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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:17:45
I guess I feel like I can talk about this now, and in therapy this week. Well after having my burning accident this week, it triggered memories of my mother burning me with hot light bulbs because " I was a bad girl". It hurt really bad, emotionally and espeically physically. I haven't told my T all my abuse, he knows some of the emotional stuff and the hitting with objects but not the burning stuff.
Well since I have sleeping meds to help me sleep, there is a bad side, nightmares. I have been having nightmares the last couple of nights of memories of my mother burning me. But what is strange is her face fades in and out and alternates with my DH face.
So what does this mean, I am suffering from the beginnings of PTSD? with the nightmares and all.
Posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 16:44:14
In reply to My burn accident ****child abuse trigger*****, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:17:45
> I guess I feel like I can talk about this now, and in therapy this week. Well after having my burning accident this week, it triggered memories of my mother burning me with hot light bulbs because " I was a bad girl".
(((((Happyflower))))) What a terrible thing to experience.
> It hurt really bad, emotionally and espeically physically. I haven't told my T all my abuse, he knows some of the emotional stuff and the hitting with objects but not the burning stuff.
I think maybe you need to tell him *everything* if you can…
> Well since I have sleeping meds to help me sleep, there is a bad side, nightmares. I have been having nightmares the last couple of nights of memories of my mother burning me. But what is strange is her face fades in and out and alternates with my DH face.
I can imagine that your experience would trigger memories and nightmares associated with those memories.
And perhaps the appearance of your husband in these nightmares isn’t so strange… I can imagine you’re making a connection between your mother’s emotional abandonment and your husband’s emotional abandonment.
Does your husband know about the burning in your childhood? In an ideal world, he should be supportive at the moment; you should be able to talk to him about it and he should be able to comfort you. But since he’s been so distant, perhaps you find it difficult to imagine allowing yourself to be so vulnerable with him…
> So what does this mean, I am suffering from the beginnings of PTSD? with the nightmares and all.
Not necessarily. Sometimes nightmares are just nightmares, especially after a painful experience. On the other hand, if there are still issues you haven’t worked through, you might need to address them now. I do think it would be a good idea to talk to your therapist about all this. When do you see him?
Tamar
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:58:52
In reply to Re: My burn accident ****child abuse trigger***** » happyflower, posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 16:44:14
>
> I think maybe you need to tell him *everything* if you can…I am trying to, but sometimes memories come up that I have surpressed like this one. Then of course there is the pink poka dot elephant in the room that never gets talked about becasue things keep happening to me.
>> And perhaps the appearance of your husband in these nightmares isn’t so strange… I can imagine you’re making a connection between your mother’s emotional abandonment and your husband’s emotional abandonment.Yes it is sort of the same, but with my mother I didn't know at the time what I was missing, but now that I know what it feels like to be loved, I KNOW what I am missing dearly.
> Does your husband know about the burning in your childhood? In an ideal world, he should be supportive at the moment; you should be able to talk to him about it and he should be able to comfort you. But since he’s been so distant, perhaps you find it difficult to imagine allowing yourself to be so vulnerable with him…No, I don't feel like I can tell him. Even early on , I deceided not to let him read some of the abuse stuff becasue he was really getting upset by it. But now I don't have him for support, so I have been crying for hours in the bath tub alone, so I don't upset anyone. I feel so vunerable right now, and going to my session this Thurs. feels like my insides are are going to come gushing out and I won't be able to stop it. Then I have to deal with feeling rejected by my T because he won't even hold me or hug me. So this isn't going to be a good session for me.
Thank you Tamar for listening and the hugs.
Posted by LegWarmers on December 11, 2005, at 18:09:15
In reply to Re: My burn accident ****child abuse trigger*****, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:58:52
That sounds horrendous Happyflower, Ill be sending you lots of strength for your session
((((Happyflower)))
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 21:51:17
In reply to Re: My burn accident ****child abuse trigger*****, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:58:52
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 21:52:50
In reply to Re: My burn accident ****child abuse trigger***** » happyflower, posted by LegWarmers on December 11, 2005, at 18:09:15
Thank You, I could use a use some strength right now, Thursday just can't seem to get here fast enough.
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 21:56:28
In reply to My burn accident ****child abuse trigger*****, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:17:45
I remember being shoved into our large wood burning stove and I used my hands to catch myself, I burned both of my hands. Teachers wondered about it, but I told them I tripped. The worse is my mom evil laugh. She thought abusing me was funny. It was like she enjoyed tormenting me. I wonder if Sadam enjoyed tortureing his victims. What is it some illness, for someone to be so cruel.
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 22:15:03
In reply to Re: Even worse ****child abuse trigger*****, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 21:56:28
A slow painful death would be too good for her. I will never forget what she has done, even when she dies, but at least I didn't have to fear running into her in the public. She carries a gun, she could be dangerous. She held a gun to my brothers head 3 days after my dad died. She is as sick women, my grandma is sick, all her sisters are sick people. There is nobody normal on that side of the family. But that is no excuse. I still worry about that craziness being in my genes.
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 22:17:35
In reply to I wish my mom would just die, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 22:15:03
Posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 22:20:40
In reply to I wish my mom would just die, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 22:15:03
He says she doesn't have her children and grandchildren in her life. But is that equal to the pain she has caused me and my brother? I couldn't hurt a flea, I think I would have trouble harming her, if she ever came near me and threatened me. But I think I would hurt her if she tried to abduct my kids.
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2005, at 23:11:29
In reply to My T says she is not getting away from anything, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 22:20:40
I wish your mother would die too. She's sick and twisted. The only good thing is she produced you, and thats a wonderful thing. Sometimes when all the bad sh*t starts making me crazy. I remember that its all got to be for a reason, and God will use it for good. I got a job to do somewhere. Use my f*cked upness, and understanding of how it is to live this way, and the fact it makes me humble, cuz who the f*ck am I anyways, screwed up sh*t head that I am. And so I can help others.
I think I will work with street people. Cuz I'm comfortable there. Hopefully I can understand and help them better cuz of my own sh*t. Otherwise I couldn't help them, not really, I'd just be another do-gooder trying to save them when they don't even want/need saving.
Thats what I think anyways.
Happy you a real nice beautiful person. You're mother will eventually rot in hell. You can live and be good. You do live and be good now.
(((Happy)))
Posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 23:35:05
In reply to My burn accident ****child abuse trigger*****, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 16:17:45
> I guess I feel like I can talk about this now, and in therapy this week. Well after having my burning accident this week, it triggered memories of my mother burning me with hot light bulbs because " I was a bad girl".
How horrific. I had a neighbor (drunk woman, hold my hand over an open fire); I cannot remember my mother saying anything.
It hurt really bad, emotionally and espeically physically. I haven't told my T all my abuse,
I hope you will.
he knows some of the emotional stuff and the hitting with objects but not the burning stuff.
> Well since I have sleeping meds to help me sleep, there is a bad side, nightmares. I have been having nightmares the last couple of nights of memories of my mother burning me.I am so sorry my dear little friend.
But what is strange is her face fades in and out and alternates with my DH face.
Perhaps because you are dealing with the 2 abusers in your life?
> So what does this mean, I am suffering from the beginnings of PTSD? with the nightmares and all.Hope you will tell you t all you told us here.
Love and hugs, Ally
Posted by Tamar on December 12, 2005, at 4:09:22
In reply to Re: Even worse ****child abuse trigger*****, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 21:56:28
> I remember being shoved into our large wood burning stove and I used my hands to catch myself, I burned both of my hands. Teachers wondered about it, but I told them I tripped. The worse is my mom evil laugh. She thought abusing me was funny. It was like she enjoyed tormenting me. I wonder if Sadam enjoyed tortureing his victims. What is it some illness, for someone to be so cruel.
Happyflower, can you call your therapist today? The things that happened to you really are horrific. I think you need some support IRL. I know you’ll see him on Thursday, but I think it would help you to talk to him before that.
I’m so sorry about the things your mother did to you when you were a child. I just don’t understand why people do things like that.
(((((Happyflower)))))
Posted by B2chica on December 12, 2005, at 9:27:33
In reply to Re: Even worse ****child abuse trigger***** » happyflower, posted by Tamar on December 12, 2005, at 4:09:22
(((((happyflower))))) i am so sorry your 'mother' treated you and your brother that way. it's horrible.
you deserve love and kindness. it makes me humble with my whiny complaints. it really puts things into perspective. you are Wonderful and have already touched SO many lives just here at babble.
thank you
b2c.
Posted by happyflower on December 12, 2005, at 11:53:59
In reply to Re: Even worse ****child abuse trigger*****, posted by B2chica on December 12, 2005, at 9:27:33
I think highly of you too B2. I am glad I have "met" you. But you know you really can't compair abuse and say one is worse than the other. All abuse is bad . Does that makes sense? Thank you B2 (((((B2))))))))))))
Posted by happyflower on December 12, 2005, at 11:54:58
In reply to Re: Even worse ****child abuse trigger*****, posted by happyflower on December 12, 2005, at 11:53:59
This is the end of the thread.
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