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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by orchid on August 16, 2005, at 17:53:20
I am congratulating myself !!!
I have fully recovered from my transference issues with my ex-ex-t. I have completely worked out of it, and it doens't bother me even a bit.
All those pain, and hurt, and longing - they are all completely gone.
And it has all become like a distant memory. And I no longer even wonder if he will write to me, or even wish that he would write to me.
And I don't have any anger or intense feelings or pain towards the termination or its abruptness etc.
I don't dream of him at all nowadays.
I can't even remember what it used to feel like.
Any body wants to say "Good Job" to me?? :-)
So, if anybody is hurting, keep hope. It is really possible with efforts and time and patience. The key is understanding yourself.
Posted by jadah on August 16, 2005, at 18:19:40
In reply to I have worked out of my transference completely, posted by orchid on August 16, 2005, at 17:53:20
Choose to be Free
You robbed me of my childhood
You told me that I never would
Amount to anything in your eyes
Today I stand to sever tiesI’ve become a person far better
than you
There’s nothing you could say
or do
To crush my spirit or bring me down
I’m over you, I’ve come aroundI pray for the others whose
lives you’ve stained
I pray their souls will be ordained
Their wounds will heal
Their tears will dry
Their haunting memories
will pass them byYou’ll stand before God
on judgement day and I’ll
be there to finally say,
“You’ve lived a life far
less than mine, I’m sorry
now you’re out of time. I’ve
let you go, I have moved on
to a better place where you
don’t belong.”Looking back I’m proud to say
That despite it all
I’ve finally found my way…Live, Learn, Forgive…Choose to be free.
Posted by orchid on August 16, 2005, at 18:59:40
In reply to Re: a poem for survivors by jadah, posted by jadah on August 16, 2005, at 18:19:40
I don't feel like this at all..
I still like my ex - ex - T as a person.. I don't want to put him down.
Just that I have learnt to work out my transference..
Posted by wheeler on August 17, 2005, at 7:54:24
In reply to I have worked out of my transference completely, posted by orchid on August 16, 2005, at 17:53:20
Good Job Orchid!
If you don't mind answering, how did you get through the transference? I had a very bad/painful termination with my T and I'm still struggling.
Thanks,
Wheeler
Posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 17, 2005, at 8:42:31
In reply to I have worked out of my transference completely, posted by orchid on August 16, 2005, at 17:53:20
Thats great news orchid! congratulations it must be such a tremendous relief for you.
I am in the very early stages of transference ( only about a monthy into it) I know i have a long way to go before i am free of it.
But knowing that someone out there lived through it recently gives me hope that i can too.
You are my hero! :)How long where you in the transference?
Did you do anything in particular to let it go?
Did you have to go through negative transference?
Sorry, Im just such a novice at this and not real patient.Again, conratulations for getting it behind you.
Posted by B2chica on August 17, 2005, at 11:30:33
In reply to Re: a poem for survivors by jadah, posted by jadah on August 16, 2005, at 18:19:40
great poem jadah, as others posted about T's i wasn't even thinking about my T. i thought of my 'mother' with this poem.
thanks.
b2c.
Posted by Tamar on August 17, 2005, at 13:45:11
In reply to I have worked out of my transference completely, posted by orchid on August 16, 2005, at 17:53:20
> I am congratulating myself !!!
Good for you!
> Any body wants to say "Good Job" to me?? :-)I do! I do! Good job!
Well done; you've been working so hard on it. I'm glad things are easier for you now.
Tamar
Posted by orchid on August 17, 2005, at 14:37:44
In reply to Re: I have worked out of my transference completely, posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 17, 2005, at 8:42:31
Thanks everyone !!!.
Some of you asked how to overcome. Here is what helped me.
1. Get a new therapist, who is experienced in helping out people with transference.
2. Be completely open to the therapist on what you feel. Even if they dismiss it lightly, keep bringing it up. That will help.
3. Be honest to yourself on what you are feeling and identify the full feelings. Don't be afraid to visualize or experience the full power of the feelings. In my experience, once you visualize all the feelings to the maximum extent, then it begins to lose control over you.
4. STart questioning your feelings yourself and with the help of your therapist. Identify what the feelings really are about - is it about your dad/mom/old lover/friend/a guy who hurt you in that past etc. Identify similarities and identify patterns of emotions. It is difficult to do it alone - only a skilled therapist will be able to guide you through it.
5. Start giving to yourslef what you want from your therapist, or find other ways of getting what you want.
6. Identify the mistaken coping mechanisms you have developed and rectify it. In my case, I had always been a child in a sense, and kept looking for "approval" from an authority figure. And that is what I missed the most from my psychiatrist. 7. It is difficult to say how to grow, but with effort and looking into yourself, and meditation, and with the help of a therapist, and with babble's support, you start overcoming your issues slowly.
IT is very difficult, and it takesn immense efforts and support from other people. But hang it there and work it out. It eventually helps.
Posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 17, 2005, at 14:59:55
In reply to Thanks all.. and some info on working it out. » FlyingKangaroo, posted by orchid on August 17, 2005, at 14:37:44
Great advice Orchid and it all makes sense. I dont want to leave my current T though cause i dont think i really want to let up on feeling like this ( while i know that it's not real i kinda enjoy this feeling) I dread the thought of giving it up. I just hope i dont drive him too mad in the meantime. O.k I guess i am still confused. First i didnt like it then i did then i didnt now????????????
I know what i have to do it's just a matter of when to give it up i guess???
Posted by rabidreader on August 18, 2005, at 14:46:23
In reply to Re: Thanks all.. and some info on working it out. » orchid, posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 17, 2005, at 14:59:55
Orchid,
I'm so very, very glad for you that you worked through your transference issues. I am holding on to hope that I can, too. It feels so painful right now I keep bursting into tears in public places and generally being a mess. But it's good to know there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Keep up the good work, and thank you for the suggestions on how to get through it.
Posted by Joslynn on August 19, 2005, at 11:57:01
In reply to Re: Thanks all.. and some info on working it out., posted by rabidreader on August 18, 2005, at 14:46:23
Good job Orchid!
I like all of your advice, especially about being honest with the other T.
I had a transference thing, and it got resolved, but only after a big emotional shattering of the whole fantasy in a rather unpleasant way to say the least. Another thing that helped (I know that this wasn't feasible in Orchid's case) is to be honest with the other person in the transference about it and how they may have inadvertently contributed to it. Keeping it secret makes it grow. For me, I also had to leave the therapeutic/talk therapy part of the old situation as well. I don't want to be too detailed.
The best part is, after it all blew up and I had to put myself back together, there was suddenly this clarity in me, an openess to new, real relationships. And suddenly, the opportunity for a real relationship appeared, out of the blue.
It is strange how life and God works.
Posted by Susan47 on August 20, 2005, at 11:26:30
In reply to I have worked out of my transference completely, posted by orchid on August 16, 2005, at 17:53:20
Orchid, that's WONDERFUL!!
I had a taste of that freedom this week. I want to get it back again. I think I will.
This is the end of the thread.
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