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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:33:25
Or possibly four.
I wish I was small enough to be picked up.
To throw my arms around somebodies neck and just hang on.
To feel safe.
:-(
Posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:37:53
In reply to I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:33:25
I often feel like I am that old.
And my body feels overgrown and disgusting.
Why o why couldn't I have just stopped there?
And somebody could just look after me
And I'd just trust them.
When I see little kids of that age it just breaks my heart
:-(
Posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:41:41
In reply to Re: I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:37:53
I thought my Dad was just god.
I did.
:-(
:-(
:-(
It was only when I got older that I realised that he never really even looked at me.
I think...
He was a little afraid of me.
But thats my Dad.
Afraid of the world.
And self-absorbed.
I guess its not his fault he never knew how to be a Dad
That he ran far away from my Mother as soon as he could
(I would have done the same if it was a viable option)
I was 14 when I realised my ideal was far far from the truth.
But if I think back really very hard...
I think sometimes I remember something of that feeling
Of believing in a God
Who I just loved.
Someone who could do no wrong.
I wish I could have stayed there forever.
:-(
Life sux sometimes
Posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:44:04
In reply to Re: I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:41:41
God doesn't exist
But that doesn't matter
Its believing in God
Thats where the magic is
The magic that makes you feel loved.
It doesn't matter that God doesn't exist
It doesn't matter that nobody loves you
Posted by daisym on July 11, 2005, at 23:55:31
In reply to Re: I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:44:04
It would be easier sometimes if no one loved you. It would be easier to fail,
It would be easier to give up,
It would be easier to end it all, even.But people do love you. And sometimes that is more painful to realize because it means you have to face another day. If not for yourself, then for them.
And sometimes that is very, very hard. Sometimes it is harder to keep going than it would be to give up.
I wish you were three too and I could hold you and make you feel safe and take away some of the pain I hear in your posts.
Posted by messadivoce on July 11, 2005, at 23:58:33
In reply to I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:33:25
I liked being 3.
If we were 3 together, I would give you half my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
(((Alex)))
Posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 0:21:28
In reply to Re: I wish I was three, posted by daisym on July 11, 2005, at 23:55:31
I know that I'm loved now :-)
That I'd be missed if I was gone :-)
It wasn't really about that...
It was about how nobody loved me when I was three.
But that it didn't matter.
Because I *felt* loved.
And that feeling was wonderful.
When you are three a hug fixes everything.> I wish you were three too and I could hold you and make you feel safe and take away some of the pain I hear in your posts.
:-)
Thanks Daisy
Posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 0:22:36
In reply to Re: I wish I was three » alexandra_k, posted by messadivoce on July 11, 2005, at 23:58:33
> I liked being 3.
:-)
> If we were 3 together, I would give you half my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Ew! Ok, I'll take the peanut butter half ok?
I remember painting flowers with nail polish.
Wanna go paint flowers?
Posted by damos on July 12, 2005, at 1:43:17
In reply to I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:33:25
Can you wish me three too please. I don't actually think I've ever felt 'safe' and don't remember anything of being three. All my memories of childhood are memories of photographs of me as a child. Hmmmmmm.
Posted by Dinah on July 12, 2005, at 3:35:59
In reply to I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:33:25
I wish I were three too, or maybe a bit younger. I think by three I didn't feel safe already, and I don't know if I ever did again - until my therapist. And that's more than a bit of an illusion, but I'll take it.
But I think I did feel safe when I was little enough to be held not too loose and not too tight, and rocked in the rocking chair that we always had.
I think I've spent my entire life longing to get back on that lap.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 4:22:14
In reply to Re: I wish I was three » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 12, 2005, at 3:35:59
I'm probably just having a faint memory of one or two occasions. I know I wasn't happy with my mother when I was 4 'cause thats when I started school and boy do I remember feeling STOKED to get the hell away from her.
But I remember I loved my dad / god. I remember that. Even when he didn't interveane. I didn't blame him for not being able to stop her. I knew she was a force greater than the both of us...
So maybe he wasn't god after all. I dunno. Maybe I wasn't so very worried about contradiction when I was 3.
> I think I've spent my entire life longing to get back on that lap.
Yeah.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 4:25:25
In reply to Re: I wish I was three » alexandra_k, posted by damos on July 12, 2005, at 1:43:17
> Can you wish me three too please.
I'll try...
You will have to come paint flowers.>I don't actually think I've ever felt 'safe' and don't remember anything of being three. All my memories of childhood are memories of photographs of me as a child. Hmmmmmm.
Most of mine are like that. So I destroyed my photo album in a borderline fit of rage one day. At least... I figure thats what happened to it...
Memories are hard.
I usually find them / think I find them at that place between sleeping and waking. I start to think of something I can remember... My earliest memory... And then more comes back.
Be careful.
Some can be good
But some can be bad.
And some can be made up ;-)
Posted by Jazzed on July 12, 2005, at 9:53:22
In reply to Re: I wish I was three » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 4:22:14
You can all be three, come stay with me. I'll hold you on my lap, and we'll get someone else to clean. We'll paint, and chase butterflies, and play in the baby pool. Then I'll put you all down for naps, and make you a tea party.
I'll kiss your boo boos, and give you popscicles. We'll look at the stars and chase fireflies, take long walks, and pet puppy dogs.
When it's time to go to bed, I'll put you all down in the same room with a pretty night light. When you get up in the morning, we'll do it all again.Jazzy
Posted by pinkeye on July 12, 2005, at 13:05:54
In reply to I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:33:25
(and reply to all your subsequent posts)
Believing in God is very helpful for me.. I don't really question that much if God is there or not. Believing helps, and I take it at that. And really, most of the difficult things science has supposed to have proven is also only belief. The evolution theory is just that - it is a theory. If I could believe in evolution, I can as well believe in God. Atleast as a theory - because it helps me. And what better proof that God exists, than the fact that believing helps me live and feel better?? Isn't that the proof in itself?You cannot go back to three - but what you can do, is now, you can keep yourself as innocent and open as if you were 3. And not let all the hurts and pains bog you down and make you feel old.
Posted by Shortelise on July 12, 2005, at 14:49:36
In reply to I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:33:25
Posted by LittleGirlLost on July 12, 2005, at 15:30:39
In reply to Re: I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:37:53
Wow... so hard to respond to this thread. I wish I was three too... and I do feel that way a lot of the time. But I'm not sure if 3 was safe for me.
I would love to paint flowers with you.
Interesting that you say seeing little kids breaks your heart... I look at them and feel the same thing, or I feel scared for them.
:(
lgl
Posted by LittleGirlLost on July 12, 2005, at 15:41:50
In reply to Re: I wish I was three, posted by Jazzed on July 12, 2005, at 9:53:22
Jazzy, this made me cry. Can I come to your house? please? :(
lgl
Posted by Damos on July 12, 2005, at 17:08:41
In reply to Re: I wish I was three » Jazzed, posted by LittleGirlLost on July 12, 2005, at 15:41:50
> Jazzy, this made me cry. Can I come to your house? please? :(
>
> lglYeah, it was beautiful Jazzy, thanks
Damos
Posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 18:03:25
In reply to Re: I wish I was three » alexandra_k, posted by pinkeye on July 12, 2005, at 13:05:54
> Believing in God is very helpful for me.. I don't really question that much if God is there or not. Believing helps, and I take it at that.
Yes. That was fairly much my point exactly. Believing helps. I hope I wasn't being too irreverant with the dad / god thing. It is just that there is a theory that I'm quite taken with that we used to see our parents as gods. Then we get a little older and realise they are fallible. But we still need our ideal. Believing helps. And so we project that ideal onto god. Thats pretty much what Freud thought anyway.
> And really, most of the difficult things science has supposed to have proven is also only belief. The evolution theory is just that - it is a theory.
It is a theory. It is a theory that handles a diversity of facts from biology chemistry and physics. Thats what makes it a scientific theory. It is a theory about how things in the world evolved. Science is the study of that objective world.
>If I could believe in evolution, I can as well believe in God.
Well... You can believe in whatever you want to really. You can believe in Santa and the tooth fairy etc etc.
>Atleast as a theory - because it helps me. And what better proof that God exists, than the fact that believing helps me live and feel better?? Isn't that the proof in itself?
Ok. If the idea helps you then it has pragmatic (utility) value. That is good. And sometimes that is what interests us.
If you are interested in mind-independent reality, if you are making a claim about what exists in the world then that is a different claim, however. The latter claim is capable of being true or false, whereas the first is assessed as being more or less helpful.
Some philosophers have a pragmatic theory of truth where they say that claims about the world are true in virtue of their utility. I would say: 'but why are they so very useful?' because they capture things the way they really are.But with respect to that thought... All we need is an example of a false but useful belief as a counter-example... I think there was a study that showed that people with depression tend to have realistic assessments of themself compared with people who aren't depressed who have an inflated sense of themself. It seems to be useful (though false) to have an inflated sense of yourself. Ok so thats not the best example, but someone might be able to think up a better one.
Creationism. The notion that God made all the species individually and placed them on the earth.
Well... Really that is a little like the hypothesis that the world doubled in size overnight. Can't be proven to be true or false. But...God would have had to have planted the fossils too... And just 'decided' to give everything a common genetic code. And just 'decided' to give the panda a funny thumb (it would do much better with an opposible thumb like us to strip bamboo). So all these facts are just seperatly decided by god and really we don't have an explanation for these phenomena.
What the theory of evolution by natural selection does is to unite these seemingly unrelated facts and provide a common explanation for them. If god gave the panda its thumb then it is suprising that the thumb is imperfect for the task the panda needs to do. If the thumb evolved then it makes sense that there can be many imperfect characteristics that are just good enough to get by. It can explain the common genetic code (there was a common anscestor). And then there is all the stuff we know from chemistry / physics with respect to carbon dating fossils so we know about how old the world is etc. And that the plates move and continents drift... And the ice age... And dinosaurs...
> You cannot go back to three - but what you can do, is now, you can keep yourself as innocent and open as if you were 3. And not let all the hurts and pains bog you down and make you feel old.
Thanks
:-)
Posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 18:06:01
In reply to Re: I wish I was three, posted by LittleGirlLost on July 12, 2005, at 15:30:39
> or I feel scared for them.
yes.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 18:07:02
In reply to Re: I wish I was three, posted by Jazzed on July 12, 2005, at 9:53:22
Well thats it we are all moving to Jazzys house.
I'm not sure about the kiddie pool.
You lot haven't been peeing in it - have you?????
Posted by Poet on July 12, 2005, at 18:08:34
In reply to Re: I wish I was three, posted by Jazzed on July 12, 2005, at 9:53:22
Posted by Poet on July 12, 2005, at 18:12:40
In reply to I wish I was three, posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 23:33:25
Hi Alex,
I have a four year old inner child that will play with you. We can play shoots and ladders/snakes and ladders, okay? My inner child is very shy so she might cry and hide, but I'll try to get her to know that you are okay to trust.
I'm sorry you didn't get the hugs you needed. I didn't either, which is why I don't allow real ones very often. Cyber hugs are nice and safe, though.
(((((all ages of Alex))))))
Poet
Posted by alexandra_k on July 12, 2005, at 20:00:27
In reply to Re: I wish I was three » alexandra_k, posted by Poet on July 12, 2005, at 18:12:40
Thanks :-)
We'll look after your inner child.
We promise
Posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2005, at 23:23:58
In reply to Re: I wish I was three, posted by Jazzed on July 12, 2005, at 9:53:22
Okay, Jazzy...
..that, that right there
was one of the sweetest, most lovely, enticing things I have ever read in my entire life! (And you really have no idea HOW MUCH I read!)That hurts in the center of my chest - but mostly in a good way. Wow.
You painted a vivid, beautiful picture that I just wanted to jump into with all of you and never, ever leave. Like they did in "Mary Poppins," remember?
wow. wow. I have to print this out and read it over and over...
This is the end of the thread.
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