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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on June 22, 2005, at 15:26:00
Dear Dr,
How are you? I hope things are fine with you.I have always given you positive feedback so far in the past 3 years. I always thought very highly of you till this date. But I am now going to give you a feedback which you may not like to hear from me. Forgive me if this is not what you expected from your first long term patient. I know you went out of your way to try to help me and I know you had exceeded all my expectations being a psychiatrist in India. But there are things you messed up very much, and I wanted to let you know it since it ended up hurting me so very much.
You completely messed up my termination.. The way you terminated me - sent me an abrupt email one day about terminating me and vanishing - was really cruel and horrible. I wouldn't have done it even to my worst enemy. To even think about doing it to your patient, and knowing how vulnerable she is to this kind of termination is beyond any cruelty I have ever imagined you to be capable of. Maybe you thought this was the right thing to do, maybe you got fed up with me, maybe you thought I was a nuisance, maybe you were not taught in India about all these transference and how very powerful it could be - but you could have put little more effort in trying to understand me - you could have had a tiny bit more empathy and tried to make it little less painful for me instead of cutting me off so cruelly. I didn't mind about the termination - only that you did it so abruptly. I would have given any client of mine adequate notice, and made sure that they healed from it and got enough strength go on their own before letting them go. I would atleast given them 3 months of notice and allowed them to contact me and I would have written back adequately during that time, and atleast allowed minimal contact after termination. You didn't do any of that.
You really need to learn about emotions, you really need to learn about transference. Luckily you did it to me, and I was in a much more informed state.. I wonder what anybody else - a lesser informed patient of yours would have done. It would have created complete wreck in that person. Please do not become a therapist again, and do not treat women patients without understanding more about transference, and how powerful it can be. You are doing more harm in the name of helping.
I hope you take it in the right sense.. I really wish you would learn more that you would use this to understand about things more before attempting to treat further.. You are good in logical understanding, but you really need to pick up emotional depth and understanding.
Posted by Tamar on June 22, 2005, at 15:44:29
In reply to a letter to my ex T., posted by pinkeye on June 22, 2005, at 15:26:00
That's a very powerful letter, written from the heart. I'm sure he will have to acknowledge, even if it's only to himself, that he really did mess up your termination.
Are you going to send it? I remember you said once before that you weren't sure if his email address is still working. Do you have a snail mail address in case you want to send it?
One more question: do you expect or want a reply?
(((((pinkeye)))))
Tamar
Posted by pinkeye on June 22, 2005, at 16:29:05
In reply to Re: a letter to my ex T. » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 22, 2005, at 15:44:29
I am not going to send it.. I don't think he really cares or bothers anymore. So there is no use in sending anything.
I just wrote it to get it out of my mind.
Posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2005, at 21:36:42
In reply to a letter to my ex T., posted by pinkeye on June 22, 2005, at 15:26:00
I'd be tempted to send it! What do you have to lose? You've already lost the patient/therapist relationship with him. He needs to know what he did to you!! And you need to know that you could let him know how it affected you!!
Send it!!!
LadyBug
Posted by happyflower on June 22, 2005, at 22:18:29
In reply to Re: a letter to my ex T., posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2005, at 21:36:42
Posted by daisym on June 23, 2005, at 0:35:23
In reply to a letter to my ex T., posted by pinkeye on June 22, 2005, at 15:26:00
I think the letter says exactly what you are feeling. I think it is good that you wrote it all out. Can you burn it symbolically and try to let go? Maybe with your new therapist?
I think sending it will set you up for waiting for a reply and you will get hurt again. Obviously, I could be wrong. I just hate to see you keep suffering so much.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2005, at 7:21:14
In reply to a letter to my ex T., posted by pinkeye on June 22, 2005, at 15:26:00
I think I agree with Daisy. I find a lot of release in writing letters that I don't send. Sending it symbolically would be even more useful.
I wouldn't send it in actuality unless you're prepared for any answer, including no answer. If that will hurt more than help, it might just keep the hurt and anger at an even higher level.
Posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 7:47:46
In reply to Re: a letter to my ex T. » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on June 23, 2005, at 7:21:14
Maybe I am off base, but I think you should send the letter. I wouldn't expect him to respond though. I think it will enpower you to tell him what you think and what he did. In a way you are sticking up for yourself. I think it will help you move on knowing that you know better than him, you expected more, he was incorrect in the way he dealt with you, and that the new pinkeye doesn't accept that sh*t anymore. I would think it would be a powerful feeling that you said, yes you hurt me, you were wrong, but I am moving on because I deserve better, and that I am going to get better because I care about myself.
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2005, at 12:43:35
In reply to Re: a letter to my ex T. » pinkeye, posted by daisym on June 23, 2005, at 0:35:23
Daisy, Dinah - I think you are right.. It is good that I wrote it, but I shouldn't send it. He won't reply anyway, and it would definitely feel more bad. Plus I honestly think he is a very good guy and just needs to learn little more into handling transference. He has been practicing only for 2 years totally, and I am sure he has a lot of things to learn and he will learn slowly. So he doesn't deserve this kind of letter also.
HappyFlower/Lady Bug - I see boht your points, but I think I won't be able to help myself expecting a reply. Plus it will also look as if I am trying to make him reply to me some way or the other and trying to cling on to him. So it is not really a good thing for me to do as well. My current T suggests that I should not write to my ex T at all anymore. That I should try to go on my own instead of somehwo still wishing to connect with him.
This is the end of the thread.
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