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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tamar on April 10, 2005, at 20:17:27
Here’s a question… I was sent to see a psychologist briefly as a child. I remember almost nothing about it, except that the woman asked a lot of personal questions that embarrassed me. I remember the embarrassment, but not the questions.
I could ask my mother what it was all about, but I’m afraid. She might not remember it. Or she might say something that would frighten me. I really want to ask her, but I also don’t want to rock any boats. I’m not seeing a T at the moment, so I don’t have that kind of support, but I could probably see my former T again if something really bad came up.
Any ideas?
Posted by Dinah on April 10, 2005, at 21:49:41
In reply to Difficult decision, posted by Tamar on April 10, 2005, at 20:17:27
Is your mother a reliable source of information? If she's anything like mine, a trust but verify stance is appropriate.
Are you on good terms with her?
I think that in general, it might be a good idea to have backup standing by when opening cans of worms. But that's just me. I'm cautious.
Posted by happyflower on April 11, 2005, at 10:39:28
In reply to Difficult decision, posted by Tamar on April 10, 2005, at 20:17:27
If you remember the therapist name, you do have a right to see the records.(if they're still available) I don't know how long a T has to keep their records.
Posted by Tamar on April 11, 2005, at 10:48:16
In reply to Re: Difficult decision, posted by happyflower on April 11, 2005, at 10:39:28
I hadn't thought of that. But it was nearly thirty years ago and I very much doubt any records are kept that long. Also, I distinctly remember that I didn't answer any of the woman's questions honestly because they were too embarrassing, so even if there were records they probably wouldn't reveal very much.
Posted by Shortelise on April 11, 2005, at 12:19:23
In reply to Re: Difficult decision » happyflower, posted by Tamar on April 11, 2005, at 10:48:16
My parent's took me to a psychiatrist when I was nine years old. I'm not sure what their perception of why they took me was, but I was depressed. The psychiatrist told them they needed to let me accomplish some things on my own. Low self esteem, don't you know. Can you hear my bitterness? They neither heard or listened to her. She understood at least partially what was going on with me.
I'm telling you that because my mother might say, oh, we took you because you were walking in your sleep, or, because you were crying all the time, or, because you were being cruel to the cat. The truth was, whatever the symptoms, I was depressed. Really depressed. So whatever your mother might say, unless she tells you about a trauma that you've repressed, which is always a possiblility and maybe that's what you fear, she'll be remembering through her own filters.
I am so curious now as to what my mother would say, I am going to ask her!!
You say that you can see your old T again if need be, and you are thinking about talking with your Mom about something that's potentially upsetting - could it be that you're feeling the need to see your T for a few sessions for a bit of a tune-up? You know how sneaky our minds can be, and maybe it's become important to you have an answer to this question because you're needing some support?
If it were me, I'd call the old T, make an ap't to see him/her, and go for a chat. Maybe talking about this old stuff with Mom would best be discussed beforehand with someone who know you and your history?
Just me and more of my whacky ideas.
ShortE
Posted by pinkeye on April 11, 2005, at 13:25:55
In reply to Difficult decision, posted by Tamar on April 10, 2005, at 20:17:27
Do you think something is bothering you still about it?
Or is it just a cleaning process that you want to undertake?
If something is bothering, then getting it out in the open and dealing with it, will give you more empowerment and healing - especially since it is not a continuous incident and just an one off thing - you might be able to recover from it pretty fast.
Posted by Tamar on April 11, 2005, at 14:09:10
In reply to Re: Difficult decision - Tamar, posted by Shortelise on April 11, 2005, at 12:19:23
> My parent's took me to a psychiatrist when I was nine years old. I'm not sure what their perception of why they took me was, but I was depressed. The psychiatrist told them they needed to let me accomplish some things on my own. Low self esteem, don't you know. Can you hear my bitterness? They neither heard or listened to her. She understood at least partially what was going on with me.
Oh dear. That sounds pretty rough.
> I'm telling you that because my mother might say, oh, we took you because you were walking in your sleep, or, because you were crying all the time, or, because you were being cruel to the cat. The truth was, whatever the symptoms, I was depressed. Really depressed. So whatever your mother might say, unless she tells you about a trauma that you've repressed, which is always a possiblility and maybe that's what you fear, she'll be remembering through her own filters.
Yeah, that figures. Good point.
> I am so curious now as to what my mother would say, I am going to ask her!!
Let us know what happens! But also: be careful...
> You say that you can see your old T again if need be, and you are thinking about talking with your Mom about something that's potentially upsetting - could it be that you're feeling the need to see your T for a few sessions for a bit of a tune-up? You know how sneaky our minds can be, and maybe it's become important to you have an answer to this question because you're needing some support?
Ah yes! The sneaky minds thing! I think you are entirely right about that.
> If it were me, I'd call the old T, make an ap't to see him/her, and go for a chat. Maybe talking about this old stuff with Mom would best be discussed beforehand with someone who know you and your history?
I’ve been thinking about what you suggested. The fact is, it’s been a very short time since terminating (less than a month) and I suspect I’m looking for an excuse to call him. I think I should probably resist temptation. I don’t need answers urgently, and maybe I should give myself a bit of breathing space before I stir up old emotions.
> Just me and more of my whacky ideas.
I like your whacky ideas! Many thanks.
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on April 11, 2005, at 14:11:53
In reply to Re: Difficult decision » Tamar, posted by Dinah on April 10, 2005, at 21:49:41
> Is your mother a reliable source of information? If she's anything like mine, a trust but verify stance is appropriate.
She's pretty reliable, I think.
> Are you on good terms with her?
Happily, yes. We get on extremely well.
> I think that in general, it might be a good idea to have backup standing by when opening cans of worms. But that's just me. I'm cautious.
Yes, I think you're right. I strongly suspect there is a can of worms somewhere in there, and your advice to be cautious is good advice.
Thanks
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on April 11, 2005, at 14:16:25
In reply to Re: Difficult decision » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on April 11, 2005, at 13:25:55
> Do you think something is bothering you still about it?
>
> Or is it just a cleaning process that you want to undertake?
>
> If something is bothering, then getting it out in the open and dealing with it, will give you more empowerment and healing - especially since it is not a continuous incident and just an one off thing - you might be able to recover from it pretty fast.
>The problem is, I think there's something in there, and I have a suspicion as to what it is, but my memory of it is very vague indeed. I suppose I'm trying to do a bit of detective work and see if the pieces fit together the way I think they do.
But I'm playing with fire... The issue isn't causing me real problems at the moment, and maybe I should leave it alone until the need to explore is more pressing.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Tamar
Posted by pinkeye on April 11, 2005, at 14:24:16
In reply to Re: Difficult decision » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on April 11, 2005, at 14:16:25
Besides, lots of times, parents really can't see what their kids are doing straight.. Like Shortelise mentioned above, I have the same problem. My parents always thought I was a perfectly happy child, when I was really tensed, anxious, worried all the time, negative, and suppressed my emotions. My parents didn't have a clue that I was going through all these for years.. They always thought they brought me up perfectly well, and I was the best child in the whole world :-)
Even now, they are in still in denial for a large part.
So asking your mother may not really cut it.
But I also see your point on why you want to go back to your old T. That might be something you should consider. When I went to my old T, I really went for a small marital issue, and it was resolved in a few sessions. But then I kept writing to him and emailing him on and on, and did that for 2 more years.. And I really believe, that is when most of the cures came from. If you went for a short term therapy for a specific issue, but you feel you need to be on long term therapy, and if you can afford it and he is willing to let you do it with him, why not go for it?
Posted by Tamar on April 11, 2005, at 14:59:51
In reply to Re: Difficult decision » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on April 11, 2005, at 14:24:16
> Besides, lots of times, parents really can't see what their kids are doing straight.. Like Shortelise mentioned above, I have the same problem. My parents always thought I was a perfectly happy child, when I was really tensed, anxious, worried all the time, negative, and suppressed my emotions. My parents didn't have a clue that I was going through all these for years.. They always thought they brought me up perfectly well, and I was the best child in the whole world :-)
That sounds really hard. It's amazing how much parents can miss.
> Even now, they are in still in denial for a large part.
>
> So asking your mother may not really cut it.
>
> But I also see your point on why you want to go back to your old T. That might be something you should consider. When I went to my old T, I really went for a small marital issue, and it was resolved in a few sessions. But then I kept writing to him and emailing him on and on, and did that for 2 more years.. And I really believe, that is when most of the cures came from. If you went for a short term therapy for a specific issue, but you feel you need to be on long term therapy, and if you can afford it and he is willing to let you do it with him, why not go for it?Ah, well, there's the thing. I probably do need long term therapy, but I absolutely can't afford it at the moment. The kids just seem to eat money, and my husband is facing a salary cut. I'm hoping that things will improve in a year or two and maybe then I'll be able to afford it. I just hope I'll be able to see the same T, because he's so great. The idea that I might possibly see him again in the future is keeping me going!
Posted by fallsfall on April 11, 2005, at 16:31:56
In reply to Difficult decision, posted by Tamar on April 10, 2005, at 20:17:27
I went to a Psychiatrist for 1 1/2 years in 5th/6th grade. When I went into therapy 10 years ago, I tried to find out what that was all about. My mother remembers that it was because I was constipated (and I do remember that part of it). I found my old Psychiatrist and called her, but she retired years ago and burned all her patient records. Not surprisingly, she didn't remember the details. I also talked to my pediatrician. All that was in my chart was that I had seen her, and the part about the constipation. But he remembered my family, and me as a "sad child", and my mother as "depressed".
I wish I had more details about it, and I keep thinking that I'll get copies of my records - not to read them, but so they will be available in the future for a future therapist. My daughter had a couple of sessions 7 years ago, and her therapist has moved away. I really should track her down and get my daughter's records before I can't find them anymore.
But even just the constipation part was helpful as that is a common symptom for withholding/controlling behavior.
Good luck.
Posted by pinkeye on April 11, 2005, at 17:19:53
In reply to Re: Difficult decision » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on April 11, 2005, at 14:59:51
If you are functioning reasonably well, and are able to be reasonably happy (or atleast non depressed), then maybe you should try to focus on the moving on part or the CBT kind of approach rather than digging everything out and fixing it and cleaning it up (from what I understand, psychodynamic kind of stuff).
I think that is why they give CBT preference nowadays - that just digging it again and again really doesn't help too much. Little bit of digging and being aware of issues is essential.. but just digging and digging has been proven to be of little help except in extreme emotional issues. In ordinary scenarios, it just leads to ruminations. Trying to reinforce positive actions and behaviors seems to make a lot more difference. Atleast till the point you are able to afford "lot more digging out", you might want to read some self help CBT kind of books and learn the techniques for yourself. And you can do that digging part here with Babble :-) I substitute babble quite effectively for my old T.
And of course talking to friends more openly will also help. Remember that up until about 10 years ago, therapy was not so much fancied.. not everyone went to therapy, but people were able to lead a very satisfying and fulfiling life for the most part. They were able to do that with other means of support - Religion, social support, friends network, living for something larger than yourself (social causes etc). If you can afford it and have time, then you can have therapy. But if you cannot afford it, no need to feel bad about it either. Therapy is a recent entry into humanity.. people have always been able to be perfectly well without it.
Posted by Shortelise on April 11, 2005, at 18:12:28
In reply to Re: Difficult decision - Tamar » Shortelise, posted by Tamar on April 11, 2005, at 14:09:10
Well, there you go - close to termination as I am (ok, I'm not as close as my T would like to think I am - I am going to titrate!!) I was on the money about you, was I? It's so funny, really, I'm laughing - at myself of course!- because I get it entirely, feel it to the bottom of my feet. Let's see, hmm... I'm all better now, but, gosh, I do have this funny little itch over here that just might be a CRISIS! Yes indeedy, gotta watch out for those sneaking crises, those that weren't there a minute ago.
Tamar, yesterday I had a situation in a shop which five years ago would have sent me into a nervous breakdown, but I handled it with aplomb, and walked away with both me and the other guy smiling. It's a huge breakthrough for me. I can do this now, deal with touchy situations. But it made me cry like crazy today when I told my husband about it. It's not that I want to stay in that lousy place where I was, and it's really not that I want to sit on my T's lap for the rest of my life, either. I'm not sure why it made me so sad.
I think when I am in your shoes, when I've finally seen my T for the last time (when I am very old, and my hair is grey and down to my knees) if I have stuff like this come up for me, I will call him. I will say, I think this is coming up for this reason, but I wanted to run it by you because it's so sneaky, and if I am getting this sneaky about wanting to talk to you, I thought I should just give you a call so I don't have to resort to unconscious sneakiness. I would want to be able to think, ah, I need to make sure he's till there, and call him and say, hey, I just needed to make sure you're still there (tears filling my eyes).
I do agree that breathing space is probably a good idea. Therapy does keep things in upheaval, and it's not a great thing to get comfortable with, if you know what I mean.
Good luck with this. It is so so helpful to hear about these trials and tribulations. Thanks.
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on April 12, 2005, at 10:01:40
In reply to Re: Difficult decision - Tamar » Tamar, posted by Shortelise on April 11, 2005, at 18:12:28
> Well, there you go - close to termination as I am (ok, I'm not as close as my T would like to think I am - I am going to titrate!!) I was on the money about you, was I? It's so funny, really, I'm laughing - at myself of course!- because I get it entirely, feel it to the bottom of my feet. Let's see, hmm... I'm all better now, but, gosh, I do have this funny little itch over here that just might be a CRISIS! Yes indeedy, gotta watch out for those sneaking crises, those that weren't there a minute ago.
Yep. I hate those sneaky crises!
> Tamar, yesterday I had a situation in a shop which five years ago would have sent me into a nervous breakdown, but I handled it with aplomb, and walked away with both me and the other guy smiling. It's a huge breakthrough for me. I can do this now, deal with touchy situations. But it made me cry like crazy today when I told my husband about it. It's not that I want to stay in that lousy place where I was, and it's really not that I want to sit on my T's lap for the rest of my life, either. I'm not sure why it made me so sad.
Congratulations on your breakthrough. I can understand that you felt emotional about it afterwards. Every breakthrough costs a lot of emotion. As for sitting on T's lap... I don't think I want to sit on his lap exactly, because I'm pretty heavy and he's quite slim, but I'd kind of like to sit on the floor between his knees every now and then! But yes, it does feel sad to recognise we don't need them as much.
> I think when I am in your shoes, when I've finally seen my T for the last time (when I am very old, and my hair is grey and down to my knees) if I have stuff like this come up for me, I will call him. I will say, I think this is coming up for this reason, but I wanted to run it by you because it's so sneaky, and if I am getting this sneaky about wanting to talk to you, I thought I should just give you a call so I don't have to resort to unconscious sneakiness. I would want to be able to think, ah, I need to make sure he's till there, and call him and say, hey, I just needed to make sure you're still there (tears filling my eyes).
Yeah. I know just what you mean. Do you think you can talk about that with your T? I know some of them seem to prefer no contact after termination, but sometimes just knowing they're still there would be enormously helpful. Mine's more of a no-contact guy (sob sob). But I know I can see him again if I get genuinely unwell again, so that's something at least.
> I do agree that breathing space is probably a good idea. Therapy does keep things in upheaval, and it's not a great thing to get comfortable with, if you know what I mean.
>
> Good luck with this. It is so so helpful to hear about these trials and tribulations. Thanks.
>Thanks for your good wishes and good advice. It means a lot to me.
Tamar
Posted by Shortelise on April 12, 2005, at 11:52:56
In reply to Re: Difficult decision - Tamar » Shortelise, posted by Tamar on April 12, 2005, at 10:01:40
Ok, this is now at the top of my list for my next session. May I call him just to make sure he's still there.
ShortE
This is the end of the thread.
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