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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by thewrite1 on March 6, 2005, at 12:05:16
I've been dealing with something very specific and every time I try to go into session and talk about it, I just freeze, and then I get this pounding headache. I think my T is frustrated with me, but I know she understands I'm not just trying to be difficult. Well, I'm just tell you. It all revolves around shame. I just can't seem to talk to her about it, as if somehow what these other people did and their actions will somehow reflect on me as a person.
My T seems concerned about me, and that makes me be concerned about me. I think she's afraid I'm going to off myself. Some days that seems like a viable option. Other days it seems like a ridiculous thought at best. She even offered up her cell phone number, which I declined. It makes me feel good that she wants to be that reachable to me, but that's a line I don't want to cross. I'm trying very hard to maintain the boundaries of this relationship, which is something I've trouble with all my life.
Posted by Susan47 on March 6, 2005, at 12:27:54
In reply to Any tips on overcoming freezing up?, posted by thewrite1 on March 6, 2005, at 12:05:16
From my own personal experience, I would take the cell phone number and use it. Just the relief of knowing she's available will do more for you than you realize. You may never need to use it, or you may use it to test a few times, but knowing she's there for you will help you so incredibly much. You will learn what you really really need to learn, and I think she knows it, which is why she offered .. you need to learn to trust her, and wow you won't believe what that can do for you. (IMO)
Posted by pinkeye on March 6, 2005, at 13:43:39
In reply to Any tips on overcoming freezing up?, posted by thewrite1 on March 6, 2005, at 12:05:16
Writing it and sending it as an email would help perhaps? That might break the ice.
As for the cell number, if she feels you need to have it, then get it and keep it. I don't think Ts offer cell phone numbers to anyone, only when they think that a client needs it. I am sure she has your best interests in mind.
Pinkeye.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 6, 2005, at 18:06:15
In reply to Any tips on overcoming freezing up?, posted by thewrite1 on March 6, 2005, at 12:05:16
Could you write her something?
I would say: take her phone number.
As an emergency plan.
If you ever do get the urge to do something...
Or if some unexpected crisis happens and you are freaking out then it could come in handy.
I know what you mean (at least I think I do) about boundaries.
I would never have dreamed of calling a t outside our scheduled time unless it was to cancel or something. But when I did DBT phonecalls were supposed to be a part of that. I told my t I would never ring her and so she rang me weekly. Very hard to start with. I realised that I was afraid that if I called her once then I would lose all self-control and start harrassing her. But it turns out I am so terrified of that happening that I have gone to the other extreme.I would take her number and make her PROMISE that if you call her too much then she has to tell you BEFORE she gets too upset about it. Even if you are determined never to use it - it could be useful in an emergency at the very least.
Posted by daisym on March 7, 2005, at 0:09:28
In reply to Any tips on overcoming freezing up?, posted by thewrite1 on March 6, 2005, at 12:05:16
What you are feeling is really normal. I don't know how old you were, who did these things to you, but it is very common for "us" to feel guilty and ashamed of ourselves for either letting it happen or participating. And we are ashamed FOR the person who did this to us...especially if we cared for them. My therapist explains this as the ability to transfer your shame to someone else...so I'm carrying all the shame for what happened in my family because my parents put their shame in me. It is a hard concept to get your brain around.
I think admitting these things to anyone, even a therapist is embarrassing and hard, especially when you first begin to try to talk about it. It's ugly and we don't want our therapists to think less of us. I'm always asking, "does this change anything?" or "what are you thinking?"
For me, I wrote down things and MADE myself read them. I wanted to win over the words, to not let it own me anymore. Sometimes I would struggle a whole session to get through one page. Or I would blurt something at the end, when there was no time for him to really process it with me. As recently as thursday I said, "why do I need to tell each thing...remember each incident? Why can't I just know I was abused and move on?" His answer was that each thing was its own trauma and so as the memories come back, each needs to be talked about. Otherwise, they are more secrets.
You could try the "what if?" technique with her. Ask, "what if I told you X?" what would you say? and gradually add in more and more truth.
It is really hard. I wish I knew the magic phrase for you. But eventually you will let the right person own the shame. And it isn't you.
Posted by thewrite1 on March 7, 2005, at 13:28:42
In reply to Re: Any tips on overcoming freezing up? » thewrite1, posted by pinkeye on March 6, 2005, at 13:43:39
I've left a message for my T regarding scheduling. When she calls me back, I'll go ahead and ask her for that cell phone number, but I'm going to make sure I tell her that I don't intend to use it.
As for the suggestion to write it out, I'm going to try and work on that in the next week. I write quite a few things to take in to her, so that wouldn't be unusual. I just don't know if I'm capable of opening up that part of myself.
Posted by antigua on March 7, 2005, at 15:32:56
In reply to Any tips on overcoming freezing up?, posted by thewrite1 on March 6, 2005, at 12:05:16
Sometimes I freeze up and am totally incapable of talking. I try and NOTHING comes out. And I don't know why, really, sometimes it doesn't seem to be over something important. My body freezes too. Actually, I'm in a complete body freeze today. I'm tensed up all the time and I don't know why. I feel like a robot.
I think I need my T.
antigua
Posted by thewrite1 on March 7, 2005, at 18:04:03
In reply to Any tips on overcoming freezing up?, posted by thewrite1 on March 6, 2005, at 12:05:16
My T called today and I did as some of you suggested. Thankfully she brought up her cell phone number, so I didn't have to ask for it outright. I took it and told her I had no intention of using it.
She made it a point to ask me how I was doing with the suicidal thoughts, and told me again to call her anytime. I really feel okay today, but it's good to know that she wants to be there for me. I love her.
I've been trying to figure out what my problem is. I think it's possible I have BPD. I asked her about that a long time ago and she said she didn't think that was the case. It seems like a perfect description of me to me. I may bring it up to her again.
Posted by Dinah on March 7, 2005, at 18:10:00
In reply to Update: Re: Any tips on overcoming freezing up?, posted by thewrite1 on March 7, 2005, at 18:04:03
BPD as in borderline or as in bipolar?
Congratulations for accepting her number. That trust thing comes so slowly for so many of us. I still don't trust my therapist on one level, though on another level I trust him with my life.
Posted by thewrite1 on March 7, 2005, at 20:44:50
In reply to Re: Update: Re: Any tips on overcoming freezing up?, posted by Dinah on March 7, 2005, at 18:10:00
Borderline. I want to look into it some more, but I have to wait until the little guy goes to sleep.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 7, 2005, at 21:22:43
In reply to Re: Update: Re: Any tips on overcoming freezing u » Dinah, posted by thewrite1 on March 7, 2005, at 20:44:50
I have been diagnosed with that before.
What makes you think it might apply to you?
(You don't have to answer if you don't want to).Sometimes that label is avoided by clinicians because there is still a lot of negative judgement surrounding the diagnoses. Assumptions of malevolent intent etc. Sometimes clinicians want to spare someone the trauma of having to face other judgemental clinicians or the trauma of you reading about the disorder from judgemental theorists.
Posted by thewrite1 on March 7, 2005, at 23:12:56
In reply to Re: Update: Re: Any tips on overcoming freezing u » thewrite1, posted by alexandra_k on March 7, 2005, at 21:22:43
efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
black and white thinking
unstable self-image
impulsivity: sex, substance abuse, reckless driving
suicidal behavior
self-mutilating behavior
anxiety usually lasting a few hours
chronic feelings of emptiness
frequent displays of temper
lying and being manipulative
I also tend to embrace people rather quickly and then become disappointed that they don't care enough
Posted by alexandra_k on March 8, 2005, at 1:22:17
In reply to Re: Update: Any tips on overcoming freezing u » alexandra_k, posted by thewrite1 on March 7, 2005, at 23:12:56
Hmm. Have you asked why they didn't think you met criteria?
Posted by thewrite1 on March 8, 2005, at 11:14:50
In reply to Re: Update: Any tips on overcoming freezing u » thewrite1, posted by alexandra_k on March 8, 2005, at 1:22:17
No, I never asked, but I think I might. OTOH, having some sort of diagnosis like that could be difficult to overcome. I'm such a spaz.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 8, 2005, at 15:41:04
In reply to Re: Update: Any tips on overcoming freezing u » alexandra_k, posted by thewrite1 on March 8, 2005, at 11:14:50
You aren't a spaz :-)
I don't know.
I think it is probably best to work on problems you may be having rather than a dx anyways. IMO dx doesn't matter so long as your symptoms are being addressed. If you ever get the chance to do DBT then that is worth getting a dx for (IMO). But that is only because the dx is usually a requirement for entry into the program. If that isn't an option then the dx doesn't buy you anything.
Posted by thewrite1 on March 8, 2005, at 22:55:11
In reply to Re: Update: Any tips on overcoming freezing u » thewrite1, posted by alexandra_k on March 8, 2005, at 15:41:04
Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it. :-)
Posted by Aphrodite on March 9, 2005, at 13:08:12
In reply to Any tips on overcoming freezing up?, posted by thewrite1 on March 6, 2005, at 12:05:16
Did you get a chance to ask about BPD yet?
I wish I had some words of wisdom about freezing. I do that, too. So, I just told him over and over again that I don't know how to say these feelings and emotions that have never been in expressed in a spoken word before. It's like a new language. It's gotten better but never easy for me.
Posted by thewrite1 on March 9, 2005, at 21:59:35
In reply to Re: Any tips on overcoming freezing up? » thewrite1, posted by Aphrodite on March 9, 2005, at 13:08:12
I don't have my next appointment until Sat. and now I've having second thoughts, like maybe I don't want to know. *sigh*
Posted by alexandra_k on March 9, 2005, at 22:45:48
In reply to Re: Any tips on overcoming freezing up? » Aphrodite, posted by thewrite1 on March 9, 2005, at 21:59:35
It really doesn't have to change things either way.
You are you.
Not the mere conjunction of your symptoms.
Not your dx.
You.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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