Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 619010

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Choices, its all about choices isn't it?

Posted by muffled on March 11, 2006, at 18:04:19

We make choices....
to be good
to be bad
to do things that are good for us
to trash ourselves
to live
to die
to try
to give up
to love
to hate
to trust
to fear
.....
.....
WHY do I make bad choices?????????????????????????
WHY?
When I KNOW its bad.
WHY?
Muffled

Re: Choices, its all about choices isn't it? » muffled

Posted by Tamar on March 11, 2006, at 18:25:13

In reply to Choices, its all about choices isn't it?, posted by muffled on March 11, 2006, at 18:04:19

> We make choices....

Yeah... and some of our choices are freer than others...

> to be good
> to be bad
> to do things that are good for us
> to trash ourselves
> to live
> to die
> to try
> to give up
> to love
> to hate
> to trust
> to fear
> .....

Your words remind me of Ecclesiastes 3: there's a time to be born and a time to die, and so on...

And yet, can we really *choose* to love or to fear? Those are very strong emotions that don't respond well to rational thought (in my experience)

> WHY do I make bad choices?????????????????????????
> WHY?
> When I KNOW its bad.
> WHY?
> Muffled

Well, it sounds to me as if the answer you're implying is that you make bad choices because you're a bad person. And I happen to know that's not true. I happen to know you're a wonderful person.

So if you make bad choices, perhaps it's because you're afraid to make different choices. Perhaps you have been hurt after making good choices, and it seems easier to make bad choices. Maybe you can't imagine things being different. Maybe you're very anxious about your choices.

It’s easy for other people to judge and criticize. It’s easy to beat ourselves up about it. But in fact we make whatever choice seems right at the time, even when we know it’s not perfect. And there are reasons why it seems right at the time. Knowing why we make the choices we make is a step towards making choices we feel more comfortable with.

Stay safe…

Tamar

Re: Choices, its all about choices isn't it? » Tamar

Posted by ClearSkies on March 11, 2006, at 21:20:22

In reply to Re: Choices, its all about choices isn't it? » muffled, posted by Tamar on March 11, 2006, at 18:25:13

> WHY do I make bad choices?????????????????????????
> WHY?
> When I KNOW its bad.
> WHY?
> Muffled

I think that we have to not be judgemental about ourselves when we make judgements or choices. Just accept that this is how we feel and that just as we can make good, fair, loving choices, we have the same ability to make choices that are not so good.

My T wants me to be aware of all of these choices and the feelings I have about having made them; but actively decide to not be judgemental about them. That what I do, and it's just as much a part of me as the part who makes the good choices. Observe the choices we make and how we feel about them, but don't sit in judgement on any of them.

It's harder for me than it sounds. Hard to suspend judgement on any of it.

ClearSkies

Re: Choices, its all about choices isn't it? » muffled

Posted by sleepygirl on March 11, 2006, at 22:08:26

In reply to Choices, its all about choices isn't it?, posted by muffled on March 11, 2006, at 18:04:19

yeah, choices, and I start to feel like, yeah, and doesn't that suck? and I can't think of all the reasons why right now. it's lonely and a great thing at the same time....not sure why

Re: Choices, its all about choices isn't it?

Posted by Gee on March 11, 2006, at 22:59:53

In reply to Re: Choices, its all about choices isn't it? » muffled, posted by sleepygirl on March 11, 2006, at 22:08:26

(((Muffled)))

I hope you're okay. Something good always comes out of something bad. Though sometimes you gotta look really really hard. But it's there.

Re: Choices, its all about choices isn't it?

Posted by agent858 on March 15, 2006, at 4:39:09

In reply to Re: Choices, its all about choices isn't it? » muffled, posted by Tamar on March 11, 2006, at 18:25:13

> Your words remind me of Ecclesiastes 3: there's a time to be born and a time to die, and so on...

yeah. there is a song too... turn turn turn... or something. there is a season etc.

> And yet, can we really *choose* to love or to fear? Those are very strong emotions that don't respond well to rational thought (in my experience)

yah. recalcitrant emotions (that persist despite judgement / belief to the contrary). interesting... probably implemented on relatively basic low level structures that have fairly limited interaction with higher structures where the thinking / judging etc goes on...

> > WHY do I make bad choices?????????????????????????
> > WHY?
> > When I KNOW its bad.
> > WHY?
> > Muffled

hmm. maybe...

there is a need that your 'bad' choices fulfill?
and you can't think of 'good' alternatives that meet those needs?
maybe... because you have trouble with those low level emotional responses (which can be fairly intense)?

dunno.

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