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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 12:10:06
I left her two messages in the last three weeks.
One, I was having a very hard time and asked if she could just talk to me for a minute.
No call.
Two, I called Monday because I have an appointment this morning, and asked her to confirm that. Because you know, she was foggy when she called to make it and she wasn't all with it and I'm concerned she may have made a booking error. In addition I haven't heard from her for two weeks, and she had broken her ankle.
No call to confirm the appointment or anything.
So I need to talk to her about respecting my requests.
She's starting to sound like the ex-T. He is an ex- for a good reason, not just his.
Posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 14:37:11
In reply to Need to Have a Good Talk with New T., posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 12:10:06
Oh I can be such a rude bitch. Can't I? I mean, it's not his fault I burned him out, totally, totally, totally. He knew it would happen, too, he predicted this. He said "You're afraid you're going to drive me crazy" you know, like I drove my dad crazy? Well, but I did, I made him crazy with anger.
Rambling, and I don't need to apologize either. If you're reading this it must be okay with you on some level. It's why sometimes threads have no response, sometimes they don't get read, and that's actually okay I guess. I just need to be here, talking to myself. Because I had a really interesting therapy session today.
It was SO Interesting. Unbelievable, how so much can happen between two people in an intensely focussed hour.
And now I'm going to post about the hour. Because I want to. And because it's safe. She knows I come to a site. She knows about all the phone calls to my ex-T, she knows I made one today. She knows what I said, what I say. She knows I burned him out. She knows (she said this too!) it was very difficult for him and for me. She knows I'm afraid for her to talk to him. She may get me to sign forms next week, but I'm afraid if he talks to her I'll be diminished. And I will. He'll diminish me. Because I'm small in his eyes, teeny tiny and annoying, like that mosquito that just won't go away, it won't QUIT BUZZING damn it. It's always in your ear, too, after the lights go out. Turn on the lights, bam the fr*gging thing disappears. There's something in that analogy, Susan.
Posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 14:43:13
In reply to Re: Need to Have a Good Talk with New T., posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 14:37:11
Oh, and she's impressed with my progress, the progress I've made on my own. The insights I'm having, the ones that are significant, that provoke changes, big, deep-moving changes here in my soul. The ones that are not understood by anyone else (big sob). BUt that's okay. Because who do I live for? Myself. It's a good thing my morals are in line, all lined up like little ducks in a row. Don't hurt anybody, first and foremost never hurt anybody. Terrible how often we do what we most don't want to.
Oh my guilt is driving me nuts, absolutely nuts. Maybe we can talk about that next week....
Posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 14:50:40
In reply to Re: Need to Have a Good Talk with New T., posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 14:37:11
She knows why I use marijuana. She knows it gets rid of a block between myself and the rest of the world. She thinks the block has to be there, though, in order for me to be effective in removing it so I don't "need" the mj. I mean, I dont' care what anybody's argument is, mj is definitely appropriate sometimes. But it's the line between that I get muddled. It's why I.. oops... I shouldn't be posting anymore. I'm about to embarrass myself.
Posted by annierose on March 2, 2005, at 18:22:42
In reply to AND, posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 14:50:40
Susan -
I'm glad that you are able to be so honest with your T. I feel the more you can share, the more you can get out of the experience. And I think she is letting you know, that you won't scare her away. Did she explain why she didn't return your phone calls? I am so happy that you are back in therapy. It's a long road, but I find it extremely helpful.
Posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 19:52:27
In reply to Re: AND, posted by annierose on March 2, 2005, at 18:22:42
Hi, thanks for your reply :). Yes she explained very well and it's going to be okay; it was good to talk about it in advance of me actually needing something from her.
Posted by annierose on March 2, 2005, at 20:56:42
In reply to Re: AND » annierose, posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 19:52:27
Do you go once a week?
Hey - and how did your job interview go ... I thought I remember reading somewhere (maybe on social) that you had one this week?A good therapy session can sometimes put a smile in my heart for a few days!! And makes me a nicer person to live with too. My daughter sometimes will ask, "mom, did you go to therapy today?" ... it's a good thing.
Posted by Susan47 on March 3, 2005, at 0:35:11
In reply to Re: AND » Susan47, posted by annierose on March 2, 2005, at 20:56:42
Posted by cubic_me on March 3, 2005, at 6:02:08
In reply to Re: AND, posted by annierose on March 2, 2005, at 18:22:42
I'm so glad it's back on track with your T - you really deserve someone who truely cares. Keep letting us know how it's going, ok?
Posted by Susan47 on March 3, 2005, at 9:52:24
In reply to Re: AND » annierose, posted by cubic_me on March 3, 2005, at 6:02:08
Thank you cubicme. I don't think it's a matter of caring, it's more a matter of the therapist not knowing how to handle the situation. I don't think my last therapist knows what to do with people like me, I'm sure he's come across clients before who fell in love with him, and maybe he handled that well, but I'm a fish of a different sort I'm afraid. I don't fit well into some situations, not at all, and I kick and scream and fight a lot. The new t will have a good idea of who I really am, I'm doing the personality assessment inventory (some of the control questions are hilarious BTW) but I'm having trouble even doing that, in not fooling myself. The way I needed to see myself and the way I really am can be a bit different. Thanks for being interested, cubicme ((cubicme))
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