![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cecilia on March 16, 2006, at 1:27:38
In reply to Re: Never thought I'd hear this..... » cecilia, posted by linkadge on March 15, 2006, at 9:32:25
Therapy is addicting for a lot of people. Even when it isn't helping, the more money and emotional emergy you put into it the harder it is to fold your cards and walk away. Emotionally the whole process can put you into a childlike state and just like a child will beg to stay with an abusive parent, many people will attach like glue to a therapist who doesn't help them at all. Cecilia
Posted by gardenergirl on March 16, 2006, at 1:27:38
In reply to Psychotherapy addicting, posted by cecilia on March 15, 2006, at 22:33:35
> many people will attach like glue to a therapist who doesn't help them at all.
And just as many will find benefit and "graduate" just fine.
gg
Posted by agent858 on March 16, 2006, at 2:20:51
In reply to Psychotherapy addicting, posted by cecilia on March 15, 2006, at 22:33:35
Yes. That seems to be right. And I agree.
And sometimes... I think you need to walk away to see it. Like how you need to stop with the cigarettes and the alchohol etc and it is only later... Much much later that you think 'jeepers was I really addicted to that stuff and now i am oh so very much better off without it'.Hrm.
Methinks... Good clinicians (and just as importantly a good therapist / client fit) is hard to find. Just like good friends and lovers and so on are hard to find IRL.
Sometimes... You have the odd good relationship.
But mostly... Relationships f*ck us over.
And sometimes it isn't till we are out of them that we can see.
So... How is therapy going then?
Are you going through a hard patch?
Or are you starting to think there is something more to that?
Or... Are you just commenting generally...
Posted by fallsfall on March 16, 2006, at 7:23:02
In reply to Psychotherapy addicting, posted by cecilia on March 15, 2006, at 22:33:35
I did that. I attached to a therapist who wasn't helping me (well she helped me at the beginning, but then there was a long time when she wasn't helping me). But that didn't mean that I didn't need therapy. It meant that I needed to find someone other than her.
What's going on?
Posted by agent858 on March 16, 2006, at 18:05:38
In reply to Re: Psychotherapy addicting » cecilia, posted by fallsfall on March 16, 2006, at 7:23:02
i think it can be hard to know...
maybe tis about weighing things...
'could benefit'
is that what 'needs therapy' means?
how about if you 'could benefit' from support and people helping you process on boards...
i'm not sure that i've gotten anything (positive) in therapy that i can't get here.
and in therapy there is all this other baggage
unrealistic expectations
getting real upset with off the cuff remarks
feeling really very attached and dependenthelping
or
harmingimo hard to tell...
then add in the cost if i'm terminated or if i have trouble relating to someone... then i'm in danger of suicide. so therapy can be life threatening for me lol.
they want to focus on stuff that... isn't so much of an issue irl outside therapy. they think you need to do that to get better...
sometimes i wonder if it is about getting peopel to deteriorate to a bad place... to haul them out to about where they started from (look how much they have improved over time!)
then you add in the $$$$$
think of what else you could spend that $$$$$$ on.
hrm.
i'm a sceptic.
there is very little evidence that pepole can generalise skills learned in therapy to outside therapy...
the best evidence is for CBT
yet clients tend to report being happier with something psychodynamic...
(here for example)
but there is little evidence it actually helps...ask the drug addict 'do your drugs help you? are they good for you?' and so long as they have a fairly constant supply what are they going to say?
i think therapy can be harmful because it doesn't teach pepole to have realistic two way relationships.
all the stuff that comes up...
you are paying someone to be nice to you.
and you can find it irl... or... you can find it on support boards at any rate. and you learn about reciprocity... (or if you take that on board things go a lot smoother). and... people chat to you because they want to not because they are being paid to.
but sometimes... people in therapy... i think they don't appreciate what they get irl or outside therapy so much because they are so focused on the therapy relationship.
i'm not convinced it is good for pepole.
i don't think it was good for me.it may have been something i liked. something i enjoyed. a little like feeling in love...
but was it good for me?
im not convinced...
Posted by agent858 on March 16, 2006, at 21:39:30
In reply to Re: Psychotherapy addicting, posted by agent858 on March 16, 2006, at 18:05:38
i think it can be good for learning new skills...
short term time limited homework exercises helping you learn new skills...more than that...
does it help?
or does it just feel nice for a while?
at what cost (if something happens to them or if the rshp turns to custard or if you run out of money)?is it worth it?
i don't think so... i don't think so...
Posted by Dinah on March 17, 2006, at 8:35:54
In reply to Re: Psychotherapy addicting, posted by agent858 on March 16, 2006, at 18:05:38
I think it can, obviously, hurt. A lot. But I'm not altogether sure that the hurting is harmful, if that makes sense. It may depend on what you do with the hurt.
If a person's therapist ties her hurt into earlier history, and the cleint learns about patterns of her own behavior, and ways of thinking, that could help her in her real life, dependence can be helpful even if the inevitable reality hurts.
In my own case, the hurt highlights some things about me. Things I may have never realized about myself and what I want in life. About how I view myself, and what I value. And about how I might not be able to get those things that I didn't even know I wanted, as a person who on the surface at least is an adult. At least not as much as I want them. Maybe I can get them a little. But recognizing that I want them, but can't have them, allows me to grieve them. Which I would never have been able to do if I hadn't recognized them.
I've been hurt by therapy, yes. I'm almost a poster child for when good therapy goes terribly wrong. And some of the lessons from that hurt are things I have to process myself, which isn't as it should be. But would I spare myself the hurt and never have chosen therapy to begin with? No.
I'm a better mom, a better wife (not a great one, but a better one), and a different person, all because of therapy. I can't altogether judge if I'm a better person because of it.
Could I have done it without therapy? Perhaps. Would I have? Doubtful. It just wouldn't have occurred to me.
Could Babble or other groups designed for mutual support and education have provided the same benefits? I'd never know. I wouldn't have been able to stand all the human interaction and the feelings that arose from it without therapy. I'd spent my entire life since middle school (except tenth and twelth grades) avoiding those stimulating and confusing creatures called humans. I didn't understand what I was doing wrong in my interactions with them.
And most importantly, I would have never learned why I did the things I did. I'd have spent my entire life being baffled and confused by myself as well.
Is it addicting? Perhaps. I think self reflection can be addicting too. But it's not addicting without benefit.
And I think the best therapists are like the best parents. They understand that their job is to become, if not redundant, than at least not necessary. That their clients will internalize all they've learned and leave the nest as ready to fly away as anyone is.
Of course, not all parents and not all therapists operate with that end in mind. :) Not all therapists and not all parents are wise enough to see what's going on with their clients or children, or brave enough to address it, or self reflective enough to see what benefit they might be getting that might be leading them to unwittingly encourage dependence. Or virtuous enough to care. And it might be in all clients' best interests to occasionally step back and evaluate those things. Certainly I know a few adult children who ought to do the same thing.
And I am beginning to suspect that particularly attractive individuals perhaps ought to be discouraged from entering a field where the intimate setting and artificial focussing on the client might mimic traditional mating rituals. (smile)
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.