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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 20:47:29
My new T and I seem to have one good session then one bad session then one good, etc. etc. The last one, as some of you may remember, was really unsatisfying and it made me wonder if she was the T for me. I almost ran back to the old T (always a temptation). Then, after posting and getting feedback from you guys, I decided to try to talk to her about what wasn't working between us. My plan today going in was to talk about that difficult issue.But I ended up not doing it and we had a great session talking about my career issues. I felt like we were both very engaged and it was satisfying and possibly even productive. At the end she said something I said made her optimistic and I didn't understand what she meant and I let her know that. She kept trying to make me understand what she meant, even running over time and making her next client wait. Finally I think I understood her.
And then she said something about how getting a job wasn't my problem. The problem was figuring out what I wanted. And I agreed and said that had been my problem for years. And she said, well, that's what we need to figure out. And I said pessimistically, "Yeah, well, good luck....." and I paused and then added, "....to us!" And we both laughed. She said, "For a second there, you were trying to put it all on me, but I'm glad you realize we're in this together!"
It was a really powerful bonding moment for me. I grinned all the way back to work.
I guess I'll try to bring up the problems I had with her last time the next time I see her. At least I have the positive side of the coin to hang onto until then. :)
Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 21:06:41
In reply to Really good session today, posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 20:47:29
:-)
I'm glad for you. That getting to know you period isn't the easiest thing in the world, but I really have heard some very positive things in your description of this new therapist. I'm glad you're willing to work with her for a while.
Posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 21:50:20
In reply to Re: Really good session today » crushedout, posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 21:06:41
Thanks, D.
> I really have heard some very positive things in your description of this new therapist.
I'm curious about what makes you like her. Or is it just a general impression?
Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 22:31:19
In reply to Re: Really good session today » Dinah, posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 21:50:20
Hmmm... I'd say it was probably specific things from various posts that melded together to make me think she's a sensible and reasonably empathetic therapist. Which isn't so common that I discount it. For example, in your example from today, she appeared to show humor, flexibility, and common sense.
Isn't that your impression of her?
I know you don't feel a special bond with her. But it may be because I'm not a love at first sight sort of girl myself, but I think that it makes sense to assess the overall potential of a person and a relationship, and then get attached, rather than vice versa.
Of course, not everyone responds positively to the same qualities in a therapist. A fair amount of flexibility and "give" in a therapist is important to me, because I tend to push where there is resistance. But other people might need more firmness and perceive weakness in the flexibility I need. So it may or may not be that what appear to be positive traits to me are also positive traits to you.
Posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 23:11:01
In reply to Re: Really good session today » crushedout, posted by Dinah on January 20, 2005, at 22:31:19
> Hmmm... I'd say it was probably specific things from various posts that melded together to make me think she's a sensible and reasonably empathetic therapist. Which isn't so common that I discount it. For example, in your example from today, she appeared to show humor, flexibility, and common sense.
>
> Isn't that your impression of her?Yeah, that was my impression today. That was in part why I felt so good about the session.
> I know you don't feel a special bond with her. But it may be because I'm not a love at first sight sort of girl myself, but I think that it makes sense to assess the overall potential of a person and a relationship, and then get attached, rather than vice versa.
>
> Of course, not everyone responds positively to the same qualities in a therapist. A fair amount of flexibility and "give" in a therapist is important to me, because I tend to push where there is resistance. But other people might need more firmness and perceive weakness in the flexibility I need. So it may or may not be that what appear to be positive traits to me are also positive traits to you.Yeah. Or they may *seem* like positive traits to me (i.e., I might "like" them) but not be ultimately healthy for me. Like the ever-so-slight and seemingly harmless "boundary crossing" of letting us run over time. I'm NEVER going to complain about that, but with someone like me, it might be better to have rigid boundaries about that sort of thing. On the other hand, I don't know. I think *really* rigid boundaries might just be too big of a turnoff, period.
Posted by Shortelise on January 20, 2005, at 23:24:27
In reply to Really good session today, posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 20:47:29
Nice!!
ShortE
Posted by Tabitha on January 21, 2005, at 1:01:08
In reply to Really good session today, posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 20:47:29
> And we both laughed. She said, "For a second there, you were trying to put it all on me, but I'm glad you realize we're in this together!"
>That's some healthy thinking right there. She doesn't see herself as your savior or the one with all the answers-- she's a partner in your work. Sounds good!
Posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 7:11:56
In reply to Re: Really good session today » crushedout, posted by Tabitha on January 21, 2005, at 1:01:08
Yeah, and saying "we're in this together" also makes me feel like she really cares about me and the burden of figuring out my life is not all mine. I mean, the truth is, I'm kind of in this alone most of the time, but it's nice that she carries the burden with me part of the time, and it's a very comforting thing to hear her say.
Posted by fallsfall on January 21, 2005, at 7:20:10
In reply to Re: Really good session today » Tabitha, posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 7:11:56
This sounds great!
(Gotta run now, but wanted to let you know that I'm listening)
Posted by Tabitha on January 21, 2005, at 9:59:11
In reply to Re: Really good session today » Tabitha, posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 7:11:56
>
> Yeah, and saying "we're in this together" also makes me feel like she really cares about me and the burden of figuring out my life is not all mine. I mean, the truth is, I'm kind of in this alone most of the time, but it's nice that she carries the burden with me part of the time, and it's a very comforting thing to hear her say.Wow, that *is* comforting, isn't it? I'm pausing here to wonder why I never thought of my therapist as helping me carry my own burden. I think of her more as someone who knows stuff I don't know. Hmmm....
Posted by shrinking violet on January 21, 2005, at 19:23:40
In reply to Re: Really good session today » Dinah, posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 23:11:01
I'm so happy for you, crushed. I hope things continue to go well with your new T, and I hope the pain over your old T continues to diminish. I'm in awe of you for continuing with this new T when it has been so hard to do so, and that this most recent session seems to show that your tenacity is paying off! Good luck.
Peace,
SV
Posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 20:50:50
In reply to Re: Really good session today, posted by shrinking violet on January 21, 2005, at 19:23:40
Thanks, SV. I hope that Monday I don't post that we had another lame session and that I'm going back to my old T again. <wry, slightly miserable smile>
Posted by anastasia56 on January 22, 2005, at 14:35:06
In reply to Re: Really good session today » shrinking violet, posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 20:50:50
that is an interesting point about how you and her are in this together in working out your life goals. How wonderful to know you aren't alone in caring what happens to you as you wander down lifes path.
anastasia
Posted by shrinking violet on January 22, 2005, at 16:44:33
In reply to Re: Really good session today » shrinking violet, posted by crushedout on January 21, 2005, at 20:50:50
aww {{{{crushed}}}}
Not every session can be good, unfortunately. The trick is to remember the good ones to get you through the not-so-good ones. It can get better, and it will. Hang in there, k?
SV> Thanks, SV. I hope that Monday I don't post that we had another lame session and that I'm going back to my old T again. <wry, slightly miserable smile>
Posted by terrics on January 25, 2005, at 18:58:56
In reply to Really good session today, posted by crushedout on January 20, 2005, at 20:47:29
This is the end of the thread.
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