![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 38 to 62 of 62. Go back in thread:
Posted by Susan47 on June 5, 2005, at 22:31:09
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 14:10:22
Well, in actuality, my life has more meaning and happiness in it now than I ever had thought possible. But I do want more of it, I know I have a ways to go. Maybe I just have to relax a bit more ...
Posted by Susan47 on June 5, 2005, at 22:37:02
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 14:10:22
No, I don't believe you're on target with a lot of what you post, but I do concede that I've spent a lot of time in introspection. But I LOVE making connections .. you don't understand how many years I spent feeling like a complete idiot, like a dummy, everyone knew stuff I didn't, and you know what? I Have to tell you this, Pinkeye, because it's true .. I was so damn depressed and incapable of living a real life that so much went over my head, it's incredible. So what you're actually experiencing from me is an awakening.
I don't know if you understand that.
I've always been a loner. My whole life.
Now I'm finally not afraid of people, anymore.
It's wonderful.
I will be introspective, I will make any connections I want to make. For as long as I want to do that. When I feel the need to go elsewhere, I read books. I don't enjoy surfing the web, I really don't. But I do a lot of reading, and I love that people are so similar, and I definitely don't think everyone's shallow, or people don't understand. Yes, we understand each other in small slices, which is what makes everyone so fascinating.
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 13:08:28
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go, posted by Susan47 on June 5, 2005, at 22:37:02
ok. I didn't believe I understood you fully either. I thought you end up introspecting a lot and thought of some reasons why you are probably doing that and why some of us haven't been able to reach to you.
But ultimately you know better about yourself than anyone ever could. I am sure you will find a way to work through your issues and emerge to be happy.
Maybe you can strike a balance between introspecting and doing other positive active things.
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 13:18:16
In reply to Re: And I am angry, posted by Susan47 on June 5, 2005, at 22:29:15
Thanks Susan. I shall not try to turn the tables around and make it my fault hereafter. I think it is the circumstances.. :-) (emails, long distance, different culture and expectations etc)
Posted by Susan47 on June 6, 2005, at 15:00:01
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 13:08:28
I do a lot of positive acting things. Maybe not enough, though. Not enough. Definitely. Because I do feel better, when I'm with people. And I have a job, starting soon .. hopefully this week .. but my confidence isn't always where I want it to be, you know. Are you a confident person?
Posted by Susan47 on June 6, 2005, at 15:01:43
In reply to Re: And I am angry » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 13:18:16
And if you can't let it go, though you know it makes "no sense" to keep "going over" it .. well that in itself is telling you, and it told me too, that there's stuff that needs to be worked out.
Posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 15:08:55
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 11:54:44
> Thanks Tamar. I like your posts. You have a very nice way. It is interesting to read different personalities thrugh their style of writing. I get a feel for their real personalities just by the style of posts.
I like your posts too! I really like your honesty. You put a lots of yourself into your posts, and I really appreciate it.
> I think you are a very sensual, very intune with your emotions (especially sexual emotions), and have a somewhat matter of fact viewing of life. Little happy go lucky kind of person. Aren't you?
I think you’re pretty much on target about my personality. Being in touch with my emotions is a fairly recent thing; when I was depressed I didn’t feel much emotion. And I’m quite interested in sex because I’ve been having sexual problems for about twenty years! I’m only just starting to understand my own sexuality. The thing that probably doesn’t come across so much online is that I can get quite grumpy about certain things (mainly about religious prejudice and things like that). If Dr Bob’s civility guidelines applied in the real world I’d probably get blocked from my life for a year! So on Babble I try keep away from things that will make me grumpy.I’m less good at describing personalities… but I do tend to have a ‘feel’ for people here. When I think of you, I get the impression you can be quite serious a lot of the time, and you’re very caring. I know you’re not a mother yet, but I imagine you being a really great mom when the time comes. And I think you’re a very dedicated and committed person. Does that sound about right?
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 15:18:35
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 16:38:28
> Perhaps the reason why I feel so strongly is because I haven't had much sexual experience with people. I haven't slept with anyone other than my husband, so I guess that maybe part of the reason why I took it at a much higher level than you guys do.
I can imagine that differences in background would mean differences in the experience of transference. So maybe it's true that I'd be more likely to feel it like any other potential partner (and I've had more than average), whereas maybe people who haven't had so many partners might feel like it's more of a soul-mate kind of thing.
I think there are some other people on the board who have had fewer than the average number of sexual partners, and maybe they can identify with you. (Is that a reasonable way to describe numbers of partners without making people feel uncomfortable? In terms of averages? I don't want to characterise anyone as 'madonna' or 'wh*re'...)
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 15:34:47
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go, posted by Susan47 on June 6, 2005, at 15:00:01
Good that you are starting a job. Hope things go well for you.
I don't know if I am a confident person or not. I can be both. Sometimes I act with extreme confidence, sometimes I chicken out very badly.I am beginning to think more and more that the problem with me is that I have both the extremes in my personality. I can be very wise and very stupid at the same time. Very confident and at the same time even afraid to go to the next room in my apartment in darkness. So I really don't know.
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 15:35:38
In reply to Good. It Isn't Your Fault. » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on June 6, 2005, at 15:01:43
Yeah. there still is stuff that needs to be worked out. But I am thinking that maybe I am doing it too mcuh. I am focussing too much in it, whereas I should try to leave it little bit and revisit periodically.
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 15:42:22
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 15:08:55
Thanks Tamar. I try to be very honest. For a long time in my life, I was not sharing myself with others. I kept it all to myself - nearly for 25 years. And I realized that was not the way to go.. So I try to share myself as much as possible and kind of give myself fully when I write. I picked this putting yourself into the posts beucase of emails that I wrote to my ex T. I had to do it because that was my way of getting therapy. Maybe I just am continuing it.
I understood that you were very interested in sex :-). Usually when we have problems in some area, that is when we develop lot of understanding about ourselves in that area. It makes sense that you have been frustrated in sex for a long time. Perhaps that is why you tried so many partners. Maybe it is time to stop trying out that and instead try to understand where your frustration is coming from really.
I am a serious person. You are right about that. I wish I were not so serious, but I am. Regarding other things like caring, commitment and dedication etc, I can be both ways. I have been very uncommited to my husband so I can't say I am dedicated and loyal. I think it depends on people - if I like someone or something, I am usually extremely committed and dedicated. Otherwise I am not.
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 15:46:29
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 15:18:35
> I can imagine that differences in background would mean differences in the experience of transference. So maybe it's true that I'd be more likely to feel it like any other potential partner (and I've had more than average), whereas maybe people who haven't had so many partners might feel like it's more of a soul-mate kind of thing.
Yeah I think that plays a role in it. If I had slept with many men, maybe I would have just understood that it is no big deal.
>
> I think there are some other people on the board who have had fewer than the average number of sexual partners, and maybe they can identify with you. (Is that a reasonable way to describe numbers of partners without making people feel uncomfortable? In terms of averages? I don't want to characterise anyone as 'madonna' or 'wh*re'...):-) That is pretty funny. :-) I really think if I were not Indian, and I had been in the US, I would have had about or above average number of partners. But maybe not, I don't know. I am really not interested in sex with many people - only a couple of guys that I have met in my life time really. I imagine though that I could have casual friendly sex, but I don't know. I don't think so. IT takes lot of emotional commitment for me.
>
>
Posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 16:51:13
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 15:42:22
> Thanks Tamar. I try to be very honest. For a long time in my life, I was not sharing myself with others. I kept it all to myself - nearly for 25 years. And I realized that was not the way to go.. So I try to share myself as much as possible and kind of give myself fully when I write. I picked this putting yourself into the posts beucase of emails that I wrote to my ex T. I had to do it because that was my way of getting therapy. Maybe I just am continuing it.
I think it’s great. It takes a lot of courage to be honest.
> I understood that you were very interested in sex :-). Usually when we have problems in some area, that is when we develop lot of understanding about ourselves in that area. It makes sense that you have been frustrated in sex for a long time. Perhaps that is why you tried so many partners. Maybe it is time to stop trying out that and instead try to understand where your frustration is coming from really.
Oh absolutely. I’ve been married for nine years, so I’m no longer trying lots of partners – it just doesn’t seem like a good idea! And I’ve been trying to understand it, and things are getting better, though it’s slow progress…
> I am a serious person. You are right about that. I wish I were not so serious, but I am. Regarding other things like caring, commitment and dedication etc, I can be both ways. I have been very uncommited to my husband so I can't say I am dedicated and loyal. I think it depends on people - if I like someone or something, I am usually extremely committed and dedicated. Otherwise I am not.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being serious. It’s nicer than being capricious, for example. And choosing when to be loyal and committed is very important; it’s important to exercise good judgement. Maybe there are good reasons why you don’t feel you have been committed to your husband, and maybe it’s possible to change, especially in view of what you said in another post: that your husband is changing.
I think most people have different aspects to their personalities at different times. Sometimes I’m very silly; other times I’m serious when other people just want to be silly. I don’t think we have to be consistent!
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 18:14:51
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 16:51:13
> Oh absolutely. I’ve been married for nine years, so I’m no longer trying lots of partners –
LOL :-))
it just doesn’t seem like a good idea! And I’ve been trying to understand it, and things are getting better, though it’s slow progress…
ARe you frustrated because of it? Or are you happy enough but just want to make it better?
I don't like being serious.. I can actually be very happy and cheerful and outgoing if I put in a little bit of effort. And I did very well when I had my ex T continuosly supporting. Now I find it difficult to motivate me.
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 18:32:11
In reply to Good. It Isn't Your Fault. » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on June 6, 2005, at 15:01:43
This is so true.
I think I was ruminating so much for all these years, because underneath all that calm front that I had, there was intense agitation, and anxiety and tension, and not being able to live well. I think that intense burning problems deep in me wouldn't keep me from not ruminating.
I had suppressed the problems I had with my dad. I didn't acknowledge that his actions constituted in the end being moderate sexual abuse. And that I couldn't really think of anyone else as my husband and have a sexual relationship and that I felt like I was betraying my father deep down. And I never really grew up to be a woman and I was a child and expecting others to take care of me like a child. And life seemed empty and meaningless without a father figure and I kept looking for people who were not available to me really to fulfill that role. And all those intense fears, and anxiety and separation and hurt and shame were all burried deep inside.
Those were the reasons why I was boiling like a furnace with fire deep inside. But now I uncovered it (thanks to my T), I think I might be able to focus on outer world now. So far I almost felt like I had to find out why I am feeling so bad all the time. Really getting through each day was a struggle. And I didn't understand why. Why I seemed to understand everything yet suffered so much.
Maybe this time, I am ready to make peace. For real.
I think it is the same issue for you as well.
Posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 18:50:32
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 18:14:51
> > Oh absolutely. I’ve been married for nine years, so I’m no longer trying lots of partners –
>
> LOL :-))
>
> > it just doesn’t seem like a good idea! And I’ve been trying to understand it, and things are getting better, though it’s slow progress…
>
> ARe you frustrated because of it? Or are you happy enough but just want to make it better?Hmm... It has changed a lot over time. Many years ago, I was happy enough with the way things were, but I certainly didn't have the sort of sex life I really wanted. I just thought it wasn't possible for me to have a better experience. I used to think I should just accept that I almost never had an orgasm with a partner, and I thought I should try to enjoy sex regardless. But I experienced a lot of dissociation during sex, and I didn't actually realise that was happening (I'm a bit slow!).
So I've been working on trying to stay present during sex. However, staying present means dealing with some triggers. That can be frustrating. On the other hand, when I manage to handle the triggers and stay present it is actually extremely fulfilling.
> I don't like being serious.. I can actually be very happy and cheerful and outgoing if I put in a little bit of effort. And I did very well when I had my ex T continuosly supporting. Now I find it difficult to motivate me.
Oh yes. I didn't really think of serious as the opposite of happy and cheerful. I suppose I just meant you don't often seem to goof around. But of course you're going through a very hard time right now and maybe you don't feel like goofing around very often!
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 19:10:09
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 18:50:32
> Hmm... It has changed a lot over time. Many years ago, I was happy enough with the way things were, but I certainly didn't have the sort of sex life I really wanted. I just thought it wasn't possible for me to have a better experience. I used to think I should just accept that I almost never had an orgasm with a partner, and I thought I should try to enjoy sex regardless. But I experienced a lot of dissociation during sex, and I didn't actually realise that was happening (I'm a bit slow!).
>
> So I've been working on trying to stay present during sex. However, staying present means dealing with some triggers. That can be frustrating. On the other hand, when I manage to handle the triggers and stay present it is actually extremely fulfilling.I assume the triggers are because of the rape you went through?? I am not an expert in this subject, but my common sense tells me that you could potentially revert the damage done to you (if because of the rape), by associating more pleasant things with sex. (before, after, during etc - listening to songs or mild instrumental or pleasing music during sex even might be a good idea, I don't know.). Or you can see more romantic movies where there is plenty of nice and pleasant sexual scenes (stay away from the hardcore adult movies) and that might eventually sink in and take away the triggers. The way to counteract negative energy in anything is to supply adequate positive things.
Also fantasizing more might help you prepare mentally for orgasm. You can even try to fantasize explicit sexual scenes from beginning to end (with the ending you want :-)).
I am just throwing out ideas. I am sure you have thought of them already.
> > I don't like being serious.. I can actually be very happy and cheerful and outgoing if I put in a little bit of effort. And I did very well when I had my ex T continuosly supporting. Now I find it difficult to motivate me.
>
> Oh yes. I didn't really think of serious as the opposite of happy and cheerful. I suppose I just meant you don't often seem to goof around. But of course you're going through a very hard time right now and maybe you don't feel like goofing around very often!Thanks. I don't fully understand what goofing is (english is my second language and I am not that proficient in it). But I take it as having fun - and yes, I am not in a mood to have too much fun these days. But I can have fun when I am in a better mood. But I don't flirt that much or talk about sex openly or joke about it - maybe because of the way I was brought up or my culture. That might seem like that to you also.
>
>
Posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 19:45:14
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 19:10:09
> > So I've been working on trying to stay present during sex. However, staying present means dealing with some triggers. That can be frustrating. On the other hand, when I manage to handle the triggers and stay present it is actually extremely fulfilling.
> I assume the triggers are because of the rape you went through?? I am not an expert in this subject, but my common sense tells me that you could potentially revert the damage done to you (if because of the rape), by associating more pleasant things with sex. (before, after, during etc - listening to songs or mild instrumental or pleasing music during sex even might be a good idea, I don't know.). Or you can see more romantic movies where there is plenty of nice and pleasant sexual scenes (stay away from the hardcore adult movies) and that might eventually sink in and take away the triggers. The way to counteract negative energy in anything is to supply adequate positive things.Yes, I think being raped caused a lot of the problems, but there were problems before that (and I have a very vague memory of something unpleasant in my childhood, but I’m currently pretending it didn’t happen; I’ll deal with it later).
It’s true that nice music can help. I’ll try to track down some movies with nice sex scenes (thanks for the good advice!). The biggest problem, I find, is that my body doesn’t seem to be able to distinguish between good and evil when someone touches me. So when my husband touches me, it often feels bad and wrong. It just feels horrible. It’s a constant effort to remind myself that it’s my husband and not bad men. My current method of overcoming it is to get him to chat to me about anything: sport, politics, organic chemistry, statistics… anything, as long as I can hear his voice!
> Also fantasizing more might help you prepare mentally for orgasm. You can even try to fantasize explicit sexual scenes from beginning to end (with the ending you want :-)).
Tee hee! I like fantasizing, but I’ll have to try it when my husband isn’t talking about statistics…
> > Oh yes. I didn't really think of serious as the opposite of happy and cheerful. I suppose I just meant you don't often seem to goof around. But of course you're going through a very hard time right now and maybe you don't feel like goofing around very often!
>
> Thanks. I don't fully understand what goofing is (english is my second language and I am not that proficient in it). But I take it as having fun - and yes, I am not in a mood to have too much fun these days. But I can have fun when I am in a better mood. But I don't flirt that much or talk about sex openly or joke about it - maybe because of the way I was brought up or my culture. That might seem like that to you also.Well, English is my first language but I don’t always use it perfectly! And I think your English is excellent, especially considering it’s not your first language. I think goofing around means playing, being silly, and generally having fun. (If not, I hope I haven’t stumbled into a PBC…)
I have friends from India, and it’s true that most of them don’t talk about sex very openly, and certainly not in front of men. I think it’s true that cultural concerns are important in determining appropriate ways for men and women to behave. But when I said you don’t goof around much, I didn’t mean that you should flirt more or something like that. I suppose it was just like you said: you don’t seem to be in the mood for much fun. However, I can see that your capacity for fun is still there, under the surface!
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 20:11:37
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace (***possible trigger***) » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 19:45:14
> It’s true that nice music can help. I’ll try to track down some movies with nice sex scenes (thanks for the good advice!). The biggest problem, I find, is that my body doesn’t seem to be able to distinguish between good and evil when someone touches me. So when my husband touches me, it often feels bad and wrong. It just feels horrible. It’s a constant effort to remind myself that it’s my husband and not bad men. My current method of overcoming it is to get him to chat to me about anything: sport, politics, organic chemistry, statistics… anything, as long as I can hear his voice!
Would it help if you ask him to touch you frequently during the day time in non sexual way a lot ?? Like hug, kiss and generally hold your body or put his arms around your shoulder ?? That might help also instaed of reserving all the touching for sex and trying to figure out what touching means at that time. Also even if you hug your kids and hold your kids even that might heal. Or even getting a teddy bear and hugging it a lot would actually be healing to your body.
I can related to how bodies get programmed - I used to sleep in my father's arms for a long long time even after I was 17 - 18 ( I used to pretty much sleep int he same bed with my dad all throughout my childhood). And I used to hug him and sleep and put my legs on him etc. And part of me still treats any hugging and sleeping like I sleep with my dad. Many days when I hug my husband I immeidately want to go to sleep because that feels so father like for my body I guess. I had to work out that difference consciously between my father and my husband. What my father did was horribly wrong and I realize it constituted to being like csa for me even though it was not intended that way. But he used to force me to sleep with him like that, and it looked naive, so I didn't think too much about it either at that time.
>
> > Also fantasizing more might help you prepare mentally for orgasm. You can even try to fantasize explicit sexual scenes from beginning to end (with the ending you want :-)).
>
> Tee hee! I like fantasizing, but I’ll have to try it when my husband isn’t talking about statistics…IT doesn't have to be your husband :-)
>>
> I have friends from India, and it’s true that most of them don’t talk about sex very openly, and certainly not in front of men. I think it’s true that cultural concerns are important in determining appropriate ways for men and women to behave. But when I said you don’t goof around much, I didn’t mean that you should flirt more or something like that. I suppose it was just like you said: you don’t seem to be in the mood for much fun. However, I can see that your capacity for fun is still there, under the surface!True, somehow I think I still have managed to maintain the capacity atleast. I enjoy movies, music, chatting, talking, even cooking and singing. But I don't have very casual fun and I don't talk casually many times (that is plain fun talk - I always have to talk about something - mabye because of how I was brought up). But I love people who are like that. My husband is like that - he can talk very casually about nothing at all and I love that. I am trying to learn from him. Plus I have been having a hard time with all these stuff as well. So it is kind of difficult to maintain yourself cheerfully.
>
>
Posted by Susan47 on June 6, 2005, at 22:52:11
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Susan47, posted by Jazzed on June 3, 2005, at 21:20:34
That surgery would be fantastic, I'd love one of those too. But, then I guess I wouldn't be me. Well, I would, but I'd be cheating.. but I cheat anyway because I wear make-up, I do my hair and my nails, I shave my legs and other places.. yeah, that surgery would be fantastic, and what the heck, throw in some silicone. But jeez, I'm thinking, if they had to take it out again later sometime, what a mess. I don't know. I suppose as I get older I'll be knowing more women who've had it done .. that's the real incentive, I think, is seeing the results ...
I don't know how I got onto this topic, oh yes, you brought it up Jazzed.
D'you know what's funny about your post? Is that my therapist terminated me, but before he did it's true he put up with a lot, and I've always blamed him for doing that, he shouldn't have, really, but in the end, you know, I was more stubborn than he was.
And I was afraid a lot of the time, but somehow, maybe he understood that? I don't know. I don't know. T's are sneaky human beings, I'm pretty sure about that. I had so many ideas, so many thoughts, feelings, and inner experiences when I was deep into the heart of "knowing" him, when he didn't even realize how closely he was being attended to, when even I didn't understand how much a part of myself he'd become. It was a major shock when I suddenly realized, I'll never forget the actual moment, it's one of those memories that becomes a part of the remembered fabric of your life. What were we talking about?
Posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 13:24:12
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go, posted by Susan47 on June 6, 2005, at 22:52:11
Susan - I think an AD would definitely help you - have you thought about it?
You have intense amount of looking into yourself and others. I think that is not very good for you. IT is really not needed for anyone.
I have the same problem myself, that is how I know. But I don't do it to the extent that you do. I look into myself only to find out what is wrong. And I think you are not able to focus into finding out what exactly is wrong and instead you are caught in a loop. I think AD would help you break that loop.
I might be wrong, but something that jsut occurred to me.
Posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 14:14:06
In reply to Trying to make peace and let go, posted by pinkeye on June 3, 2005, at 15:36:56
I am actually now happy that he terminated me. It had to happen for me to understand myself more. All the underlying problems about my dad would have been uncovered had he terminated me more gradually.
Since I suffered intensely, I kept telling my current T, and that helped her identify the issues with my father. If my ex T hadn't terminated me or did it very gradually or said he liked me at that time, I wouldn't have bothered to look deep into myself and figure out the real issue that I had (mild abuse, problems with dad etc).
And my feelings about my ex T was not really all that much about him. I think there was genuine liking and appreciation, but most of it was about my father.
I am getting cured for real this time.
Posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 14:15:23
In reply to I think I have made my peace with my ex T » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 14:14:06
Shoud have read would have been left covered
>>All the underlying problems about my dad would have been uncovered had he terminated me more gradually.
Posted by Susan47 on June 7, 2005, at 23:31:10
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 13:24:12
You are just going to have to accept that I do this because it's fun, for me.
I'm sorry if it upsets you so much. This isn't the first time you've basically told me that what I'm doing is wrong, and the ways I'm thinking about stuff, is wrong. It's not wrong. It's me.
Posted by pinkeye on June 8, 2005, at 13:13:04
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on June 7, 2005, at 23:31:10
I know it is you and you are having fun in a way. Trust me - I know. Because I have done it myself too.
But there are lots of different meanings to having fun - you can have fun in good ways (productive to yourself and others) and not so productive to yourself and others.What I keep thinking is that the way you are having this fun is not productive to you in the long run. I have enjoyed this making connections and intrusive thinking and trying to analyze things before myself, and thought it seemed fun at that time, in a long run it made me aloof, not happy, not social, not real worldish. I would always live in my own private dream land. And guess what, I didn't make real friends and my real life relationships were getting affected because of that. Plus I also ended up getting depressed, negative, aloof and loner, and blaming other people all the time, and my body suffered as well - got all these chronic diseases etc.
That is what I am trying to prevent for you. This kind of intense rumination and stuff might be pleasing to your brain, but your body won't be able to handle the stress.
This is the end of the thread.
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