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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by mair on January 24, 2005, at 8:22:28
In reply to Re: Caring Babblers want to know ????, posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 7:23:21
Tell her everything you've said here. I think it's important that you tell her how afraid you are of getting attached to someone who isn't going to be there for the long haul, and I think it's important to tell her how fragile you are now, although the fact that she called you indicates that she knows this.
The push-pull is tough. You need contact with her to keep yourself safe, and you don't want to get attached to her because of perceived future pain. I'd always err on the side of safety. Once you're feeling alot better and over this awful hump, you can deal alot more calmly and systematically with what happens when you have to leave the area.
And I certainly wouldn't be afraid to tell her that 10 days is too long to wait between appointments.
Post us a note after you've seen her.
Mair
Posted by shrinking violet on January 24, 2005, at 10:17:39
In reply to Re: Caring Babblers want to know ????, posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 7:23:21
LG,
I cant type much now as my kitten has settled himself in the crook of my left arm but i wanted to wish you luck and strength today. let us know how it turns out.
sv
Posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 10:48:24
In reply to Re: Caring Babblers want to know ???? » lonelygal2, posted by shrinking violet on January 24, 2005, at 10:17:39
thanks you guys... i can't believe i'm so nervous. i feel like physically sick and i'm at work and i can't concentrate and things aren't goign well, and i want to go home, but jeez i dont want to get people mad at me. and i'm scared of her, but i want her help, but i don't want to want her help, and yuck.
Posted by mair on January 24, 2005, at 10:52:09
In reply to Re: Caring Babblers want to know ????, posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 10:48:24
Just keep thinking of how well you did the other day.
You could also pretend that we're right there next to you - sort of a sidelines group of exhorting fans. (this kind of metaphor must be what comes of watching 2 football games yesterday - a rarity)
Mair
Posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 12:00:21
In reply to Re: Caring Babblers want to know ???? » lonelygal2, posted by mair on January 24, 2005, at 10:52:09
hehehe.
:)
Posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 16:20:19
In reply to Re: Caring Babblers want to know ???? » mair, posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 12:00:21
the subject line pretty much sums it up. apparently i'm too severe and she wants to pass me along. yeah, that's all. bye.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 24, 2005, at 16:24:02
In reply to MY THERAPIST DUMPED ME, posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 16:20:19
Oh dear. I'm sorry that happened. Did she give you names for referral? Will she see you until you do find someone else?
I can't imagine all the feelings I would be feelign if I were you. Immediately I'm thinking anger, sadness, worry, etc. Please take a deep breath and know that she likely is not the T for you anyway. Better to be spared the pain of discovering that down the road?
Please take care and good luck on your search. A good T is out there somewhere for you.
gg
Posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 16:41:37
In reply to Re: MY THERAPIST DUMPED ME » lonelygal2, posted by gardenergirl on January 24, 2005, at 16:24:02
she gave me a name, whatever. i am so FURIOUS WITH MYSELF that i trusted her or even told her anything. she asked me if i would walk with her to the hospital, i was like no way. then she was asking me to call and make an appt with this new pdoc or this new t she wanted me to see. i'm not sure, i sort of was lost in space. but i was like no, i don't know, i dont 'want to see anyone else. and i don't.
i kept trying ot leave. she added to the stupid no self-harm contract that she would call me at a certain time every day and if i didn't answer or call back within 15 minutes she would call the police. i kept not wanting to sign b/c i dont' want ot talk to her anymore at all, but i think i was just making things worse and all i wanted to do was get out of there, and hten she was saying well then write something saying i refused to sign, but then i wasn't sure if that gave her the right to call the police or whatever, so i gave in and signed. so apparently i will be getting a phone call from her tomorrow. lovely.> Oh dear. I'm sorry that happened. Did she give you names for referral? Will she see you until you do find someone else?
>
> I can't imagine all the feelings I would be feelign if I were you. Immediately I'm thinking anger, sadness, worry, etc. Please take a deep breath and know that she likely is not the T for you anyway. Better to be spared the pain of discovering that down the road?
>
> Please take care and good luck on your search. A good T is out there somewhere for you.
>
> gg
Posted by mair on January 24, 2005, at 17:38:23
In reply to Re: MY THERAPIST DUMPED ME, posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 16:41:37
I'm so sorry - I just had so much hope that this was going to work out for you.
It sounds as if this woman may just not have felt herself up to working with someone whose needs are as immediate. Please don't take this to mean anything other than this woman wasn't up to it.
I wish I could give you my ex-T. I decided after awhile that I wasn't really going to make real progress with him, but he was greatest when I was at my worst. I think he actually loved dealing with people in really bad shape - he could be the white knight or something. I know there are Ts like him out there. People who understand emergencies and who know that they can make a tremendous difference to someone in need.
What's happening with the rest of your life? You mentioned that work wasn't going well, but I also got a sense that you're maybe in grad school. Aren't you whereever you are on somewhat of a temporary basis?
Please stay connected here.
Mair
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 24, 2005, at 17:54:22
In reply to Re: MY THERAPIST DUMPED ME, posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 16:41:37
You know LG I do not know what words to say to you I would feel so sad, mad and jeeze bullistic if I was in a spot like yours. I just wanted to say how very sorry I am and that I hope in spite of this you will in time seek out a T and that relationship will be the RIGHT one with no pain :(
HUGS AND SORRY
> she gave me a name, whatever. i am so FURIOUS WITH MYSELF that i trusted her or even told her anything. she asked me if i would walk with her to the hospital, i was like no way. then she was asking me to call and make an appt with this new pdoc or this new t she wanted me to see. i'm not sure, i sort of was lost in space. but i was like no, i don't know, i dont 'want to see anyone else. and i don't.
> i kept trying ot leave. she added to the stupid no self-harm contract that she would call me at a certain time every day and if i didn't answer or call back within 15 minutes she would call the police. i kept not wanting to sign b/c i dont' want ot talk to her anymore at all, but i think i was just making things worse and all i wanted to do was get out of there, and hten she was saying well then write something saying i refused to sign, but then i wasn't sure if that gave her the right to call the police or whatever, so i gave in and signed. so apparently i will be getting a phone call from her tomorrow. lovely.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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> > Oh dear. I'm sorry that happened. Did she give you names for referral? Will she see you until you do find someone else?
> >
> > I can't imagine all the feelings I would be feelign if I were you. Immediately I'm thinking anger, sadness, worry, etc. Please take a deep breath and know that she likely is not the T for you anyway. Better to be spared the pain of discovering that down the road?
> >
> > Please take care and good luck on your search. A good T is out there somewhere for you.
> >
> > gg
>
>
Posted by Dinah on January 24, 2005, at 18:03:05
In reply to MY THERAPIST DUMPED ME, posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 16:20:19
But sometimes they're right when they say they aren't a good enough therapist to help us. It's better to know that up front than somewhere down the line.
Did she tell you anything about the therapist she recommended? Is it someone with more experience and skill than she has? I suppose I'd be reluctant to take a recommendation under the circumstances but I guess there's some benefit to getting the name of someone she thinks would be better than she is.
I'm really sorry. It stinks. (A pdoc passed on me once during my Wellbutrin induced agitated hypomania. His loss.)
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 24, 2005, at 18:57:43
In reply to I'm sorry » lonelygal2, posted by Dinah on January 24, 2005, at 18:03:05
Oh Lonelygal I am sooo sorry! that must be awful. I must agree with Dinah though. It is better to find out earlier than later that she isn't qulified. This probably isn't helping much Im sorry, but I think this must happen alot to patients. I feel for you i really do.
((lonelygal))
Posted by shrinking violet on January 24, 2005, at 19:28:38
In reply to So sorry Lonely gal, posted by rainbowbrite on January 24, 2005, at 18:57:43
oh {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm so so sorry. Part of me is so upset for you, because I know how much you're struggling with the whole T thing itself, not to mention the other stuff, and I hate that this T added to your pain. But as some of the others said, maybe it's best that she can admit that she might not be the right T for you rather than trying to help and end up making things worse later on. I do hope you find the strength to meet with her referral once. Sometimes things happen for a reason....maybe the referral will be the T you've been searching for all along. PLEASE stay safe. Email me if you need. I'm thinking of you.
SV
Posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 21:45:45
In reply to Re: So sorry Lonely gal, posted by shrinking violet on January 24, 2005, at 19:28:38
just wanted to say thanks for the posts.
i am still at work trying to focus all my energy on a project that i CAN CONTROL, b/c everything still seems so out of control. when i stop to think about something other than this dumb project, it just hurts so much. like right now.
oh and she called tonight, i wasn't very nice, just said i didn't want to meet with her tomorrow morning and that i had nothing to say and that i was fine and to leave me alone. she reminded me about the contract that she can call tomorrow morning and i need to answer. i was just like fine whatever.
i just want her to leave me alone.
Posted by mair on January 24, 2005, at 21:59:54
In reply to Re: So sorry Lonely gal, posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 21:45:45
I understand the anger. Just make sure it stays directed at her and not at yourself. You are blameless here and are entitled to whatever help you need. Keep trying to find it and don't be afraid to ask.
Mair
Posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 22:44:44
In reply to Re: So sorry Lonely gal » lonelygal2, posted by mair on January 24, 2005, at 21:59:54
i came home.
i feel like i'm not blameless, that i am very much to blame, and that i should be fine and take care of myself and now that i said too much i've gotten in trouble.
i just wish i could take everyhting back and just let everything be and try to deal myself.
> I understand the anger. Just make sure it stays directed at her and not at yourself. You are blameless here and are entitled to whatever help you need. Keep trying to find it and don't be afraid to ask.
>
> Mair
Posted by lonelygal2 on January 25, 2005, at 12:10:34
In reply to Re: So sorry Lonely gal » mair, posted by lonelygal2 on January 24, 2005, at 22:44:44
everything sucks.
Posted by mair on January 25, 2005, at 13:40:44
In reply to :(, posted by lonelygal2 on January 25, 2005, at 12:10:34
Hey LG - where exactly do things stand now? Are you going to see the pdoc? Have you followed up with getting an appointment with a new T, as awful as that may sound to you? Is recent- disaster-therapist still urging you to maybe go to the hospital, or still insisting that she check in?
I read what you wrote about blaming yourself for trying to get help in the first place; that you wish you could take everything back and just take care of yourself without the help/intervention of others.
I think I've felt as you do before, mostly when someone I looked to for help has disappointed me or when working with my T just seems to be too hard. It's like I want to retrench. Seemingly other people can't be relied upon and I don't want to feel that I need other people because I can't depend on them anyway. For me, this more likely means I don't want to feel the hurt associated with being let down in some way. What makes it worse for me is that I then blame myself for being foolish enough to seek help or for even being in a position where I think I have to ask for help.
I don't know what your dx is (mine, or at least one of mine, is chronic major depression). My T needs to remind me sometimes that it's not something I have total control over and it's not something I can "will" away, which is what I'd like to do. And unfortunately, one of the things that happens to me when I'm most depressed, is that my strongest tendencies are to withdraw. So when I need people the most, I shy away from them.
Does any of this sound like something you are feeling or have experienced.
You've been dealt a low blow. You were not in great shape before; with a lot of encouragement here, you took the step of seeking help, and pretty much the worse thing happened. The T you saw, not only told you she couldn't see you, but having committed that atrocity, she compounded it by trying to dictate where you went and what you did after her in terms of getting help.
You can't undo any of that, and it's so understandable that you hurt bigtime. God, it's bad enough having to ask for help; awful if you get rejected and have to ask a second time.
But you have too much value to let this stuff defeat you. You need someone on your side; working with and for you. If recent-disaster- therapist didn't fill the bill, please try to find someone who does, even if it seems just too hard to seek help again.
I just know there's a better support network out there waiting for you.
Mair
PS: I wish I could be more help. I have a meeting in about an hour and somewhere I have to go tonight, so I won't be able to check the Board for several hours, but I should be able to get back on for a bit anyway at around 9-9:30.
Posted by lonelygal2 on January 25, 2005, at 19:38:29
In reply to Re: :( » lonelygal2, posted by mair on January 25, 2005, at 13:40:44
i've been trying to figure out what to say to reply but i have no clue what i think, so whatever.
everything you said though- yes i feel that way.
she's been insisting on calling, yes. not sure if she's calling tonight. the contract i signed involved a call at a certain time in the morning.
no i haven't made an appt w/ a new t or pdoc. yes, she keeps bringing it up. she wants me to come in tomorrow to talk about 'the next step' as in her referral, but i've given a big enough stink about how unfair that she gets to call everything in my voicemails, she finally just left a message saying that if i didn't want to come, it is my choice, but that i need to leave her a voicemail saying that i am terminating, it's the whole liability thing. she doesn't want me to die and then like ruin her career before it even starts. which okay i can see that. whatever.
i e-mailed my ex-t that i missed so much and my ex-pdoc and of course they didn't e-mail me back. i just sent a one liner to them saying that my therapist dumped me as the subject and if anyone cares as the message. they both had told me before that they wouldn't be opening more e-mails. that's why i didnt' really write a message b/c i figured they would only see the subject line? so i guess i expected no response and that's what happened. it just sucks.
whatever.
i once again feel nothing inside. it's just sort of like whatever.
> Hey LG - where exactly do things stand now? Are you going to see the pdoc? Have you followed up with getting an appointment with a new T, as awful as that may sound to you? Is recent- disaster-therapist still urging you to maybe go to the hospital, or still insisting that she check in?
>
> I read what you wrote about blaming yourself for trying to get help in the first place; that you wish you could take everything back and just take care of yourself without the help/intervention of others.
>
> I think I've felt as you do before, mostly when someone I looked to for help has disappointed me or when working with my T just seems to be too hard. It's like I want to retrench. Seemingly other people can't be relied upon and I don't want to feel that I need other people because I can't depend on them anyway. For me, this more likely means I don't want to feel the hurt associated with being let down in some way. What makes it worse for me is that I then blame myself for being foolish enough to seek help or for even being in a position where I think I have to ask for help.
>
> I don't know what your dx is (mine, or at least one of mine, is chronic major depression). My T needs to remind me sometimes that it's not something I have total control over and it's not something I can "will" away, which is what I'd like to do. And unfortunately, one of the things that happens to me when I'm most depressed, is that my strongest tendencies are to withdraw. So when I need people the most, I shy away from them.
>
> Does any of this sound like something you are feeling or have experienced.
>
> You've been dealt a low blow. You were not in great shape before; with a lot of encouragement here, you took the step of seeking help, and pretty much the worse thing happened. The T you saw, not only told you she couldn't see you, but having committed that atrocity, she compounded it by trying to dictate where you went and what you did after her in terms of getting help.
>
> You can't undo any of that, and it's so understandable that you hurt bigtime. God, it's bad enough having to ask for help; awful if you get rejected and have to ask a second time.
>
> But you have too much value to let this stuff defeat you. You need someone on your side; working with and for you. If recent-disaster- therapist didn't fill the bill, please try to find someone who does, even if it seems just too hard to seek help again.
>
> I just know there's a better support network out there waiting for you.
>
> Mair
>
> PS: I wish I could be more help. I have a meeting in about an hour and somewhere I have to go tonight, so I won't be able to check the Board for several hours, but I should be able to get back on for a bit anyway at around 9-9:30.
Posted by mair on January 25, 2005, at 21:01:25
In reply to Re: :( » mair, posted by lonelygal2 on January 25, 2005, at 19:38:29
I'm sorry if I'm not as conversant as I should be with your history. Why are your ex-pdoc and ex-T saying they won't open any emails from you?
You have 2 obvious choices with regard to the recent-disaster therapist. You can terminate her in a formal way; take a breath, and start the process of finding another T as soon as possible, or you can meet with her one last time just to get some ideas about other Ts. You don't have to process all of this with her; you don't have to tell her again how much she hurt you or how angry you are. It's not that those are bad things to say; I just think I'd leave them for the next T. Giving you the name or names of some other Ts is the one thing this woman can actually do for you which might be of value. If you can detach yourself a bit from how hurt you are that she dumped you, I see no harm in using her in a way which might be of tangible benefit. I think the detachment will help you from the feeling that you're saying too much to her also.
Like it or not, your old support system of your ex-pdoc and ex-T is not there for you and your attempt at forming a new one hit an unfortunate roadblock. Given all that I understand the urge to just deal with things on your own. This would be fine if dealing with things on your own doesn't also mean withdrawing into yourself. It would for me, however, and I get the sense that it's your tendency now too.
Keep posting.
mair
Posted by lonelygal2 on January 25, 2005, at 21:21:16
In reply to Re: :( » lonelygal2, posted by mair on January 25, 2005, at 21:01:25
about an hour ago, i did leave a message and said that i terminated.
my ex-pdoc and ex-t told me that they wouldn't be in contact with me b/c i'm in another state, that i needed to establish a relationship with a new t, that it would not be helpful, yada yada.
i'm thinking my ex-pdoc though would be more flexible and contact me, already people from her office (another pdoc who i dont' want to talk to) have called me and left a message saying that she is out-of-town for a week. oh, i should say that after the appt when this girl was trying to get rid of me, gosh was that just yesterday, anyways, well on the way home i called ex-pdoc's office and left a message with the receptionist too. so maybe that's why they are calling from that office, btu whatever. oh and ex-t was a student and is apparently not liscensed too yet, another reason she gave me and her supervisor, but whatever. i don't care.
oh and you asked me abotu diagnosis earlier, and i don't really know, i had ptsd or acute stress disorder or whatever, the same almost, as a diagnosis when i first started seeing ex-t, but as of lately not sure, but guessing depression. whatever.
i'm all alone again. just sucks. i knew that it would never be any different for me. to think otherwise is just silly.
Posted by mair on January 25, 2005, at 21:34:28
In reply to Re: :( » mair, posted by lonelygal2 on January 25, 2005, at 21:21:16
Do you have a name or names of another T to try and of the pdoc she recommended, just in case you decide to give it another chance?
Mair
Posted by lonelygal2 on January 25, 2005, at 21:37:34
In reply to Re: :( » lonelygal2, posted by mair on January 25, 2005, at 21:34:28
i have the name of someone, not sure who she is, but i don't wanna.
i wanted the other disaster girl.
Posted by mair on January 25, 2005, at 22:01:47
In reply to Re: :( » mair, posted by lonelygal2 on January 25, 2005, at 21:37:34
I'm not sure you could really "want" someone you saw so little. If I recall, you didn't really "want" her at all. We sort of pushed you to give her a chance; you went once and found out she wasn't so bad. - until of course you found out she didn't want you. (I'm putting that much too harshly; I assume she didn't want you meant that she had neither the time nor the skills)
Try not to make it seem like she was your last best choice. I don't know what it's like in your area, but in my relatively sparsely populated area, the Ts seem to far outnumber almost every other profession, except maybe the realtors.
Mair
Posted by mair on January 26, 2005, at 15:27:03
In reply to Re: :( » mair, posted by lonelygal2 on January 25, 2005, at 21:37:34
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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