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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:50:35
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on February 27, 2005, at 2:39:38
> Just a thought about the weight gain...
>
> For me it isn't just about appearing less attractive to others. There is actually something kind of comforting and concealing about having layers of 'protective' fat.You know, I was also thinking about how I always always have to have a blanket over me if I am lying down. Even in the summer. So if I ever did analysis, I'd be covered up. I suppose that would be all kinds of meaningful. But I just feel safer that way. So your thoughts about weight makes sense, too. It's like another blanket.
Thanks,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:57:06
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by annierose on February 27, 2005, at 7:34:54
>
> Now as an adult, I embrace my feminine side and sometimes even dress to draw attention to myself. It's all confusing because my husband will react (and like it) but then I get mad.I never dressed or looked like a boy, but I am really hyper aware of when I am too sexy looking. I am always asking hubby, "is this okay to wear out in public? Is this too tight? Too revealing? etc." He answers honestly, and I trust his judgement, but really, the outfit I ask him about is still probably way conservative by others standards. Cleavage? Never!
>
> I can see how agression and sex would play into your life after a rape. I was never raped, but have had a sexual situation in college where I felt a kind of pressure to have sex. Anyway, sex is an agressive act, isn't it?sigh, I do think of it as aggressive. It's definitely an intrusion, even when invited.
>
> Anyway, I guess Freud figured out that so much of life comes down to our parents and sex at our core. Pretty daunting task to be a parent.Perhaps that's why I'm childless still. Too much to deal with. Oh lordy...that could also have to do with the sex. Maybe I am afraid of getting pregnant? yikes.
Thanks,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:59:46
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on February 27, 2005, at 9:32:52
It does feel good. And it makes me feel strong that I can talk about this. That's always good. Feeling strong versus feeling broken.
gg
Posted by Speaker on February 27, 2005, at 16:55:19
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » fallsfall, posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:59:46
GG,
I'm so glad you are connecting with your T and trust him enough to talk about the big S word!
My father was just like your..."If God wanted holes in your head he would have put them there". My parents never went to church except for weddings so I also knew that had nothing to do with his attitude. I always thought it was a control issue as he was a very in charge kind of guy...but a really good dad otherwise.
I was also raped (I've never even typed that or talked about that yet...seems odd to see that in print)and I gained weight very consiously wanting to but unattractive. I dealt with csa and in high school I also gained weight for the same reason. For me when I did have children it was like I was so busy that I lost the weight and busy enough I just set aside my issues. You never know children might be a break from some of this for you :). I always say if denial works go for it as it never lasts long enough.
It sounds like you are making some great progress and I'm so glad for you! You make me miss my old T as I had a very open relationship with him too.
Keep up the good work....blessings!Marie
Posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 3:46:01
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2005, at 8:30:52
Yeah. I noticed that too. I gained a lot of weight on one of my medications. It took me a while, but I realised that that is right: people just pass over you with their gaze... Nobody honked and whistled when they drove past (hey - appalling habit guys).
It is nice. Worth staying overweight for, in fact.
I actually find it really offensive when strangers appraise me sexually. Or anyone who I don't want to be doing that, actually. Yuck.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 3:47:46
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger****, posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:50:35
You would fit right in with Tainui (a maori tribe). Women are supposed to have a blanket over them when they are lying down. It has to do with modesty. I feel uncomfortable uncovered too.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 3:54:27
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » fallsfall, posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:59:46
I am a conservative dresser as well.
For preference I like long sleeves with a highish neck. And long pants. Also a fan of blacks and greys and browns.You can do the formal / semiformal thing - and I have to say that personally I like that look anyway.
And then there are jeans and cargo pants of course ;-)
But can't do that in summer.
Well. I manage jeans all summer.
But have to move to short sleeved t-shirts.
Always feel a bit naked.
Bizzare.
I actually went for a swim the other day.
I realised that I have been avoiding that for a couple of years. I used to have a springsuit but managed to lose it somewhere along the line.
Long sleeved t-shirt and cycle shorts.
Still felt funny though.
Noticed the guys (of all ages) oggling the 12 year old girls.
Why do they have to do that?
Why do they want to do that?
I don't understand.Sorry. Bit of a ramble...
I have heard that sex is supposed to be an act of agression. But not always. Is it???
Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2005, at 9:56:24
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 3:54:27
Physically it sort of is.
I realized the other day that I'm wearing clothing one size too large, in most cases. I realized that many of my skirts fall low on my hips (covered by my big shirts.) I'm trying to decide if I want to try each garment and figure out what size is best, or just continue the tent look.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 17:23:08
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2005, at 9:56:24
I hate clothes shopping. I have no idea what size I am. Well, I could be one of about three different sizes. Bigger on my top half than my bottom half too.. I guess different brands size things a bit differently as well...
But I hate it.
I tend to buy things either a bit too big or a bit too small. Even though I try them on. I just can't gage it quite right...
Yeah, I sympathise with the 'tent look'. I have a lot of oversized t-shirts. And really baggy tracksuit pants. I wore them when I was my most overweight. They concealed me rather :-)
I really do hate clothes shopping...
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:02:07
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger****, posted by Speaker on February 27, 2005, at 16:55:19
> I'm so glad you are connecting with your T and trust him enough to talk about the big S word!
Thanks, it feels surprisingly good.
> My father was just like your..."If God wanted holes in your head he would have put them there". My parents never went to church except for weddings so I also knew that had nothing to do with his attitude. I always thought it was a control issue as he was a very in charge kind of guy...but a really good dad otherwise.
Yeah, my mom always said it was due to his religious beliefs, but I never heard him ever talk about religion. Maybe he did to her, but I doubt it given their different backgrounds and lack of communication skills. But who knows?
>
> I was also raped (I've never even typed that or talked about that yet...seems odd to see that in print)and I gained weight very consiously wanting to but unattractive.Wow, are you okay after having written this? (((Marie))) I remember very clearly the first time I acknowledged what happened as rape. It was a date-like scenario, so I had lots of doubts and guilt (still do when I am letting my emotions rule). I also remember a lovely girl saying to me with a sad smile after I told her, "welcome to the club" and hugging me. It's sad that anyone else ever has to "qualify for membership", but it is helpful to know that others understand personally. (Please know she was not being at all insensitive. It's hard to convey that moment in print.)
>I dealt with csa and in high school I also gained weight for the same reason. For me when I did have children it was like I was so busy that I lost the weight and busy enough I just set aside my issues. You never know children might be a break from some of this for you :). I always say if denial works go for it as it never lasts long enough.
Hmmm, now if only I could get pregnant in new and mysterious ways, since the current method is not working well, mostly for lack of trying. :-/
>
> It sounds like you are making some great progress and I'm so glad for you! You make me miss my old T as I had a very open relationship with him too.
> Keep up the good work....blessings!
>
> MarieThanks for your post. I'm grateful for the support.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:03:56
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 3:47:46
> You would fit right in with Tainui (a maori tribe). Women are supposed to have a blanket over them when they are lying down. It has to do with modesty. I feel uncomfortable uncovered too.
LOL, somehow I think my very pale skin and red hair might get noticed, blanket or not. :)
Thanks,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:09:59
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 3:54:27
Ugh, swimsuits! I hate hate hate them. I always wear some nylon shorts with my suit. And I wore a bikini once when I was thin and my hubby and I were still dating. I didn't like the reaction I got from his brother, who I think was just trying to compliment me. I forget what he said, but sheesh, you aren't supposed to tell me you noticed, unless you are my sweetie! Anyway, no more bikinis for me, for that and other reasons (about 50+ of them).
Incidentally, I saw my GP yesterday, and we decided to up my thyroid meds (actually switching to Armour, but also upping the dose). I think recent extra 10 pounds or so are related to low thyroid function. Plus he gave me Topamax samples, but I want to wait til I see my pdoc on Friday before I take that for weight loss. But my insight has me feeling a bit more motivated to get healthy, even if that means getting a bit more attractive.
>
> I have heard that sex is supposed to be an act of agression. But not always. Is it???Well, I really hate that I feel that way about it. I never did prior to the rape. I even feel that way now about sex with my hubby, who is being very very understanding. Although I suppose it gets him off the hook for working on his own sex issues. ;)
But it is a very personal intrusion on your personal space. At least if invited, it's not a violation, but still a very personal space issue.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:13:49
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 17:23:08
> I hate clothes shopping.
Me too. I do 75% of mine on the internet. The other 25% I am not very likely to try stuff on, even if I'm right there in the store. It makes for a lot of returns. :(
gg
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 9:32:17
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:13:49
I'm exactly like that. I think my catalog return shipping fees are higher than my clothing costs.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 9:36:27
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:09:59
> But it is a very personal intrusion on your personal space. At least if invited, it's not a violation, but still a very personal space issue.
>
> gg
>If I could improve to that point of thinking, I'd be a lot better off. Part of me does feel that way, I guess, but another part feels like, invited or not, it's a violation. Maybe only part of me wholeheartedly feels like I've made the invitation.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 10:43:02
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger****, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:02:07
GG, everybody else here who posted about their rapes.. if you are triggered about the guy, don't read this, because yes, I was raped as well.
It was date rape. I was eighteen.
I pretended it didn't happen. I actually put it out of my mind. But the fact is, I've had enormous trouble with sex ever since. Cannot reach the pinnacle with anyone. No trust. No trust. None.This man was such a pig. Such a big enormous pig, very brutal. A brute. But I tell myself men aren't really like that. And I've loved men since, I've learned to love them. And myself. I was innocent.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 12:12:59
In reply to ****TRIGGERS****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 10:43:02
Oh dear, and I've realized just now that I'm coming up this year to the thirtieth anniversary of that. It happened in the fall, I think. Yes, September. Oh dear. I thought I'd forgotten all this stuff. Oh God oh dear oh man. Thank somebody that I have this therapist, but she's a woman and that's okay but women see things differently and it wasn't a woman that did this to me. It wasn't, it was a man. And I'm a sexual woman. I like sex, always have,except when I was repulsed by it, which I dont' think I realized I was until an experience I couldn't ignore happened. Oh dear, I don't think it's safe to go with this on the boards. This wouldn't be safe.
Posted by Aphrodite on March 1, 2005, at 14:01:45
In reply to More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger****, posted by gardenergirl on February 26, 2005, at 23:54:10
I am late to your thread, GG, but just wanted to mention a couple of things. . .
First, I admire that you can discuss this with your T. There's no way I could, so that really speaks to the depth of your connection with him.
Secondly, I have thyroid issues as well and I don't know if you buy this kind of stuff (I'm not sure even I do), but many alternative healers who believe in mind-body connection say that thyroid disorders are a disruption of the second chakra which arises because of the inability to speak for oneself, or feeling silent. I also get a lot of sore throats, etc. which are also supposedly indicative of not being able to "tell" or "talk." It also kind of explains why women deal with thyroid disorders much more than men.
Lastly and most importantly, I just want to say how sorry I am for what happened to you and the understandable effects it has had on your daily life and how you see yourself. I am so glad you have a wonderful T to help you heal.
No great insight -- I just wanted to let you know you are in my heart.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 1, 2005, at 14:33:58
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:09:59
>LOL, somehow I think my very pale skin and red hair might get noticed, blanket or not. :)
There aren't any full blooded Maori around anymore. All of them have the odd European (at the very least) in their ansestry now. That means some are lighter than others, and some even have red hair. There are also people who have been adopted by Maori (either when they were children or just by marrying someone in touch with their culture). I knew a lady who was very very scottish (blonde hair and blue eyes and freckles) who had a crap childhood, married someone of Maori ansestry and now considers herself Maori - and they accepted her fine.
> I didn't like the reaction I got from his brother, who I think was just trying to compliment me. I forget what he said, but sheesh, you aren't supposed to tell me you noticed, unless you are my sweetie!
Yeah, I understand.
> But my insight has me feeling a bit more motivated to get healthy, even if that means getting a bit more attractive.Yeah. I have decided to try to lose weight too (by eating healthier in my case).
> Well, I really hate that I feel that way about it. I never did prior to the rape. I even feel that way now about sex with my hubby, who is being very very understanding.Yeah. I understand.
> But it is a very personal intrusion on your personal space. At least if invited, it's not a violation, but still a very personal space issue.Yes. Though if it is invited then I guess I wouldn't see it as an 'intrusion'. But I think I get you. Once you have been intruded upon that way I guess it is hard to see it differently.
I am sorry that that happened to you. And to others as well. I don't know what to say.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:11:00
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:46:26
Oh wow I never heard anyone say that before, isn't that strange. That's similar to my experiences growing up too. I felt like hiding myself away and just wanted to tell my dad to f*ck off and die. He did stuff like walk in on us when we were bathing and once he had the idiocy to call a neighbour in to come and see my long legs. What an idiot *sshole.
I'm sorry about the bad language, gg. Please forgive me.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:14:27
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » annierose, posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:57:06
I never thought of the aggressive aspect of sex, the violence, what happened to me, as being the reason it turns me off so easily but of Course that must be part of it, the motions of sex themselves can be violent and then the trauma of being used like that so hurtfully, so much pain, god I remember I screamed.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:15:21
In reply to ***MAJOR TRIGGER, Sorry it being here****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:14:27
Oh dear now I think I need to phone my ex-T listen to his voice, oh dear oh
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:16:46
In reply to Re: ***MAJOR TRIGGER, Sorry it being here****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:15:21
I can't find the phone. That's good I guess. I'm breathing deeply and I'm going to do my homework.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:27:40
In reply to Re: ***MAJOR TRIGGER, Sorry it being here****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:16:46
Ever been in an accident? Ever seen one? You know how you remember the sound of the accident for days? The scream was like that. It echoed in my head for days. That sound. I remember that now, too. Not the sound, but the remembrance of the sound. Like my soul was echoing it back to me as a reflection of who I'd become .. frightened.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 1, 2005, at 16:54:50
In reply to Re: ***MAJOR TRIGGER, Sorry it being here****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:27:40
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