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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by terrics on September 13, 2005, at 11:10:49
In reply to Re: Thinking of looking for very short term therapy » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on September 12, 2005, at 22:07:14
Hi Dinah, Thank goodness that we do have psycho- babble. I came back because we seem to help each other alot here or at least we get some TLC. My T. does not give any TLC because it does not go with the program I am in, and sometimes I need TLC. You seem to need some TLC now. I have also used the Samaritans. You can write your heart out and they will answer in 24-48 hrs.( usually 24) Just knowing that some help is on the way calms me alot. Their answers are caring and they give helpful sugggestions. As long as you keep writing they will respond. I found that knowing they were there gave me some peace. Just in case you want to write to them hear is their e-mail address: [email protected]
terrics
Posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 12:53:04
In reply to Re: Thinking of looking for very short term therapy » alexandra_k, posted by terrics on September 13, 2005, at 11:10:49
I called him and left a message that I needed help, and that many had suggested that I contact someone else short term, and I didn't really want to do that, but I needed help.
He called me back and arranged me to see him tomorrow at what sounds like the house he's staying at. I don't know what he's planning to tell me, but if it was go find someone else, wouldn't it have been by phone?
So tomorrow I drive three hours each way to see him, and hopefully we can work together.
I didn't mean to make him feel bad, although of course i don't want it to be ok with him for me to see someone else, either.
i was just feeling so bad, and it's affecting my health, and I didn't know what else to do.
I feel sort of guilty though.
Posted by LadyBug on September 13, 2005, at 13:08:57
In reply to Re: Thinking of looking for very short term therapy, posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 12:53:04
Dinah
DON'T feel guilty. My therapist would tell me she didn't offer me an appointment if she didn't want to or couldn't and I'm sure he's thinking the same way. Is he going to see you for longer than one hour? I would think with a 3 hour commute each way, he would spend more time with you. Anticipation......it must seem unreal to you that you actually get to see him tomorrow. I'm so glad, I can only imagine the difficulity it must be for you. I bet you want to embrace him and never let him go. I would! I think it would even be appropriate to give or take a hug.
I wish you the very best posible visit tomorrow and you will come away with somethings that will help you along your path right now. Take something small with you to leave (a part of you) with him and perhaps he can give you something to take home too.
I'll be thinking about you Dinah!!! Hope your travel is safe and no harm or danger comes to you and most of all, the visit helps you overcome the pain of the seperation you have had.
Warmly,
LadyBug
Posted by Sonya on September 13, 2005, at 14:07:51
In reply to Thinking of looking for very short term therapy, posted by Dinah on September 12, 2005, at 21:29:02
Dinah, I'm so glad you get to see your T tomorrow. Good luck with your session. I sure hope you feel better soon. Will you show him other babblers messages to him? I'd love to hear what his reaction was.
Sonya
Posted by Annierose on September 13, 2005, at 15:51:15
In reply to Re: Thinking of looking for very short term therapy, posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 12:53:04
I'm so glad that you have an appointment for tomorrow. Please be extra safe on the drive over. You'll be emotionally vulnerable, I believe, more than you feel now. I think he wants to see you asap because you expressed to him how much pain you are in. And he realized that you needed him. I don't think he is telling you anything different.
I sure hope you can see him longer than an hour. Is your husband okay with watching your son all day?
I'lll be thinking about you all day tomorrow. I hope you're able to receive the support that you need and want. You need to have that good cry that has been building for 2+ weeks.
Posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 18:26:41
In reply to Re: Thinking of looking for very short term therapy, posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 12:53:04
He's planning to relocate to where he is for at least a year, and quite possibly permanently. He has plans to come back one day a week to see clients that, frankly, hinge on an unrealistic expectation that I don't really feel free to publicly explain, but that only my scatterbrained therapist could possibly think was realistic.
He says I can come see him once or twice a week as well. It's about a three hour drive one way from home too. Maybe more under semipermanent traffic conditions. Yes, I feel that I'm willing to do that at this point. But losing a day everytime I want therapy is going to be costly.
He says he's willing to maintain that situation for as long as it remains tenable (for him, not me) and that he can make no long term commitment.
Now I have to decide what to do.
Part of me thinks this is a good way to wean off him. Perhaps see him once a week, and see someone else once a week. And ultimately do what I want to do at this point, which is move to a city I've long wanted to move to. I have nothing, without him, to tie me to New Orleans. It won't be easy to budge my husband, and our house is probably worth a fraction of what it was worth before this, but I think it would be worth it. A fresh start. That's my brain.
My gut thinks that I just as well kill myself now and save myself the slow pain of slow loss. And uncertainty. And the ugly transfiguration of my safe place into a place of danger and constant uncertainty. I just can't bear to lose that leg of my stool. I can't bear to lose him and Daddy and Harry. And all I tell myself about how it would hurt my husband and son are just met with the implacable certainty that if I'm dead I won't have to deal with all that. Sort of what Daddy used to say.
There's no need to worry unduly. I'm planning to up my Risperdal to daily which should drown the plans of my emotional self. This really is a blessing. By doing this slowly, he's given me the time to do what I need to do to survive.
I will probably bring the posts for him, and I'll let you guys know what he says.
Again, my internet time is very limited, and will be for some time. So don't worry if you don't hear much from me.
Posted by jammerlich on September 13, 2005, at 18:41:51
In reply to Found out more - bad news (Trigger), posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 18:26:41
((((((((((Dinah))))))))))
My heart just sank as I read your email. The unpredictability of life is so frightening and painful sometimes.
I like what you said about a fresh start, though. I'm going to hold out hope for you on that front, just in case you can't by yourself.
Dinah, you are a special person to all of us here and I'm sorry that you have to be going through all this sh!t. (Sorry for the language, but sometimes you have to call it what it is.) It just isn't fair (as she yells and stamps her foot).
Posted by Annierose on September 13, 2005, at 18:49:53
In reply to Found out more - bad news (Trigger), posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 18:26:41
Of course we are goiong to worry about you! Life is so uncertain at times.
I can't believe he is just ditching his practice like that. But these are unusual circumstances, that's an understatement.
Please take care of yourself. You are so important to your family, your pets, your friends, your internet friends and me. I hope you can find some on-going support right now with another therapist. Just think of this person as someone to help sort out all these feelings. You're not replacing your T. He'll still be there for you when you are able to see him.
As my T would say, "sometimes people in our life disappoint us."
(((((((((( DINAH ))))))))))) ... and I don't give hugs very often :-(
Posted by fallsfall on September 13, 2005, at 22:13:44
In reply to Found out more - bad news (Trigger), posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 18:26:41
Oh, Dinah. That isn't what he was supposed to say.
Please drive carefully tomorrow. And please bring stuff with you so that if it isn't safe for you to drive 3 hours back, that you can stay in the city where he is overnight. Make sure you bring your meds. And you can call me if you end up staying and don't have access to the internet.
You know that he cares about you.
Don't you hate it when you think you have things all figured out and someone throws a curve ball at you and everything is up in the air again? And for those of us who count on stability to keep us together... This kind of environment is so hard.
Life without your therapist **IS** worth living. Do you remember how tied I was to my first therapist? How I thought I couldn't survive without her? How painful it was to leave? But I'm OK now - better than I was before. You and I are not the same. Your connection to your therapist is different from the connection I had with her. But the point is that I thought I wouldn't survive and I did. I thought I wouldn't survive, but I DID survive.
He will be around as long as you need him (inconveniently, but nonetheless, around). He does care about you - that's why he'll make sure that he DOES stay around as long as you need him.
I wish that I could do more for you. But at the same time, I have a basic confidence that you will figure it out. That it won't be easy. That it will be painful. But that, in the end, you *will* figure it out.
And I'll be here typing away at you, and watching you shape your life. (((((Dinah)))))
I hope the session is helpful for you tomorrow.
Love,
Falls.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 13, 2005, at 22:28:52
In reply to Re: Found out more - bad news (Trigger), posted by fallsfall on September 13, 2005, at 22:13:44
Oh Dinah. I'm so sorry you are facing this decision along with all the other stress.
You know, if your stool loses a leg, you can lean on us for as long as you need to put another one in place.
We'll be your solid wall.
gg
Posted by LadyBug on September 13, 2005, at 23:26:25
In reply to Found out more - bad news (Trigger), posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 18:26:41
Oh Dinah I had hopes for you that this would go better for you. A 3 hour drive each way? Talk about an expence to you just for gas alone and then the time etc. I'm soooooooo sorry this is happening to you.
The city you would like to move to, is it closer to where he is??? Would your husband have work there? I can't imagine what your going through. I've pictured myself in your shoes almost daily since this happened, I've even talked to my therapist about you and your situation. My heart goes out to you.
I don't think I could tolerate seeing 2 different therapists. I would feel like one was looking over the other ones back all the time, like having a third party interven.
This is all so sudden and there was no way you could prepare for it. I hope your cell phone works and you will take it with you tomorrow.
Do let us know when you can how things go.
I can't help but wonder how committed out T.s really are to any of us......it's so sad.
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by daisym on September 13, 2005, at 23:52:58
In reply to Found out more - bad news (Trigger), posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 18:26:41
(((Dinah))))
I don't know what to say. I'm really sorry that there is going to be such a great distance between you. I'm reading a book where the author drove 4 hours each way to see her therapist and she did it for 7 years. So there is hope that it can work. I think she had double sessions every other week and a phone session in between. Creativity is going to be required here by everyone.
I have faith that you will find a way to be OK. I do know what you mean about your son not being enough sometimes but you must keep remembering that he needs you. It might not be fair to be needed right now but nothing about being a parent is fair.
I'm praying for you.
Posted by All Done on September 14, 2005, at 15:19:47
In reply to Found out more - bad news (Trigger), posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 18:26:41
Dinah,
I'm thinking about you today and I hope you are able to figure out a long-term plan that's manageable for you. And please just remember that if it comes to finding a new T, you have us to help you through the process. I know it's not the same as having your current T, but maybe with us and some transition help from him, you'll get through it better than you might think you would.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else right now.
Laurie
Posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 17:51:44
In reply to Found out more - bad news (Trigger), posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 18:26:41
Oh Dinah, I’m sorry that your therapist has plans that will make your life difficult. A three hour drive each way is quite a strain. At least it’s physically possible, which is not great, but it’s a start.
I’m glad your brain is responding in a practical way, and I’m not surprised that your gut is less easily persuaded. Uncertainty is horrible. And yes, this comes at a terrible time for you after all the bereavements of the last few months.
Please stay very safe. It will take a while for everything to shake down and although the uncertainty of the next few months will be agony, there is still some hope for the future. You haven’t lost him yet. He still wants to work with you. He’s willing to organise part of his life around you (even if you don’t think his plans are very realistic). His willingness to continue to care for you might give you some hope.
Do look after yourself. Huge vibes of support winging their way to you from over here…
Tamar
Posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 19:27:58
In reply to Re: Found out more - bad news (Trigger) » Dinah, posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 17:51:44
Which I'm reasonably certain is very little. That man is obviously having some major mood swings and dragging me along like the tail end of The Whip.
He said he was really surprised that I would drive what turned out to be nearly four and a half hours (one way) to see him. I asked him where he had been the last ten years, if he hadn't heard a word I said. And he said that he had *heard* it, but that was different than *feeling* it.
It wouldn't have been a session that met any organizational ideal for therapist self disclosure. And IMHO... Well, never mind. My emotional self is contentedly sprawled on an internal blankie, sleeping happily with one pudgy hand still lightly clasping an abundant bottle of expressed milk. I kind of like the internal peace so I won't say too much.
I filled him in on events since I had last seen him, then gave him the thread "For My Therapist" while I got in therapy mode. Because getting lost and being twenty minutes late is not conducive to therapy mode. Surprisingly, he started my session from when I showed up, not when I was supposed to show up.
Once I was nice and emotional, I let him know that I was angry with him for being willing to let me go. And that was pretty much the focus of the entire session. How ashamed I was that in the midst of so much disaster, my main focus was therapy, my fear that I'd lose him. But most of all, how angry I was that he wasn't like the control center for Apollo 13, saying that failure would not be an option, and that maintaining our relationship was something that we would work together to make sure happened. He said that if it were only he to consider he could do that, but that his family is also involved in the decision making. And when I retorted that I was willing to drive three hours each way to see him, and the least he could do was to promise to be there when I arrived, and how angry I was that he was being so wishy washy about whether he'd continue to see me, he said it was because he'd never ask anyone to drive that far. But that if I was willing to do that, he'd make the Apollo 13 statement. And he did.
While I was still in rational mode (and over strong emotional objections) I pointed out the major flaw in his plan, and he did see that I had a point, and left going back home weekly off the table after that.
A lot of it was explaining that he bought a house in the new location.
I have no earthly idea why I left feeling emotionally fulfilled, since basically it's even worse. The dratted man has bought a house. But he did say that keeping our relationship was as important to him as it was to me, even though I always had trouble recognizing that it was a two way relationship. Of course, I don't believe that for a second. But I maybe believe he meant it for a second, since he never says what he doesn't mean. I guess he was overcome with my obvious attachment or something. I don't expect it to last.
He hugged me when I showed up, and when I left. But that wasn't the part that I found satisfying. Maybe it was his saying that he was committed to making the relationship work (if I travelled six hours each time) or that it was as important to him as it was to me (however little I believe that).
Or maybe it was just that old safety magic, no matter the topic.
Sigh. I wish I understood myself. I shouldn't feel so good from this session. I really shouldn't.
But I obviously do.
Go figure.
Posted by fallsfall on September 14, 2005, at 20:43:26
In reply to Well, for what it's worth, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 19:27:58
I'm glad it helped you to feel better. And the two of you do seem to be open and honest - and that is worth a lot.
Enjoy the feeling. Knowing that he is committed to you.
I'm glad it went well for you.
(((((Dinah)))))
Posted by LadyBug on September 14, 2005, at 21:15:13
In reply to Well, for what it's worth, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 19:27:58
I'm glad you felt emotionally charged from seeing him. I'm bummed for you that he bought a house there. Was his destroyed? Becasue if you ask me, that was a fast move on his part. He's probably wondering why you would want to drive so far to see him. Can you schedule double sessions to make it more worth while.
Did seeing him give you the relief you needed? Was it worth it to go that far? Obviously it was.
What's next for both of you?? When can you see him next?
This shows just how strong the connection is for you and him. With some hard work you can continue to see him. Try not to think about the way off future just yet. Try to focus on the next few weeks. I think that would make it easier to digest for you. Thanks for the update!
Hugs~if you can handle more..
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
In reply to Re: Well, for what it's worth » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on September 14, 2005, at 21:15:13
I was a bit upset with myself for the honesty. But he didn't seem upset or anything. I guess he's used to it from me.
I understand any ambivilance people may feel on reading the account of the session. I'm feeling no small amount of ambivilance myself.
It always amazes me that he has such a calming effect on me, no matter what.
Posted by JenStar on September 15, 2005, at 0:39:38
In reply to I hope I wasn't too brutal, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
hi Dinah,
The whole situation sucks, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you were uprooted, that he was uprooted, and that you are all starting over in new spots.I'm glad you were able to see him, and that it calmed you down somewhat. I hope you're able to hold onto that calm and infuse your center and your gut with it, so that you don't feel the disturbing thoughts. You're a great, wonderful person -- and you WILL be able to survive without your T. (I know you might not WANT to, but you CAN!)
I'm guessing that it feels like safety is over and immortality had been dealt a huge blow, and the barely-holding-on-by-the-fingernails system for coping you had cobbled together is splintered apart. But I know you'll get your system back together again, whether it's with him or with someone else. And I reckon that you're a whole heck of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, and maybe stronger than you really WANT to be. But I think you ARE strong!
I don't know if I said anything that makes sense. Sorry if it's all rubbish. :) But truly, I do think you will survive this and be stronger for it, even if it hurts like h*ll right now and even if it seems that it will never get better.
Take care of yourself. I'm hoping for the best for you, whatever that is. Please be nice to yourself. :)
JenStar
Posted by fallsfall on September 15, 2005, at 6:28:24
In reply to I hope I wasn't too brutal, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
Your job in therapy is to be honest. And you were. So you did your job. Good for you.
You are doing what you need to do. What a great thing to be doing.
Posted by Tamar on September 15, 2005, at 17:08:01
In reply to I hope I wasn't too brutal, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
> I was a bit upset with myself for the honesty. But he didn't seem upset or anything. I guess he's used to it from me.
Isn't honesty a good thing? I’d be willing to bet that your honesty gave him the opportunity to re-experience himself as a competent professional in the midst of great personal uncertainty. I know you say there was more disclosure on his part than might be usual but, as the saying goes, desperate times call for desperate measures.
> I understand any ambivilance people may feel on reading the account of the session. I'm feeling no small amount of ambivilance myself.
I'm not sure I understand what you mean about ambivalence. I read your account of the session as a beautiful moment of connection between two people whose lives have been turned upside down and who can nevertheless find some comfort in maintaining a relationship that has endured for many years. What's not to like?
> It always amazes me that he has such a calming effect on me, no matter what.
I think it's wonderful.
Tamar
Posted by cricket on September 15, 2005, at 19:49:01
In reply to Well, for what it's worth, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 19:27:58
((((((((Dinah)))))))
I want to say something, but I don't know what.
I'm thinking of you often, but never seem to have words to post.
I'm sorry for that.
Posted by orchid on September 15, 2005, at 20:07:41
In reply to I hope I wasn't too brutal, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
(((Dinah)))
You are going through an extremely tough time. Katrina, losing your home, losing your T, and I think you also mentioned about possibly losing your job.
Please don't try to be too harsh on yourself. Be free to experience whatever you are experiencing. This is almost like your world has been turned upside down, and I am amazed at the way you have been coping with all of it so far. You have done a good job putting up with all the changes to the extent you have done.
Commuting 6 hours to see your therapist is going to be difficult in long run, but maybe you can get a new therapist meanwhile in your town, and also maintain your contact wiht your current T. Maybe you can visit him whenever time permits, and I am sure he will agree to it given the nature of the tragedy. Plus you can have regular therapy wiht some one nearby. So you can have best of both.
Plus anyways, I always thought it might do you good to try a new therapist after 10 years of therapy, so maybe for all you know, this might turn out to be a Blessing in Disguise.
Take Care
Orchid.
Posted by Shortelise on September 15, 2005, at 20:17:04
In reply to I hope I wasn't too brutal, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2005, at 22:25:52
Oh, h*ell, Dinah. I don't kow what to say to you, except I really care, and I hope you can work this all through. In fact, I believe you can.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:19:20
In reply to ((dinah)) » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on September 15, 2005, at 20:17:04
Well, mainly ambivilant because the fact came out that he had purchased a house in the new location. And that he's happy to continue seeing me if I'm happy to drive all that way.
I'm actually one of the lucky ones. I've got a home to return to, my husband and I both have jobs to return to. We are just temporarily displaced, and I'm temporarily underemployed.
I am NOT going to leave my therapist. I'll just waste one day a week, a lot of gas, and a day's pay to go see him.
But I will admit to being very angry with him. I think he and his family made some hasty decisions and now have to justify them by becoming entrenched. And it bugs me that I am so damned attached to someone, and rely on someone, who obviously does worse in an emergency than I do. :(
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
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