Shown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on September 7, 2005, at 9:33:32
I haven't seen you post for a few days and have been wondering how you're doing???? I hope things are looking a bit better for you. Are you in touch with your T. at all. I hope so. I'd love an update from you. I'm worried about you and hope your safe and things are going in a positive direction.
Let us know when you can ok?
Thanks
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on September 8, 2005, at 6:51:17
In reply to Dinah, R U OK??, posted by LadyBug on September 7, 2005, at 9:33:32
Nothing's really changed. I am very fortunate in comparison with so many people, and I think I feel anxious and guilty about that. My house is ok, my husband has a job. I should be home before so many other people.
But I just feel horrible. I want to go back as soon as I can, which shouldn't be terribly terribly long, and take my son with me, even if I have to homeschool. Amd yet going back home also fills me with terror. We could so easily have been the ones with the faces on the news. Well, not exactly, because we do evacuate well before it's mandatory, but we could easily be the ones in St. Bernard and Lakeview and Plaquemines and New Orleans and the MS Gulf Coast who may never even be allowed or able to search through what's left of their homes. St. Bernard and Lakeview and Plaquemines are increasingly filling my thoughts. The areas that aren't covered much because that's not where the reporters are. And where the reporters are determines where the news is. Not entirely fair. There are probably a lot less people in immediate danger there. St. Bernard and Plaquemines had a pretty good percentage of evacuation.
I'm beginning to get red faced furious at the reports of miraculous misses and attributing them to God's will. Especially about miraculous misses of religious icons. Then I think of the people who died in a Chalmette nursing home and wondering if these people who are so joyous on the news really thought God would really care about a sanctuary or cross while simultaneously let His people drown. It was all just random. And those joyous survivors could be the less fortunate soon.
I'm back to feeling total despair for no particular reason at all.
I think it may be hard for me to post or even respond much until I'm in a better swing in this roller coaster. Everything feels so distant and unreal.
Posted by LadyBug on September 8, 2005, at 7:44:51
In reply to Not really » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2005, at 6:51:17
(((((((DINAH)))))))
Your in my thoughts and prayers. I can't even imagine what you've gone through. I'm glad your home is ok and that you can return and start again. I'm sure nothing will ever be the same. And that you will have to grieve your loss. I'm sorry for you. May you be lifted up and watched over and be comforted as long as you need it.
Thanks for the reply. I've been thinking so much about you. Your life has influenced mine a great deal and I care for you. Take care and give your son an extra hug.
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by fallsfall on September 8, 2005, at 21:27:38
In reply to Not really » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2005, at 6:51:17
(((((Dinah)))))
I'm thankful that you are safe.
Love,
Falls
Posted by Annierose on September 8, 2005, at 21:39:36
In reply to Not really » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2005, at 6:51:17
Your feelings make total sense to me. And I'm with you on those religious icons too ... just as many (if not more) got destroyed too.
I wish you could go back home too. Everyday you're not home is a long wait. You may be able to go home, but to what? Will you have neighbors? a grocery store that is open? I just can't get my mind totally wrapped about the entire tragedy.
Not only are you in my prayers, and other babbblers, but my daughter has added your family too.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 8, 2005, at 23:44:12
In reply to Not really » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2005, at 6:51:17
> > I think it may be hard for me to post or even respond much until I'm in a better swing in this roller coaster. Everything feels so distant and unreal.
Take as much as you need..whether it's time away to deal with all of this, or time here for support.I think what you are describing about your emotions sounds really normal to me for your situation. Lousy. But normal.
And please know there's no competition for stress or misery. Your distress is more than enough, and it has nothing to do with anyone else's. You are a caring and sensitive person, so of course you can feel pain for those in worse situations. But that doesn't mean that your distress is any less significant.
((((dinah)))
gg
Posted by JenStar on September 9, 2005, at 10:06:25
In reply to Not really » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on September 8, 2005, at 6:51:17
hi Dinah,
I"m so glad that you and your family and your house are OK. That's good news!I agree with you - when I hear people say "God saved my suitcase" it sometimes make me very sad and angry. Some comedian did a bit on that once. He talked about how pro athletes always say "God helped me win" when they win a championship, but noone says "God made me lose" when they lose one.
I think that people think in an insular fashion. They know how horrible and damaging the storm was, they wonder at how THEY managed to escape with their important possessions, and they don't know to what else to attribute it except for God's grace and love. Thinking that it is only luck or chance is a scary and dark thought.
I think everyone, and especially the religious, feel a cold shiver at the idea of mere chance saving their lives. It's so much warmer and more pleasant to think that it happened for a reason, because some greater being cared about them personally.
But that being said...it still upsets me, too, sometimes. (I think I saw the same news bit you did, where the priest said that God spared the huge crucifix on the wall of the church where he was holed up? Or something similar?)
It's good to see you here, Dinah, no matter what you say. It's just good to see you posting. I hope you continue to post here, and I hope we can all help you a bit, as much as words on a screen can help. :)
Take care of yourself and your family. I hope you're doing ok!
JenStar
Posted by Dinah on September 9, 2005, at 19:48:44
In reply to Re: Not really » Dinah, posted by JenStar on September 9, 2005, at 10:06:25
I've heard from my therapist. He has been very busy and under stress, and didn't get my emails because he doesn't have internet access right now.
However, he did remember me and did call me. He told me he that he has a way to arrange to see me soon, but that if he didn't call me in a few days to call him. That it wasn't a burden to him. And we talked about long term plans. It looks like I can still see him, although probably only once a week. Which wasn't enough before and won't be enough now, but better than nothing.
Jenstar, I think you're right. I think it is a matter of not wanting to accept that everything is just chance. I think that's why I'm so depressed and seriously anxious right now. I'm horribly and intensely aware that it is just a dice throw. High and dry, water to the eaves, it all depends on a couple of miles in the path of an enormous hurricane in a huge area. I wish I could believe in a benevolent protector for my home or my family. But I just don't think it works that way.
I think if it weren't for my therapist, I'd want to pack up and leave. Now that's the definition of dependence. :)
Posted by Shortelise on September 10, 2005, at 0:35:15
In reply to Re: Not really, posted by Dinah on September 9, 2005, at 19:48:44
Posted by Dinah on September 10, 2005, at 7:27:34
In reply to survivor guilt? (nm) » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on September 10, 2005, at 0:35:15
Posted by cricket on September 10, 2005, at 15:33:02
In reply to Re: Not really, posted by Dinah on September 9, 2005, at 19:48:44
>
> However, he did remember me and did call me.
Of course, you're a part of his life as much as he is a part of yours.He told me he that he has a way to arrange to see me soon, but that if he didn't call me in a few days to call him. That it wasn't a burden to him. And we talked about long term plans. It looks like I can still see him, although probably only once a week. Which wasn't enough before and won't be enough now, but better than nothing.
>
And then who knows? It's a start and maybe once a week will give you back the intensity you're longing. Although I can imagine that maybe life in general is quite intense enough right now.I'm glad to see you posting. I hope things get better soon.
>
>
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