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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 20:02:33
Somehow I have started feeling this week that nothing matters to me that much in life anymore. That I can live with anything..it doesn't have to be this person, doesn't have to be this job, doesn't have to be even this type of job.. I don't have to look good, I don't have to perform well.. I feel I could have married almost anyone from the company I work in, that I could be friends with anybody and everybody.. doesn't matter if my therapist likes me, doesn't matter if my parents like me or not.. kind of just withdrawn from everything.
it is a funny feeling.. not really sure if it good or not. It is not that I don't care, but somehow everything has become little irrelevant.
I feel almost "what is the big deal" about everything in life.
Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2005, at 20:05:12
In reply to Nothing matters too much anymore, posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 20:02:33
Are you perchance on Prozac or another SSRI? I felt like that sometimes on Luvox.
Posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 20:23:28
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on February 24, 2005, at 20:05:12
No I am not on any antidepressant. haven't been for a long time.
I like this feeling though.
Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 1:38:53
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 20:23:28
That seems like a good safe feeling to be having. I think I'd enjoy it too.
Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 1:39:49
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 20:23:28
You know what I just realized? I've had that feeling before. It's partly the feeling of not being depressed, is what it is.
Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 1:40:46
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 1:39:49
Or anxious. Not being depressed or anxious, that's what it's like isn't it.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 1:42:22
In reply to Nothing matters too much anymore, posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 20:02:33
A kind of detached numbness???
Posted by medhed on February 25, 2005, at 2:26:28
In reply to Nothing matters too much anymore, posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 20:02:33
I've been getting like that because of effexor. Blah.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 25, 2005, at 8:27:35
In reply to Nothing matters too much anymore, posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 20:02:33
Pinkeye,
Personally, I think that is the ultimate state to be in. It seems as if you have absolutely no SHOULDS or HAVE TOS or MUSTS in your life. And you have no overwhelming NEED for approval or anyone to love you to make you feel worthwhile.
Sounds good to me.
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 12:47:02
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore, posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 1:40:46
> Or anxious. Not being depressed or anxious, that's what it's like isn't it.
Yeah I think that is what it feels like. If it is true, atleast I had a glimpse of it :-) even if it doesn't last long. It is not that I don't care anymore, I do care very much, but somehow, it has become a healthy kind of caring about things and people. I actually reach out more to people at work, with my husband etc. And I used to have lot of chronic joint pain, that has amazingly subsided a whole lot. It really feels good .. I wonder though if it will last for long or if it will be transient. I thought if I am not depressed or anxious I will be very happy.. But I am not too happy or anything - jsut kind of mostly serene.
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 12:51:50
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore, posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 25, 2005, at 8:27:35
I think it is mostly kind of stop being anxious about things and people and yourself. somehow it is like you care, but you are not anxious. I don't know if it possible to not have any expectations in life - but maybe it is possible to not beat ourselves up for when our expecations are not satisifed or we are not satisfying somebody else's expectations.
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 13:41:46
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 12:47:02
I think I finally fully understood what it was different about my previous therapist. It was this quality in him - not being bothered too much - which I had liked and wanted to achieve. My new therapist is good, but she isn't fully all that herself. So she doesn't inspire me too much, even though she is extremely good in understanding my behavioural patterns. But my old therapist absorbed himself what he was saying more fully. That is why I had gone again and again to him - to understand it and achieve it for myself. I think you would understand that Susan - don't you.
Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 14:00:43
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore Susan47, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 13:41:46
That "don't you" at the end of your post hit me right in the middle of my chest.
My ex-t strives for that, and most of the time he does have it, but I made him different in my presence he didn't have it as much. I was discombobulating him. I felt very bad about that. I made him something he didn't like. But I liked it. I wanted his honesty.
Sometimes I think I'm just a bad person.
Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 14:04:22
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 12:47:02
Serene is good to go for, Pinkeye. Why don't you print off your posts on this thread as insurance? A reminder, when things do slip a bit, what you're capable of. Because I think things slip with everyone, no matter how healthy they are. So just know that will happen and it's not the kiss of death to your mental health. It's just maybe something you ate today.. sugar will make people very depressed. Gloria Swanson never ate sugar I think for that reason.
Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 14:16:08
In reply to Yes. » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 14:00:43
Okay, no, I realy don't think I'm a bad person, hm. Because in reality I felt really really bad about doing that to him, I didn't want to have that effect on him but I did and it really hurt me it bothered me a lot and does to this day. So I try so hard to imagine he feels calm and centered about me. I imagine his face laughing, with crinkles at the corners of his eyes, and his mouth, open laughing. I like that picture. I went to sleep with that in my mind last night, and woke up this morning calm.
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 14:39:09
In reply to Re: Yes., posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 14:16:08
You are not a bad person. In fact, nowadays I believe 99 % of us are not bad. We just go through so much in life, and we end up maladapting to life events. And we pick up bad habits, even destructive habits to help us cope up with somethings which doesn't make sense in our lives - sometimes it ends up being that we end up being nasty to ourselves and to others, we become jealous, angry - we hurt people we love the most - we don't mean to, but we do anyway.
Some of us end up further destructing ourselves, health and our career, family, love etc and it sometimes feels like we really want to become bad and destroy ourselves and others, but in fact we don't want that. It is only maladaptation and it is perfectly curable with adequate support and role models and inspiration.
What you think you might have done to your therapist is only a maladapation on your part - even if you want to believe you are bad, you are not. Remember that. If you were bad, you wouldn't be so honest with yourself and putting all this effort. You wouldn't even have acknowledged that you hurt him. And in all likelihood, he knows that as well, and is probably not going to hold taht against you.
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 14:41:57
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore, posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 14:04:22
> Serene is good to go for, Pinkeye. Why don't you print off your posts on this thread as insurance? A reminder, when things do slip a bit, what you're capable of. Because I think things slip with everyone, no matter how healthy they are. So just know that will happen and it's not the kiss of death to your mental health. It's just maybe something you ate today.. sugar will make people very depressed. Gloria Swanson never ate sugar I think for that reason.
I am going to save this - for later. Thanks so much Susan. You are extremely capable of understanding yourself and others.. and I believe somehow if you can let go of this little bit of destructive attitude in yourself, you will emerge into a very beautiful human being. My therapist gave that confidence to me at some point, and I want to give that to you now.
Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 14:54:30
In reply to Re: Yes., posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 14:39:09
Thanks, sweetie. It's a lovely thought, to think that.
Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 15:00:20
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 14:41:57
Thank you. I'm putting that in my heart, pinkeye. It's there, forever. Sometimes I may not be able to access it, but some part of me will remember, will know, that I'm capable of being a beautiful human being ... beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I'm capable of seeing great beauty in others ... because it's in me. That's what you just did, Pinkeye.. think about it ....
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 15:19:24
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2005, at 15:00:20
> Thank you. I'm putting that in my heart, pinkeye. It's there, forever. Sometimes I may not be able to access it, but some part of me will remember, will know, that I'm capable of being a beautiful human being ... beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I'm capable of seeing great beauty in others ... because it's in me. That's what you just did, Pinkeye.. think about it ....
Thanks for the compliment :-)But there is perhaps one thing more which you should know.. however beautiful a person is basically, the person needs support and role models and inspirations to actualize it.. So actively seek out people who are good, who are beautiful themselves, and seek guidance and assistance and associations with them. We all need that to be beautiful ourselves. Trust in God goes a long way in giving that to ourselves when we don't find people around to give that support. I didn't believe in God myself 4 - 5 years back. But then I realized there is something to be gained from that belief, and I cultivated that belief in myself.
So is reaching out and helping other people. We do it, because it helps us remain good and believe in our own worth in the worst of times.
It is like a stalk has the capability to grow into a beautiful rose plant, but it needs fertilizers and adequate care and the right environment. Without all these, it will just remain a wood stick.. Go keep giving yourself the best of chances to grow and that will carry you through.
Posted by medhed on February 25, 2005, at 21:48:37
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore, posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 15:19:24
I am very bad, just ask anybody.
Posted by pinkeye on February 25, 2005, at 21:57:27
In reply to Re: Nothing matters too much anymore, posted by medhed on February 25, 2005, at 21:48:37
Even if you are, it would have been by mistake. You can change it. Never is too late.
I have to leave for the weekend now, so I won't be able to post much this weekend.
This is the end of the thread.
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