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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 16:04:06
My ex T over estimated me - from the very beginning.. He didn't realize my emotional problems, how weak I am, how confused and tortured I am.. He didn't understand that I operate in a 12 year old self most of the times.. He got little carried away by my professional achievements, and ability to fake everything and appear all together.. and didn't understand the turmoil inside. He kept dismissing me when I said I don't have good self esteem or when I wrote so many emotional emails complaining.. He never once suspected serious problems with me.. I started complaining about my father in the beginnning and he said "You are 26 - how long are you going to complain about your father".. He didn't realize that I was getting to all this abuse.. And then I shut up after that.. He kept saying I was fine, I was all right, and I kept feeling so immensely bad.. and didn't know what to do. He dismissed my transference and attraction to him as normal and that it would disappear.. And it doesn't. I tried to be a cry baby and tell him several times how much I was hurting.. But he never got it. I wish he had paid more attention to what I was saying..And I wish he didn't dismiss me as being fine all the time. He never looked beneath the surface.. even when I told him. And finally when I had the courage to tell him how it really hurts me, I think he got frightened and left me abruptly. When I really needed the support the most, he vanished.
That is the same problem with my dad also - they trust their own percepition and views too much, and they don't listen and grasp when the other person says something is really bothering..
Posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 18:07:04
In reply to My ex T hugely overestimated me.., posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 16:04:06
All this talk about my ex T - I am feeling like crap.. I am feeling like I am being a complete jerk to my husband.. but I can't seem to be able to stop it.. or stop feeling anything.. I don't even like my ex T nowadays.. I am past that stage.. there is only hurt and more hurt. I am trying to recover from that..
If I don't get it out of me, I won't ever recover.. I will end up keeping it in my mind. I don't know what is worse - to talk about my problem and get it out and hope for a cure, or to keep it all inside and try to be fair to my husband..
I so desperately want to be loyal to him.. But I just don't seem to be able to. Should I leave babble and stop what I am doing? Or should I continue to talk about my difficulties with my ex T - how long is it going to take till I make peace with it?? What if I never fall in love fully with my husband? I don't want to be in this half hearted way.. But I can't seem to think of a way out.. And for the past one month, I came so close to telling my husband everything - about my ex T - what I felt, about my transference, about the csa etc. I hope he can understand and forigve me.. But I am also afraid he will never understand me.. Even if he understands me, what will that change? Will I be able to be fully loyal to him??
Posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 18:44:08
In reply to I am so very unfair to my husband.. :-( *trigger* » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 18:07:04
I am just so constantly worrying about everything.. :-(.. How do I stop this habit?
Posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 18:53:43
In reply to I am so very unfair to my husband.. :-( *trigger* » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 18:07:04
hi Pinkeye,
I find it sad to see that you're thinking that YOU should apologize to your husband. To me, it seems that HE should be apologizing to you for the abuse, the hitting, the yelling, the domination, and the other personal things you mentioned in previous posts.Why do think it's so important to be loyal to a man like this? What about loyalty to yourself and your needs? If you're not in love with him now, you probably never will be. And maybe that's a sign that he's not treating you right -- if he was a safe haven for you, you'd love him more. If he was trustworthy, you'd trust him more.
You said that you'd have support back in India. BUT -- if that support is from your parents (the dad who abused you emotionally and physically) and the mom who stood by invisibly), I don't see that as "good" support at all! I'm really worried about you leaving your current network and going back to a country where you're sort of starting over.
I'm so sorry if I sound harsh. I just care about you a lot, and I really wish you were able to recognize your beauty and strength, and see that you're worth so much more than you give yourself credit for! I wish you could be happy.
About leaving babble, that's a decision you need to make. But do it for yOU if you do it -- not because you think it's what your husband would want or order you to do. What do YOU want and need out of life? Does babble help you?
Anyway, I hope you're well.
please keep writing!
JenStar
Posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 20:24:18
In reply to Re: I am so very unfair to my husband.. :-( *trigger* » pinkeye, posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 18:53:43
Thanks so much JS.. I keep wondering how you (and others) keep replying to my constant ramblings without getting fed up of me.. I used to think my ex T hated me for the mails that I sent to him, and suspected that he never bothered to read most of it and must have got fed up - and here I am, posting 1000 times more than I wrote to him, and yet folks here reply so much to me.. Don't you guys ever get fed up of me??
Thanks for your words.. I feel bad about my husband, because whatever else he is not, atleast he is loyal to me. And I am not. So that is what irks me.. I don't think I can honestly leave babble - I get a lot of support here, and I don't think I can survive without it.. But I also feel it keeps bringing my ex T back to my mind all the time, and sometimes wish I can stay away from it.. IT is hard.
> hi Pinkeye,
> I find it sad to see that you're thinking that YOU should apologize to your husband. To me, it seems that HE should be apologizing to you for the abuse, the hitting, the yelling, the domination, and the other personal things you mentioned in previous posts.
>
> Why do think it's so important to be loyal to a man like this? What about loyalty to yourself and your needs? If you're not in love with him now, you probably never will be. And maybe that's a sign that he's not treating you right -- if he was a safe haven for you, you'd love him more. If he was trustworthy, you'd trust him more.
>
> You said that you'd have support back in India. BUT -- if that support is from your parents (the dad who abused you emotionally and physically) and the mom who stood by invisibly), I don't see that as "good" support at all! I'm really worried about you leaving your current network and going back to a country where you're sort of starting over.
>
> I'm so sorry if I sound harsh. I just care about you a lot, and I really wish you were able to recognize your beauty and strength, and see that you're worth so much more than you give yourself credit for! I wish you could be happy.
>
> About leaving babble, that's a decision you need to make. But do it for yOU if you do it -- not because you think it's what your husband would want or order you to do. What do YOU want and need out of life? Does babble help you?
>
> Anyway, I hope you're well.
> please keep writing!
> JenStar
Posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 20:37:36
In reply to Thanks JS.. » Jen Star, posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 20:24:18
hi pinkeye,
no, I never get fed up with you! I like posting here, and I enjoy reading your posts. I mean, I don't enjoy that you're sad and hurting. But I enjoy the interaction.And if I can help in some tiny small way, no matter how teensy it is, that makes me feel good about myself. And I know that you're always there with a helping word or support if and when I need it, which I appreciate.
It's nice to come here for support. I like being part of this group.
JenStar
Posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 20:45:25
In reply to Re: Thanks JS.. » pinkeye, posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 20:37:36
Thanks JS.
But you never need anything.. You never ask for help.. And Tamar is the same way.. She also never asks for help. But you guys keep helping me..
Posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 21:32:03
In reply to Re: Thanks JS.. » Jen Star, posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 20:45:25
hi Pinkeye,
it's weird that it's seems that I never need help! In my mind, I need TONS of help. Maybe I'm just afraid to ask for it, I guess. Maybe I'm afraid no one will care or will respond. I go through phases of low self esteem sometimes, and I'm afraid to put myself on the line. Sometimes I'm also afriad that my problems will seem stupid and petty, and people will get irritated at me for posting them.
JenStar
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 14:12:30
In reply to Re: Thanks JS.. » pinkeye, posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 21:32:03
Oh.. JS - How could you think like that? That no one would care to respond.. I care a lot about you.
And I always assumed that you were one of the strong ones, that you never really had any issues. But maybe you have and you just don't post or talk about it as you have said.. You should do it - get help here, because nowhere else you will meet this much of great folks willing to give you as much help as you need.
Posted by Sonya on July 25, 2005, at 9:49:36
In reply to Re: Thanks JS.. » pinkeye, posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 21:32:03
>Sometimes I'm also afriad that my problems will seem stupid and petty, and people will get irritated at me for posting them.
I wish you wouldn't feel like that (even though I often do myself). You're obviously a very giving, caring person, but everyone occasionally needs to be on the receiving end. I'm always willing to listen and won't consider anything too petty. I get myself upset about some really dumb stuff and post about it here anyway!
Posted by JenStar on July 25, 2005, at 10:07:46
In reply to Re: Thanks JS.. » Jen Star, posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 14:12:30
thanks, pinkeye! :) It feels nice to hear that. Thanks for being my babble friend!
JenStar
Posted by JenStar on July 25, 2005, at 10:08:48
In reply to Re: Thanks JS.. » Jen Star, posted by Sonya on July 25, 2005, at 9:49:36
hi Sonya,
thanks for your thoughtful post! :) I appreciate the offer to listen. I'll probably take you up on it!thanks,
JenStar
This is the end of the thread.
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