Shown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:05:19
Has anyone ever had their T ask to audiotape their sessions? Finally just when I was starting to trust my T she asked if she could tape our sessions?
Posted by anneke06 on November 22, 2006, at 17:10:29
In reply to Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:05:19
Did she explain why she wanted to?
I've never had my therapist request that....I know sometimes clients ask to tape sessions so they can listen to them later, or to use for guided imagery or relaxation exercises, for example.
Posted by adrift on November 22, 2006, at 17:17:27
In reply to Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:05:19
Is your T new? I had a T ask me once if she could record session. I felt bad saying no so I agreed since she said it was for her to try to improve on, or learn from "her" sessions. After one time she put a stop to it because she claimed I completely changed! It definitely alters the therapy setting.
Posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:27:20
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by anneke06 on November 22, 2006, at 17:10:29
She's planning on writing a book and is looking for good case studies. I was furious when she brought it up. It was right after I had divulged some extremely sensitive and painful things. I'm really mad at myself for trusting her and at the same time I feel guilty for not obliging her request. It also makes me feel like some sort of freak.
Posted by muffled on November 22, 2006, at 17:28:41
In reply to Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:05:19
I wanted to audiotape sessions myself cuz i dissociated SO much initially, it just seemed stupid. I thot if at least I taped the sessions I could listen to them later and at least get something out of them.
I kinda hinted strongly to my T, but she didn't seem interested. mebbe she's had a bad experience, or mebbe she has found it doesn't go as well or something , if you tape. I dunno.
Thats my experience.
I have an experienced T.
Muffled
Posted by adrift on November 22, 2006, at 17:30:05
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:27:20
Don't be angry at yourself for trusting her. Your instincts were most likely correct. But, she chose bad timing, for sure. Will you talk to her about it? I think it is important you tell her how it made you feel.
Posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:44:03
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions? » happykat, posted by adrift on November 22, 2006, at 17:30:05
I guess I could see how in certain instances it might be helpful. It's just that I finally got enough guts up to dive into my stuff really deep and it was mortifying. The last thing I wanted to hear was do you mind if I tape you? The other thing and I was reading about this in earlier posts is the touch issue. She is a bodyworker with a degree in psychotherapy so its a really intense experience. It's been great because I had sh*Tty parents and it's comforting to have someone craddle your head when your crying and wipe away the tears but it's also made for some intense transference feelings.
I'm afraid to express any anger towards her. I've developed this intense attachment to her and I don't get attached to people. So its scary.
Sometimes I just want a normal therapist that sits across the room and doesn't touch me. It also doesn't help that she's my mom's age and sometimes her mannerisms remind me of my mom.Anyone else have these transference things going on?
Posted by muffled on November 22, 2006, at 21:29:21
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:44:03
OMG HK.
That must be SO incredibly intense?????????????????????????
I can't even begin to imagine.....
I thot I had it tough. How on earth do you deal with your feelings????
Guess therapy goes faster when its that intense. But there is NO way I could handle the touch stuff.
I only just decided it would be ok for T to pat my knee, or arm, but thats IT.
I am so impressed that you are able to do this. I have never heard of your bodywork therapy before, I would love to hear more about it.
I admire you for it.
I goto admit it seems rather tacky of her to have brought up the audio thing.
As for anger, I've expressed anger to my t a time or two. Damn, it only is MORE bonding.
I don't get attached to people either, that why I so perplexed by it all.
Take care
Muffled
Posted by vwoolf on November 23, 2006, at 14:38:50
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:44:03
I would hate to be considered a case. I once took part in group therapy, and the leader thanked me at the end for bringing such interesting case material. I felt it diminished me as a person - I felt as if I was interesting only for my pathological side, which is not the whole of me.
At the same time, I know, it felt as if I was special. It felt as if he saw me as different to the other clients. And I loved feeling special.
I think you should tell her exctly what you feel. And work from there. If HER need to use your experiences is going to take over YOUR therapy, she needs to back off. Therapy is about you, and her needs should be put on hold. Period. Otherwise it is not therapy.
Posted by vwoolf on November 23, 2006, at 15:06:50
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:44:03
Just a couple more points.
Who would be the recipients of your story? Are you comfortable with that?
What right would you have to how your story is heard?
Who speaks to who? Does your therapist speak on your behalf to an unknown audience? Who has the right to speak to who?
We are always more than the stories we tell about ourselves.
I don't think this is irrelevant. I have just been to a very important international conference in which precisely these issues about survivors' voices were hotly debated.
You have a right to your own voice and story. Nobody should be able to take that away from you.
Posted by happykat on November 24, 2006, at 11:04:52
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions? » happykat, posted by muffled on November 22, 2006, at 21:29:21
> OMG HK.
> That must be SO incredibly intense?????????????????????????
> I can't even begin to imagine.....
> I thot I had it tough. How on earth do you deal with your feelings????
> Guess therapy goes faster when its that intense. But there is NO way I could handle the touch stuff.
> I only just decided it would be ok for T to pat my knee, or arm, but thats IT.
> I am so impressed that you are able to do this. I have never heard of your bodywork therapy before, I would love to hear more about it.
> I admire you for it.
> I goto admit it seems rather tacky of her to have brought up the audio thing.
> As for anger, I've expressed anger to my t a time or two. Damn, it only is MORE bonding.
> I don't get attached to people either, that why I so perplexed by it all.
> Take care
> Muffled
It is super intense. Therapy has gone really fast via this route but sometimes feels like I'm in a car flying down a mountain with no brakes. It's dismantled my defenses quickly but its also allowed all my muck to bubble to the surface really fast.I think I'm gaining a new respect for why I had defenses in place to begin with. I don't know that i would do it over this way.
Posted by happykat on November 24, 2006, at 11:24:13
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by vwoolf on November 23, 2006, at 14:38:50
> I would hate to be considered a case. I once took part in group therapy, and the leader thanked me at the end for bringing such interesting case material. I felt it diminished me as a person - I felt as if I was interesting only for my pathological side, which is not the whole of me.
>
> At the same time, I know, it felt as if I was special. It felt as if he saw me as different to the other clients. And I loved feeling special.
>
> I think you should tell her exctly what you feel. And work from there. If HER need to use your experiences is going to take over YOUR therapy, she needs to back off. Therapy is about you, and her needs should be put on hold. Period. Otherwise it is not therapy.It didn't make me feel special in a good way. It made me feel like a flippin freak. I think the timing is what upsets me the most along with the fact that I made it painfully clear that the reason I've never dealt with it and gotten help is my fear of being stigmatized over it. So it felt a little like a slap in the face after I spilled my guts waiting to hear, 'hey lots of people go through that, its ok.' only to hear, 'hey, you are messed up, lets make you a case study.' Not literally, but you get my drift.
If she had waited another six months or year I probably would feel alot different. But hearing that when I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown didn't play well with me.
The conference you went to sounds interesting. If she wrote a book it would be geared towards healthcare workers and would be case studies of her clients. The other thing is that after doing research I don't think my experiences are tremendously compelling anyway. I'm beginning to think her clinical experience is limited. I just don't understand why she had to go and bring it up when she did. It diminished my trust in her and I've subsequently backed away from dealing with the issue.
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2006, at 15:27:15
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by happykat on November 24, 2006, at 11:24:13
I too would have a hard time feeling trust if a therapist wanted to use me as a case study. But I know many patients agree to it.
Just remember that if you don't want it, you don't have to agree. Don't feel pressured by the relationship to say yes to something you don't want.
How she responds will tell you an awful lot about whether you can rebuild the trust.
Posted by muffled on November 24, 2006, at 20:08:23
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by happykat on November 24, 2006, at 11:04:52
> It is super intense. Therapy has gone really fast via this route but sometimes feels like I'm in a car flying down a mountain with no brakes. It's dismantled my defenses quickly but its also allowed all my muck to bubble to the surface really fast.
>
> I think I'm gaining a new respect for why I had defenses in place to begin with. I don't know that i would do it over this way.
>
:-( Sorry its hard HK.
I try and touch on inside stuff and seem to flip out everytime and back off.
Do you go just 1x/wk? That would be incredibly difficu't too. How long are the sessions?
I cut this from another thread>It's disconcerting to go from having a T who is all chummy to basically having her say have a nice life because the moment you walk out that door the relationship is over.
I've spent the last two days pouring over posts on termination, transference and boundaries. There are alot more rules regarding therapy than I ever imagined.
**Your T went from chummy to cold??? Really??? Is it hard to find T's where you are?
I had and still (but rarely now) get "dumpmeitis", where I am convinced my T wants to dump me. My T always reassures me, and i mostly beleive her now. I have a very open T which seems to suit me. I am afraid if she gave me a blow off speach like yours did, well, I wouldn't trust her no more. But mebbe its a good thing to have this robot non human treat you? mebbe thats why touch is OK? Cuz she not even real?n I dunno. I am jst so baffled by your T. She works so differently than mine.
The rules etc of T are astounding, and seem to be highly variable. Diff approaches seem to have good and bad points. And diff approaches work diff or better with diff people.
I find it all terribly confusing.
This all must be hard on you. I'm sorry. Hope things can work out for you.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by happykat on November 25, 2006, at 9:28:55
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions? » happykat, posted by muffled on November 24, 2006, at 20:08:23
Hi Muffled :)
Thanks for your responses. everyone on babble is so nice and supportive. Its amazing!! :)
I go to T 1x/wk for 1hr.
Have you been able to work through any of your inner stuff? I know you said you dissociate in an earlier post. Can your T tell when you go away? What does your T do to keep you grounded?
Can you remember anything while you're gone?I tend to detach, but don't lose awareness, when touched so the bodywork has helped desensitize me a bit and made me more aware of when I do it and what triggers it. In the beginning everytime she touched me I wanted to fly away and she would lightly pinch me or shake me to keep me grounded.
I can see how it must be really hard to work on inner issues if you dissociate. How do you stay grounded?
Posted by happykat on November 25, 2006, at 10:19:42
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions? muffled, posted by happykat on November 25, 2006, at 9:28:55
Thanks to anneke06, adrift, muffled, Dinah and vwoolf for your support and guidance. I just found this site two days ago and I feel so relieved about so many things. I feel like I'm home at last! : )
Posted by vwoolf on November 25, 2006, at 10:46:07
In reply to Thanks to All : ), posted by happykat on November 25, 2006, at 10:19:42
Great to have you here. It's a wonderful place for support and advice.
Posted by Shortelise on November 25, 2006, at 13:33:28
In reply to Has T ever audiotaped sessions?, posted by happykat on November 22, 2006, at 17:05:19
Yikes!
Bad timing on her part.
Part of the therapeutic process is projecting all the crap onto the therapist and dealing with it there, in a safe place.
We *have* to talk with our T's about all the feelings that come up for us about them and our relationships with them. It's a huge part of therapy.
We sometimes take our posting from here to our T's.
ShortE
Posted by muffled on November 26, 2006, at 22:44:30
In reply to Re: Has T ever audiotaped sessions? muffled, posted by happykat on November 25, 2006, at 9:28:55
> Hi Muffled :)
**Hi Happykat
>
> Thanks for your responses. everyone on babble is so nice and supportive. Its amazing!! :)**Yeah, babble is mostly OK. Just don't get too consumed by it. And you goto be 'civil' or you get the boot.
>
> I go to T 1x/wk for 1hr.
> Have you been able to work through any of your inner stuff? I know you said you dissociate in an earlier post. Can your T tell when you go away? What does your T do to keep you grounded?**I don't look at my T much and usu have my face hidden, so she don't know when I 'leaving'. When I've had a real bad 'blank', she's sorta partly talked me back, but really, it seems to take hours or even days to truly come back. But I don't do it much anymore really. Cept when I get freaked.
I have little memories of kidhood, so alls i got are weird 'feelings/emotions', and I don't understand emots at the best of times, cuz I'd shut them down mostly for a great many years.> Can you remember anything while you're gone?
Bits sometimes. Sometimes nothing. Sometimes everything, but it don't seem real.
>
> I tend to detach, but don't lose awareness, when touched so the bodywork has helped desensitize me a bit and made me more aware of when I do it and what triggers it. In the beginning everytime she touched me I wanted to fly away and she would lightly pinch me or shake me to keep me grounded.**OMG!!! I think if she pinched me I'd smack her!!!! Hell if she weren't too careful bout how she touched me I'd proly puke on her table. I have tried pinching myownself when I 'blanking;, but it don't seem to help much if I truly freaked. It truly blows my mind all the touching you have endured. Thats amazing and good I guess. So longs she safe all right.
>
> I can see how it must be really hard to work on inner issues if you dissociate. How do you stay grounded?**I can sometimes go to a split part that will stay. I can't consciously do this, but sometimes I do. Other times I just pretend I all by myself. Yeah, I guess I must be mighty frustrating.
I begin to wonder if I can ever do this at all.
Its too hard.
So welcome to Babble HK.
There's chat too, which is a good way to get to know people as well. Sometimes we serious, sometimes we just mess around and try and forget all our sh*t for awhile. HA! And you can swear on chat!!!And you can't get blocked. And chat is not saved, so once what you have written is gone, it should be gone from the internet, from what Bob said anyways.
See ya,
Muffled
Posted by happykat on November 27, 2006, at 16:26:24
In reply to Hey Happykat, posted by muffled on November 26, 2006, at 22:44:30
Hey Muffled!
>>**OMG!!! I think if she pinched me I'd smack her!!!!
> >I like the way you think! :)
happykat
Posted by muffled on November 29, 2006, at 14:23:04
In reply to Re: Hey Happykat » muffled, posted by happykat on November 27, 2006, at 16:26:24
This is the end of the thread.
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