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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on May 28, 2005, at 12:47:35
Did you see the column in Dear Abby today "College Student can't escape parents"?He writes that his parents are verbally abusive, he is in therapy but they still make him ill with phone calls, etc.
Her answer ended with, " And because after two years of therapy, you continue to tolerate the treatment you're getting from your parents, consider changing therapists."
I WAS SO OUTRAGED I SPIT MY COFFEE!!! My husband thinks I'm nuts, I tried to tell him that changing therapist after 2 years would be like getting a divorce for most people. I asked him to imagine telling our son that after 3 years he had to see someone else, because he was still anxious. He got my point.
I can't believe she wrote that. I want to write and ask her if she has ever been in long-term therapy herself.
OK -- take into account that last week marked two years in therapy for me, so I'm extremely sensitive about it "taking too long" right now.
Thank you for allowing me my rant.
Posted by Poet on May 28, 2005, at 13:35:14
In reply to Dear Abby! Warning: A rant., posted by Daisym on May 28, 2005, at 12:47:35
I saw Dear Abby, too. She needs one of those lashings with a wet noodle she gives herself when she gives bad advice.
I'll be in therapy three years in August, to switch therapists now would undo what little progess I've made.
Boo, Abby.
Poet
Posted by frida on May 28, 2005, at 13:46:28
In reply to I'll join that rant, posted by Poet on May 28, 2005, at 13:35:14
i'll join too--
i've been in T for a little more than 4 years- and it took me this long to be able to talk more and to break the silence I was in- and to trust myself and my T and to believe that I could handle this and she wouldn't hurt me.
some people do take a long time to trust- for me it was a question of recovering belief in myself and in life in general..and it took me this long to believe I deserved to live-talk about slow progress... :-(
unfortunately for me it's baby steps...
it's impossible to generalize, it depends on each person...
i've had people tell me that I should switch T, now I just don't share anymore with those people about T. A lot of people do understand about long term therapy, and don't judge because I make progress at such a slow pace. They are happy that I'm finally talking and facing things and feeling hope-it is sad that some people don't understand...
safe hugs,
Frida>
Posted by Dinah on May 28, 2005, at 14:00:17
In reply to Re: I'll join that rant » Poet, posted by frida on May 28, 2005, at 13:46:28
Posted by All Done on May 28, 2005, at 14:51:22
In reply to Dear Abby! Warning: A rant., posted by Daisym on May 28, 2005, at 12:47:35
>
> Did you see the column in Dear Abby today "College Student can't escape parents"?
>
> He writes that his parents are verbally abusive, he is in therapy but they still make him ill with phone calls, etc.
>
> Her answer ended with, " And because after two years of therapy, you continue to tolerate the treatment you're getting from your parents, consider changing therapists."
>
> I WAS SO OUTRAGED I SPIT MY COFFEE!!! My husband thinks I'm nuts, I tried to tell him that changing therapist after 2 years would be like getting a divorce for most people. I asked him to imagine telling our son that after 3 years he had to see someone else, because he was still anxious. He got my point.
>
> I can't believe she wrote that. I want to write and ask her if she has ever been in long-term therapy herself.
>
> OK -- take into account that last week marked two years in therapy for me, so I'm extremely sensitive about it "taking too long" right now.
>
> Thank you for allowing me my rant.Sounds to me like Dear Abby has never been in therapy (for an extended amount of time, if at all). Seems they need someone (preferably a T) to proof her response before it goest to print.
I understand how you're feeling about thinking you're taking too long, (((Daisy))). I'm coming up on two years as well and I've spent the better part of the last few sessions obsessing to my T that I'm going to slow and he's going to kick me out the door soon. He says he's not. Why am I so reluctant to accept that? I just can't seem to get a handle on how much progress I've made. If I have at all :(. Where *is* that darn instruction book??
Posted by Shortelise on May 28, 2005, at 14:53:38
In reply to Dear Abby! Warning: A rant., posted by Daisym on May 28, 2005, at 12:47:35
I wrote to Dear Abby once and my letter got published. Why don't you write and tell her what an idiotic response that was?
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on May 28, 2005, at 16:07:41
In reply to Dear Abby! Warning: A rant., posted by Daisym on May 28, 2005, at 12:47:35
Posted by fallsfall on May 28, 2005, at 16:35:49
In reply to Dear Abby! Warning: A rant., posted by Daisym on May 28, 2005, at 12:47:35
So write to her and set her straight!
Posted by daisym on May 28, 2005, at 19:47:46
In reply to Re: Dear Abby! Warning: A rant. » Daisym, posted by fallsfall on May 28, 2005, at 16:35:49
Dear Abby,
Your advice to "Shaking Son in the Bronx" to change therapists after two years showed a great deal of ignorance about the therapeutic process. Many, many people need this much time and more to establish trust and safety before beginning to work on their core issues. Log on and read any of the internet mental health boards and you will see that the relationship between client and therapist is cited again and again as the most critically important ingredient to a successful therapy.
It is a sad misconception in our society that "good" therapy must offer a quick fix to problems. If it isn't fast, if it can't be measured and replicated, we deem it ineffective or inefficient. We ignore the thousands of individual stories about long-term therapy that was essential to healing deep psychological wounds. In many cases, it was literally a lifesaver. Insurance companies want to ignore these stories too. Don't help them with bad advice, Abby.
Deep therapy is hard enough without criticism from the outside world about how long you are taking. This is NOT a one size fits all endeavor. It takes as long as it takes and with a little luck, you find a therapist who is willing to walk the whole way with you.
Sign me - "No, I'm still not done" in California
Posted by fallsfall on May 28, 2005, at 20:00:05
In reply to The Letter I'd write, posted by daisym on May 28, 2005, at 19:47:46
Posted by Tamar on May 28, 2005, at 20:17:43
In reply to The Letter I'd write, posted by daisym on May 28, 2005, at 19:47:46
Posted by TamaraJ on May 28, 2005, at 20:22:00
In reply to The Letter I'd write, posted by daisym on May 28, 2005, at 19:47:46
Your letter is extremely well-written and delivers a very good message. Well done. I hope that you will send it.
I used to read Dear Abby many years ago. I stopped reading it because I found her advice, at times, not only reckless, but too cut and dried, black and white, for the issues people are facing, and writing to her about, today.
Posted by Jazzed on May 29, 2005, at 10:00:47
In reply to Dear Abby! Warning: A rant., posted by Daisym on May 28, 2005, at 12:47:35
>
> Did you see the column in Dear Abby today "College Student can't escape parents"?
>
> He writes that his parents are verbally abusive, he is in therapy but they still make him ill with phone calls, etc.
>
> Her answer ended with, " And because after two years of therapy, you continue to tolerate the treatment you're getting from your parents, consider changing therapists."
>
> I WAS SO OUTRAGED I SPIT MY COFFEE!!! My husband thinks I'm nuts, I tried to tell him that changing therapist after 2 years would be like getting a divorce for most people. I asked him to imagine telling our son that after 3 years he had to see someone else, because he was still anxious. He got my point.
>
> I can't believe she wrote that. I want to write and ask her if she has ever been in long-term therapy herself.
>
> OK -- take into account that last week marked two years in therapy for me, so I'm extremely sensitive about it "taking too long" right now.
>
> Thank you for allowing me my rant.
I hope you DO write that letter. Her advice is idiotic. She should have focused on the dysfunctional relationship with the parents.
Anyone who makes you feel that bad is toxic. Take their $ to get through college, and then run like H***!Jazzed
Posted by Jazzed on May 29, 2005, at 10:03:27
In reply to Send it. (nm) » daisym, posted by fallsfall on May 28, 2005, at 20:00:05
agreed
Posted by Poet on May 29, 2005, at 23:08:02
In reply to The Letter I'd write, posted by daisym on May 28, 2005, at 19:47:46
Posted by happyflower on May 30, 2005, at 9:01:08
In reply to Write it, send it, it's brilliant! (nm) » daisym, posted by Poet on May 29, 2005, at 23:08:02
Posted by badhaircut on May 30, 2005, at 11:03:55
In reply to The Letter I'd write, posted by daisym on May 28, 2005, at 19:47:46
I think Daisy's proposed letter makes important points that Abby either left out or doesn't realize: especially that a good, life-improving therapy can take a long time. Abby would do well to include that fact in her adivce. For that reason I hope you'll send it, Daisy.
But all Abby said was, quote, "CONSIDER changing therapists." That advice is completely unassailable. Every client with every therapist should from time to time and stage to stage re-evaluate the direction, effectiveness, and value of the therapy AND of the relationship.
There seems to be an assumption in this thread that the relationship between the student and his therapist is a good one and that progress is ongoing or at least possible. WHO KNOWS?! Not us. Perhaps he's stuck in a therapy with someone he can't have a good, trusting relationship with. If the kid's therapist is a poor one (and we know from reading these boards how common that is), the longer the therapy, the worse the outcome.
Abby seemed to imply that long=bad. She ought to be clear that that doesn't hold. But since the kid is already seeking outside advice, he obviously *doesn't* trust his current therapist very well and is dissatisfied with his progress. Perhaps he is looking for help in moving on — which he needs to know he is free to do.
column: http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20050528
Posted by daisym on May 30, 2005, at 12:44:40
In reply to Abby's advice wasn't *bad*..., posted by badhaircut on May 30, 2005, at 11:03:55
Point well taken. In my original letter I actual wrote: "Abby, you have no idea how much or how little progress this kid has made. Perhaps his mother called every day when he started therapy, and now he only accepts calls once per week."
I am smiling to myself some at how quickly I honed in on her last sentence and not on the fact that the kid needed to make a public appeal to his parents to leave him alone. Is that the definition of safety in numbers? I guess if she had said, "since things are still so hard for you to deal with, perhaps a different type of therapy or therapist should be considered" I'd have no problem with that. It is the fact that she tacked on the "after two years" bit.
I need to let this go, don't I? (Yes, I actually do have a life.)
Oh, and I did email it to her web site. :)
Posted by badhaircut on May 30, 2005, at 13:06:15
In reply to Re: Abby's advice wasn't *bad*... » badhaircut, posted by daisym on May 30, 2005, at 12:44:40
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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