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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by luvdove on September 11, 2005, at 3:28:43
In reply to Re: Crying?, posted by Poet on September 11, 2005, at 1:44:29
Hi muffled I can relate..
I'm the same, never cried in therapy but then I often cry on my own... My T says it must be frustrating for me not being able to cry there, (especially after seeing her about 100 times!) and it IS frustrating because sometimes I really wish I could, but the tears don't come. She says that crying can be 'over-rated' though; some think you have to cry in order to work through things but it's not always like that.
Poet it's sad to hear that you cry on the way home! I think it does have something to do with trust, it's not like we're not able to cry because we do but just not when we're with THEM so it has to have something to do with them! I wonder if it's about letting go and showing the full extent of our vulnerability... I do it with words but with tears its a whole other thing... one day...
Luv
Posted by fairywings on September 11, 2005, at 6:09:03
In reply to Crying?, posted by muffled on September 10, 2005, at 23:19:52
i have trouble with crying too. i push back feelings. i haven't cried in therapy, of course i just started with this new guy, so who knows, but i have trouble with trust too. if i can trust anyone, i can trust him i suppose.
there's some great articles out there on the health benefits of tears. apparently it's not good for your body to go w/o crying. when i do cry my eyes hurt for days, but sometimes my body feels better i guess, sometimes.
fw
Posted by Dinah on September 11, 2005, at 7:58:19
In reply to Crying?, posted by muffled on September 10, 2005, at 23:19:52
Usually only when I melt down, which consists of much much more than crying, so I prefer not to do it.
It's way healthier for me to get the regular support of therapy, rather than to hold it all in and explode.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 11, 2005, at 9:28:47
In reply to I rarely cry outside therapy » muffled, posted by Dinah on September 11, 2005, at 7:58:19
All together now: "Hi GG!"
Oh my, I cry so much at therapy, that I worry my T is getting tired of seeing all those tears and snot. One day the Kleenex box only had one left. I was about to panic, but then I saw one on the other end table. I doubt I would have done this more than a year ago, but I just leaned over and plopped that sucker down right next to me.
I used to be very embarrassed about crying there (when I first started). His response was kind of cute...."Any time you walk into a room and see this many boxes of Kleenex everywhere, you ought to assume it's okay to cry."
And I don't view it as weakness at all. I view it as an outward sign that someone has a great deal of pain. Pain is not weakness. And sometimes it needs expressing.
Although I often continue to cry on my drive home, and sometimes even more than I did in the session (if you can believe it). It's a bit dangerous, and I have a few tricks to make myself stop until I get home.
(Those of you who met me in Chicago...can you picture me being all blubbery for 50 minutes?)
sigh,
A soggy gg
Posted by muffled on September 11, 2005, at 10:17:36
In reply to Re: Crying?, posted by Poet on September 11, 2005, at 1:44:29
> Hi Muffled,
>
> I have never cried in therapy. I've had a few tears, that I quickly wiped away, but not what I would call full blown crying. I cry in my car on the way home. I cry leaving voicemails.
>
> I have major trust issues, so maybe I don't trust her enough to cry in front of her? If crying is a therapy break through, I need a sledge hammer.
>
> PoetI hope you can learn to trust. I keep telling myself that my T. isn't gonna lean over and bite me just cuz I cry! I don't cry at all. I think sometimes my eyes feel funny and my throat too, but I have to make it go away for some reason. I did cry when my dog died.
Thanks Poet.
Posted by muffled on September 11, 2005, at 10:20:43
In reply to Re: Crying?, posted by luvdove on September 11, 2005, at 3:28:43
> Hi muffled I can relate..
>
> I'm the same, never cried in therapy but then I often cry on my own... My T says it must be frustrating for me not being able to cry there, (especially after seeing her about 100 times!) and it IS frustrating because sometimes I really wish I could, but the tears don't come. She says that crying can be 'over-rated' though; some think you have to cry in order to work through things but it's not always like that.
>
> Poet it's sad to hear that you cry on the way home! I think it does have something to do with trust, it's not like we're not able to cry because we do but just not when we're with THEM so it has to have something to do with them! I wonder if it's about letting go and showing the full extent of our vulnerability... I do it with words but with tears its a whole other thing... one day...
>
> LuvHow does one let go I wonder? How does one allow oneself to be vulnerable when every fiber of her being is saying NO.
Thanks lovdove
Posted by muffled on September 11, 2005, at 10:25:06
In reply to Re: Crying? » muffled, posted by fairywings on September 11, 2005, at 6:09:03
> i have trouble with crying too. i push back feelings. i haven't cried in therapy, of course i just started with this new guy, so who knows, but i have trouble with trust too. if i can trust anyone, i can trust him i suppose.
>
> there's some great articles out there on the health benefits of tears. apparently it's not good for your body to go w/o crying. when i do cry my eyes hurt for days, but sometimes my body feels better i guess, sometimes.
> fwI SI to let my feelings out, or I just get high. Neither is a good option. Tears wash away and don't leave scars, they don't get you in trouble w/the cops.
I hope your T. turns out to be useful for you. Thanks FW
Posted by muffled on September 11, 2005, at 10:27:26
In reply to I rarely cry outside therapy » muffled, posted by Dinah on September 11, 2005, at 7:58:19
> Usually only when I melt down, which consists of much much more than crying, so I prefer not to do it.
>
> It's way healthier for me to get the regular support of therapy, rather than to hold it all in and explode.I'm sorry about your meltdowns, thats hard I imagine. Do the meltdowns sometimes lead to breakthroughs? Thanks Dinah.
Posted by muffled on September 11, 2005, at 10:33:41
In reply to Hi, I'm GG. I'm a cryer, posted by gardenergirl on September 11, 2005, at 9:28:47
> All together now: "Hi GG!"
>
> Oh my, I cry so much at therapy, that I worry my T is getting tired of seeing all those tears and snot. One day the Kleenex box only had one left. I was about to panic, but then I saw one on the other end table. I doubt I would have done this more than a year ago, but I just leaned over and plopped that sucker down right next to me.
>
> I used to be very embarrassed about crying there (when I first started). His response was kind of cute...."Any time you walk into a room and see this many boxes of Kleenex everywhere, you ought to assume it's okay to cry."
>
> And I don't view it as weakness at all. I view it as an outward sign that someone has a great deal of pain. Pain is not weakness. And sometimes it needs expressing.
>
> Although I often continue to cry on my drive home, and sometimes even more than I did in the session (if you can believe it). It's a bit dangerous, and I have a few tricks to make myself stop until I get home.
>
> (Those of you who met me in Chicago...can you picture me being all blubbery for 50 minutes?)
>
> sigh,
>
> A soggy ggDo you feel better after you cry? Does it hurt the whole time you cry? Or do the tears just flow? Does your throat feel sort of like your gonna choke? Sorry for all the questions but you seem to be an expert on the crying thing. I'm serious. This is proly the one place in the world I could ask questions like that and be taken seriously. Anyhow, I love your humour in your writing. I love to laugh too. Sometimes I'm quite nutty(in a laughing way as opposed to just regular nutty which I am too!):)
Thanks Gg.
Posted by Dinah on September 11, 2005, at 10:34:21
In reply to Re: I rarely cry outside therapy » Dinah, posted by muffled on September 11, 2005, at 10:27:26
No, never breakthroughs. Usually just public embarassment. Occasionally some harm to myself and hurt feelings to others.
Posted by muffled on September 11, 2005, at 11:01:20
In reply to Re: I rarely cry outside therapy » muffled, posted by Dinah on September 11, 2005, at 10:34:21
> No, never breakthroughs. Usually just public embarassment. Occasionally some harm to myself and hurt feelings to others.
I'm sorry Dinah. Life can be ok but it can sure suck too. I'm sorry but I don't give hugs in the real world so I shouldn't do it here cuz that would be sort of like lying. But I hurt for you. Take care.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 11, 2005, at 11:12:47
In reply to Hi, I'm GG. ! » gardenergirl, posted by muffled on September 11, 2005, at 10:33:41
> Do you feel better after you cry?
Sometimes
> Does it hurt the whole time you cry? Or do the tears just flow? Does your throat feel sort of like your gonna choke?
It usually doesn't hurt, but sometimes if I'm trying too hard to hold it in, it does. Or if I get into the racking sobs. (Hate those!) And I used to blot up the tears right at my eyes, but not I let them flow down my face more. I can tell, because I used to get dry, flaky rash-like stuff at the outside corners of my eyes, and now I get dry flaky streaks of skin down each side of my nose and mouth. I suppose my tears are a bit toxic for my skin?
>Sorry for all the questions but you seem to be an expert on the crying thing.
Oh my...I'm an expert on something. Cool! ;)
>I'm serious. This is proly the one place in the world I could ask questions like that and be taken seriously.
Yes, that's what's great about Babble.
Your friend in nuttiness,
gg
Posted by fairywings on September 11, 2005, at 11:28:37
In reply to Re: Crying? » fairywings, posted by muffled on September 11, 2005, at 10:25:06
aw muffled, i si'd and you don't want to do that to yourself, all that pain you already have and then you turn it back on yourself. i know the getting high too, it numbs the pain, and it feels better than the si, because once it's out of your system, no scars, no visible reminders. i use the pain killers every once in awhile, but fear addiction. i hope you can find a T to help you get to the point where you can get the pain out w/o si.
fw
Posted by Poet on September 11, 2005, at 11:31:26
In reply to :( » Dinah, posted by muffled on September 11, 2005, at 11:01:20
Hi Muffled,
I don't do hugs in real life, either. Cyber hugs don't involve actual physical contact so I'm okay giving and receiving them.
Your friend in nuttiness and no physical contact, please.
Poet
Posted by Annierose on September 11, 2005, at 11:40:36
In reply to Re: Hi, I'm GG. ! » muffled, posted by gardenergirl on September 11, 2005, at 11:12:47
I'm a cryer too! I can usually stuff back the racking sobs, but I've done that too. My T always reassures me that it's okay to cry. That she is there for me. But I find it uncomfortable, and this has lead to a great discussion on physical comfort. Oh, and she even reccommended (in gest) that I find a good waterproof mascara.
Since I lie down, I close my eyes, so there's no eye contact going on with me. However ... she seems to notice my every change in expression or body movement. If I look perplexed, she'll often re-state her obversations in a different way. If I smile, she'll be more expressive in her humor and laugh herself.
Posted by happyflower on September 11, 2005, at 11:55:36
In reply to cyber hugs are different » muffled, posted by Poet on September 11, 2005, at 11:31:26
My T once said when I asked what he would do if I started to cry, and he said what do you think I am going to do, throw you out the door?
I was never allowed to cry when I was a child, so if I feel like I am going to cry I want to know if I am safe, I don't want to be hit. So I thought my question was a valid one for my T. This was in the beginning of my therapy.
I still don't cry for him, because I don't want him to sit and stare at me if I do. I haven't even felt close to crying yet in therapy. I know he won't hold me or hug me, so what is he gonna do, stare? That would make me feel worse. He says he would try to comfort me with his words, well maybe it would work, but I don't want to go there with him. I guess I still have trust issues with him even though I feel like I do trust him a lot. Weird.
Posted by happyflower on September 11, 2005, at 11:58:53
In reply to Crying?, posted by muffled on September 10, 2005, at 23:19:52
BUt you know what, I think if I felt that I did need to cry or was coming close to it in therapy, I think I could. But it would be extreamly uncomforable for me. I would want him to hold me and that fact that he won't, kinda hurts. I want that comfort from him, and knowing I can't have it, makes me very likely not to let it all out, maybe try to hold it all in until after therapy. But if it happens I can't control it, at least I know I would be safe to do it.
Posted by fairywings on September 11, 2005, at 11:59:03
In reply to Re: Hi, I'm GG. ! » gardenergirl, posted by Annierose on September 11, 2005, at 11:40:36
>>Oh, and she even reccommended (in gest) that I find a good waterproof mascara.
>
I've been lookin', just in case! and so far i hate every brand! (well, maybe, just maybe the kind that you put on the white first and then the black, it's oaky) the rest all clump or get all flaky on the lashes. not that it's a terribly important issue, but you know, it's nice to know. if anyone has any interest at all i love the regular Rimmel, in the black tube, but they don't make it in waterproof.
fw
Posted by fairywings on September 11, 2005, at 12:06:29
In reply to Re: cyber hugs are different, posted by happyflower on September 11, 2005, at 11:55:36
>>He says he would try to comfort me with his words, well maybe it would work, but I don't want to go there with him. I guess I still have trust issues with him even though I feel like I do trust him a lot. Weird.
Awww, happy, i bet he'd be incredibly comforting with his words. i know you have so much sadness in this area, i'm so sorry for everything you've gone through, it's so painful. i hope, if it would help, that one day you are able to get there with him, and he is able to show you how wonderfully he can comfort you.
fw
Posted by happyflower on September 11, 2005, at 12:12:32
In reply to Re: cyber hugs are different » happyflower, posted by fairywings on September 11, 2005, at 12:06:29
>> Awww, happy, i bet he'd be incredibly comforting with his words. i know you have so much sadness in this area, i'm so sorry for everything you've gone through, it's so painful. i hope, if it would help, that one day you are able to get there with him, and he is able to show you how wonderfully he can comfort you.
>
Thanks Jazzy for your support. His presence even comforts me, so I am sure his words in crisis would be comforting too. Actually he makes me feel a lot better about myself when I am feeling down on myself. I know is words would be comforting, but I still want more from him that I can't have. I want him to hold me while I cry my eyes out. I guess we all want what we can't have. It is so sad to want something from him that I can't have because I am his client and not his friend.
>
>
Posted by Poet on September 11, 2005, at 12:14:06
In reply to Hi, I'm GG. I'm a cryer, posted by gardenergirl on September 11, 2005, at 9:28:47
Hi GG,
Uh, no, I can't picture you being all blubbery for 50 minutes. Maybe you had one of those mini packs of kleenex in your purse, but I don't remember seeing you carry around the giant economy box.
<<I used to be very embarrassed about crying there (when I first started). His response was kind of cute...."Any time you walk into a room and see this many boxes of Kleenex everywhere, you ought to assume it's okay to cry."
I think your T's response was kind of cute, too. I once grabbed a kleenex to dust something in my T's office, so that box right next to me is useful for something.
Poet
Posted by happyflower on September 11, 2005, at 12:16:17
In reply to Re: cyber hugs are different » fairywings, posted by happyflower on September 11, 2005, at 12:12:32
Posted by 10derHeart on September 11, 2005, at 12:22:09
In reply to Hi, I'm GG. I'm a cryer, posted by gardenergirl on September 11, 2005, at 9:28:47
I'm pretty much similar to you, gg.
I can't remember a session for a long time where I haven't cried.
I don't mind too much any more. Try not to think of how ugly I probably look. When I've mentioned that to T., he says he's so focused on my tone of voice (hurt) and what I'm telling him (pain) at those times, he NEVER notices what crying might do to my face.
Hmm..I guess I believe him.
I usually don't cry on the way home. Just feel drained and relieved and somewhat *lighter.* Funny, though, I often cry on the way there. I think that's anticipation of the fact I *can* cry there, and I just think too much about what I might say, what he might say, and the tears
come...I have a love-hate relationship with my own tears in therapy, it seems. Love them because that stuff just can't stay bottled up forever....it just poisons me eventually. Hate them because I do feel too open and unable to *control* the session, as far as showing how I really feel about something at my own pace any longer...the darn tears kind of give it all away...
Lately I've noticed, I have this tendency when my T. asks about something, or makes an observation, and it hits a nerve I didn't realize I even had till that second.....as I'm crying I keep saying, "don't say that, don't say that." If I peek at him then ('cause I've probably been looking down 98% of the time) he looks sad. :-(
<sigh> It's hard. How can we produce so many tears anyway?!
your friend in sogginess - 10der
Posted by Annierose on September 11, 2005, at 14:01:19
In reply to Re: Now where the heck do ya find that! » Annierose, posted by fairywings on September 11, 2005, at 11:59:03
I can't find a good one either. Totally with you on that. I did have a sales clerk at Walgreen tell me that she likes the 2 wand ones (white, then black) but you have to work fast. Haven't experimented with them yet.
Posted by Racer on September 11, 2005, at 14:02:05
In reply to Crying?, posted by muffled on September 10, 2005, at 23:19:52
> I never cry at therapy. I don't cry. It shows weakness.
> I want to cry I think. Its supposed to be a good thing I hear.
> Anybody else the same?I swing both ways -- when I'm not crying in therapy, it's a good bet that I'm actively anorexic outside therapy. When I'm engulfed by huge, racking, choking sobs through most of each session, it's usually during a time that I'm eating more regularly.
For me, holding back tears -- yes, because they are a sign of weakness, of vulnerability -- goes along with trying very, very hard not to feel anything that would provoke tears. Holding my feelings in such tight confinement is only possible if I hold all other sensations in equally tight control, thus the starvation, the hyperactivity, etc. It all goes together with a lot of other symptoms.
When I cry in therapy, though, it feels so frightening! That's said as someone who can boost stock in Kleenex just by watching "Gone With The Wind" or "Anne of the Thousand Days!" Like Dorothy Parker, it can be said that I cry at Victorian costumes. In therapy, though, it's so frightening, it feels as though all my defenses are stripped away, and all that's left is the raw core of me, and my pain. I hate it.
And it helps me.
Mind you, it would help if I could cry like normal people, with the tears coming out of my eyes, rather than all running out my nose. I'm sure I'm terribly attractive with snot all over my face. A girlfriend gave me some good advice, though, for when that happens: "The only thing you can do at that point is take off your shoes and blow your nose on your socks." I have no idea what it means, but it helps.
Why does crying in therapy help me? It's partly because letting the feelings out in any way at all helps. Holding them inside just allows the poison to spread throughout my system. Catharsis is a good thing, and I know that it will moderate itself as I let go of more and more of the pain that's built up over the years. It also helps because the more I go through the horrible tears, the more I break down those defensive barricades, the more I experience those feelings without being destroyed, the more faith I have that I can survive my feelings.
For me, though, I know that having the right therapist is vital for getting anywhere -- and that crying is an outward sign of that. With a bunch of the therapists I've seen in recent times, I couldn't shed a tear to save my life. I couldn't feel anything that would lead to anything mroe than maybe a hiccough. Funny thing, during those periods I lost a few pounds... My current therapist is working out for me, and I'm pretty sure I've come close to flooding out her office. I know that the other day I finished off both boxes of tissue in her office, and she had to go get another box from the next room!
I don't know if any of htat helped you. It helped me to write it. I guess I can go to the same meetings as GG now. "Hello, my name is Racer, and I am a cryer..."
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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