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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 18:43:37
I need help.
I have an "issue" that I really need help/feedback with... even if it's just someone who is in the same boat as me. The problem is, I don't think this is the proper forum for it (it's more of an anxiety thing), but maybe it is because I am WAY too embarrassed to talk about this with my therapist.
Oh gosh, and in reality, it's not like a "bad" embarrassment thing, it's more of a shame... I think.
I've had months to prepare, but didn't because I just can't bring myself to talk about it. Now I am down to the wire and I am freaking out!
It's kinda weird and to those that don't have an issue with this, it really is no big deal. However, to me.... yikes!
I don't know if I am allowed to post it here.
lgl
Posted by Poet on November 29, 2005, at 19:09:17
In reply to I'm too embarrassed to talk about this...., posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 18:43:37
Hi lgl,
Uh, I am totally lost. I read your thread about calling your therapist about missing a session last week. Is this about continuing therapy or ?
I've got to go, but I'll check in later.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on November 29, 2005, at 19:12:25
In reply to I'm too embarrassed to talk about this...., posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 18:43:37
I often talk here about topics I plan to bring up in therapy. Are you just worried about posting it on the Psychology Board? Nearly any topic can be discussed on Babble.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 19:15:00
In reply to I'm too embarrassed to talk about this...., posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 18:43:37
So here it is... I really really need help with this and don't know how to proceed. To me this is just such a "weird" topic, and I am way too embarrassed to talk to my therapist about this. It's strange though because there are lots of things I am embarrassed to talk about, but with this topic, I can't even entertain it in my mind. (Maybe it's more shame based?) We actually have tried to talk about it, but it always ends up with me saying, "I can't talk about it because it's too weird." So I guess you can say she knows it's an issue, but that's all she knows about it.
I don't even know how to say it since it is so embarrassing for me to talk about!
Does anyone have a fear (to the point of inability) of using public bathrooms? I'm not even talking about germs and stuff. I just cannot pee (and certainly not anything else) if someone is in the restroom with me, listening (or not even listening, but in the vicinity where they could hear). When I go out with friends, I will never go to the restroom with them like most women do. I also avoid using the bathroom at someone's house and in fact will usually stop at a fast food place along the way and use their bathroom, instead of the one in the home of the person I know. (Now that doesn't make sense!) I even do this on my way to therapy and her office is in her house - with it's own bathroom!
This has always been a problem for me, but I was somehow able to avoid it. What prompted me to write about it now is: My job is transferring me to our other office. Where I am now is a private, one stall, bathroom. You lock it when you are in there. This new office is not like that. There are a few (3 to be exact... which is somehow worse than like 40!) stalls. I don't like change to begin with, but I cannot tell you the amount of distress this bathroom situation is causing me!! So a few months ago when talk of the move began, I told my T there was something that was worrying me. I was embarrassed to tell her what it was, though I vaguely, eventually did... sort of. I really just said I have a problem with public bathrooms. (Then couldn't say anymore.) Well, now we finally have a date for the move - supposedly this Thursday or Friday. Yikes!! She wanted to help me with this because she sees how distressing it is for me, but I am embarrassed to even talk about it. I mean, who talks about "going to the bathroom"!!? The other thing is... she thinks it's related to some abuse in my background. I just can't get past the embarrassment of *talking* about it to even reach that point (abuse). The truth is, abuse or not, I litterally cannot "go" if someone is in there with me. :(
I seriously hope someone can relate to this and offer some kind of help. I'm desperate. I know I need to talk to T about this, but how do I get past the embarrassment of the topic? I mean, who talks about "going to the bathroom"!? (I'm the type of person who, if I could get away with it, would even deny doing such a thing!)
As I mentioned in the previous post, if this is not something you suffer from, you may be laughing. I can understand that! Heck, if I didn't have the problem, I would think it's funny too! Something so "normal", why is it even an issue? Ahh, but it is me, and it is an issue... a big one.
Thanks ever so much!
Posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 19:18:20
In reply to Re: I'm too embarrassed to talk about this.... » LittleGirlLost, posted by Dinah on November 29, 2005, at 19:12:25
> I often talk here about topics I plan to bring up in therapy. Are you just worried about posting it on the Psychology Board? Nearly any topic can be discussed on Babble.
Yep. I just didn't know if the topic was okay for the board. LOL I just posted it anyway. :)
Posted by daisym on November 29, 2005, at 19:44:22
In reply to Re: I'm too embarrassed to talk about this.... » Dinah, posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 19:18:20
You are not alone in this. We had a whole thread on this once here...I'll try to find it. Everyone had strategies of how to deal with it. It probably is related in some way to your abuse -- I imagine you feel really vulnerable and exposed. And perhaps, (this is a little out there) the sounds that happen when you go to the bathroom feel like a giant alert system that tells anyone else within ear shot that you are vulnerable and exposed right now. The fear is real and so is your discomfort. It isn't something to be laughed at or be ashamed of.
This could be left over from your early potty training experiences too -- parents sometimes stay with kids and urge them to go and a battle or shaming insues. These are very formative events and stay with us.
Do you have a coworker you can enlist to guard the door for you? Or can you make a "temporary out of order" sign for when you go in? I bet you can scout around near the office for a quick pit stop place too. Starbucks usually has single stalls and they seem to be everywhere.
As far as telling your therapist, maybe take in your post. Certainly you express your fear and discomfort well in it. I'm sure she won't laugh at you.
(((LGL))) Good luck with the move!
Posted by Dinah on November 29, 2005, at 19:54:53
In reply to Oh, I think I'll just post it anyway, posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 19:15:00
Daisy's right. I remember the thread.
It really isn't a terribly unusual problem. I'm sure she won't laugh or dismiss it, and it won't shock or disgust her either.
I haven't had exactly that problem, but I did have OCD related problems with bathrooms, so that I considered my family home's bathroom "contaminated" and would rather have used a public bathroom than my own. So I never sat on it for nearly twenty years, and had bowel problems because of it.
Which may be way too much information, but at least you should feel less weird than me. :)
Posted by Shortelise on November 29, 2005, at 20:29:16
In reply to I'm too embarrassed to talk about this...., posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 18:43:37
I don't have this problem, but I sure get it. I have stood sentinel for a friend. Dear LGL, I hope you can talk about this. It's a problem, not something you invented, and there's nothing about feeling unable to use a washroom that's funny.
I hate it that we get so hung up in our own shame that we keep ourselves from asking for the help we need. What is with the awful shame stuff? If I were queen of the Universe, I would banish it.
(((LGL))) I am so glad you told us here. Maybe you could talk with your T now?
ShortE
Posted by fallsfall on November 29, 2005, at 20:44:08
In reply to I'm too embarrassed to talk about this...., posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 18:43:37
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/497343.html
Posted by happyflower on November 29, 2005, at 20:58:46
In reply to Re: I'm too embarrassed to talk about this.... » LittleGirlLost, posted by Shortelise on November 29, 2005, at 20:29:16
I had this fear when I was a kid like in elementary school. Some how I outgrew it though. But I understand though. I always had to wait for someone else to start peeing before I could go. I didn't want them to hear me for some reason. Now I am okay, I am more freaked out by all the germs of public restrooms. Yuck! I say.
My T who works out at the same gym as me, takes showers there before he goes to work. I told him I sure hope he uses feet protection when using the showers so he doesn't get any fungus. That was a fun discussion. LOL He asked if I shower at home instead of the gym. He wanted me once to come to an earlier appointment,(his office is 1/2 block away) and I wouldn't of had time to go home and shower and I didn't want to do it at the gym. But if you ever had athlets feet, you would understand. Plus if you have foot problems, it agivates the situation even more. I am sure you are all glad to know this. LOL
Posted by ghost on November 29, 2005, at 21:09:48
In reply to Oh, I think I'll just post it anyway, posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 19:15:00
i'm totally pee-shy. that's what i call it anyway.
i will go out of my way (or not go at all) at work if i can't get an empty bathroom. i'm not sure what to do about it though! it doesnt really hurt anyone, so i dont really talk about it. never really thought about it till you brought it up, actually!
Posted by Poet on November 29, 2005, at 21:16:55
In reply to Oh, I think I'll just post it anyway, posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 19:15:00
Hi lgl,
I'm glad Falls linked to a previous thread on this.
I still have to use an end stall and my bladder shuts down if somebody comes in the bathroom. I am more comfortable using the bathroom at a friend's house than anything public. I think it's because as long as the door locks I know I am alone in there.
I once worked in a place with one bathroom (one toilet) that all shared. I liked that- if the door was shut (and latched tight) everybody knew it was occupied and didn't even rattle the door knob.
Poet
Posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 22:09:52
In reply to Oh, I think I'll just post it anyway, posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 19:15:00
I was just reading some of the responses and feel a little better. It's so amazing to just feel so understood, and not judged at all; I have tears in my eyes.
And thanks for posting the old thread! LOL That I was the one who started that one! I didn't even remember it! I'll have to go back and read that one too.
I have to get to bed soon, but just wanted to say thanks. I will respond more tomorrow.
lgl
Posted by Tabitha on November 29, 2005, at 23:18:42
In reply to Oh, I think I'll just post it anyway, posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 19:15:00
I have that problem sometimes. I found two ways to cope. One is just wait til nobody is in the room (it gets annoying when people are using the mirror). Two is kind of odd, but it works for me-- I plug my ears with my fingers. Somehow if I can't hear the other people in the room, my body feels like it's 'alone' and I'm able to go. I always end up doing that in airport restrooms, where there's no chance of actually having the whole room to myself.
Posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2005, at 3:51:20
In reply to Thanks :) Will respond more tomorrow, posted by LittleGirlLost on November 29, 2005, at 22:09:52
try the toilet paper down the bowl trick.
if you put enough in there...
you can't hear anything.
(don't clog the toilet though lol)maybe try it at home...
then try it out someplace with nobody there....
then out someplace with someone you trust...
then see if you can go a bit easier...
Posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2005, at 16:51:14
In reply to Re: Thanks :) Will respond more tomorrow, posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2005, at 3:51:20
on a similar note, anybody hear the joke about the behaviourist???
this guy had been going to see a therapist for a while... to deal with his fear that monsters would come out at him from under his bed in the night. they worked on the problem for many many years, but he still had this fear about the monsters coming out from under his bed.
he changed therapists...
and then a couple of weeks later the two therapists run into each other in a pub and they are having a chat. the new therapist is telling the old therapist about this client he had who had this fear of monsters coming out at him from under his bed. the old therapist says something about how he worked with someone for many years trying to change that, but with no luck. 'oh, i managed to cure that in one session' the new therapist says. the other one asks 'how on earth did you do that'?
'it was simple' he replied.
'i just told him to cut the legs off his bed'.no moral...
i'm not sure what to make of this...
but just thought i'd share...
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 1, 2005, at 10:29:43
In reply to Re: I'm too embarrassed to talk about this.... » LittleGirlLost, posted by daisym on November 29, 2005, at 19:44:22
> It probably is related in some way to your abuse -- I imagine you feel really vulnerable and exposed. And perhaps, (this is a little out there) the sounds that happen when you go to the bathroom feel like a giant alert system that tells anyone else within ear shot that you are vulnerable and exposed right now.
Daisy,
As "out there" as it may sound, it does make sense! I tend to be a rather quiet person; I don't like to draw attention to myself... and i don't want an alert system when i go potty... :(
> This could be left over from your early potty training experiences too -- parents sometimes stay with kids and urge them to go and a battle or shaming insues. These are very formative events and stay with us.That's sort of what my T asked me... But I really don't remember potty training, or anything about it.
> Do you have a coworker you can enlist to guard the door for you? Or can you make a "temporary out of order" sign for when you go in? I bet you can scout around near the office for a quick pit stop place too. Starbucks usually has single stalls and they seem to be everywhere.LOL I like the ideas. However, I probably can't get an ally to guard the door... strange office dynamics that I can't get into now. I like the idea about the "out of order" sign, but with my luck, the maintenance guy would come in!
And there is a Target nearby that I can go to on my lunch hour if need be, lol, but that would only account for one time.
> As far as telling your therapist, maybe take in your post. Certainly you express your fear and discomfort well in it. I'm sure she won't laugh at you.Thanks... and I know she wouldn't laugh at me, I jsut feel so embarrassed though, and I don't like these bathroom words and subjects. :(
i feel little.> (((LGL))) Good luck with the move!
Thanks... Just got word we are moving Tuesday morning... guess I'll just have to go straight there on Tuesday. Only 2 more days "here". :'(lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 1, 2005, at 10:31:47
In reply to Re: Oh, I think I'll just post it anyway » LittleGirlLost, posted by Dinah on November 29, 2005, at 19:54:53
> Which may be way too much information, but at least you should feel less weird than me. :)
Not too much info for me, in fact, I appreciate you sharing your personal experience.
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 1, 2005, at 11:02:39
In reply to Re: I'm too embarrassed to talk about this.... » LittleGirlLost, posted by Shortelise on November 29, 2005, at 20:29:16
> (((LGL))) I am so glad you told us here. Maybe you could talk with your T now?
Thanks ShortE. I agree with you about the shame... gosh what is it with that?!
Anyway, I see my T tonight (thankfully)... I hope I can now bring it up at least a little more. I wonder why I am so emabrrassed to talk about it though! I mean, there's lots that I'm embarrassed to talk about, but why does this feel so much worse? And it's not like it's any weird/bizarre behavior or anything; it's a normal bodily function! ugggh...
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 1, 2005, at 11:10:14
In reply to Re: I'm too embarrassed to talk about this.... » LittleGirlLost, posted by fallsfall on November 29, 2005, at 20:44:08
Thanks for posting that Falls! I forgot I had written it back then. Now I'm wishing that I had spent these past few months dealing with it (instead of trying to ignore it). mmmm denial...
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 1, 2005, at 11:18:39
In reply to Re: I'm too embarrassed to talk about this...., posted by happyflower on November 29, 2005, at 20:58:46
> I had this fear when I was a kid like in elementary school. Some how I outgrew it though. But I understand though. I always had to wait for someone else to start peeing before I could go. I didn't want them to hear me for some reason. Now I am okay, I am more freaked out by all the germs of public restrooms. Yuck! I say.
I wonder how you outgrew it? Maybe something gradually that you just realized it is no longer an issue for you? Like you, sometimes I am able to if the other person starts peeing first. Though sometimes I've felt stuck in there and the other person wasn't making a sound; maybe she was waiting for me :). Oh gosh, then I just totally freeze and become completely embarrassed... then maybe walk out feeling like an idiot... wondering if the other person is thinking, "if she wasn't doing anything, why did she come in?"
> My T who works out at the same gym as me, takes showers there before he goes to work. I told him I sure hope he uses feet protection when using the showers so he doesn't get any fungus. That was a fun discussion. LOL
LOL I can imagine that discussion!
> I am sure you are all glad to know this. LOL
I am actually. I am sitting here with my stomach in complete knots. I needed the smile. :)
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 1, 2005, at 11:25:02
In reply to Re: Oh, I think I'll just post it anyway » LittleGirlLost, posted by ghost on November 29, 2005, at 21:09:48
> i'm totally pee-shy. that's what i call it anyway.
>
> i will go out of my way (or not go at all) at work if i can't get an empty bathroom. i'm not sure what to do about it though! it doesnt really hurt anyone, so i dont really talk about it. never really thought about it till you brought it up, actually!Ghost,
So you don't go at all at work? I used to be able to hold it all day if I had to, but now I drink a lot of water throughout the day... oh, and my days have gotten longer.So what do you do? Do you walk in and if someone's in there you walk out? I was thinking maybe I can do that, but I think I would be embarrassed and look weird if someone saw me doing that.
On another note... I wasn't going to do this, but I asked my coworker (the one that is transferring with me) actually she used to work in that office, so I asked her what the odds are of ever being alone in there, since it is a bigger office. She said, not very good. Then told me that one lady goes in there with a magazine and her i-pod and will sit in there for an hour. Good grief!
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 1, 2005, at 11:28:41
In reply to Re: Oh, I think I'll just post it anyway » LittleGirlLost, posted by Poet on November 29, 2005, at 21:16:55
> I once worked in a place with one bathroom (one toilet) that all shared. I liked that- if the door was shut (and latched tight) everybody knew it was occupied and didn't even rattle the door knob.
Poet,
Aren't those the best?! Truthfully, that was one of the reasons I took this job. I checked out the ladies room when I came for my interview. Wasn't expecting to be leaving this office. :(
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 1, 2005, at 11:32:06
In reply to Re: Oh, I think I'll just post it anyway » LittleGirlLost, posted by Tabitha on November 29, 2005, at 23:18:42
> I have that problem sometimes. I found two ways to cope. One is just wait til nobody is in the room (it gets annoying when people are using the mirror). Two is kind of odd, but it works for me-- I plug my ears with my fingers. Somehow if I can't hear the other people in the room, my body feels like it's 'alone' and I'm able to go. I always end up doing that in airport restrooms, where there's no chance of actually having the whole room to myself.
Tabitha,
While I'm still here, I will have to try/practice sticking my fingers in my ears. I've never heard of that one before, but hope it will help me!
Now, unlike you, I don't have a problem in airport restrooms. Ironically, when there are more stalls/people, I feel like I blend in easier.
This stinks!
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 1, 2005, at 11:35:47
In reply to Re: Thanks :) Will respond more tomorrow, posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2005, at 3:51:20
> try the toilet paper down the bowl trick.
> if you put enough in there...
> you can't hear anything.
> (don't clog the toilet though lol)
>
> maybe try it at home...
> then try it out someplace with nobody there....
> then out someplace with someone you trust...
> then see if you can go a bit easier...That's awesome!! I've never heard of that! Oh I will definitely try it. In fact, I will try it while I am here at work today. :)
I hope this works!! at least a little... I know there are other problems here, but covering up the sound might be a start.Thanks Alexandra!
lgl
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