![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 23:42:59
I've been wondering...
How many wish you had NEVER been in therapy?????
Do you have regrets???
Has it helped you??
Has it hurt you??
Has it made you feel worse about yourself or better about yourself??
Did you get all that you wanted out of it??
Would you recommend it to others??I know this is a load of questions but I'm wondering how everyone else really feels.
I'm so stuck in the process. I love my T. and it feels so wrong. She is so awesome but the boundaries make me mad sometimes. Tonight when she called me she said, what can I do that will make you feel better. I said, I know what I want to tell you but we can't do it. (I was thinking I'd like to go to her house or have her come to my house and we could hang out, go to lunch or the things that friends do.) She laughed and said, there we go again. It hurts like hell sometimes. I don't ever want to tell her goodbye and I guess if I don't want to I don't have to but this work is supposed to end eventually. Not to mention all the money that has been spent seeing her. But she is good to me that way. She gives me a reduced fee since I've been with her for so long.
Just wondering if anyone regrets starting into the therapy process. I'd love to see how you all honestly feel. I'll write more about what I'm thinking later but I'm really thinking I regret my threapy. I want to love and be loved. Something I didn't get as a little girl.Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by messadivoce on July 20, 2005, at 0:12:09
In reply to Interesting Questions for ya'll???, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 23:42:59
<How many wish you had NEVER been in therapy??>
I've thought, "Gee it would have been so much easier if I had never met him" but I know that's not true. SOME things would be easier. But life as a whole would be so much more difficult.
<Do you have regrets???>
I regret that I never could cry in front of him. I regret that we didn't get to continue our therapy through to its natural conclusion.
<Has it helped you??>
Yes. It has made me a stronger, more compassionate person. To myself first, and then to others second. I like myself better. I appreciate myself more, and I give myself a break when I need it. It helped me see my parents as imperfect people.
<Has it hurt you??>
Yes, yes, and a thousand times yes. And it still hurts. Every day when I wake up and live my life without him, it hurts a little. I will probably miss him the rest of my life.
<Has it made you feel worse about yourself or better about yourself??>
I felt terrible about myself when I started, and while it got worse before it got better, it certainly helped me see my value as a person.
<Did you get all that you wanted out of it??>
NO NO NO. I wanted him to be my father. I wanted excuses to be close to him, and hug him, to always have him available to me, to be able to bottle up all his kindness and compassion and bring it back whenever I needed it. I wanted his wife to drop dead so I could marry him and have a perfect life.
But there is a deep and unending compassion he gave me that I now give to myself. That's not everything, but it's something.
<Would you recommend it to others??>
Yes, and I have, but with a few caveats. Do your homework!! Be informed. Ask questions. And trust your gut, at least for the first few sessions.
Posted by LadyBug on July 20, 2005, at 0:17:39
In reply to Re: Interesting Questions for ya'll???, posted by messadivoce on July 20, 2005, at 0:12:09
I loved your answers!!!!
Thanks for your reply. I really want to see what everyone thinks about these things.
I'm sorry you still miss him. I'm sure that will happen to me too. On the other hand, I'm glad to hear that he gave you good things to give to yourself. That is hopful to me.
THANKS! Your answers are awesome!!LadyBug
Posted by sleepygirl on July 20, 2005, at 0:51:42
In reply to Interesting Questions for ya'll???, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 23:42:59
many, many thoughts on this one, maybe for later
Hang in there Lady. It can really suck, no joke, but it can also be incredibly worth it. I really, really mean it...I hope it's worth it for you.
Posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 5:54:48
In reply to Interesting Questions for ya'll???, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 23:42:59
If it all turns out tragically in the end, I'd probably change my opinion.
But right now, I look to the schizoid almost aspergerish person I was even a few years ago. When my therapist asked me to name my feelings, and gave me a list of them, with little faces for each, I still said "upset" or "ok" were my feelings most of the time. He'd tear out his hair trying to tell me that "upset" and "ok" weren't feelings. But sure they were. I felt them all the time!
It's because of his influence that I ever started to Babble. And because of him and Babble that I ever got the desire to relate to the strange critters called humans rather than the much easier to get along with dogs that I had as friends.And if he did nothing else as a therapist, he got me to recognize a couple of important things that had eluded me. That the only person I had power over was myself. That my responsibility stretched only so far. And that I was enmeshed with my family of origin, and there were ways to separate while still maintaining a relationship and fulfilling my duty to them.
I am a slow learner, and it wasn't until after years of drilling those things in my head that I incorporated them. I think that maybe gives him hope about the things he's still trying to drill in my head.
Yeah, I'd do it all over again. But only with a milky breasted therapist who sat in his own seat and felt receptive and open but with a solid core.
Posted by CAROLINA on July 20, 2005, at 12:43:09
In reply to Re: Interesting Questions for ya'll??? » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 5:54:48
i havnt ever been able to get close to any therapist or any1 else for that matter so its hard 4 me to understand. i know i have a major trust issue and the past few days i have committed myself 110% to feeling better. i quit my effexor cold and found a counselor that specializes in people that have been sexually abused and i know i have to open up and im scared b/c i know it's gonna hurt like hell but feeling numb all the time or angry and hateful hurts as well. life hurts so much sometimes..all the time but u have to hold on and know that people like us care-Carolina
Posted by spalding on July 20, 2005, at 15:31:40
In reply to Interesting Questions for ya'll???, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 23:42:59
Hi everybody...
>How many wish you had NEVER been in therapy?????
I wish I had never met one certain therapist in particular (years ago), but my current T. and experiences with him negate the bad experiences.
>Do you have regrets???
I regret spending time and money on 2 useless Ts. One I liked but she didn't challenge me or provide me with insights, and I had no idea what I needed to do, so nothing changed. The other T. I went to with my DH, and she was just awful, blaming him for all these things that were really due to my undiagnosed BPD. My current pdoc and T. (both terrific) said that both of these Ts should have had their acts in gear and referred me to a pdoc with all the symptoms I was presenting with. Seven years later, with no Ts help, I got diagnosed...
Bitter much? YES!
>Has it helped you??
My current therapy -- it's been almost 2 years -- has helped in difficult, horrible, painful, beautiful, funny, wonderful ways. Thank dog.
>Has it hurt you??
I was hurt after I was able to see that my unsatisfying, unhelpful therapy was just that. So much lost time and lost money, as well as one botched termination and one termination that didn't even happen. Ugh.
>Has it made you feel worse about yourself or >better about yourself??
Great question. I think the jury's still out on this one. I feel good about the process I'm going through, I feel good that I've been particularly strong in session lately...but I have no idea if all this translates to feeling better about myself.
Yeah, I probably shouldn't get rolling here. :)
>Did you get all that you wanted out of it??
In the past, obviously, no. In my current therapy, it's still a work in progress....but definitely going in the right direction.
>Would you recommend it to others??
Only if they have time, a willingness to research and ask questions (when choosing a T.) and at least a little opennness. It can be done, I was closed up tight when I started with my current T., and cracks have come to the armour very slowly, but what do you know, it can be a good thing. Sometimes. :)
Posted by littleone on July 20, 2005, at 16:02:47
In reply to Re: Interesting Questions for ya'll??? » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 5:54:48
> But right now, I look to the schizoid almost aspergerish person I was even a few years ago. When my therapist asked me to name my feelings, and gave me a list of them, with little faces for each, I still said "upset" or "ok" were my feelings most of the time. He'd tear out his hair trying to tell me that "upset" and "ok" weren't feelings. But sure they were. I felt them all the time!
Dinah, can you please explain this a bit more. I would have sworn they were feelings.
Posted by greyskyeyes on July 20, 2005, at 16:19:24
In reply to Interesting Questions for ya'll???, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 23:42:59
> How many wish you had NEVER been in therapy?????
Can't say that. I CAN say I wish I never needed therapy! :) But since that wasn't an option...> Do you have regrets???
Only that it costs so much (despite insurance), to the point where I've had to get a second job (part-time).Well, there is a bit more actually. Because of a lot of the work we've done, I have a much deeper - and therefore painful - insight into my family dynamic. So while the insight gained is beneficial and healthy in the long run, it's plucked me forever from blissful ignorance - I always knew *something* was a bit odd, but now I'm beginning to understand just how dysfunctional things were. And that hurts.
> Has it helped you??
Oh yes.> Has it hurt you??
Oh yes.> Has it made you feel worse about yourself or better about yourself??
Both. I said to my husband a few weeks ago that maybe I should stop, I was getting worse... and he pointed out that injuries have to get worse before they can get better.My T says I've made a lot of progress, and I can see that. So in ways I feel better, and in other ways I feel worse.
> Did you get all that you wanted out of it??
Work in progress, can't answer that yet. :)> Would you recommend it to others??
Absolutely. With the caveat that it can be a very painful process - not something to be undertaken lightly.Ladybug, it *is* hard. But try not to regret - that will only make you feel worse. (I feel like quoting from the Lion King and saying, "Doesn't matter! It's in the past!) Move forward and learn from the experience, whichever direction you go in. :)
Posted by pinkeye on July 20, 2005, at 16:47:36
In reply to Interesting Questions for ya'll???, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 23:42:59
I have both immensely gained, as well as immensely hurt by therapy.
I am a much much better person today and got rid of innumerable issues because of therapy.
But I have also been hurt so very badly which I didn't deserve also because of therapy.
It is a double edged sword. And it is such an emotional tease that it is so extremely hard to play it right.
Posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 17:25:02
In reply to Upset and okay » Dinah, posted by littleone on July 20, 2005, at 16:02:47
Well, I'm still not absolutely sure why upset isn't a feeling. I guess I understand that ok is a condition, not a feeling. Although I spent countless sessions going round and round. "But I *feel* ok. So ok must be a feeling."
But my ability to name my feelings is so much greater now that I rarely use "upset" unless I don't wish to be more specific. It's surprising how much that little change matters in life. Because upset doesn't give you a whole lot of information about what you need to do to make things better. But in identifying more specific feelings it helps give you a roadmap to what's wrong.
Posted by Phillipa on July 20, 2005, at 18:58:52
In reply to Re: Upset and okay » littleone, posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 17:25:02
I've been looking for a good therapist for years. Where I live now there are only two. Hoping things work out so we can move to larger city where I know there will be many. How do you find a good therapist? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by kerria on July 22, 2005, at 10:24:47
In reply to Interesting Questions for ya'll???, posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 23:42:59
This is such a triggering thought for me- there are parts that complicate everything i think about and do - but so much of me is so sorry about the day when we found out we had DID and needed therapy. every few years throughout my life since i was twelve i fell apart. Different dx were given- scizophrenia, bipolar but i always went into times of remission. Especially when i was deeply involved with a church. It kept me out of trouble because the way to think was right, then a traumatic run-in with the pastors messed it up and while going to genEd psy at school a teacher noticed all my trouble there and told me that i had DID. He said that i would be appreciably better after six months of therapy but i was so worse.
Since i started therapy i was so much worse because for the most i had totally forgotten childhood trauma - except for having flshbacks once in a while which became worse after the falling away from church's influence. Parts took over different aspects of my life 'normally' and we worked around it. Now trying to communicate with them is so impossibly difficult. My health is getting bad because of severe migraines and chronic severe pain - it's a life and death issue to get better because things are so out of control.
How much i wish it could be back to the time before i knew- the teacher had no right to give me a dx like this - i never expected to get at college. i didn't even ask to talk to him.
i guess that it's living in reality to do therapy and communicate with parts but it wrecked the past five years of my life and has brought me close to dying a lot of times too. There were ODs and horrific hospitalizations with forced medication and long days of seclusion. i've never been so unhappy for so long a time. Before i had bouts where i was unhappy and parts did crazy things to get me in trouble but after a while it resolved when i went to church. Now i'm going to church again and seeing inside separations so intensely that there isn't the peace that i had before. Everything is so hard now and there's no help. we're so disabled but it's a struggle to get disability and therapy is so expensive and there are other health problems too. And the painful sessions - now twice a week. Will i ever recover? My family has suffered so much too - i hope therapy is worth it. Now i don't have a choice because it's impossible to live with the separations and my parts want to live their own lives. i'm stuck needing therapy.
Wish it could be more positive- if another part of me answers it will be different but i can't know now because we're one part at a time.
Take care,
kerria
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.