![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 61. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:25:52
I think my T is attracted to me, but tries to hide it. Should I ask him? Or if it is true and the secret is out, will he transfer me to someone else? Which is kinda funny because he himself is a supervisior to other T's but he has a private office. I really like him and would hate to lose the personal chemistry between us, by him really putting up big boundries for me. What if I am wrong? Do you think he will be honest with me? OR will he even answer my question? He hasn't done anything unethical but I think you can tell when someone is attracted to you. To me it is so obvious.
I also want to know why he seems uncomfortable when I talk about sex, sexual fantasies, etc. It is almost like he removes himself from the room. He lookes down or away, or sometimes gets a little embarrest in an innocent little boy way. Is is because he is old fashioned? Is it because he is uncomfortable because he is attracted to me? Or is it me being inappropiate? Or is it because he feels I am attracted to him? Or was, or maybe still. lol What are your take on this?
I have read that T's do get attracted sometimes to their clients. What would you do? Should I just shut up and enjoy making him swirm, or should I bring it out into the open and risk our theraputic relationship? I have never told him I am attracted to him, he may have noticed, but I never have said anything.
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:45:47
In reply to Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you?, posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:25:52
He knows I am into gardening and such, well last session I notice he had a orchid in his window that wasn't there before, in fact he never had any plants. Then he brought up Frank Sintra, because he knows I like that kind of music.
Then he mentioned "our relationship" which he never said that before. I know it is a theraputice relationship but still he never referred to " our relationship". I hate to rock the boat because we connect so nicely and honesty we have so much in common. I have given up the fantasy about being with him, but this is messing up my head. Am I just seeing things? I was finally over my erotic transference, and now it seems like he has some of his countertrasference to deal with, or maybe he just likes me and I am making too much of this. I would hate to ruin my all of this for asking him this question. I am finally at the point where I am comfortable with him, and I don't want to mess it all up. This is all having me thinking about being with him romantically again.
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:55:41
In reply to Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you?, posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:25:52
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 17:02:12
In reply to Do you think my T has the hots for me? (nm), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:55:41
The answer to all your question is - maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But you would never know. He most likely won't admit even if he is madly in love with you and thinks of you all the time. And he won't admit if he doesn't like you at all. So as much as you can't help it, it is a blind alley.
Realistically, all of us get attracted to lot of people mildly.. I have got attracted to atleast 20 - 30 of my colleagues mildly at somepoint or the other. Usually it passes within a day or few days or sometimes few weeks.
The kind of attraction that would be worth considering is if it runs over several months - if you consistently think of the same person for a long time.. And I really don't think your T would have the bandwith to think about any client of his for that length of time, because he probably sees lot of women very intimately, so I wonder if it would have taken all feelings out of him
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 17:08:28
In reply to You would never know !!! » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 17:02:12
>
>
> The kind of attraction that would be worth considering is if it runs over several months - if you consistently think of the same person for a long time.. And I really don't think your T would have the bandwith to think about any client of his for that length of time, because he probably sees lot of women very intimately, so I wonder if it would have taken all feelings out of himCan you explain this more to me, I don't get what you are saying! thanks!
Posted by spalding on June 23, 2005, at 17:10:24
In reply to okay there is more...., posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:45:47
happyflower, I can identify with where you are. I am currently experiencing very strong stuff with my pdoc and my T. I'm a woman, they're both men.
My T. and I have a ton in common -- we both like Cole Porter, we both sing, we have the same political leanings, same sense of humour, same love of words and turns of phrase, and even more. I would say we have an easy relationship, even given the very, very hard work we're doing. He has often used the term "our relationship."
However, I'm 99.99% sure he's gay. So while I think he's handsome and we have a bond, I think of him more as someone I would like to sit down and share a glass of wine and talk (not in a therapeutic sense) all night with. I like to think that he thinks that in a different life, we could be friends. Maybe this is how therapy breeds its own intimacy, really.
I have a similar great relationship with my pdoc. He is straight...(and his mentions of his fiancee unnerve me just a little)... Because, I find him attractive. Though that's as far as it goes (with a few mild fantasies), and I've NEVER brought it up...though I'm toying with the idea of doing so. In fact, he just left on vacation for a month, longer than he usually goes, and I have a theory he's getting married. Which I plan to ask him about when he comes back!
It is interesting he acts shy when you talk about sexual stuff. My docs have been very, very direct when this stuff comes up. My style would be just to ask about it, though that's just me...you are entitled to understand his reactions so there is no ambiguity like the kind you're experiencing now.
I doubt bringing it up with him would cause anything bad to happen. They're trained to deal with this kind of thing. However, I totally understand where your head goes. How can it not, with the bonds we have? *sigh*
> He knows I am into gardening and such, well last session I notice he had a orchid in his window that wasn't there before, in fact he never had any plants. Then he brought up Frank Sintra, because he knows I like that kind of music.
> Then he mentioned "our relationship" which he never said that before. I know it is a theraputice relationship but still he never referred to " our relationship". I hate to rock the boat because we connect so nicely and honesty we have so much in common. I have given up the fantasy about being with him, but this is messing up my head. Am I just seeing things? I was finally over my erotic transference, and now it seems like he has some of his countertrasference to deal with, or maybe he just likes me and I am making too much of this. I would hate to ruin my all of this for asking him this question. I am finally at the point where I am comfortable with him, and I don't want to mess it all up. This is all having me thinking about being with him romantically again.
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 17:17:21
In reply to Re: You would never know !!! » pinkeye, posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 17:08:28
I don't know which part you wanted me to explain more - so I will explain all the sentences.
--- The kind of attraction that would be worth considering is if it runs over several months - if you consistently think of the same person for a long time..
Many of us have fleeting attraction - think of a nice guy/girl around us and plesantly fantasize or think of doing things with him, flirt mildly around them, try to talk well etc - it is just our basic nature to associate us with lot of people from opposite sex at this age. As my ex T put it, when you are a child, you always think about different flavors of chocolate and imagine being surrounded by mountains of chocolate. As adults, we fantasize about sex - different forms, with different people. This is very natural, and is mostly about us, and our desires than it is anything about a relationship with other person.
-----And I really don't think your T would have the bandwith to think about any client of his for that length of time, because he probably sees lot of women very intimately, so I wonder if it would have taken all feelings out of him
By this I meant, he must have seen many women and known many of their thoughts and desires and feelings and attractions towards him, and even trial to seduce him. He must have seen plenty of women. And he must have caught himself getting attracted to lot of women clients - becuase therapy is such an intense thing and he probably gets attracted to many of his patients. Over time though, any intelligent guy will come to realize that it is just a passing thing - that he really cannot have a relationship with all women that he meets and gets attracted to. And after seeing lot of women and getting attracted to, he must have run over his limits. It actually depends on how old your T is and how experienced he is. If he is in early 30s, chances are he hasn' experienced it much. But if he is more in 40, chances are he has seen all flavors of women, and have gotten attracted to all of them, and understood its nature by now. So I think he wouldn't be thinking of one client for any lenghts of time.
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 17:35:54
In reply to Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you?, posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:25:52
If you're okay with it, I'd ask him about his apparent discomfort with the subject of sex, esp. if you have issues you need to resolve or toss around. If you're not being seductive with him, then bringing up can't be inappropriate.There's got to be some creative way to broach the subject of attraction with him. A way that will get you the answer you want, and yet not get you ousted. Although I guess a lot of T's can handle the subject really well, and wouldn't terminate you, I mean it is a part of therapy, having feelings for your T. Who said the feelings would all be comfortable for them? From what I've read, it's not uncommon for Ts to have feelings, even sexual feelings, for their clients, but they just can't act on them because "it's not in your best interest". Not neccessarily my opinion in every situation, just what I've read.
I'd try to do as much reading on it as you can, to get a handle on your feelings - why you want to know, and what you want to do with it. Think a lot about how best to bring it up, and then try to think how he'd respond to you. Best case senario, worst case senario. Of course, someone like GG or EE would be better to respond to this, this is just my gut feeling.
Jazzy
wink, wink!
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 17:37:15
In reply to okay there is more...., posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:45:47
Hmmmmm....... Does sound odd.
Jazzy
Posted by Shortelise on June 23, 2005, at 17:52:38
In reply to Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you?, posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:25:52
Yes, I would ask him. I try to ask him any and all questions that are important.
I don't much like house plants but people give then to me. I put them in the window, water them until they die, then throw them out.
I would guess that one of his clients gave him that orchid. A really weird photo showed up in my T's office, a photo of a chain business. I know it's from one of his clients, or one of the clients of the man whose office he uses. Uh.
Yeah, talk it out with him HF. If you can.
Hugs,
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 18:21:47
In reply to Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you?, posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:25:52
> I think my T is attracted to me, but tries to hide it. Should I ask him? Or if it is true and the secret is out, will he transfer me to someone else? Which is kinda funny because he himself is a supervisior to other T's but he has a private office. I really like him and would hate to lose the personal chemistry between us, by him really putting up big boundries for me. What if I am wrong? Do you think he will be honest with me? OR will he even answer my question? He hasn't done anything unethical but I think you can tell when someone is attracted to you. To me it is so obvious.
I don't think there's any harm in asking, and I think he probably won't transfer you to someone else, from what you've said about him. But I also think it's unlikely that he'll give you any kind of real answer. He'll probably ask you what it would mean to you if he said yes and if he said no. Most of the stuff I've read indicates that there aren't many therapeutic gains to be found in a therapist's dislosure of his attraction to a client, and I think they tend to believe this. Of course, we clients might see things differently!
If you are fairly sure he is attracted to you, it might be more fun to flirt wildly than to get into a discussion about attraction!
> I also want to know why he seems uncomfortable when I talk about sex, sexual fantasies, etc. It is almost like he removes himself from the room. He lookes down or away, or sometimes gets a little embarrest in an innocent little boy way. Is is because he is old fashioned? Is it because he is uncomfortable because he is attracted to me? Or is it me being inappropiate? Or is it because he feels I am attracted to him? Or was, or maybe still. lol What are your take on this?
I think you are more likely to get an answer about this than to your question about his possible attraction to you. This is a question about how he behaves in therapy, and he should be able to answer it, although he might go though through the whole "what do *you* think it means" routine.
> I have read that T's do get attracted sometimes to their clients. What would you do? Should I just shut up and enjoy making him swirm, or should I bring it out into the open and risk our theraputic relationship? I have never told him I am attracted to him, he may have noticed, but I never have said anything.
I don't think bringing it up should risk your therapeutic relationship. And if it bothers you, then perhaps you should mention it. In fact, it could actually make your therapeutic relationship deeper!
Oh, and if you think he's probably attracted to you, then you might well be right. It's pretty common. After all, he's only human! But the poor soul can't do anything about it. Mwhahahaha!
Hope you find a way to decide what to do.
Tamar
Posted by alexandra_k on June 23, 2005, at 18:24:42
In reply to Re: Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you? » happyflower, posted by Shortelise on June 23, 2005, at 17:52:38
Hmm.
I wouldn't ask.
Nope.
Because it is most likely the question will be avoided and be turned into 'why is it so important for you to know? What would it mean to you if I was, what would it mean to you if I wasn't' etc etc.
But I might ask about why he seems to look embarrased (?) when you talk about sex.
Actually... I probably wouldn't because I know that I do get quite embarrassed talking about sex. I only really talk about it on Babble to tell you the truth. So I guess I wouldn't find it suprising that he would look embarrassed. What is suprising to me is that some people do not.Hmm.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 23, 2005, at 18:25:40
In reply to Re: Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you? » Shortelise, posted by alexandra_k on June 23, 2005, at 18:24:42
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 20:34:57
In reply to Re: Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you? » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 17:35:54
I guess since he might night answer my question or turn it around on me and why I want to know, I guess there is no point in asking, making us both feel uncomfortable. We are in such a good place right now, I don't want things to change.
I still do think he is attracted to me, and if he is, and I "expose" him, his boundries could tighten, and that wouldn't feel good.
I guess I can just enjoy myself knowing that such a great guy like him could be interested in me, if we met in another place and time. The funny thing is that all the changes in him, it being anyone else, I would say that they are trying to impress me because they like me and want to show that they are interested in me.Oh, well, I guess I will just keep my little secret! Who knows maybe after therapy is over, he will confess his dying love for me, and wants to wait the 2 year waiting period so I can fufill his love! lol A girl can dream, can't I?
If he acts odd again when I bring up sex, I will ask him about it. The last time I was talking about when women peak sexually in their 30's and that now I know what it felt like to be a guy at 18. This is an example when he looks away and down. I guess it is too much for him to know he has a horny women accross him, especially since he is attracted to me. Boy, it must be so tough to be a T. But come to think of it, If I said that to most guys, would they get turned on? Maybe I am being inappropiate?
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:27:01
In reply to Re: Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you? » happyflower, posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 18:21:47
>>Most of the stuff I've read indicates that there aren't many therapeutic gains to be found in a therapist's dislosure of his attraction to a client, and I think they tend to believe this. Of course, we clients might see things differently!
>
> If you are fairly sure he is attracted to you, it might be more fun to flirt wildly than to get into a discussion about attraction!
>
> > > Oh, and if you think he's probably attracted to you, then you might well be right. It's pretty common. After all, he's only human! But the poor soul can't do anything about it. Mwhahahaha!
>
> Hope you find a way to decide what to do.
>
> Tamar
Tamar,Sometimes your posts just have me rolling on the floor LMAO! I didn't want to say anything, so thankfully you did! If you're uncontrollably attracted, I think you should try to seduce him! Give those good old red fingernails a workout! LOL Sorry happy, I couldn't resist!
If it was me, and I was attracted, and I was sure he was also, and I didn't have any qualms about an affair, I don't know what I'd do, but I think this might be up there on my list. Hope that doesn't offend anyone.Jazzy
>
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:38:07
In reply to My decision! :), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 20:34:57
> I guess since he might night answer my question or turn it around on me and why I want to know, I guess there is no point in asking, making us both feel uncomfortable. We are in such a good place right now, I don't want things to change.
Yeah, you're right, and since you have the feeling he is attracted to you maybe it will be up to him whether he just can't stand it anymore, and has to confess to you. Keep us posted. Great material for fantasies!
>
> I still do think he is attracted to me, and if he is, and I "expose" him, his boundries could tighten, and that wouldn't feel good.No, you're right, that would feel really bad.
>
>
> Oh, well, I guess I will just keep my little secret! Who knows maybe after therapy is over, he will confess his dying love for me, and wants to wait the 2 year waiting period so I can fufill his love! lol A girl can dream, can't I?Sure, why not?! Like Tamar said, he's only human!
>
> If he acts odd again when I bring up sex, I will ask him about it.I think that's more than reasonable. You shouldn't feel funny talking about sex with your T, if you're comefortable with it! I'd be in trouble because I love to talk about sex! It's a big deal in my life, so it WILL come up, heck it HAS come up already! No problems there, that's for sure! I can tell my new T is willing and able to talk about it anytime.
>I guess it is too much for him to know he has a horny women accross him, especially since he is attracted to me. Boy, it must be so tough to be a T. But come to think of it, If I said that to most guys, would they get turned on? Maybe I am being inappropiate?
LMAO!!!! Nope, I don't think that's inappropriate. Sounds like an okay topic to me. Maybe sex should come up again on purpose, so you can have your talk with him? Make it safe for you though, so he doesn't tighten up those boundaries.Jazzy
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 21:48:01
In reply to My decision! :), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 20:34:57
I really admire your confidence !!! And I hope for your sake, that he admits to liking you..
I never thought of myself as likeable.. so maybe that is why I thought your T won't admit it to you as well.
But you are pretty sure he likes you, so enjoy it and flirt around !! and have fun. Don't point out his actions to him, because he might get guarded.
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 21:51:37
In reply to Re: My decision! :) » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:38:07
> > >
> Yeah, you're right, and since you have the feeling he is attracted to you maybe it will be up to him whether he just can't stand it anymore, and has to confess to you. Keep us posted. Great material for fantasies!
>
> I don't think a T would admit it, I guess it harms the therapy process but I guess he doesn't have to confess, because I think I already know! lol Yeah, it makes a great fantasy! Hmmm. only question now is what color of nail polish, red or dark pink? Lipstick? hmmmmm. bra? hmmmmm? what kind of panties? A girl has to be prepared! lol
Besides we do know that T's and client do hook up, there are bad stories there, but I just don't think we know the good ones. I think there was someone on these boards who is engaged to her T. So it can happen, unlikely, but possiable. :)
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 22:02:09
In reply to I do admire your confidence:-) » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 21:48:01
> I really admire your confidence !!! And I hope for your sake, that he admits to liking you..
>
I don't think he will ever admit it though, and I am not going to ask! lol I guess I don't need him to confirm it anyways, because it isn't going to lead anywhere anyways. It is fun to think about it, but I am a realist.> I never thought of myself as likeable.. so maybe that is why I thought your T won't admit it to you as well.
> I think you are likeable, sweet, and so caring! I think you just don't know it yet! :)
> But you are pretty sure he likes you, so enjoy it and flirt around !! and have fun. Don't point out his actions to him, because he might get guarded.Yeah, I think I will just have fun and not worry about it. It is fun to flirt with other people too. Thanks pinkey!
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 22:03:04
In reply to Re: I do admire your confidence:-), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 22:02:09
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 8:47:13
In reply to Re: My decision! :), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 21:51:37
> >
> > I don't think a T would admit it, I guess it harms the therapy process but I guess he doesn't have to confess, because I think I already know! lol Yeah, it makes a great fantasy!How often are your sessions? Boy, my thoughts would be consumed in between!
>Hmmm. only question now is what color of nail polish, red or dark pink? Lipstick? hmmmmm. bra? hmmmmm? what kind of panties? A girl has to be prepared! lol
Yes, and pamper yourself a bit, so you feel extra special when you go! I'd go with the dark pink nails, but that's just me. Remember I'm not one for dressing up for my docs/Ts. LOL, good that you can even question no bra! No chance of that for me! Isn't your T very conservative, how would he react to the no bra look? Well, he IS a man, but how would he feel on a deeper level? My husband is a total boob man.
> Besides we do know that T's and client do hook up, there are bad stories there, but I just don't think we know the good ones.
I agree, and you know they're out there. My 1st shrink married a patient. Poor woman!
When's your next session?
Jazzy
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 11:24:59
In reply to Re: My decision! :) » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 8:47:13
> > >
> >
>
> How often are your sessions? Boy, my thoughts would be consumed in between!
>
I started off at every other week, then I told him I wanted to go weekly to keep the momentum going. But this month it has been every other week because of his vacation and his medical stuff. I started therapy in Jan. of this year. I really don't think about him so much anymore. In fact I just kind of kid around here sometimes about it. He is attractive to me in a lot of ways but I have given up the thought of it being any more than it is. But it is fun to fantasize about it. :)> >Hmmm. only question now is what color of nail polish, red or dark pink? Lipstick? hmmmmm. bra? hmmmmm? what kind of panties? A girl has to be prepared! lol
>
This is just my way of having fun with it. I do wear a bra in public, but when I am home, it is off baby! ( Did you see the Bra subject on social) lol He is a kid of the 70's , so I am sure he would like the braless look maybe privately around him. He would probably would not want a wife to look to sexy in public. I think he has a naughty side to him, I can just tell. lol I think I will go with dark pink, besides it is new! lol I have to keep my nails painted or they look really bad because I garden. Plus it protects my nails too.
> Yes, and pamper yourself a bit, so you feel extra special when you go! I'd go with the dark pink nails, but that's just me. Remember I'm not one for dressing up for my docs/Ts. LOL, good that you can even question no bra! No chance of that for me! Isn't your T very conservative, how would he react to the no bra look? Well, he IS a man, but how would he feel on a deeper level? My husband is a total boob man.
>>
> I agree, and you know they're out there. My 1st shrink married a patient. Poor woman!How did you find this out? Did they wait 2 years after therapy? How much of it do you know?
>
> When's your next session?My next session is Wed. 11am., I am looking forward to it, it has been a long 2 weeks! :)
>
Posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 11:52:02
In reply to My decision! :), posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 20:34:57
> I guess since he might night answer my question or turn it around on me and why I want to know, I guess there is no point in asking, making us both feel uncomfortable. We are in such a good place right now, I don't want things to change.
Sounds like the best decision to me!
> If he acts odd again when I bring up sex, I will ask him about it. The last time I was talking about when women peak sexually in their 30's and that now I know what it felt like to be a guy at 18. This is an example when he looks away and down. I guess it is too much for him to know he has a horny women accross him, especially since he is attracted to me. Boy, it must be so tough to be a T. But come to think of it, If I said that to most guys, would they get turned on? Maybe I am being inappropiate?
I don't think there's anything inappropriate about saying that, but from my male perspective I'd say that remark would certainly pique heightened interest, especially if uttered by someone I found attractive!
I've thought about asking my T this kind of question, only in a more abstract way. I really don't care if she is attracted to me, I don't entertain romantic or sexual fantasies about her. But I would like to hear an honest answer about what kind of first impression I probably make for the mythical typical woman because of my social anxiety problems. My usual tendency is to shy away from eye contact, smiling etc. in part because I tend to believe I'm a basically unattractive and am better off drawing as little attention to myself as possible. I don't want to make others uncomfortable because they have to deal with a beast like me, nor do I want my face rubbed in my own physical deficiencies.
Now I've done a lot of work on this and have improved quite a bit, to the point that I almost believe that sometimes others actually like it if I say "hi" to them or smile. I guess if I felt like I was at least of "average" attractiveness for my age, etc. I'd feel a lot more comfortable, and that would be my motivation for bringing it up.
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 12:04:15
In reply to Re: My decision! :) (followed by personal ramble), posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 11:52:02
> > But come to think of it, If I said that to most guys, would they get turned on? Maybe I am being inappropiate?
>
> I don't think there's anything inappropriate about saying that, but from my male perspective I'd say that remark would certainly pique heightened interest, especially if uttered by someone I found attractive!
>
Thanks for being honest, it is always good to get a male perspective on this. He is human after all even if he is a T. By, the way, welcome, I don't seem to reconize your name, if you are new!> I've thought about asking my T this kind of question, only in a more abstract way. I really don't care if she is attracted to me, I don't entertain romantic or sexual fantasies about her. But I would like to hear an honest answer about what kind of first impression I probably make for the mythical typical woman because of my social anxiety problems. My usual tendency is to shy away from eye contact, smiling etc. in part because I tend to believe I'm a basically unattractive and am better off drawing as little attention to myself as possible. I don't want to make others uncomfortable because they have to deal with a beast like me, nor do I want my face rubbed in my own physical deficiencies.
>
How would you feel if she did say that she thought you were attractive? Would that make you feel different torwards her?I am sure you are not a beast, and are being too hard on yourself. After all you are in therapy, so you can't be all that bad, you want to change and improve your life. It is the people who don't see anything wrong with themselves that worry me! :) It think finding someone attractive is very different for everyone. Like for instance, I think Richard Gere is totally hot, but Tom Cruise is nothing special to me.
> Now I've done a lot of work on this and have improved quite a bit, to the point that I almost believe that sometimes others actually like it if I say "hi" to them or smile. I guess if I felt like I was at least of "average" attractiveness for my age, etc. I'd feel a lot more comfortable, and that would be my motivation for bringing it up.
Well I like that you said "Hi", and I bet others like it too. Smiles are contagious! :) (see I bet you are smiling right now) lol
>
Posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 13:04:00
In reply to Re: My decision! :) (followed by personal ramble) » caraher, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 12:04:15
> Thanks for being honest, it is always good to get a male perspective on this. He is human after all even if he is a T. By, the way, welcome, I don't seem to reconize your name, if you are new!Thanks. I don't post a lot so I'm not surprised you don't recognize my name...
> How would you feel if she did say that she thought you were attractive? Would that make you feel different torwards her?
That's an excellent question. But I honestly don't think it would change things for me. She is very professional with well-defined boundaries. I think she is quite attractive, and in fact that's been helpful for me as far as the social anxiety because she encourages eye contact. In the safety of the therapy setting I had the chance to experience the anxiety about looking someone like that in the eye to learn that it would not necessarily prove harmful or fatal to either party ;)
>
> Well I like that you said "Hi", and I bet others like it too. Smiles are contagious! :) (see I bet you are smiling right now) lol:) Well, maybe you wouldn't like it if you knew me (yeah, yeah, I know, I'm just speaking what goes on in my tiny brain :) )
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