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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dory on June 4, 2007, at 8:22:14
i went with the name change... because i miss my babbler family. i still am worried about the policies here. It makes me afraid because i know i can't post when in crisis and need to post more than at other times. Bob should understand that but he doesn't. When i did the re-registration i noticed the bits about calling it a "project" and how he can publish our messages. i am guessing that is why he has the rules he has. Sounds kinda selfish if you ask me.. but of course, no one *is* asking me.
so, i want to avoid direct connection to the old name for important reasons... you'll all have to guess but it won't be hard.
My T is back from vacation today (clue number one).
i picked the name Dory because Finding Nemo is my favourite pick-me-up movie. It makes me laugh.. and i am having word recall problems, forgetful. (clue number 2)
i'm engaged to kk on the agreement of narcotic exchange (3)
I LOVE YOU MUFFY (4)
need more?
Posted by muffled on June 4, 2007, at 10:54:11
In reply to i'm here...hesitantly, but here, posted by Dory on June 4, 2007, at 8:22:14
> i went with the name change... because i miss my babbler family. i still am worried about the policies here. It makes me afraid because i know i can't post when in crisis and need to post more than at other times. Bob should understand that but he doesn't. When i did the re-registration i noticed the bits about calling it a "project" and how he can publish our messages. i am guessing that is why he has the rules he has. Sounds kinda selfish if you ask me.. but of course, no one *is* asking me.
>
> so, i want to avoid direct connection to the old name for important reasons... you'll all have to guess but it won't be hard.
>
> My T is back from vacation today (clue number one).
>
> i picked the name Dory because Finding Nemo is my favourite pick-me-up movie. It makes me laugh.. and i am having word recall problems, forgetful. (clue number 2)
>
> i'm engaged to kk on the agreement of narcotic exchange (3)
>
> I LOVE YOU MUFFY (4)
>
> need more?
>**(((Dory)))Glad to see you back.
Yup, some major drawbacks to babble :-(
And if you try and fight it, you won't win.
Just butt your head against the wall and get a headache.
Sigh.
But the people here are so great.
Good people, real people.
So here I am too....
If I ever meet bob I gonna kick his *ss for you and me.
(so bob, should you read this....be prepared!!!)
So anyways Dory, I think bob means well on the whole.....he's just, bob. Sigh.
I love Nemo too and totally related to dory.
You having any success with meds at all?
Hope it goes OK with T. The first appt back after a long break can be a challenge sometimes.....
Hope he will have some ideas re:the finacial aspects...
Take care, goto run.
Muffled
Posted by wishingstar on June 4, 2007, at 11:46:54
In reply to i'm here...hesitantly, but here, posted by Dory on June 4, 2007, at 8:22:14
love the name... very cute! I love dory in finding nemo too... makes me laugh every time.
Posted by Phillipa on June 4, 2007, at 11:56:08
In reply to Re: i'm here...hesitantly, but here, posted by wishingstar on June 4, 2007, at 11:46:54
Guess I don't come to this board enough to figure it out the name a babblemail? Love Phillipa
Posted by Happyflower on June 4, 2007, at 12:00:05
In reply to Re: i'm here...hesitantly, but here, posted by Phillipa on June 4, 2007, at 11:56:08
Hey Dory sweetie,
You can swim in my pond anytime! :-) I have really cool stuff at the bottom too!
Posted by Dory on June 4, 2007, at 19:14:14
In reply to i'm here...hesitantly, but here, posted by Dory on June 4, 2007, at 8:22:14
thanx guys :o) :o)
i thought about other names... bobsajerk, etc
T was hard...good..bad..confusing. The connection wasn't very strong when he left, and now i really don't feel it. It was nice to see him and i do very much like him as a person.
we talked about a lot of heavy stuff, especially H of course. During the talk things lead to connections from my past and i brought up something that is extremely important. i told him he needed to do the talking because i was going to freak out. He said that we had gone far enough with that for today.
we talked about trust and what he means by it. i am more confused than i had been. It caught him off guard and he said we need to spend more time talking about it.
i am thinking of trying to find a new T. The whole time i have been seeing him i have been trying to explain what i need to get from him in order to make this work. i've been trying and he has been trying.. but something about today makes me think i might not be able to get what i need.
He is very astute (sp?) and smart and funny. He seems very understanding in the sense that he quickly knows what i mean by something.. he even seems to know what the feelings behind things are or should be. But what i want and feel i *need* is for him to articulate that, put more feeling in that understanding... to be more empathic or something. i want him to tell me "that must hurt" or even ask me to talk about the feelings behind something. i have told him this. But i still don't feel i am getting that.
i am kind of upset. i want HIM to get it. i don't want someone new, but i know i will grow frustrated and get nowhere if he can't give me this. i don't know what to do.
i am going to write him another letter and try one more time but if that doesn't help then i am going to either quit or find another T. This makes me very sad. i want to connect to him, and it's not just that he was away... i had just felt we were doing better with it before he went away.
i feel worse right now than i have about this in a long time. Not feeling connected emotionally triggers a lot of key issues for me. i don't understand this at all.
Then i turn on the TV and tonight's episode of Without a Trace had two of the biggest triggers i can think of for me. My head shut down..numb you know? No panic attack b/c i just became so overwhelmed my mind just short circuited.
Posted by muffled on June 4, 2007, at 23:32:40
In reply to saw my T today, posted by Dory on June 4, 2007, at 19:14:14
Well written and thanks for sharing.
I'm slightly messed but OK.
But maybe not got good advice, other than I hope it will improve, that mebbe it takes time, but I dunno if ya got time moneywise...
You not alone.
Babblers w/ya OK.
Take care of ya,
Muffled
Posted by wishingstar on June 5, 2007, at 0:30:23
In reply to saw my T today, posted by Dory on June 4, 2007, at 19:14:14
Oh dory.... I could have written this post myself. Especially the part about wanting him to get the feelings and say things like "that must hurt".. and wanting HIM to get it. I've said the exact same lines (literally!) to my past therapist and now my current one as well. I get caught up in the "if I just explain myself and what I need well enough....." thing and have a hard time leaving. Even though I know it's very hard, I'm glad you're seeing what is happening and giving yourself a deadline to move on. I know you like him as a person.. I feel the same way about my T... but if it's not what you need, it's not what you need. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do or say to make him get it. It's possible his mind just works differently and he just cant grasp what you need.
There are other Ts out there who you will like just as much. Think about how good it will feel when a T really gets it.. from the angle you want them to. That's what I try to hold on to. I guess my only advice is write the letter, but if he doesnt get it then, dont let yourself back out of your decision to try elsewhere. Go interview a few new Ts. Finding one you like always (imo) makes it easier to say goodbye to another. I'm not sure how much of my advice and thoughts on this is really about my own feelings (probably most!) but I hope some makes sense or relates.Sorry you're going through this. It's a hard feeling.
Posted by Dory on June 5, 2007, at 1:19:01
In reply to (((Dory))) » Dory, posted by muffled on June 4, 2007, at 23:32:40
i just left my T a pathetic message asking advice/guidance on how to handle a situation that evolved tonight with.. well, with the usual person.
The cycle of negative - remorse - reconcilliation -denial -positive - trigger event- negative - remorse... and so on
i'm such a bitch for doing this to him. i do wish i didn't make angry.
anyway, it's a big deal.. i have left T messages before but never one where i was really asking for help like this. This message will clearly show the things i was feeling at the time... maybe this will make a difference to how he responds.
much love and peace
Posted by Dory on June 5, 2007, at 9:24:39
In reply to S.O.S. call to T @ 3am, posted by Dory on June 5, 2007, at 1:19:01
he called me back this morning and we had a good talk.. the guy is very helpful and i think he understands or "gets" the situation more than he might appear to. Every so often he says something that makes me see that he has a very good grasp on what my issues are... the advice and everything else about the conversation was good...and helpful. He struck the right chords. He is dead-on with the issues. But that soothing wasn't there.
The part that i am struggling with is that i cannot get what i need from him...is that true? or is it a defense? i honestly don't know. i do feel i need to *hear* him say certain things outloud, even if i know he gets it internally. i need him to address the distressed emotional side of me the same way he might if i were sitting there crying...because inside i am crying. i am trying to communicate this to him.. we are talking about what i want/need and the communication thing. i just don't know if he can do what it is i feel i need. It's not his natural approach i don't think. i mean, he's gentle and caring, but not warm and fuzzy. i *do* think he would be moreso if i were actually crying. So i don't know what to do. In the moment, when i am distressed, i am lost inside, crying and confused and in need of reassurance... i can't just ask for that in that moment.
i just don't know. Is it so wrong to want that soothing sometimes? To want someone to understand that you are crying inside and need that soothing even if you can't show that need?
One of my personal goals for therapy is to break through the thick wall i have built that separates who i feel i really am and the display me that i show the world... and that is going to need to have some intense emotional content.
*sigh
Posted by muffled on June 5, 2007, at 9:59:45
In reply to repsonse to S.O.S. call to T @ 3am, posted by Dory on June 5, 2007, at 9:24:39
Posted by Dory on June 5, 2007, at 17:38:58
In reply to Re: saw my T today, posted by wishingstar on June 5, 2007, at 0:30:23
i just don't know wishy. It helps that you understand how i feel.. he is so perfect for me in so many ways, we do connect intellectually and his advice and approach are good for me. i just want this *one* thing so badly.
the big problem is me.. how can he know when i am crying inside? It's not that i just don't show emotion, it's that i can't. i know the real me is emotional but i can't get through the walls i have built. For very good reasons i learned to hide how i felt. i want to change that but i don't know how. i want to feel true to myself and feel genuine, not like i am putting on a fascade all the time.
he knows that.. we talk a lot about the problems i have communicating and the things i want from him. i have tried to be painfully honest about the roadblocks i will put up. Maybe this is one of them.. i just don't know.
i mean, i know a lot of babblers want their T's to hold them or stuff like that... and as nice as that might be, it's not what i am trying to get. i want more outright, verbalized compassion. i think he feels it more than he lets me know, and part of that is because for most people they would recognize the more subtle cues and it would be common sense... i told him that he has been seeing me as being able to do things i can't. Unless he says outloud that he feels sad for me or asks me how i am feeling/felt... then something gets missed. THAT is what i want. i want him to help break through those walls.... meet me part way.
i have to talk to him more about this before i decide. It is so important to me now though that i probably will find another T if he can't do what i am asking.
i do know he is trying... he asked specifically what was helpful in the phone message he left me, and i told him it was the direct, literal verbalization of the situation. He had said "...yes, it's as bad as you think..." And that was like a wonder drug. One day he asked me to look directly at him and he said he wasn't dismissing my feelings.. again, wonder drug.
i just can't let him know when i need more of that because i can't seem to express what i am feeling. God.. i wish i could cry.. scream.. anything.
what can i do???
i hope you find a T that you can connect to wishy. You have struggled for a long time with this. i am only just beginning so i know your pain and frustration must be unbearable.
Posted by muffled on June 5, 2007, at 23:28:24
In reply to Re: saw my T today (((wishy))) » wishingstar, posted by Dory on June 5, 2007, at 17:38:58
i just don't know. Is it so wrong to want that soothing sometimes? To want someone to understand that you are crying inside and need that soothing even if you can't show that need?
**You can use words. My T responds well to some of the prose I write. I never cried in front of T. I once wrote to her that I didn't want to lose her, and that i wished I could just sit beside her and cry....
But there are parts that won't allow it. Stuff where I not allowed to go. And I think that where the tears are, but I can't get there. Been working for 2 yrs at it, and now we just taking a break from intensity to reconnect some again.
T is hard.One of my personal goals for therapy is to break through the thick wall i have built that separates who i feel i really am and the display me that i show the world... and that is going to need to have some intense emotional content.
**My T refers to it as an onion with layers, with the core being myself(s). And there's noone in the closer layers....
i want to feel true to myself and feel genuine, not like i am putting on a fascade all the time.
**I dunno who I even am for sure......
i just can't let him know when i need more of that because i can't seem to express what i am feeling. God.. i wish i could cry.. scream.. anything
**I sometimes run scenarios thru my head, like daydreams, where I express strong emotions, or where I get volatile and T comes and saves me....stuff like that....
Cuz in T I am careful and contained. In my writings I am not.
Thanks for posts on admin :-)
So, there's my thots.
My T don't even know how crazy i am, don't think she wants to beleive it. Cuz there's not much other places to turn to for me here. Mental health system sucks.
But its sure nice to know she stick by me.
Take care Dory.
Real good care.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dory)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sorry there's so many hurts right now.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on June 6, 2007, at 14:23:52
In reply to Re: saw my T today (((wishy))), posted by muffled on June 5, 2007, at 23:28:24
Posted by Dory on June 6, 2007, at 20:18:12
In reply to Re: saw my T today (((wishy))), posted by muffled on June 5, 2007, at 23:28:24
yeah, i have heard that onion thing a lot before too. i never liked onions. i don't know... i just don't feel like this is a resistence thing. i can ususally tell when there's some meat to something. Right now i feel like we're just not on the same page. He is trying, i am trying.... maybe we could make it there is i could continue. But like i said in a post below, i left him a message today to let him know i won't likely be seeing him anymore after my next appt.. so i guess it doesn't matter what page we are on.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
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Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
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