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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 26. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 14:20:04
Depression is taking me over again. It's so hard to concentrate lately. I need to make an appointment to see my pdoc, but it just feels like a huge effort. It's not horrible yet, so I'm still trying to focus on the little bit of light I can see before it goes away.
sunnydays
Posted by madeline on October 17, 2006, at 19:43:15
In reply to depression, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 14:20:04
When that light gets so dim you can't see it, look at it out of the corner of your eye.
We can see better in the dark out of the corners of our eyes.
This should help you to see the light until it comes back on again
And it will.
A wise man once told me that all would be well. This is not the end.
He was right, now I pass that on to you. Just promise yourself that all will be well.
Keep looking and keep posting.
Maddie
Posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 20:00:52
In reply to Re: depression » sunnydays, posted by madeline on October 17, 2006, at 19:43:15
Thanks madeline. That was so, so beautiful. I will read it many times. I will keep looking, it's just the very beginning stages I can tell. I'm worried. It hasn't been that long since the last time. And it's awfully hard to concentrate on getting anything done (I'm a student). My T says to make an appt. with pdoc, so I guess I need to do that.
sunnydays
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 17, 2006, at 20:35:11
In reply to Re: depression » sunnydays, posted by madeline on October 17, 2006, at 19:43:15
> When that light gets so dim you can't see it, look at it out of the corner of your eye.
>
> We can see better in the dark out of the corners of our eyes.
>
> This should help you to see the light until it comes back on again
>
> And it will.
>
> A wise man once told me that all would be well. This is not the end.
>
> He was right, now I pass that on to you. Just promise yourself that all will be well.Maddie and Sunnydays, he told me that too. He was right. It's not the end- it's just hard to see, because of the curtain and the fog. If you keep walking, you'll be ok.
Tomorrow- the first thing you will do will be the hardest. (calling pdoc). After that, the rest of the day will not be so hard. put on one sock. then the other. rest. stare off into space. Give someone a call. Post an update on you- We care about you.
-Li
Posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 20:45:04
In reply to Re: depression, posted by Lindenblüte on October 17, 2006, at 20:35:11
But it's not that simple. If I could rest, it would be. But I have classes, and tests to study for, and I can't concentrate enough to make myself learn anything. If I could just stare off into space all day I know I'd be fine. I will call the pdoc, I will.
Does anyone else ever find it really hard to concentrate when they're depressed? I just want to think about how bad I feel, and my T and the nice things he's said. And not have these awful memories keep coming up.
Uggh. Oh well. Thank you.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 21:26:07
In reply to Re: depression » Lindenblüte, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 20:45:04
I'm having a hard time tonight. See the admin board as to why. I just try and try and try to be nice to people. I'm so used to people getting mad at me for no reason, I can't deal with it not knowing any reason at all. I have to know when it's my fault. Because I tend to blame myself for a lot a lot of things that are not my fault. I can't deal with this life. First the past week or so like I've been having, then this. It's so so hard.
sunnydays
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 17, 2006, at 21:36:41
In reply to i need hugs, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 21:26:07
(((((((((((((Sunny)))))))))))))))
I wish I could give you IRL hugs.
Stay away from places that don't give you comfort.
Just hang on until bedtime. You can watch TV, or read a textbook.
I know it's really hard to concentrate when you're depressed.
When I was really depressed, I found it hard to read long sentences. I would forget what the beginning of the sentence was about by the time I got to the end.
I felt like a moron. An idiot.
And the worst part of it was that I was (like you) a student. So I still had a lot of demands, and most of them were cognitive demands- being able to write well, and remember the results of the data that I analysed earlier that day. Being able to carry on a conversation with a professor. Being able to read an article and understand it.
It's okay to take a break this evening.
Just be safe, okay?
Take extra good care of you, because I want you around in a little while. Then you can be like me and tell someone what you felt like when you were really depressed. You can help someone too.
Are you sleeping okay? Are you able to eat?
Please call your pdoc tomorrow-- even though the Big D (depression) is saying that you "LIKE" feeling so bad, it's a lie. You DESERVE to feel relief.
((((((more gentle hugs for you))))))
(((((((((((((((((SunnyDays)))))))))))))))))))
Posted by Jost on October 17, 2006, at 21:48:24
In reply to i need hugs, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 21:26:07
Sunny, don't let some people get to you. I've been following the discussion on Admin. In fact, I have no clue why Lou responded to your post about feeling bad that way. I was so surprised that I actually asked him what his reasoning was-- before I saw your response. Maybe he has some way of using DNPs, that we don't understand. But don't let it get to you.
I've enjoyed your comments many times, on admin and here. Depression is an enemy that can make you think all sorts of bad things that you wouldn't otherwise-- try at least not to let that thing on Admin bother you. Really, really don't.
{{{{{{Sunnydays}}}}}
Jost
Posted by mair on October 17, 2006, at 21:48:44
In reply to i need hugs, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 21:26:07
(((((sunny)))))
I'm sorry for what's happening. I've been around here (off and on) for a very long time and I've learned that, by and large, I do far better when I stay off the Admin Board. A huge number of the misunderstandings, disputes, hurts, slights etc. all seem to play themselves out on that Board, and it's easy to get hurt there even when you're just trying to help.
Sometimes it helps me to wrap myself up in blankets and if I can't read, just listen to music I like.
I hope things look better tomorrow.
mair
Posted by Phillipa on October 17, 2006, at 22:01:58
In reply to Re: i need hugs » sunnydays, posted by mair on October 17, 2006, at 21:48:44
I'm staying away from any post on admin while a certain person is there and I told him in the beginning do not post to me. Sunnydays tomorrow will be brighter and call the pdoc okay? Love Phillipa
Posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 22:06:42
In reply to Re: i need hugs, posted by Phillipa on October 17, 2006, at 22:01:58
Thank you everyone. You all made me cry, I felt so cared about. But it was good crying rather than the bad crying from before. I'm going to try to sleep now since I have a long day tomorrow. And I'm going to try to stay away from admin because I forget how vulnerable I am when I'm depressed. The littlest thing can upset me, and this was not very little at all. Probably healthier to stay away.
Going to go to bed now. I'll probably end up crying myself to sleep.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on October 17, 2006, at 22:25:05
In reply to Re: i need hugs, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 22:06:42
Posted by Deneb on October 17, 2006, at 23:05:48
In reply to i need hugs, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 21:26:07
(((((((((((((((Sunnydays)))))))))))))))))
You're a good person sunnydays. You were being supportive. It wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong.
Deneb*
Posted by Declan on October 17, 2006, at 23:31:31
In reply to i need hugs, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 21:26:07
I went tried to find the DNP. Admin has all the fascination of watching the freeway and waiting for a pileup.
Naturally I didn't find it, not being geeky enough.
Posted by muffled on October 18, 2006, at 2:03:46
In reply to Re: i need hugs, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 22:06:42
Hey sunny, just checked out what happened.
You went to the L.P. board.
You ran into the L.
I tend to not read posts from posters I know set me off.
It makes me feel bad that I am so intolerant of another.
But I am :-(
So I do go to admin. to see whats up, I DO NOT read certain posts, just zip on by.
Honestly, I don't know why so many people continue to post?
Seems so unending.
I guess I just intolerant.
So I sorry you got stung.
But you not the only one.
Hope you feel better soon.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 18, 2006, at 8:21:02
In reply to Re: i need hugs, posted by muffled on October 18, 2006, at 2:03:46
Yeah,
We all feel more vulnerable sometimes. I think that that DNP would have made me feel really confused and hurt too, and I'm not even so depressed as you.I hope you went to sleep all right, and that your eyes aren't too puffy in the morning.
You can stay away from admin. Muffled's right. It's not really a board. It's some kind of alternate universe that is being affected by the strong gravitational pull of a black hole. It's like the gravitational pull is so strong that you can't even hear the words that come out of your own mouth. Like shouting in a nightmare.
((((((Sunnydays)))))) I hope the weather is not too grey today. I hope your pdoc can see or speak with you soon. I see pdoc this am. I hope yours is as good as mine.
-Li((((((((more hugs for you to take with you wherever you go today)))))))
Posted by madeline on October 18, 2006, at 8:46:37
In reply to Re: depression » madeline, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 20:00:52
Sunny,
Well, I hear you. It is damned hard to study when the foggies (that's what I call them) have settled in on your brain.
However, I battle depression and went all the way through to earning my doctorate. It can be done.
A few things I picked up on the way.
1. I realized that this was going to be harder for me than other students in my class because I not only had to battle the subject matter, I had to battle myself. Allow yourself room not to be perfect.
2. When concentration is out the door, I would try to read things in a french accent. It's just distracting enough to keep you focused.
3. Write. Fill pages with notes. If you can't read, write the text.
4. Give yourself rewards for learning a definition, a concept or whatever. Don't look at it as though you have to learn chapters 1-15 in one night. You don't. You just have to read one paragraph, do one problem.
5. Self-discipline. I had to accept the fact that I was going to have to do a lot of things that I just flat out didn't feel like doing. I'm not going to lie, it was miserable. But you can do it.
6. When it's just not there, it's just not there. Forgive yourself the foggies. Sometimes you just have to sit and stare.
7. Study with other people if you can stand it. Sometimes that is also distracting enough that you can pick up something.
Hope this helps.
Remember all will be well.
Maddie
Posted by Dinah on October 18, 2006, at 9:03:47
In reply to i need hugs, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 21:26:07
((((sunnydays))))
Posted by sunnydays on October 18, 2006, at 10:03:42
In reply to Re: i need hugs » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on October 18, 2006, at 9:03:47
Thanks everyone. I'm doing better today. Made appointment with pdoc for first available opening - for 2 1/2 weeks from today. I was a little shocked at how far out they were looking. Oh well.
I have a lot to do and am feeling well enough to do it, so I better go. But thank you so much everyone.
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on October 18, 2006, at 11:25:06
In reply to Re: i need hugs » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on October 18, 2006, at 9:03:47
That's pretty good it's six weeks here. All pdocs. Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on October 18, 2006, at 19:42:37
In reply to Re: i need hugs, posted by muffled on October 18, 2006, at 2:03:46
Muffled we need to do something about him. Create a rule that he can't post his e-mail address every post????Sunny don't worry about him he's horrible. Love Phillipa ps I told him not to post to me
Posted by LadyBug on October 18, 2006, at 22:12:40
In reply to Re: i need hugs, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 22:06:42
(((((((SUNNYDAYS)))))))
I hope you feel this hug and I hope you know I care. Depression is a mind killer. That's what my T told me once. It is so hard to live through. I hope it passes for you soon. Nothing lasts forever, not even pain. Remember this will go away in time. Better days have to come to you.
Hugs to you..................
LadyBug
Posted by gardenergirl on October 20, 2006, at 22:27:35
In reply to i did it, posted by sunnydays on October 18, 2006, at 10:03:42
Glad you made the appt. I hope things are turning around a bit.
((((Sunnydays))))
gg
Posted by Racer on October 24, 2006, at 13:03:08
In reply to Re: depression » Lindenblüte, posted by sunnydays on October 17, 2006, at 20:45:04
> But it's not that simple. If I could rest, it would be. But I have classes, and tests to study for, and I can't concentrate enough to make myself learn anything. If I could just stare off into space all day I know I'd be fine. I will call the pdoc, I will.
>
> Does anyone else ever find it really hard to concentrate when they're depressed?Hi, SunnyBunny, sorry I'm chiming in so late. I've been, um, depressed and anxious and behind in my classes, so, uh, I just saw this now...
And I'm telling you about the depressed and anxious and behind in my classes part so that you know you're not alone there. ;-) Here's some advice: is there a "staring at the wall" thing you do? For me, it's usually knitting. I keep a timer next to my chair, and I set it for a chunk of time -- often one hour -- and study for that time period. Then I set it for another chunk of time, mostly about 15 minutes, which I use for staring at the wall. I'll knit for 15 minutes, or surf Babble for 15 minutes, or obsess about my mental health for 15 minutes, or even literally stare at the wall for 15 minutes. And then I go back to studying.
The benefit of the timer is that I don't get into my "OMG! I have to read this, but I have to do that homework, but I'm not going to be able to write that other thing, and I have to read this RIGHTNOW!" routine, which is what tends to interfere with my concentration. With the timer on, I can say, "OK, I'm only going to read this until the timer dings, and then I'll move on to the next thing I have to do." And the "wall-stare" breaks keep me from getting too wound up, which I would otherwise do if I tried to study without them. (Speaking of which, I really oughta set that timer now, since I gotta deal with trig...)
Anyway, the short answer is, "Yes, I have trouble concentrating and learning when I am more depressed." And the medium length answer is, "Yes, depression bites my backside in terms of learning anything, but it's the anxiety that goes along with it that really devastates me. I've found a few things that do help a bit, though, and maybe you'd find them helpful, too."
Good luck, and I hope you find relief soon.
Posted by gardenergirl on October 24, 2006, at 18:03:19
In reply to Re: i need hugs » muffled, posted by Phillipa on October 18, 2006, at 19:42:37
> ...don't worry about him he's horrible.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down. If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civilFollow-ups regarding these issues should be directed to Admin and should of course be civil. Dr. Bob has oversight over deputy decisions. Thus, you can always appeal this decision to him, and he may choose a different action.
Regards,
deputy gg
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