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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by looking4hope on April 22, 2005, at 13:37:54
hi all-
been here for a while but this is my first post.many people say they love their T, but has your T ever said he loves you or appreciates you? i do not mean in the romantic sense, but more like "i love working with you..." and "you are very important to me..." and "i'm very lucky to have you as a client..."?
on another note, i am very grateful to find these boards. they have been quite informative and insightful. i can see myself spending a good amount of time around here. thank you to everyone for their honesty and great input.
Posted by pinkeye on April 22, 2005, at 13:54:23
In reply to you love T but does he what does he say to you?, posted by looking4hope on April 22, 2005, at 13:37:54
No. My T hasn't ever said anything like that - nothing special ever. I think maybe he is not even allowed to. Or mabye he just doesn't think of me that way.
Posted by sunny10 on April 22, 2005, at 14:17:14
In reply to Re: you love T but does he what does he say to you? » looking4hope, posted by pinkeye on April 22, 2005, at 13:54:23
Posted by Shortelise on April 22, 2005, at 14:28:08
In reply to you love T but does he what does he say to you?, posted by looking4hope on April 22, 2005, at 13:37:54
My T says he "cares for me".
And he does care for me, Docs care for patients. Nurses care for patients. It's semantics.
But I choose to read it as meaning that he cares about me. I think he does, indeed, in order for therapy to work, I have to believe he does.
But I don't feel I love him. I at one point wanted him to love me, that's when he told me that was not a realistic expectation, and that he cares for me. Maybe I love him, but I don't think so.
ShortE
Posted by looking4hope on April 22, 2005, at 14:44:50
In reply to Re: you love T but does he what does he say to you? » looking4hope, posted by pinkeye on April 22, 2005, at 13:54:23
Maybe he feels by saying something, it might compromise the client/T relationship. i know that Ts are allowed to say things like this and it does not violate their ethical code.
> No. My T hasn't ever said anything like that - nothing special ever. I think maybe he is not even allowed to. Or mabye he just doesn't think of me that way.
Posted by looking4hope on April 22, 2005, at 14:47:57
In reply to you love T but does he what does he say to you?, posted by looking4hope on April 22, 2005, at 13:37:54
when i said you love your T, i also mean it in the non-romantic way but more of a human caring for one another way. although i do understand that many people have the "romantic" type of love for their T.
Posted by PM80 on April 22, 2005, at 14:54:19
In reply to Re: you love T but does he what does he say to you?, posted by looking4hope on April 22, 2005, at 14:44:50
My T made me ask him if I was worthy or worthwhile. He said absolutely. Then he said that if I died he would grieve significantly. He has also said that he was very happy for me the first week that I did not cut myself at all. He does care for me; it is not sexual in any way. I do not think, for me, that I could have been helped without a t that actually cared about me. I'm sorry that some of you feel that your t does not really care. Certainly, there is a boundary that is inappropriate for a t to cross - but it is NOT caring about their clients. Perhaps this is something that some of you that feel uncared-for should discuss with your T. It would be important to me.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 22, 2005, at 14:55:17
In reply to you love T but does he what does he say to you?, posted by looking4hope on April 22, 2005, at 13:37:54
Mine has said that he likes working with me. He says he is "happy to see me" sometimes. And one time he intimated that he cared about me, but simply because I am his patient and he cares about all of his patients.
Posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 15:57:43
In reply to Re: you love T but does he what does he say to you?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 22, 2005, at 14:55:17
My T has said that he enjoys talking to me, we have a lot in common. He also says I am a challenging client, but he was many rewards from working with me. He says at least I am learning and getting better and he finds he has to really think on his feet with me. lol I don't let him get away with anything! lol
But what I would like to know is what they DON'T say, but that you know because you can tell by their body language and how they say things. There are certain things that they can't say, but the non verbal clues still tell us anyways. lol
I wouldn't say that I am in love with him, but I am sexually attracted to him and I believe the feeling is mutual but neither of us will ever act on those feelings.
Posted by shrinking violet on April 22, 2005, at 15:59:57
In reply to you love T but does he what does he say to you?, posted by looking4hope on April 22, 2005, at 13:37:54
>> many people say they love their T, but has your T ever said he loves you or appreciates you? i do not mean in the romantic sense, but more like "i love working with you..." and "you are very important to me..." and "i'm very lucky to have you as a client..."?
Yes, yes, and yes. My T has said all of those to me, in some way or other. She has also told me she cares for me very much, and she has shown it in a number of ways (buying me a flower, making a toy for my kitten, letting me take home the pillow from her office chair, emailing between sessions, hugs, etc). It's "funny" that this post comes about today....I'm in the middle of terminating with my T (a forced termination) and I made her an audio CD on which I talk to her for about a half hour, say goodbye to her and all the things I couldn't say to her in person (in lieu of a traditional "goodbye letter"). I gave it to her today, this afternoon in fact, b/c I wanted to get it out of my hands so I wouldn't keep fiddling with it. I'm not sure if she listened to it yet....I told her she could wait until next week and we could hear it together (torture for me, listening to my own voice), but knowing her, she'll listen to it before then if she hasn't already (knowing her, she has). Toward the end, I tell her I'll miss her and that I love her. I'm worried about how she'll receive it, as it's the first time I've said it (and now I have to face her again!).
I'm glad you found the boards too! Welcome!
Posted by PM80 on April 22, 2005, at 16:02:03
In reply to Re: you love T but does he what does he say to you?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 22, 2005, at 14:55:17
His caring for you because you are his patient, does not make it any less real or less valid. If a neighbor that you liked (/or was likable) needed your help, you would want to help that person and probably follow up to make sure they were okay - right? Why? Because you cared. It doesn't matter that one could say you only cared because that person was your neighbor or becuase you care about that person because you care about all people/humans. It does not make your actions any less real. Or your caring less valid. It is any easy pit to fall into - and one very familiar to anyone who struggles with depression. Don't believe everything you think.
Sooooo, chin up miss honeychurch. You are a likeable person, and your t likes you for the individual you are. No other client/patient is just like you, and your T sounds wise enough to know it. When he says he's happy to see you, he means he's happy to see YOU!
Posted by Susan47 on April 22, 2005, at 17:52:10
In reply to Re: you love T but does he what does he say to you? » looking4hope, posted by pinkeye on April 22, 2005, at 13:54:23
This "not allowed to" do this, not allowed to do that, not allowed to say things .. I don't believe a word of it. What I believe is that a therapist says exactly what he is capable of handling. Because I have seen so many different ways of therapy here, and I just don't believe that therapists are always capable people. Period.
Posted by pinkeye on April 22, 2005, at 19:19:07
In reply to Re: you love T but does he what does he say to you?, posted by Susan47 on April 22, 2005, at 17:52:10
I think Ts stop feeling for people after sometime as well. I think they will just get so immune to all these patients. Hour after hour and day after day.. maybe they will just get completely unemotional.
Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2005, at 20:04:01
In reply to you love T but does he what does he say to you?, posted by looking4hope on April 22, 2005, at 13:37:54
He frequently says he cares about me. He said once that he meant the same thing, more or less, by that as I did when I said I love him because he's my therapist/mommy.
He's said that I do have the ability to hurt him, which to me is identical with caring for someone. I don't know if it's identical for him.
He is often really careful to include his other clients when he talks about any feelings toward me. "I care for you, I care for all my clients. I couldn't be effective for people I don't care for, and they usually don't stay long."
But since I pitched a fit about the fact that if he cares about all his clients the same way he does about me, it must mean that ten years of fighting for relationship meant squat, he's also free with telling me that his relationship with me is different from his relationship with his other clients by virtue of longevity and hard work. Since that's a relatively impersonal reason to be special, I take it the way it's intended to be taken, I think. As a tribute to hard work, not a declaration of personal feelings.
Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2005, at 20:05:17
In reply to Re: you love T but does he what does he say to you? » looking4hope, posted by Dinah on April 22, 2005, at 20:04:01
Come to think of it, he's gooooooood.
He manages to be impersonal, professional, and personal all at the same time.
That guy has some seriously good interpersonal skills.
I think I'm envious...
This is the end of the thread.
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