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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 6, 2007, at 17:24:45
So I had my gyn. exam today. Some of you may remember that I completely dissociated during last year's exam, which freaked me out for weeks afterwards.
I thought today would be good -- I was excited to show her my weight loss (currently 59lbs.), especially after I didn't think she handled the weight issue well last year. And I'm at a really, really, really good place with life. I love my new job, there is someone I'm attracted to at work (and who seems to be intermittently attracted to me) and I feel better than I've felt in probably 15 years.
But I completely freaked out during the pelvic exam. I don't even know what came over me -- I generally don't show that I'm freaking out even when I am. But today, the first time she tried, I tightened up and tears sprang to my eyes. The second time she tried, I screamed, drew my legs out of the stirrups and pushed myself away from her and said (loudly), "PLEASE STOP!" And then I burst into tears, which I also don't normally do. Neither she nor the nurse had a clue what to do with me. I could tell they wanted to get away from me and frankly, I wanted them to go away. The doc did ask if someone had hurt me and when I said no, she asked if I was sure. Then she asked if I wanted to take a few minutes to calm down. I told her that would be good. They left me alone for about 15 minutes and then the nurse checked on me. Then she left again for about 10-15 more minutes, then they both came back in. The doctor asked again if someone had hurt me and I told her no again. They then conferred and decided to have me slide all the way past the end of the table (so half of my pelvis was hanging in air) and have the nurse brace one leg so it would be nearly impossible for me to clamp down. And they used a pediatric speculum (could they have named that anything more hideous?). That all worked and was not painful and I did okay. The first one honestly felt like she had a knife in there.
I don't understand why this is so painful. It's not like I'm 20 years old with no sexual history. So I just don't get it.
Of course, I called T as soon as I got to my car. She called me back, but not until several hours later (I got confused about which office she was at today and left a message at the wrong one). She could tell I'd already shut down and she encouraged me to stay that way as much as possible until I see her Thursday. She also said to call her back if I need to.
So I guess I'm okay right now, just numb. But what the h*ll happened to me?
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 6, 2007, at 22:32:44
In reply to Gyn. Appt. Today ******Trigger******, posted by TherapyGirl on March 6, 2007, at 17:24:45
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 7, 2007, at 23:39:31
In reply to Gyn. Appt. Today ******Trigger******, posted by TherapyGirl on March 6, 2007, at 17:24:45
Howsit going?
You Ok?
Dissociation is a blessing and a curse....I dissociate less, alot less, to the point there have been times I wish I WOULD, but I don't/can't. And when I don't have the old dissociation to fall back on.....it can be rather shocking/confusing/frightening etc.
You felt, you were present, you calmed yourself, you were able to allow the exam to be completed.
I think you done GOOD TG.
Now you know you can do it. Hard, but doable. And your OK. Its gonna be OK.
Take care
Posted by sunnydays on March 8, 2007, at 9:12:53
In reply to Gyn. Appt. Today ******Trigger******, posted by TherapyGirl on March 6, 2007, at 17:24:45
((((((((TherapyGirl)))))))
Maybe nothing. Maybe it's just a scary situation for you. I'm thinking of you. I have to have my first gyn. appointment one of these years, and I'm worried. But you did great, you got through it.
sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 8, 2007, at 19:30:03
In reply to Re: Gyn. Appt. Today ******Trigger****** » TherapyGirl, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 7, 2007, at 23:39:31
Hi, IWS! I do love your new name.
Thank you so much for your sweet response. I was feeling so humiliated and there you are, saying that I done good. You have no idea what you did for me.
I'm okay. Talked about it in therapy tonight. She reminded me that if I was abused, I won't remember it until I can handle it. I told her I don't want to deal with that -- especially not right now when things are going so well, finally. She said it was up to me and to let her know if I changed my mind about exploring it further. Then she gave me an extra long hug at the end.
So I'm okay. Just planning to never, ever have another pelvic exam if I can help it. :-)
Thanks again for the support. YOU are a total sweetheart.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 8, 2007, at 19:30:46
In reply to Re: Gyn. Appt. Today ******Trigger******, posted by TherapyGirl on March 8, 2007, at 19:30:03
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 8, 2007, at 19:31:35
In reply to Re: Gyn. Appt. Today ******Trigger****** » TherapyGirl, posted by sunnydays on March 8, 2007, at 9:12:53
Thanks, SD. I really, truly appreciate the support. And hope I didn't scare you away -- really, honestly, most people do NOT react the way I do. :-)
Thanks again!
This is the end of the thread.
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