![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cricket on July 19, 2005, at 15:18:10
Not completely yet.
He did ask if I wanted to come next week and talk about it a little more.
I nodded my head yes.
But I said I didn't want to waste his time anymore. I wasn't ever going to get any better.
He said, "I happen to think that you're moving right along."
"But I don't know how to function anymore. I look at other people and they seem so alien to me. I used to know the formulas for how to interact. I don't know that anymore. I can't stand to be with people even in a casual, social way."
"But you've always been like that. You've always been alone."
"Yes on the inside. But on the outside I used to know how to fake it."
"Why would you want that? Fake relationships. That's idleness. That helps no one."
So I said that I would think about it. It sounds like what he's asking is that my sole connection to the world of human beings be through him.
He says, "You have to be real and authentic with me and have a relationship with me before you can learn about anyone else and before anything else feels safe. Right now, you don't have any idea how to relate to anyone else."
The power imbalance of this kills me. So, I am supposed to give up the little bit that I know how to do, the few friendly interactions with people that I have so I can then discover what it is to have a real relationship with one person but to that one person I am Tuesday at 1:30.
I have some real thinking to do. Why didn't I just say no. This is it. Goodbye. Now I am going to have a week of horrible internal conflict.
Posted by LadyBug on July 19, 2005, at 16:52:39
In reply to I just quit therapy, posted by cricket on July 19, 2005, at 15:18:10
cricket,
I don't know what to say to you to help you feel better but I do understand the pain you are in.
I hope you get feeling better.
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2005, at 18:09:01
In reply to I just quit therapy, posted by cricket on July 19, 2005, at 15:18:10
Maybe you didn't because you're ambivilant?
Because you know that whatever his shortcomings and however little it seems to help, he is on your side and wants the best for you.
Or maybe I'm projecting my own therapy woes on you. I took a major temper tantrum. It was a multi-phone-message day, but even so it took about three phone messages to work up to my snippish suggestion that I take a break until we're both back from vacation and see if I'm still interested in seeing him. Because what I really want him to do is answer how I want him to answer and fix everything. Not to take a break.
Posted by Poet on July 19, 2005, at 19:21:09
In reply to I just quit therapy, posted by cricket on July 19, 2005, at 15:18:10
Hi Cricket,
Maybe a little teeny part of you doesn't think you are ready to let go? You're afraid to acknowledge it?
I have an intense need to be independent. I did quit therapy, once, and in tears went back two weeks later.
I go through periods when I tell her that I am quitting for good. I am a therapy failure. She just says we'll talk about that next week. She knows I have a teeny part of me that says it's okay to be dependent. I just don't like that part of me.
Poet
Posted by cricket on July 20, 2005, at 6:34:51
In reply to I just quit therapy, posted by cricket on July 19, 2005, at 15:18:10
Thanks Ladybug, Dinah, Poet
I am ambivalent. Rationally everything tells me to stop going but emotionally. Well, emotionally I will just miss him.
But I know that someone else could make such better use of his time. Someone with more potential, someone younger, someone smarter. So quitting feels like the noble thing to do. But it is painful. I haven't done anything good or right in this lifetime and this feels like the opportunity.
I didn't feel such a strong urge to quit when I felt like he hated me and I was still taking up his precious time then, but it felt more like I was getting what I deserved.
But now that I feel like he doesn't hate me and just wants to help me I can't stand the thought of being there. I arrive later and later to every session. I'm down to half hour sessions and I still can't stand it.
Posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 7:57:42
In reply to Re: I just quit therapy, posted by cricket on July 20, 2005, at 6:34:51
Oh now Cricket. That I just can't allow.
Nobility as a reason for stopping therapy just doesn't cut it. You are as worthy as anyone else. And not only that, I took years to make improvement. My therapist calls my progress "glacial". But if you don't think you're entitled to the time you need to progress, then it doesn't say much about me. :)
Don't measure progress in how quickly you make it. Measure it in how well it sticks and how deep it is. You might not even see it for a while.
If you don't think he *can* help you, that's one thing If you don't think he *should* help you, I object vehemently.
I think you should take that conviction that if he likes you, you don't deserve your time together, to him and discuss it.
Don't you think that's the fairest thing to do for someone who's tried to help you?
Posted by cricket on July 20, 2005, at 11:53:28
In reply to Re: I just quit therapy » cricket, posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 7:57:42
Thanks Dinah.
I will take it to him. I'm not quite sure how yet, but I will.
Yes, he does deserve that.
I didn't want to see the hurt on his face when I said I didn't see the point of going to therapy anymore. I wanted to see relief.
If I had seen relief, this might be a good week. But instead I cried myself to sleep last night and now I have a huge headache.
Posted by kerria on July 22, 2005, at 0:37:23
In reply to I just quit therapy, posted by cricket on July 19, 2005, at 15:18:10
((((((((((Cricket)))))))))))
i'm so sorry- i had no idea that you were going though so much with your T now all the time that you were encouraging me to keep going to t.that is so hard to do, now to only be able to relate to T. He says comforting things about it and at least it sounds that he knows your struggle and is listening to you.
Is this a temporary situation where your parts aren't fuctioning as seperately as they were before and the relationships will be changed for the better later?
i often feel the 'fakeness' of my parts having relationships - that hurts a lot also. i always wondered why i never think i have any friends and any compliments that others give is never for me. That must be why.Then it's a good opportunity to make relationships more real. The alternative isn't very good either. At least you're on the right track.
i'm sorry that it's so scary - you have to trust your T for so much . i hope that he's a good T and that you can get through it.
Take care of you- try not to quit,
kerria
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.