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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2006, at 10:11:49
I went back on Risperdal a few weeks (or maybe a couple of weeks ago) when I realized that my acting out with my therapist (oversensitivity and some unreasonable phone calls and tantrums) coincided with my going off Risperdal. I didn't want to be a bother to him, so I went back on.
He notices a difference in me and my ability to access my emotions and has been commenting on it (in a concerned way). I'm not sure if he remembers that I'm back on Risperdal.
It was my own impression that I had trouble posting on Risperdal. Not only did I have the word retrieval and substitution problems, but I also was more cerebral, more concrete, and oh, I don't know. Then I noticed the difference when I went off. It seemed easier to post, and my posts sounded more like me. And now I'm noticing the Risperdal effect again.
Is it just me? Is it all inside my mind? Or is it noticeable outside my mind as well.
Posted by ClearSkies on February 22, 2006, at 10:48:16
In reply to Anyone notice a difference in my posting?, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2006, at 10:11:49
To me your posts sound more spontaneous lately. Like you aren't having to dwell too long on which words to use, and they are coming easier to you.
That's what I see.
CS
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2006, at 11:05:30
In reply to Re: Anyone notice a difference in my posting? » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on February 22, 2006, at 10:48:16
That's funny, because it's the opposite of how I feel. It feels like each post has a wall and I have to hoist myself over it to post, and then I'm sort of at a loss and post something simplistic and lame. :)
While other times, when I feel more connected mind to gut, I read, walk away, and come back knowing exactly what I want to post without ever really consciously thinking about it.
Of course, then there are OCD times. Where I post and repost and take things back. lol.
Posted by ClearSkies on February 22, 2006, at 11:37:38
In reply to Re: Anyone notice a difference in my posting? » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2006, at 11:05:30
This isn't the first time I have "read" you incorrectly, Dinah! I think I am inferring how I picture you feel from the style you're using. Your words are well chosen but don't across as having been struggled over.
One of those things that we agonize about and that others can't see? This happens to me a lot; when I am particularly anxious, yet no one else can tell that I'm wrestling with myself and instead see me as serene.
I would rather that my outward appearances and actions match my internal feelings.
CS
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2006, at 11:54:26
In reply to Re: Anyone notice a difference in my posting? » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on February 22, 2006, at 11:37:38
Actually, I'm glad it's all internal.
I get the feeling on Risperdal that I'm posting insensitively and too much from my brain. But if no one else has noticed, then that means it's just me, and I shouldn't worry about it.
I guess I was extra worried about it since my therapist has been remarking on it for two weeks now. And silly me has been wondering what he's going on about, instead of remembering that he may not know I'm still taking the Risperdal.
Posted by Daisym on February 23, 2006, at 1:35:27
In reply to Re: Anyone notice a difference in my posting? » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2006, at 11:54:26
I've noticed you are hiding your younger self, it seems. She is the emotional one, the one who needs and wants, who is sad and who wants to bother your therapist. I like both parts, I just miss her a little.
You post less, and seem less willing to use your natural empathy to reflect what is going on with posters. Of course, I usually only read here, so maybe you are doing that on other boards. You don't seem to want to engage in a debate, defend therapy or even your own ideas. I've watched you back off of several things lately, blaming illness or medication or being tired.
I hope this isn't too blunt. I'm worried about you. I hope you know you have my full support, even when I'm quiet or struggling myself.
Hugs,
Daisy
(can you tell I feel little tonight?)
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2006, at 9:10:03
In reply to Re: Anyone notice a difference in my posting? » Dinah, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2006, at 1:35:27
:-)
Maybe that's why you're noticing what I'm noticing myself. And what my therapist is noticing.
He keeps saying I'm not bringing my emotional self to therapy, and I keep answering that I must be because I'm feeling fondness for him in the moment instead of disdain. But I know what he means. My ability to converse on an emotional level goes way down on Risperdal. I stay superficial.
(I have been a bit confrontational on the Politics board. grin.)
I miss me too.
But I really don't want to be a bother. Plus when I'm a bother when he isn't really up to dealing with it, it hurts me and my ability to work.
Posted by Tamar on February 23, 2006, at 17:53:21
In reply to Re: Anyone notice a difference in my posting? » Daisym, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2006, at 9:10:03
I haven’t been reading as much in recent weeks because I don’t get much chance to get online. However, I’m guessing that what Daisy said is fairly accurate… maybe your emotional self is repressed on Risperdal.
> (I have been a bit confrontational on the Politics board. grin.)
I haven’t read Politics, but I’m sure a bit of confrontation is all to the good!
> But I really don't want to be a bother. Plus when I'm a bother when he isn't really up to dealing with it, it hurts me and my ability to work.
Argh! You aren’t a bother, you’re a ‘Jessica’. You are special and wonderful and interesting and a joy to know. You could be ‘Rational Dinah’ forever and get lots of work done and not trouble your therapist too much and be the person you think people expect you to be, and take Risperdal for the rest of your life.
Or you could be ‘Emotional Dinah’ sometimes, and be your other self; the self who is vulnerable and sometimes weak and sometimes hurt and needs attention, and is also empathic and sympathetic and loving.
It’s not easy being so opposite, or ambivalent, or conflicted. Maybe it feels easier to take Risperdal and always be the same person. But I reckon it’s only half of who you are. And much as I love Rational Dinah, I also adore Emotional Dinah.
I haven’t answered your question; sorry. But I reckon that suppressing one aspect of yourself might not be ultimately helpful to you.
Tamar
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2006, at 20:00:39
In reply to Re: Anyone notice a difference in my posting? » Dinah, posted by Tamar on February 23, 2006, at 17:53:21
I know. And I agree.
But it's just not good timing. If I get miffed at something he says, I won't be able to contact him easily and he'll likely be grumpy.
He's coming back this summer. I'll just hope that I won't be leaving at the same time.
Then I can come off the Risperdal (unless I'm leaving of course) and be me again.
Depending on where we're assigned, and if we have to go, I might give up my job and drop therapy entirely. That's one of the options my husband and I have been discussing. I wonder if that would mean I'd continue on the Risperdal and become a nicely behaved little woman.
:(
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2006, at 20:01:39
In reply to Re: Anyone notice a difference in my posting? » Tamar, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2006, at 20:00:39
I used the term "woman" to refer to myself.
Posted by fallsfall on February 24, 2006, at 10:14:45
In reply to Gosh. I'm definitely not myself., posted by Dinah on February 23, 2006, at 20:01:39
What have you done with the Dinah we know and love???
I find you quiet these days. Less involved. Less chatty.
But I'm only reading Psychological... So maybe I am projecting.
This is the end of the thread.
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