Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 684139

Shown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.

Intrusive thoughts identified... TRIGGER

Posted by Racer on September 8, 2006, at 0:29:24

I'm very, very sorry, and am not even sure I should post this. Those of you easily triggered, just skip this next paragraph, OK?
*******************************88
I've been having a very rough time of it lately. It's been really bad, and just now I realized that the horrible feeling I'm having includes a set of intrusive thoughts about historical execution. I'm thinking particularly of the method used in Tudor England -- trying to avoid the trigger, probably failing. This is from my childhood -- it probably started when I was about 7 years old. It's putting myself into the place of, say, Katherine Howard, or Anne Boleyn. I think about how it must have felt -- the events leading up to it, not the moment itself -- and wonder how I could have reacted...
****************************
Done talking about something so awful...
************************
I'm not sure what brought these back. I guess I'm glad I identified them, though. Kinda explains why I'm feeling so sick to my stomach all the time, you know? I don't know what set this off, but I sure wish I knew what to do about it.
I know, I know -- "well, redirect your thoughts." If it were that simple, I would have done it DECADES ago! Honestly -- this has haunted me for decades, wondering how anyone could have done it, etc. And I'm not even aware of it when I'm doing it, etiher. That's part of what makes it so awful -- I've had this feeling for several days now, and known it was familiar, but not what it was. Tonight I was sitting here, and finally got it.
ARGH!
Just -- make it go away!

Re: Intrusive thoughts identified... TRIGGER » Racer

Posted by Daisym on September 8, 2006, at 0:46:34

In reply to Intrusive thoughts identified... ***TRIGGER***, posted by Racer on September 8, 2006, at 0:29:24

You must have read something or seen something as a child - a movie, perhaps?
***************************************Graphic content:
When I was about 5, I was watching TV and saw some movie where a little girl is riding alone in the back of a limo. She is dressed in a winter coat, hat and a muff, all black. She is really little and alone. Some how I know her mother died and she is on the way to the grave site. Flash forward to her dreams of her mother's body decomposing, with really graphic, gross stuff - like magets, etc. (shudder) I've dreamed about this movie since then and I think about it too. I refuse to be buried, the thought creeps me out. Don't really like limos either.
So you certainly aren't the only one. Sometimes you can push yourself to let go of it by allowing a full emersion and completion of the "what if" thought. But in this case, how could you guess what it would feel like? It does seem that one would go crazy prior to it, doesn't it?
Weird what triggers us, isn't it?

Re: Intrusive thoughts identified... TRIGGER

Posted by finelinebob on September 8, 2006, at 1:06:13

In reply to Intrusive thoughts identified... ***TRIGGER***, posted by Racer on September 8, 2006, at 0:29:24

> ... I've had this feeling for several days now, and known it was familiar, but not what it was. Tonight I was sitting here, and finally got it.
>
> ARGH!
I hate when that happens. Even tho before it happens it's pretty bad, I still hate when that happens.

Re: Intrusive thoughts identified... TRIGGER » Daisym

Posted by Racer on September 8, 2006, at 1:14:14

In reply to Re: Intrusive thoughts identified... ***TRIGGER*** » Racer, posted by Daisym on September 8, 2006, at 0:46:34

> You must have read something or seen something as a child - a movie, perhaps?
>
>
PBS The Six Wives of Henry VIII 1971/1972... (I'm kinda including Elizabeth R in there, too...)
And then, because I was interested, my mother and I read books about them, too. And I read "Mary Queen of Scots" about the same time...
It's funny, in a sick sort of a way. I taught myself to write with both hands because of those topics, too. Somewhere along the way, someone told me about that punishment for theives...
I used to ask my mother about it, but she wasn't helpful. I'm sure if I had been able to convey to her what was really going on inside me when I asked, she would have tried harder, but her only answer was "life was harder then, people didn't expect to live." Not true.
I hope I have the courage to bring it up with my T when I see her next. This is the sort of thing I have the most trouble discussing, because I don't want to hear that I just have to work harder to block it from my mind. Doesn't seem to matter if I'm conscious of it or not, it seems to be there, too...
I'm sorry you understand it so well...

Re: Intrusive thoughts identified... TRIGGER » Racer

Posted by bent on September 8, 2006, at 7:00:49

In reply to Intrusive thoughts identified... ***TRIGGER***, posted by Racer on September 8, 2006, at 0:29:24

Oh my gosh Racer! I do the same exact thing. It started from elementary school when I learned about a horrific way people were executed in medieval times. Ever since then I put myself in the place of someone being executed or tortured. I imagine the fear and the pain and it makes me sick. It so intrusive. It just wont go away sometimes. I swear I dont want to think these things but it just happens. I always felt like I was weird. I never knew anyone with similar thoughts. Just a few weeks ago I mentioned it to my T for the first time because the thoughts have been getting worse over the past six months. We havent talked much more about it because of more important issues that came up, but I know its on the agenda. I feel so stupid explaining it to her. I am sorry you experience this too. Its terrible. Can you link it to anything in your past?

Re: Intrusive thoughts identified... TRIGGER » Racer

Posted by pegasus on September 8, 2006, at 9:30:45

In reply to Intrusive thoughts identified... ***TRIGGER***, posted by Racer on September 8, 2006, at 0:29:24

Wow, no wonder you've been anxious. That is a big load to be carrying around.
*****triggery intrusive thought material*********
When I was a kid I did the same kind of thing with natural disasters. I pictured earthquakes that would knock down my house (my bedroom was on the second floor), volcanos with lava running into my street, floods up to the rafters, meteorites crashing through the roof, tornados, hurricanes, sink holes opening in the earth, quicksand, locusts, the whole nine yards.
At the time I could never figure out how to handle that fear and the intrusive thoughts. As an adult, the thoughts become more mundane (carpet lint in my mouth, invisible magnetic fields disrupting my health, people hating me), but the pattern still happens.
The only thing I've found that helps a tiny little bit is doing this exercise:
1. Notice the thoughts. Take a good look at them. Try to make them more conscious.
2. Look around me and realize that they are not happening now. I.e., the allegedly hating person is not in my living room actively hating me right now.
3. Settle my attention on something in my actual surroundings (the feeling of my breath, a smell, a sound, my cat, etc.).
Then I often get a little gap of relief. I'm told that if you keep doing this over and over, then the gaps get bigger, and eventually you can control it. Hasn't happened for me yet, but I'm just grateful for the gaps.
I wish you much luck in finding your way through this.
p

Re: Intrusive thoughts identified... TRIGGER » Racer

Posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 9:41:19

In reply to Re: Intrusive thoughts identified... ***TRIGGER*** » Daisym, posted by Racer on September 8, 2006, at 1:14:14

No no no. Don't work harder to block the thought. Trying to block intrusive thoughts, like trying to use logic on them, feeds them. They live on energy, like one of those Star Trek beasties.
Pegasus is right. Or you might look into the DBT strategy.
My real favorite, if I can manage it, is to laugh at them. Intrusive thoughts just hate to be laughed at, or taken lightly. They shrivel like a flower out of water.

Re: Intrusive thoughts identified... TRIGGER » Dinah

Posted by Jost on September 8, 2006, at 18:25:13

In reply to Re: Intrusive thoughts identified... ***TRIGGER*** » Racer, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2006, at 9:41:19

From what little I've read, it's counter-productive to try to block intrusive thoughts--or berate yourself for having them, as Dinah said.
One time, I had one-- and I substituted another, rather silly and mundane thought for it. It's not quite laughing at it-- I felt too weird about having the thought. But I did think about the silly thing instead. Whether this would work? It worked that time-- but maybe it was luck, or the thought wasn' t that intrusive. But every time I got the thought, I just sort of substituted the other, rather silly thought. Maybe you have to find the right silly thought?
I do know it's hard to overcome something with nothing. In breaking a habit, it helps to use a new habit rather than simply not-doing the old thing--
I've heard that it's good to accept the thought and that you have it, but then to become aware of the fact of having it.
It shifts attention from whatever it is onto consciousness of your thought processes. That, first of all, can be interesting, rather than so frightening-- even if you don't like the thought-- and maybe lead to other assocations, and away from it
Jost.

TRIGGER and explicit.. but not too, ...

Posted by susan47 on September 9, 2006, at 0:52:17

In reply to Intrusive thoughts identified... ***TRIGGER***, posted by Racer on September 8, 2006, at 0:29:24

When I was a kid my parents watched the BBC production of Henry VIII, someone else mentioned it in this thread. And it frightened me so much, because even though I was supposed to be asleep, they always had the sound cranked up really loudly, it played I think from 10-11 pm every Sunday night ... and I remember the sounds and the voices leading up to the executions, what the women said in the tower beforehand, how they felt, I absorbed it all, and at the end, I remember vividly imagining their heads .. floating in space, and it didn't leave me for many years.
I didn't feel peace, and I remember when I was really young, about six in fact, my mother watching some play on tv about some poor young boy tortured to death, and I became so depressed and obsessed, I think it's experiences like that that made me obsessive/compulsive, it isn't anything I was born with. The fear and the anxiety and the depth of feelings which couldn't be put into any context other than the completely personal ... watching and hearing these things all felt very personal. We have good imaginations. It doesn't take much for our souls to take the journey that others IRL have already taken.
It isn't good to expose kids to this kind of stuff, I hope parents are reading and getting it. My kids are smart enough to tell me, they're aware enough of their feelings and they know that they'll be respected when they tell me to turn that off. I don't have cable, but sometimes I'll get a video from the library that they can't handle, and my son especially is very good at telling me No, that's not appropriate for me, Mom.
Just recently, I read something about beheading (this happens today, folks, it's not exactly only history, you do know this, right?) that was completely unnecessary knowledge, unhelpful, only to be cruel perhaps that it was written, or perhaps to unburden the mind of the writer, who had witnessed one. Perhaps the best thing you could do, Racer, is talk about it. I can't believe all the responses you got, that people feel and respond the same way as me. Wow. I used to see horrible things in my head on the most benign of occasions, i.e., watching an infant. It isn't fair to ourselves to have obtrusive thoughts, and I don't know how to get rid of them. I don't remember how it happened to me, that i was able to control them.
> I'm not sure what brought these back. I guess I'm glad I identified them, though. Kinda explains why I'm feeling so sick to my stomach all the time, you know? I don't know what set this off, but I sure wish I knew what to do about it.
>
You could be feeling sick to your stomach for a good physical reason. Like, if you have low blood pressure it can set off a feeling of nausea and being unwell, sick to your stomach etc. I get that.
Well, in any case beheading is supposed to be quick, painless .. a lot of people go through a lot more horrible deaths than that. It's the idea of knowing exactly when your time is coming that gets me, and how, and that it'll be at the hands of man. I mean, it isn't natural, is it???? How does an executioner go home to his family at the end of the day and make love to his wife? There was an excellent article in I think Harpers this year about a retired French Algerian executioner .. get this. When he was younger, he apprenticed to HIS FATHER, and he used to catch the heads in the basket, his father was the executioner (I guess that's called working your way to the top, or whatever ...). Guess what his father died of? THROAT CANCER.
So there must be Karma involved. I'm glad it isn't me. Just be glad it isn't you. You have your imagination. Maybe you could write something about it, write it out. I find that helps a lot, but it takes courage to put it on paper. You could always write out a scenario, maybe that would help you get the feeling/obsessive thought part of it out of you?

Re: TRIGGER and explicit...frankly

Posted by finelinebob on September 9, 2006, at 3:34:27

In reply to ***TRIGGER*** and explicit.. but not too, ..., posted by susan47 on September 9, 2006, at 0:52:17

My brother and grandfather died when I was 8. A boating accident on Lake Huron that almost took my father's and another brother's life. All the same, it killed my family. The life I can remember began then ... I can't remember much before it at all.
Here comes the gruesome trigger part:
Every Christmas, early (1am or so) in the morning while everyone else was asleep, I'd secretly come down, turn on the lights on the tree, and ask for the only present I ever wanted -- for my brother to be alive again. Then came the "what ifs". For an 8 year old, that meant what if my brother was really still alive and trapped in his coffin. As I grew older and learned what happens to the body after death, well, I learned to stop coming down to stare at the Christmas tree lights for hours.

Then I was thinking why post here? I'm not affected by that anymore.
Except for how I barricade my workspace at home, piling items around me to close me in. How I wrap myself in my sheets and blanket so tight I can't really move ... and don't. I'll wake up in the same position from a dreamless sleep, and then I'll check the length of my fingernails. Clippers are always within easy reach.
But other than that, it really hasn't affected me at all.