![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Wittgenstein on May 9, 2007, at 8:13:06
Hello all,
I'm back. I posted some weeks ago while in my search for therapy. A lot has happened since then - I had a horrific experience with the first therapist, who I saw just once, and took about a week to recover (although I can laugh at it now - it would make a good comedy sketch).
Anyway, I decided to seek a private therapist and by chance came across the person I am seeing now - I feel very lucky - he was able to see me straight away, insists on charging me a low fee (although I still haven't agreed to this, and didn't ask for it in the first place - would rather just pay the normal fee). He is a psychoanalyst/dynamic therapist, a retired professor, and well-known in this country - he has written several therapy books (I hadn't realised this until after I'd first seen him and ran a search of him on Google) - actually it's a bit intimidating. My first assignment was to write an account of my life in 5 pages - I failed miserably and wrote over 25 pages without reaching the age of 6 (!!) - I felt guilty to send it to him and insisted he shouldn't read it in his own time, but he did.
I guess I just wanted to share in my news - the last weeks have been difficult and finally there is hope - I don't know what would have happened had this not come. Things can turn around, so never give up.
One thing though. He doesn't have tissues in his room - or they are not on show (I'm sure he does have tissues). Actually the presence of a big box of Kleenex would probably make me feel that there was an 'expectation' but that said, with no tissues in sight I'm more scared to cry and what will happen.
I find myself fighting to hold back tears, and hoping he would change the subject - I almost never cry in front of others anyway, so it won't be easy - how did your therapists respond when you first cried in front of them?
Witti
Posted by gazo on May 9, 2007, at 8:46:51
In reply to Where are the tissues?, posted by Wittgenstein on May 9, 2007, at 8:13:06
i never have... and probably won't. haven't been seeing this guy long though. saw the last one for several months and never cried... only cried once or twice in 10yrs with pdoc. i actually told my T that if he could make me cry he should buy a lotto ticket.
it's good to hear you've found someone so competant, and that you seem to like him. Maybe stuff some tissue in your pockets? (or bra! haha)
Posted by Honore on May 9, 2007, at 9:07:09
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues? » Wittgenstein, posted by gazo on May 9, 2007, at 8:46:51
A couple have offered me tissues, cause I never reach for them. although I do try not to cry too much-- so I can do without them.
But if there's no obvious box of tissues, that's unusual. I'm pretty brazen, so I might ask-- before I need them. I mean, what if you need to blow your nose?
Tissues are a sine qua non of being an analyst anyway-- so I'm completely at a loss. to think he doesn't. ??? Especially if he's written books. I don't think I've ever been in an office that didn't have them. If he doesn't you'd be helping him out by wondering where they are. Probably his whole practice will be turned upside down if he gets some! Not to mention the new insights and articles he can write.Honore
Posted by Honore on May 9, 2007, at 9:08:02
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues? » gazo, posted by Honore on May 9, 2007, at 9:07:09
Posted by gardenergirl on May 9, 2007, at 9:17:11
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues? » gazo, posted by Honore on May 9, 2007, at 9:07:09
I cry all the time, and in my first session I blubbered and blubbered. My T said, "Anytime you are in a room with this many boxes of Kleenex, you can assume it's okay to cry." So I can see how not having tissue available seems to send a message about not crying. I think I'd ask if he'd provide some, otherwise bring your own.
It's okay to cry, even if the other person is uncomfortable with it for whatever of their own reasons.
Glad you found someone.
gg
Posted by Wittgenstein on May 9, 2007, at 9:54:09
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues?, posted by gardenergirl on May 9, 2007, at 9:17:11
Smile. I can envisage them dropping down from above - like the face masks on aeroplanes when Oxygen levels are too low (you know in the safety demonstrations).
Perhaps he just produces them when the need arises. I should just ask where the tissues are!
The p.doc has tissues but they're over a metre from where the patient sits (not that I've had a need for them) - he surrounds himself with this big oak table, like a knight sitting in a fortress - the kleenex perched on the far corner of the table.
I'm sure there must be some special secret furniture store or interior design firm where all these psychotherapy/psychiatry practices get fitted out - or they cover a module in 'dark imposing furniture' as part of their training!!
:) Witti
Posted by Daisym on May 10, 2007, at 1:09:52
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues?, posted by Wittgenstein on May 9, 2007, at 9:54:09
The tissues sit on the table next to the couch. But if you sit on the other end, you can't reach them. He will pick up the box and offer them, though. I wish for a trash can close at hand. I end up taking them home with me, all crumpled up.
The first time I cried, he sat quietly and waited. Once he asked, "what are the tears saying?" and I glared at him and didn't answer. He hasn't used that particular phrase since. :) He might say, "tell me what the tears are for" if I start weeping at the beginning of a session, without warning. He often says, "it is Ok to cry - you look like you might want to, and that would be OK."
The first 2 years I never cried. Now I cry all the time. *sigh*
Posted by Wittgenstein on May 10, 2007, at 5:25:49
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues?, posted by Daisym on May 10, 2007, at 1:09:52
Thank you for sharing. Daisym, he sounds lovely and caring.
Witti :)
Posted by gazo on May 10, 2007, at 8:21:23
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues? )) Daisym, posted by Wittgenstein on May 10, 2007, at 5:25:49
i am so sorry... i am a space cadet duh. i had not recognized your name until you mentioned the Netherlands. My apologies.. my life is chaos.
If it's ok with you to share, i would be interested to hear how things have gone since you posted before. You were just entering the system and had no idea what to expect. You had been in a very bad state just prior to that. You sound much better now. :o)
you bring waffles and i'll bring cupcakes.
much love and peace
Posted by Wittgenstein on May 10, 2007, at 14:55:23
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues? » Wittgenstein, posted by gazo on May 10, 2007, at 8:21:23
Where to start?!
I first went to the public mental health service - it's like an all-in-one service for those with 'mental health problems'. I had to wait 2 more weeks to see a T. I'd been pinning everything on this appointment and it went terribly.
I'd asked for a male T and instead got a female - who spoke little better English than I speak Dutch. I went to the appointment with my partner's mother (who doesn't speak English) - when the T came to get me from the waiting room, instead of talking to me, she just spoke in Dutch to my partner's mother and tried to persuade her to come to the consult with me - maybe she figured she could translate!! Errmm no thanks! Once in the room, we tried to communicate in a bit of Dutch and English - it didn't work at all. I felt I was in an interrogation room, the way she dealt so coldly with anything I said. Makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
She said outright 'you were abused', which upset me, and if this wasn't all bad enough she told me that my dad is probably autistic and my mum probably has BPD. I'm not a big fan of diagnoses especially if there's no value in them (ok for insurance purposes it can be useful - but diagnosing your parents?!).
The appointment ended with her telling me I could have EMDR and be seen once in two weeks or could wait until June and have a male T instead but that he did CBT.
The appointment was on Friday - that weekend was hell - I felt so low. My partner ended up phoning the crisis service and got me more lorazepam, which I survived off for the next days.
The next week, I decided to start searching for a private therapist. I phoned several organisations and got a list of reputable therapists. I phoned one at random (who wasn't too far away) and he told me to see him that week and it's gone on from there. I feel very lucky - I was so desperate at that point. It's not easy now but I feel there's hope.
I'm having psychodynamic/analytic T, which I think suits me. The T has a practice in his house. He has already said I can phone if ever I have a crisis and uses e-mail (which is good as I'm not big on phoning). He's asked me to write about my past, which I've tried to do - not easy - and he's read what I've sent him - to be honest I felt guilty with the idea of him reading my stuff in his free time. I was a bit intimidated by him the first time I met him and I think it will be a long process in terms of trust and feeling safe but I'm glad I'm finally getting help.
So far, although have only seen him a few times, we've just sat and talked. He has a couch in his room - but we haven't talked about it yet. He's suggested we try free association - kind of nervous at this idea. I'm seeing him tomorrow - we've agreed that my partner will come for part of this session as a one off.
Well, I guess that's about it for now - watch this space.
Take care,
love,
Libby
Posted by antigua on May 10, 2007, at 19:36:41
In reply to Where are the tissues?, posted by Wittgenstein on May 9, 2007, at 8:13:06
I know I'm odd, but I just hate it when the T hands over the box of tissues. I've been known to throw it back! I don't know why it bothers me so much--it's a stupid weakness of mine.
antigua
Posted by gazo on May 11, 2007, at 6:46:43
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues? » Gazo (long), posted by Wittgenstein on May 10, 2007, at 14:55:23
that is wonderful for you! Bad start but good result. It had sounded like you liked him. Having a good match is the most important thing i think. You sound much better than before as well. Hope is a wonderful thing that way.
i am reasonably new to all of the T world, i know what the different types are but am otherwise blind. Many here have been through a lot of years of the various types. i would love to hear about the process as it unfolds, if you are ok with sharing.. who does what? what sorts of things he says and how? etc. i'll share my CBT-S stuff too. Right now though it's been crisis management in a serious way... :o( Life is a mess still.
i am very glad for you. This is great news. Bmail me anytime.
much love and peace
Posted by gardenergirl on May 11, 2007, at 7:39:59
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues?, posted by antigua on May 10, 2007, at 19:36:41
> I know I'm odd, but I just hate it when the T hands over the box of tissues. I've been known to throw it back! I don't know why it bothers me so much--it's a stupid weakness of mine.
> antiguaI have the same reaction. I don't think it's a weakness, per se. I'm not sure quite why I react negatively, but it's something about feeling as if I shouldn't cry or something. I tend to let the tears roll down my face quite a bit. I use Kleenex when it starts flooding and to blow my nose (God, I hate doing that in therapy!). So if someone hands me the tissue box when I first start crying, it feels like I should clean myself up or something, when actually, I'm quite comfortable with the tears. And if I'm not comfortable, I'll reach for or ask for a tissue, I suppose.
This only happens in marriage counseling. I know she's just trying to be helpful and kind, but it still irks me. In my individual therapy, there are plenty of tissues within my reach, and if the box runs out, I just lean across the couch to the other table to get the other box.
We talked about this in school, probably the psychodynamic class. I think the consensus was to make sure to have enough tissue readily available to avoid inadvertently sending a message with Kleenex. :)
gg
Posted by sunnydays on May 11, 2007, at 8:46:28
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues? » antigua, posted by gardenergirl on May 11, 2007, at 7:39:59
Well, my T's tissues are a little too far away, so at first I had to lean, which was embarrassing because it was the first couple times I had cried. So now I just pick up the box and put it next to me on the couch when I start crying. One time was funny because at the beginning of a session he realized he had completely run out of tissues (I wasn't crying then) and ran out and came back with like three boxes. That was funny, because he then realized what it looked like and said - "These aren't all for you!"
One time when I was crying towards the beginning and too afraid to lean to get tissues, he picked up the box after a while and put it next to me on the couch. I actually really liked that, because I didn't feel like I had to use them, just that he put them near me. It felt like he cared at that moment, because he was also saying some soothing things.
sunnydays
Posted by Daisym on May 12, 2007, at 0:22:43
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues?, posted by sunnydays on May 11, 2007, at 8:46:28
One of my favorite therapy moments:
I made some comment like, "glad you have enough tissues." He said, "it is a must -- tools of the trade." I said, "mine too." (I work with little kids.) He laughed and said "I guess that is true."
Posted by Dinah on May 20, 2007, at 10:21:19
In reply to Re: Where are the tissues? » antigua, posted by gardenergirl on May 11, 2007, at 7:39:59
That is exactly how I feel!!
I *hate* to be handed the kleenex. It's like it's saying that my tears aren't acceptible, while I think as long as it's just tears he should allow them to fall.
I don't cry all that often, but I think I did tell him to quit urging kleenex on me unless my nose is running.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.