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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DisTraught on February 14, 2007, at 22:09:36
I was thinking about long-term therapy. Is there a risk that it replaces other, meaningful, deep relationships w friends, or does it instead enable meaningful, deep relationships with others?
Penny
Posted by raisinb on February 15, 2007, at 7:26:01
In reply to Do we use T's instead of other deep relationships?, posted by DisTraught on February 14, 2007, at 22:09:36
I worry about this a lot. It seems like so much of my emotional focus is taken up by therapy that I'm only giving pieces of myself to other people. To tell the truth, it makes me dislike myself and worry that I'll end up alone because I was focusing on the wrong thing for years on end.
Posted by sunnydays on February 15, 2007, at 9:17:58
In reply to Do we use T's instead of other deep relationships?, posted by DisTraught on February 14, 2007, at 22:09:36
I sometimes think I might have MORE deep relationships if I didn't have therapy, to fill the hole that therapy would have. However, without therapy I would never have been able to trust anyone enough to have a deep relationship. I like my relationship with my T, and so I plan on keeping it as long as I can. I do still have some other deep relationships on the side. Interesting question, though.
sunnydays
Posted by pegasus on February 15, 2007, at 9:50:42
In reply to Do we use T's instead of other deep relationships?, posted by DisTraught on February 14, 2007, at 22:09:36
For me, it deepened other relationships too. I think doing it first in therapy made it safer to me, and then I could try it in my real life, too.
Here's the lyrics from a song by Dar Williams about therapy. I like the part about how she loved everybody else once she finally got to talk about herself.
What Do You Hear In These Sounds
I don't go to therapy to find out if I'm a freak
I go and I find the one and only answer every week
And it's just me and all the memories to follow
Down any course that fits within a fifty minute hour
And we fathom all the mysteries, explicit and inherent
When I hit a rut, she says to try the other parent
And she's so kind, I think she wants to tell me something,
But she knows that its much better if I get it for myself...
And she saysWhat do you hear in these sounds?
What do you hear in these sounds?I say I hear a doubt, with the voice of true believing
And the promises to stay, and the footsteps that are leaving
And she says "Oh", I say "What?"...she says "Exactly",
I say "What, you think I'm angry
Does that mean you think I'm angry?"
She says "Look, you come here every week
With jigsaw pieces of your past
Its all on little soundbytes and voices out of photographs
And that's all yours, that's the guide, that's the map
So tell me, where does the arrow point to?
WHO INVENTED ROSES?"What do you hear in these sounds?
What do you hear in these sounds?And when I talk about therapy, I know what people think
That it only makes you selfish and in love with your shrink
But Oh how I loved everybody else
When I finally got to talk so much aboutAnd I wake up and I ask myself what state I'm in
And I say well I'm lucky, cause I am like East Berlin
I had this wall and what I knew of the free world
Was that I could see their fireworks
And I could hear their radio
And I thought that if we met, I would only start confessing
And they'd know that I was scared
They'd would know that I was guessing
But the wall came down and there they stood before me
With their stumbling and their mumbling
And their calling out just like mepeg
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 11:10:18
In reply to Do we use T's instead of other deep relationships?, posted by DisTraught on February 14, 2007, at 22:09:36
I think the attachment varies person to person and also in terms of individual time - at one point in your therapy, you may have deeper attachment - & at other times not so intense.
I had a bad therapy relationship that was horrible and looking back - one of the big, big signs was an intense pre-occupation with the therapy relationship - on both sides of the fence.
I don't think either party was to solely to blame - but at base, it was extrememly dysfunctional - it took a long time to dig myself out from under it.
Posted by Scentedgarden on February 15, 2007, at 12:27:52
In reply to Re: Do we use T's instead of other deep relationships?, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 11:10:18
i hate mine right now...she's fecked my head up.
and i love her, but right now i HATE her!!!!!!!!
it was all too intense....
sorry im negative but, thats how i feel !!!!!!
im hurt...more now than ever in my puff...!!!
as i trusted her more than anyone... and she is allowed to hurt me...aparently its part of the therapy, to detach....what a crock of ballonney..!!
if someone is pulling my hair, and i say plz srop, youre hurting me and they keep pulling...then i think that person is a bitch!!!!!!
im pissed off right now....!!!!
dont want sympathy jusy adding my 2centws worth..
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:06:38
In reply to Re: Do we use T's instead of other deep relationships?, posted by Scentedgarden on February 15, 2007, at 12:27:52
Well, there's always some amount of pain to a therapy relationship, no doubt -
however, my rule of thumb is - if therapy hurts so much so as to interfere with my everday life, it's not worth it. Therapy & my therapist are not my life - they are adjuncts to help me to live my life better or more creatively.
Just a question for you though, I'm curious, is your therapist experienced or relatively new to the field?
Posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 17:49:35
In reply to Do we use T's instead of other deep relationships?, posted by DisTraught on February 14, 2007, at 22:09:36
It might be the only deep relationship you have, but at its best it can provide some of the patterns and experiences that help with further ones in the future.
Posted by peddidle on February 15, 2007, at 17:49:37
In reply to Do we use T's instead of other deep relationships?, posted by DisTraught on February 14, 2007, at 22:09:36
I think therapy is a precursor or a corequisite to deep relationships.
We have to allow ourselves to pour our hearts out to this stranger, and trust that they will be completely accepting. This trust, alone, takes time to establish. We are then able to form a deep [one-sided] relationship with this person within the safe environment that they have created. Through this process, then, we learn how to establish, enjoy, and sustain other deep relationships in the real world, where the environment is not as unconditionally accepting.
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