 9:48:12
Thanks Honore , even though is sounds so wonderful, I'm still afraid of lots of things. Therapy will never be the same as I've known it for the past 10 years. I won't see her as often and it's going to be hard just knowing I'm farther away from her.
I've been married for 23 years, it's been a rollercoaster ride from hell but the change is going to be HARD!!!!!!
LadyBug
This is the end of the thread.
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